Chapter 17
HAZEL
“Shit, Haze, do you have any idea how gorgeous you are?”
Alec’s gaze is dark and intense as it burns into mine. The deep green of his eyes is nearly swallowed by the dilated black of his pupils. Need reflects there, mirroring the same desire I’m feeling.
But it’s not just need. Or desire. It’s so much more than that.
It’s the feeling inside me, like my heart is too big for my body.
It’s the completeness that comes over me whenever he’s near.
It’s the way Alec’s never far from my mind, no matter where I am or what I’m doing.
It’s the words I’ve been spinning in my head but haven’t yet found the courage to say.
“I think you’re the gorgeous one,” I reply, faintly surprised by the husky rasp of my voice.
His lips quirk. “Oh, yeah?” He rocks his hips, so he sinks even deeper inside me. My belly tightens and my inner walls flutter around him. My breath catches.
Alec braces himself with one hand while he caresses my cheek with the other. His touch is achingly tender; a contradiction to the passion fanning bigger and brighter with each collision of our bodies. Then he dips his head to kiss me, teasing my mouth open before plunging inside.
His tongue strokes mine, coaxing it into a passionate tango. He tastes of the frosty mint toothpaste he used before coming back to bed, blended with a hint of honey-sweet flavor that’s uniquely him.
I clutch the back of his head, tunneling my fingers through his thick waves. My mouth curves of its own volition, just as it always does whenever I touch Alec’s hair.
Alec breaks our kiss and looks down at me with his brows raised in question. “You always smile when you touch my hair. Why?”
Before I can answer, he pulls partly out of me and thrusts home again. A gasp slips out as he hits that spot deep inside me, the one that sends ripples of pleasure through my body and brings me closer to the edge of ecstasy.
My eyes flutter closed and my head falls back as I give myself over to the sensations sizzling through me. To the sparks fanning into flames of heat and electricity.
Alec nips my lower lip, then sweeps his tongue across it. He reaches between us to find my sensitive bundle of nerves, swollen and exposed, and flicks it gently. “My hair?” he repeats with a hint of amusement in his tone. “Is there something you like about it?”
I drag my eyes open to meet his. And before I can second guess my admission, I confess, “I always wondered how your hair would feel. When I’d see you at Blissful Brews or around town. I wondered if it was as soft as it looks. And I wished I had the right to touch it to find out.”
He stills. “Really?”
“I did.” My cheeks warm. “Is that weird?”
His lips brush mine again. “No.” It’s rough. Thick with emotion. “It’s not weird at all. I wish…” He stops. “I love it, Haze. When you touch me.”
My hand moves to his chest, flattening across the firm muscles that cover his heart. “I love touching you, too.”
“And what about when I touch you?” Alec asks. His magic fingers work at me, plucking and stroking until my thighs are quivering. Fire coils deep inside me, fanning into an inferno of need. He nuzzles the sensitive skin at the base of my jaw. “Do you love that, too?”
My hips jerk towards him of their own accord. “Yes,” I breathe. “I love it when you touch me.”
“What about when I touch you here?” He raises his hand to my breast and captures my nipple between his fingers. As he plucks and rolls it, drawing my nipple to a taut peak, he asks, “Do you love this?”
I arch towards him; my body mindlessly wanting more. “Yes.”
“And what about this?” Alec kisses a line down my neck and along my collarbone. Goosebumps erupt across my skin. “Do you love this, too?”
My inner muscles convulse, gripping Alec’s hard length and rippling around it. “Yes,” I breathe.
A smile curves his lips as he looks back at me. “And what about this?” Reaching between us again, he uses the slickness we created to create a storm of sensation.
He flicks at me. Rubs my sensitive skin. Pinches just enough to bring a flare of pain that’s the perfect counterpoint to the pleasure flooding through me. “Do you like this, too?” he asks.
But before I can respond, he sits back and grips my hips, tilting them up so he sinks even deeper, filling me completely.
My thoughts splinter. All I can manage is a choked, “Oh. Oh.”
Alec lifts my legs, draping them over his shoulders. “I love it, Haze. All of it.” His eyes darken to the shade of a forest at midnight. “Touching you. Feeling your body respond. Having you wrapped around me. Hearing the sounds you make. Seeing the look in your eyes…”
“I love it all, too,” I manage. “I love everything about being with you.”
A beat later, my heart thuds hard.
It’s dangerously close to the truth.
I almost say it.
I love you.
But is now the right time after weeks of waiting? Or will Alec think I’m just saying it in the heat of the moment?
I’ve nearly said it a dozen times over, but each time there was a reason to wait.
Things were still too fresh after everything that happened with the three pieces of shit, as Alec calls them.
My counselor suggested holding off on any major life decisions until things settled.
I was still living with Alec, and what if my profession of love made things awkward?
We hadn’t been dating that long. It might be too soon.
But if I’m truly being honest with myself, I was scared to say it. Everything with Alec was going so well—is still going incredibly well—and I worried that I could ruin things if I said I loved him and he didn’t feel the same.
Alec twitches inside me. He leans over so we’re flush against each other, my breasts pressed against the hard planes of his chest. “I love it all, too,” he says. An unreadable emotion moves across his face. “All of it.”
Then he pulls partly out and drives deep again.
And again.
And again.
I clutch at him, my nails digging into his biceps. My belly quivers. My core throbs, each pulse more intense than the last.
“Hazel,” he groans. “You feel so damn good.”
“Alec. Oh.” Tears burn behind my eyes. “You feel—”
He hits that spot again.
All my muscles lock up.
The flames inside me erupt into a supernova of sensation.
My vision turns to a wall of bright light, nearly blinding in its intensity.
My heart stutters. My lungs seize.
Alec keeps moving, harder and faster.
I force my eyes open so I can watch him, needing to see the moment when he flies off the edge with me.
And with one last desperate thrust, he lets out a guttural cry. The tendons in his neck go tight. His features turn to stone. Spots of pink color his cheekbones. His eyes flare with heat.
“Haze,” he moans. “Ah, sweetheart.”
He goes impossibly hard inside me, stretching me in the most delicious of ways. His heat juts into me, connecting us in a way I’ve never shared with anyone else.
In a way I never want to share with anyone else. Ever.
Even as Alec is still pulsing inside me, he rolls us over and cuddles me against his chest. His arms come around me, holding me close. His lips press to the top of my head. Warm puffs of air brush my hair as he catches his breath.
We fall silent as the aftershocks work their way through us, gradually subsiding into a dull buzz of static electricity.
Alec embraces me with one arm while he pulls the covers over us with the other.
Then he starts to stroke my hair, his hand moving down the length of it and gently combing through the strands.
Finally, he says quietly, “I love touching your hair, too. It’s like the softest silk.
Back… when I didn’t think I could… I thought about holding you like this.
Touching your hair. I wondered what it would really be like. ”
My heart flutters.
Melts.
“You did?”
“Yeah.” Alec kisses my head. “I did. I told myself it would never happen. That it couldn’t. But still. I wondered. And sometimes I wished.”
“Alec.”
“I wish,” he starts, “that I hadn’t been so cautious. So reluctant. If I’d just asked you out…” His arms tighten around me. “Maybe things would have been different.”
I know what he means because I’ve thought the same thing myself.
What if I’d given Alec my number months ago? Years, even? Would things have turned out differently?
Would I have kept playing Tenebris Veil if I’d been dating Alec? If things worked out between us, would his presence have been enough to scare off any potential attackers? Or would it have all happened the same way, regardless?
Or.
Maybe it was all meant to happen the way it did.
Because despite all the hard stuff, the scary stuff, there were good things in all of it, too.
I met Jess. I made a true friend who wouldn’t turn her back on me the second things got tough, like my so-called friends in Boston did.
I discovered how strong I am, even though it’s taken me a long time to believe it.
I forged a bond with Alec that I’m not sure would be here if not for everything we’ve been through together.
I learned that family doesn’t have to be blood.
And If I hadn’t been dragged into the whole trafficking mess, the other women might never have been found.
Because Alec and his friends rescued them. All of them.
It took weeks, with the last woman finally being located in Portugal just three days before Thanksgiving, but all the women were saved. They’re all back home with their families, receiving counseling and all the services they need.
Is it a perfect solution? No. Perfect would be them never being taken to begin with. But at least they’re safe. They have a chance.
I haven’t spoken to Amy. Not yet. But I wrote her a letter. In it, I told her I wasn’t angry. That I understood why she did what she did. I told her I only wish the best for her. And that, eventually, if she wants to talk, I will.
Alec thinks I’m too forgiving. But how can I not forgive Amy?