22 - Brie
How Could This Happen?
~
Brie
“Lexi!” I ran through the snow, shouting her name over and over again, even after my throat was raw with it. My jacket felt heavy, the boots on my feet stopped me from moving as fast as I wanted to, and my heart felt like it was twisting painfully in my chest.
“I don’t understand, I don’t understand,” I muttered, looking through the branches of the shrubs. Maybe she had fallen in; maybe she was hiding and had fallen asleep. Nothing was impossible. I was willing to search anywhere and everywhere to find Lexi, but there was no trace of her.
Gunner searched the ground for footprints, Gideon climbed a tree to see if he could spot her from above, and Tobias came running, red-faced and brows furrowed.
“Where’s Lexi?” he huffed. “Where is she?”
I froze, my tongue felt heavy, too big for my mouth. I opened my mouth, and nothing came out. Tobias grabbed me by the shoulders. “When did you see her last?”
I didn’t know what to say. I spun around, wanting to point at the exact place I last saw her, but I couldn’t think of it. She had been picking berries. The shrub was right there, but I had run off looking for her and gotten turned around. I couldn’t remember the last place I had seen Lexi.
“I’m so sorry,” I muttered.
Tobias didn’t explode in anger. He had become single-minded, caring only about finding Lexi.
“Just find her, okay?” He said it as if it were a question and not a command.
He would have had every right to command me to find his daughter.
I had been hired to look after her. It was my only job.
She was healthy, and she could do most things on her own, and the one thing I was here to do was the one thing I had failed to do.
Even if it was just for a few minutes, it was long enough for Lexi to go missing.
I walked around, maybe in circles, shouting for Lexi. I searched through branches, dug through piles of snow, and shouted her name despite my sore throat.
I could hear Gideon, Gunner, and Tobias doing the same, all of us spreading across the woods shouting Lexi’s name, growing more and more frantic the longer we shouted without her shouting back.
I started to sweat; every drop feeling like ice against my skin. My face trembled. Tears poured from my eyes.
“Lexi!” I cried desperately.
Gideon pointed and shouted, “She’s over there!”
If he hadn’t still sounded so panicked, I might have been relieved, but I wasn’t. I was frozen in place, waiting. It felt like my heart would burst out of my trembling mouth at any moment.
Tobias ran past me and down a slope on the edge of the little path we had been walking on to where Gideon had pointed.
“She’s here, she’s here,” he shouted.
I blinked, and my eyes misted with tears again.
Tobias climbed up with Lexi, lying and shivering in his arms. “It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re safe now.”
Lexi was soaking wet, her little lips blue with cold, and her skin pale. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, baby, you’re okay,” Tobias whispered.
We followed him in a somber procession. I couldn’t shake the guilt. She had vanished under my watch. Tobias has every right to be angry. He warned us it could be dangerous, but we were all so excited to be outside, and then this happened.
I braced myself for his rage. It was warranted this time, and as soon as he had gotten over the shock of losing her and then finding her in this state, he would be livid, and I would have to be ready to accept that.
I followed Tobias up to Lexi’s room. He stopped just in front of the bed with her in his arms. He was quiet, a vacant expression on his face. His eyes were empty; no anger, no blame, just the ghost of fear.
“Let me get her into a warm bath and some dry clothes,” I whispered.
Tobias just stood there. I took Lexi from his arms, and they fell limply to his sides.
I headed to the bathroom and got Lexi into the bath.
She was cold, but not injured, with a few scratches and bruises, but nothing too serious.
She just needed to get dry and warm. That was my goal; I just had to make that happen.
Lexi started looking better than she did when Tobias carried her back to the cabin. The color was coming back into her cheeks, but she still wasn’t herself. She was afraid.
I wrapped her up in a towel, then in warm, thick pajamas. I walked out of the bathroom to find Gideon standing watch at the door.
“We’ve made the fire in the living room,” his voice was heavy and solemn, weighed down by our shared guilt.
It was my job to be watching her, and it had been his job for much longer. We had dropped the ball.
We walked down to the living room, where Gunner and Tobias waited wordlessly. They weren’t doing anything, not fussing with the couch cushions or ribbing at each other, just standing and waiting.
I put Lexi down and went to get her a glass of water. Fluids were the best way to break a fever, I thought.
Lexi reached out a weak hand and took the glass shakily to her lips. She drank in big, thirsty gulps and gave the empty glass back. She still felt warm to the touch, but I was hopeful.
We sat watching her, flinching when she coughed or sneezed, handing her pieces of fruit, putting a cool cloth on her forehead, and keeping her hydrated.
Lexi’s temperature was rising steadily. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was sweating but also shivering.
“She has a fever,” I whispered. “We need to do something.”
Gunner held his hand over his mouth more in horror than shock. “What do we need to do?”
Gideon sighed. “I’ll get the medical supplies we got on our last supply run.”
I touched Lexi’s face. She was much warmer than she had been, lethargic and drowsy. If we didn’t help her, it would become dangerous.
Gideon hurried away, and before I knew it, he was back with a box full of bandages, pill bottles, and medicine. I rummaged through it and brought out a bottle of ibuprofen. Of all the medical supplies, it was the only thing that might help us, and still it wasn’t enough.
“Is there anything else?” I asked desperately. I scratched around the box a bit more, hoping to find a miracle. It wasn’t there.
Gideon looked down at his boots and shook his head. “I… I bought what I thought we’d need. I didn’t know.”
The living room was quiet. I gave Lexi the medicine and just sat there.
Gunner paced the room, searching the bookshelf and the box of board games.
He was antsy, panicking in a way I had seen many parents act at the hospital.
He wanted to do something, help in someway even though he knew there really wasn’t anything he could do.
There was nothing there for him to find.
No one tried to stop him. We all felt the same way.
We just had to wait it out and hope the ibuprofen would be enough somehow.
Lexi was falling asleep on the couch, exhausted from the long walk and waiting to be found in the snow.
I imagined what she had gone through, tried to remember if I might have been too preoccupied to hear her shouting for help.
I hadn’t heard a thing. I hadn’t imagined Lexi could have been gone until we all realized she actually was.
I walked away to the kitchen. I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone, especially not in front of Lexi.
I stood by the sink, looking out into the woods; evening was creeping into the sky. I was grateful Lexi had been found quickly. It could have been worse, but I was still afraid. She was burning up.
“Hey,” Tobias wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, burying my face in his chest. “I should have been watching her. I shouldn’t have let myself get distracted.”
Tobias rubbed my back in comforting reassurance. He held me for a while, quietly comforting me until my shoulders stopped shaking.
“I’m so glad you were there. I don’t know what we would have done without you here to help Lexi,” he said quietly. “We didn’t even know what medicines we needed in the medicine box, but now that you’re here…” He kissed my forehead.
I looked up at Tobias, searching his face for the blame I had already prepared to have fired my way. It wasn’t there. All I could see in his eyes was gratitude and pleading.
Gunner came into the kitchen, car keys in hand. “We can still make it to the 24-hour pharmacy if we leave now,” he said dryly. “I can take Brie to make sure we get everything we need.”
I nodded solemnly and made to follow Gunner out, but Tobias pulled me back.
“I’ll go too,” Tobias said. “Gideon? Can you watch her?”
Gideon agreed. He was already sitting next to Lexi, pushing her hair away from her forehead.
We walked out behind Gunner into the cold evening air. The sky was growing dark fast.
“I can’t raise her on my own,” Tobias said, holding my hand.
I looked up at him. He was pleading.
“Gunner and Gideon love Lexi almost as much as you do,” I assured him.
“I know,” he sighed. “But you do, too. I can’t do this without you. None of us can.”
Gunner started the car, ready to go as soon as we climbed in, but Tobias wouldn’t budge.
“We need you,” he said.