Chapter 17
Luke
“Thanks again, man.” Mason walks past as I toss my spring rake in the truck. “Considering all the free labor you’ve done on our houses, you’re kind of an honorary Spencer-King now.”
“It’s no problem.” Today we laid sod at Mason and Erika’s new place. They hired contractors for most of the big stuff, but projects like landscaping we’ve done as a team on weekends. “I’m happy to pitch in.”
Jake lumbers past with a shovel. “You sure I can’t pay you for helping me with the gutters yesterday?”
“Pay me with a six-pack and some tots.” I grin, though my face doesn’t feel much like making that shape. It’s one of the reasons I showed up today. “I needed to get out of the house and stop moping, you know?”
“I hear ya.” Jake claps my shoulder. “Good luck.”
“Thanks.” I survey the jobsite, conscious of one missing brother. “Where’d Noah go?”
Mason shrugs. “Back on the road, I guess. He never really says where he’s going.”
Cal wanders past, peeling off his leather work gloves. “Is it always someplace overseas?”
“Mostly.” Kaleb looks thoughtful. “Last week he said he might stay stateside for a while. Guess there’s some project close by that needs more attention.”
A hopeful look lifts Jake’s craggy jaw. “Maybe he’ll finally put down roots someplace in Oregon.”
“Maybe.” That doesn’t seem likely, but I don’t have the heart to suggest their brother won’t ever stay put in one place for long. Noah Spencer-King is the last guy on earth I can imagine settling down.
But hey, they know him better than I do. He’s called a few times since he gave me that envelope with my father’s information. I still haven’t touched it.
“You gonna track him down?” Noah demanded two days ago.
“Probably not,” I admitted. “I’m kinda over it.”
“Why?”
“Why do you care?”
He grumbled something I didn’t catch. “Let’s say I’m invested now.”
“I’m not.” Not anymore.
“Why the fuck not?”
I gave it some thought before answering.
“It’s not worth the risk of finding out he had more kids and turned out to be the world’s greatest dad.
” Given how I’ve been feeling since I screwed up with Hazel, I know I can’t handle that heartache.
“At least not knowing means I can convince myself he’s just an asshole and I’m better off without him. ”
“How’s that working out for you?”
“Not great,” I admitted, wishing I could snuff the small flicker of hope in my chest. “But I’ll get there.”
“At least keep his info,” he pressed. “Just in case you change your mind.”
“Sure.” By keep I mean crumpled in the back of my car. As far as I know, that’s where it still is. “Thanks for trying. Not your fault I lost heart.”
Now as I drive home to my place, tracking down my dad feels like the least of my worries.
Without Hazel in my life, nothing else matters.
She promised she’d tell me when the babies arrive, but I doubt I’m still welcome in the delivery room.
I’m giving her space, but at this point I don’t have much hope she’ll invite me back into her world.
I had my chance and I blew it.
As I turn onto my street, my breath hitches. Is that her Mercedes in my driveway?
There’s no sign of Hazel in the front seat or on my porch, so she must’ve made use of her key. A fresh flicker of hope fills my chest as I walk through the door.
“Hazel?” I almost don’t dare to hope that she’ll answer.
“Back here.” Holy shit, it’s really her. “In the nursery.”
I walk down the hall with my heart in my throat and my pulse thrumming thick in my ears. “What are you doing h—oh, wow.” Blinking, I take in the scene.
Hazel stands twisting her hands in her skirt at the center of the room. Beside her is a fully assembled classic Hot Wheels Sky Crash Tower. There’s a three-foot tall spiral track complete with jumps and an elevator, plus a motorized booster to launch cars.
Swinging my gaze back to Hazel, I struggle to grasp what’s happening. “Er, you bought me a Hot Wheels track?”
“I did.” Wincing, she rests a hand on her belly. “It seems sort of silly in hindsight. Like I could buy your forgiveness with some toys you wanted as a kid.”
“Uh—you can.” Wait, let me rephrase that. “There’s nothing to forgive, Hazel. I’m the one who screwed up.”
“You’re not,” she insists, stepping toward me. “Or at least, you’re not alone in screwing up. I got caught up in believing I knew what’s best for you. I failed to trust you like you deserve to be trusted.”
“Okay.” I’m sure there’s a trap here. “But I did lie about visiting prison.”
“And I lied about dropping money on the floor at the grocery store.” She shrugs, and I’m not sure I follow.
“I also consciously chose not to tell you I paid a big team of lawyers to help get my dad transferred. I worried you’d judge me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of not being perfect in your eyes. ”
“Oh, Hazel. It’s okay, honey.”
“It’s not okay. I behaved badly, and that’s not all of it. I lost sight of who you are. Who you really are—the man I know you to be.”
My gaze drifts back to the Hot Wheels track. “A grown man who plays with toy cars?”
She laughs. “Well, yes. I thought it could be something you’d enjoy with the girls when they’re older. The pink ones are cute and—”
“Holy shit!” Is that what I think it is perched at the top of the track? “You found a ’69 rear-loading Beach Bomb?”
“I—yes.”
I force my gaze off the cars, since I’m sensing this isn’t the point. “You didn’t have to do this, Hazel.”
“I know, but I wanted to show you that I see you. I wanted you to feel even one tiny fraction of how good I’ve felt each time you’ve turned up with exactly the thing I’ve been needing.
Emergency rambutan, a house call for crib assembly, pulled pork, the world’s sweetest stray cat.
Various forms of fried potato.” She gives me a shaky smile.
“At every turn, you’ve truly seen me and recognized what I needed even before I did.
I never knew how good that could feel until you came along. ”
She’s got my attention now. Screw the cars. “Are you saying you can look past what I did?”
“I already have.” She pulls in a deep, cleansing breath.
“That’s what I meant about recognizing who you truly are.
You are, without a doubt the kindest, most trustworthy, thoughtful man I’ve ever met in my life.
You take care of others, putting everyone else’s needs before yours.
You’re gentle with children and animals.
You’re strong and reliable, but tender, too.
I don’t know if you realize how rare that is.
” She takes a step toward me, her watercolor eyes shimmering.
“I know in my heart you’re a good man, Luke.
Just like I know you’ll be a great dad.”
“Aw, Haze.” I’m struggling to swallow past the lump in my throat. “That means a lot coming from someone as perfect as you.”
“I’m not perfect.” Her eyes flash with conviction. “Not even close, and neither are you.”
“Um—thanks?”
“I mean it, Luke. I got so wrapped up in striving for perfection. Expecting it of myself and of you, which is stupid. Good people aren’t perfect. That’s just obnoxious.”
I laugh. “Good point.” I order myself to get serious. “I lied to you. I know I shouldn’t remind you of that, but I need you to know I’m sorry.”
“I understand why you did it.”
“You do?”
Sniffling, she nods. “Noah came to see me. He explained about the inmate rehabilitation program and—”
“Holy shit.” I didn’t see that coming. “What did he tell you?”
“Not much,” she admits. “And the thing is, he shouldn’t need to tell me anything.
I need to trust you to do what’s right. You’re a grown-ass man who can make responsible decisions for himself and the people he loves.
I should have trusted you to do that. I should have known in my heart you’d never do anything to jeopardize your freedom, your safety .
. . your future with me and our family.”
“You’re right,” I say, swallowing hard again. “You and the girls mean everything to me. I swear on my life—I will always do my best to put you and our daughters first.”
“I trust you,” she says as her fingers graze mine.
“And I admire how hard you’ve worked to put your past behind you.
It was my mistake thinking I should ask you to pretend it never happened.
I didn’t fall in love with some polished, goody-two-shoes version of you.
I fell in love with the man who’s been shaped by mistakes and missteps.
I love you for who you are, Luke—not who I wish you could be. ”
“Shit.” Now I’m on the brink of tears. “I love you, too. You’re so fucking brave and beautiful, and I love waking up every morning just marveling that you’re the woman I’ll be tied to forever.
No matter what happens between us, you’re the mother of my children.
You’ve already given me the one thing I never dreamed I could have.
A family of my own, and a smart, stunning, generous woman who’s just as excited as I am to raise daughters to be courageous and funny and kind. ”
“I want that so much.” A tear rolls down her cheek, and she dashes it away.
“I know on the surface it seems like we’re opposites.
We probably are in most ways. But we’re the same in all the spots that matter.
We both love to laugh. We believe in showing up and working hard to make the world a better place.
We value family, and we both want a home filled with love.
I want that with you, Luke—only with you. ”
“I want the same thing.” Goddamn, I didn’t think I could get this happy. “Hazel, I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.” Taking my hand, she squeezes it. “You have my word I won’t walk away again without talking things through. I’ll give you the respect of hearing you out instead of jumping to conclusions.”
“I can promise the same.”