Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Sebastian
I ’d always prided myself in being a stellar golfer, but not today. Today, my brain was so consumed by Darcy that a drunk panda would’ve beaten me. The distraction and my horrible golf game were only welcome because it proved to the guys that Darcy and I weren’t faking anything.
The men stopped giving me shit about my relationship after noticing that I couldn’t put the ball in a hole if I’d picked it up with my hand and placed it there myself. That’s when they conceded that the West Coast beauty—as Jake referred to Darcy—had indeed stolen the heart of an East Coast asshole, also Jake’s words.
I enjoyed all these feelings I was experiencing, and I was wholeheartedly embracing them instead of running away. I felt like a man with a new lease on life, and now all I wanted was to be with Darcy alone to get to know her better. I loved our banter, the witty arguments, and obviously the sex, but I wanted more. I wanted more of what started all this in the first place, which was seeing the real Darcy, like when she showed me her love for the simple things in life, right down to the bugs and fungus she made me sample.
“So,” Jake said while I sat with the men at the bar, leaving the women to enjoy themselves at a table on the sand, watching the sunset, “I won’t lie. Before watching you golf today, looking like you’d never touched a golf club, I was certain this relationship between you and Darcy was a complete sham.”
“Why would you come to that conclusion?” I questioned the always-forward doctor.
He sipped his scotch, “How else would you get out of being auctioned off to all those crazy women who have more money than sense?”
“He’s got a point, Aster,” Spencer added, turning his attention from his conversation with Jim. “I thought the same thing.”
“You’re all full of shit,” I grinned, shocked they’d seen through my charade. “I would never do that to her.” My words were true now, even though they weren’t when I made the heartless proposal. I wished I could take it back, but we wouldn’t be where we are today if I did.
“Are we?” Jim arched an eyebrow at me. “Trust me, after our double date, when you insisted that Avery and I meet you in Napa Valley, I knew something was up.”
“I didn’t realize you assumed I would fake a relationship or whatever the hell you’re all driving at.”
“Well, knowing you and your family as I do,” Jim said, “I know you don’t gloat. Furthermore, you seemed extremely passionate about Avery and me joining you two for dinner, almost as if you had to show us it was true. It was all very unlike you , Seb,” he said with a laugh. “However, after coming on this trip and watching your horrendous golf game, I can tell your mind is elsewhere. I can also relate to the frustrating distraction of having a beautiful woman on the brain. I’m just saying it’s easy to see you’re not pulling anything over on us.”
“Well, aren’t you all sorely mistaken?” I grinned, happy I’d satisfied their curiosity. I began to wonder if my parents felt the same, knowing it was unlike me to pull a stunt like announcing a random engagement. If I had any luck, maybe that would be the case and they wouldn’t be as upset as I expected. “At least you know the truth.”
“It wasn’t easy to believe,” Jake added, “mainly because I could see the fire of repulsion in Darcy’s eyes when she talked about you on the yacht.”
“She sure played it off well, didn’t she?” I said, amused at what she must’ve said about me. She must’ve been seething about what a complete asshole I was to everyone on the boat.
“Played it off well?” Jake said, lighting up with humor. “The vigor with which she devised the plan to auction off all you eligible chumps was enough to make me think she was enacting the perfect revenge for the way you insulted her family.”
I was still perplexed that she took offense to me wanting that shit hole updated. “I was doing them a favor by using the best designers to update their home, and I wasn’t even using their business funds to do it,” I said, then looked at Jim. “Let’s change the subject from me and my relationship, so you can tell me the real reason why you and my father went into business together on that dump?”
Jim grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he said playfully.
“Don’t worry, he hasn’t informed me about it either,” Spencer responded. I was surprised that Jim’s VP wasn’t even up to speed. “I thought investing in that silly winery was a complete waste of time and money.”
“My wife loved that damn winery,” Jim said. “After she found out at a subsequent event that it was going under, I did some investigating because she wouldn’t stop going on about it. I won’t lie when I say we had some of the best sex of our marriage when I told her I was planning to invest in the place.”
“So, you bought the place because Avery was sad it would go under?” I asked, confused by Jim’s response.
It made zero fucking sense to me to make a business decision based on emotions.
Jim pursed his lips and nodded. “Allow me to give you some excellent pre-marital advice,” he said, eyeing everyone staring at him as if he’d lost his mind. “The smallest things that can be done to put a smile on your wife’s face should be done. That’s the thing about women. They need to know they’re the reason you’re happy to be alive, that they’re always on your mind, and that they’re the most special person on the planet. The little things we might think would mean nothing to them,” he looked at me and arched an eyebrow, “typically mean the most. That’s why I did what I did. It was for Avery. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”
“Well, shit,” Jake said with a laugh. “Leave it to Mr. Loverman to educate all of us with his wisdom while making us look like lousy pieces of shit in the process.”
Jim looked at his brother, sipped his bourbon, and smiled. “It doesn’t take my flawless skills in the romance department to make you look like a lousy piece of shit, Jacob,” he teased.
“All I know is that if I don’t do those little things with Nat, she’ll just cut my dick off and move on with her life with no remorse,” he laughed with the rest of us.
“I know a thing or two about that particular threat,” I added, rolling my eyes at the memory of how Melissa treated me when things didn’t go her way. “I’m sure I know it better than you because Nat isn’t even close to my late wife in the vindictiveness department.”
The words probably came out so quickly because they were true. Still, it surprised me that I could speak so candidly about Melissa, be it good or bad. It must’ve been the tequila.
“Forgive me if I’m out of line,” Spencer said, “but I’m surprised to hear you refer to your late wife in such a way. I didn’t mean to bring up?—”
“No, no. I’m a bit shocked, too,” I said. “I rarely mention her at all, so I didn’t expect something negative to be on the forefront.”
“You think she’ll haunt you for speaking ill of the dead?” Jake questioned with a chuckle.
“Trust me, I’ve been haunted by too much about that woman since she passed,” I said, knowing that was the damn truth.
“It’s good to talk it out, you know?” Jim said. “If you want your new relationship to progress healthily, I recommend not keeping the ghosts and grief on your back. You don’t want to enter a new marriage feeling haunted by the past.”
I wished I could kill the marriage rumor because my mind wasn’t there. I was more on track with enjoying Darcy as a lover and, hopefully, as a close friend after all this madness was over.
“This is the most I’ve spoken about Melissa since her passing,” I said. “Her death sent me into a dark hole of regret after I received news that she was in the accident.”
“I can’t even fucking imagine,” Spencer said. “We all heard that you were in a meeting, closing an acquisition when it happened.”
“That’s the thing…” I paused when I suddenly felt the heavy, dark cloud of remorse looming in the distance. I wasn’t sure if talking about this would make it better or worse, but I was loosened up from the tequila, more willing to roll the dice and see where it would land. “That’s where she haunts me, where everything haunts me,” I said.
I proceeded to tell the men about my horrible responses and the inhumane way I handled my wife’s last moments. After I finished, it was evident I’d destroyed everyone’s buzz.
“Listen, I know that is very hard to deal with,” Jim said, bringing my attention from my glass of tequila and over to him, “but you can’t beat yourself up like this, man.”
“Can’t I?” I asked, hearing the pain in my voice that I felt on the inside.
“Absolutely not,” Jake said. “That’s called being a victim, and it is bullshit. You need to get through this, not remain stuck with constant regret about something you cannot change.”
“It’s fucking hard. I mean, fuck,” was all I could say.
“Of course, it’s hard,” Jim said. “Although you and I are opposite in many ways, we are also very similar. As businessmen, we process things differently. I know I talk a big talk about being a Casanova with my wife, but there are plenty of times when I fuck shit up and hurt her. Sometimes, it takes a lot to get my mind off business so I can come home and be present with her and my kids the way she needs me to be. I’m happy to do it because the reward is always delightful; however, it’s not easy. In your situation, battling the passing of your wife and how it all went down will take hard work to get through.”
“The difference is that you have your wife to reward you with forgiveness, and I don’t. She’s gone, and I can only imagine how much she hated me with her last dying breath.”
“You cannot do that shit, man,” Spencer said. “Tell me, did you know that she was dying, and this was the only call she wanted to make when you sent your assistant out of the room to close that deal?”
“No, but still?—”
“Then leave it where the facts are,” Jake interjected. “Don’t go into your head about it. Instead, ask yourself if that’s how your relationship was. If she called you, and you were in a meeting, did you push her off until business was handled before returning her call?”
“Well, not initially, but after numerous calls to inform me that she was taking the jet to go shopping in San Francisco or Milan or to make sure I was really in a meeting and not having an affair, I stopped taking the calls.”
“You both created the inevitability of not taking that call,” Jim said. “And while she tragically passed away, you’re condemning yourself to a life of emptiness and punishment for surviving. You must close that down, heal, and move forward.”
“And plan your wedding day to that sassy little fiancée of yours for at least two years down the road after you’ve cleaned up this emotional baggage,” Spencer said with a grin.
“And, if you haven’t already, start confiding all of this to Darcy,” Jim added. “Seriously, open the lines of communication with her, and allow yourself to heal. It will be easier if she understands the trauma you’re working through. If you don’t, your relationship will become a prison sentence.”
Well, that won’t be a problem because we don’t have a relationship , I thought.
“Does Darcy know all of this?” Jake asked.
“I’ve given her bits and pieces, but she has always seemed supportive,” I said with a laugh.
“You need to give her more respect and trust her. I think you’ll be surprised,” Jim said. “She’s a brilliant, understanding woman, and I can see now why you both may have crossed paths.”
“To help me heal,” I answered quietly, as if I’d just revealed that to myself.
It was interesting to think that perhaps that was why we met. I was extremely comfortable around her and enjoyed it when she spoke her mind. More importantly, I felt alive and happy again when I was with Darcy. Why wouldn’t I want to open a little more and confide some things in my past to her?
Perhaps she was the key to helping me heal and move forward.