June
“You look amazing, girl,” Zaria said to Indigo.
Since being in rehab and coming back, she seemed to be doing better. Her face was blemish-free, she had gained a little weight, and her smile seemed genuine. However, I wasn’t sure if she was fully mentally stable enough to have the type of conversation I wanted to have.
Bishop looked at me and nodded. “Before we get into all the fancy shit, Zaria, I want to show you something. Come with me,” he said as he stood from the table, walking around to pull out her chair.
My hand landed on his arm. “Nigga, we’re cool, but not that cool. Back up,” I gritted.
I stood up and pulled Z’s chair out. “Big box nigga didn’t even give me a chance. You swoon Indigo, not Zaria.”
Bishop heckled. “Calm down. A nigga just got manners.”
“Manners that need to be applied to her.” I pointed at Indigo. “She straight,” I said, looking at Z.
Have that same energy later.
Oh, I will. That pussy is going to suffer, too.
The moment Bishop and Zaria disappeared, I sat and focused on Indigo.
She nervously pulled her hair behind her ear and stared at me.
This moment between us felt awkward because I realized I hadn’t truly given her or Tania a real chance to be a part of my life.
Now that I was in a different space in my life and wanted to get rid of someone we seemed to view differently, I knew it was time to have this conversation.
“What are you thinking?” I asked her.
Her head tilted slightly. “I’m trying to figure out how you survived it all. How did you manage to grow up without parents, have cancer, and still be able to sit here with your head held high as if none of it had happened?”
I scoffed, then smirked. My hand ran over my waves as I leaned back in the chair.
“That’s the thing. I didn’t survive. Deep down, I’m still suffering.
I’m just a man who’s been trying to find happiness, and for every time I’ve been granted even a smidge of it, I’m grateful.
My wife, my kids, my crew, that’s what makes me happy, and if I didn’t hold on to those things—” I leaned forward, “—well, sweetheart, you would be sitting in front of a pure fucking menace. I built the life I have. I’ve done things that you wouldn’t imagine just to be in the very seat.
I almost died trying to get here to see the one person I thought would answer all a nigga’s questions and just maybe would hold a little black broken nigga in her arms and say I love you.
So, when you ask me how I manage to hold my head high, know that kings don’t bow; they conquer. ”
Indigo caught a tear that slipped from her eyes.
“I know I’ve said it a million times, but I’m sorry you went through all that.
I want you to know she wasn’t worth it. Those moments you speak of being held and told you were loved, they never happened.
Those memorable moments, pep talks, stroke of the hair, kisses to the forehead, comfort while sick, she didn’t do it.
It was my father, Yassir, who did. Grace wasn’t a mother; she was a scorned woman who just so happened to have children.
Maybe it was because of what happened to you, but June, if she were alive and you met her, I can promise she would have destroyed you worse than the cancer. ”
I felt a lump in my throat because knowing me being taken from her had changed her made me feel like I was the reason Indigo didn’t get the very love she was searching for.
“Where is she buried? I want to see her.”
“Why?”
“Indigo, this is something I’ve been holding on to for over thirty-eight years. I need this because the moment I let her go is the moment that menace I spoke of will emerge, and that granddaddy of ours is a dead nigga. So, I’m going to ask again, where is she buried?”
She grabbed the glass of wine, gulping it down. “I knew it was coming,” she mumbled. “The night at the dinner table, I saw it in your eyes. You know, you may be on the other side of the fence, but you're much like—”
I balled my fist up and slammed it on the table. “Don’t you fucking say it!” I barked.
Her body shot forward. “Don’t you talk to me like that!
” she snapped. “Look, I’m all for you trying to get your demons out of the closet and put them to rest. I’m not here to defend Clark at all, but what I’m telling you is if you let him get to you, June, he is going to try to pull every-fucking-thing out of you to make you seem crazy.
He did it to our mother, and if you do not play the game right, both of you will be like wild fucking animals fighting. ”
I leaned forward as my eyes narrowed in on her.
I was so close that I was sure she felt my breath on her face.
“Little sis, I am a fucking animal, and whatever you think—” I paused, “—I’m going to unleash from inside me has already been done.
That nigga is dead, so if you love him, then you and Tania better fucking tell him, and that’s on my dead momma! ” I snapped, then sat back.
Bishop and Zaria came back into the dining room, looking at both of us. “Shit cool? Indigo, you straight—”
She held her hand up in his face. “You listen to me, and you listen to me good. I get it. Your life was fucked up, but so was ours. If you want to kill him, then do it, but at the end of it all, you still have family. Now I don’t know whether you accepted it or not, but Tania and I are your sisters, and for once, you will respect me because I have done nothing but been nice to you.
So, go ahead and get off what you need to, but next time you come to talk to me, understand that same monster that’s inside you is in me as well, and that’s on our dead momma! ”
A grin eased on my face as I nodded. “I see you, and I respect it, sis.”
I glanced over at Zaria and Bishop. “Shit’s cool. She got a little dawg in her, Bishop.”
Although she didn’t think so, I did respect Indigo.
I respected her more than she thought. To see her get a little feisty only confirmed that the blood we shared couldn’t be denied.
She and I were going to have another talk, but the conversation would be very different.
I wanted a relationship with my sisters—well, at least Indigo—because whether our upbringing was good or not, we owed each other the bond that we unfairly missed out on.
Zaria sat and leaned over. “Are you sure everything is okay?”
I glanced at her. “Yeah. Just a little sibling talk. Ain’t that right, Indi?” I winked.
“Right,” she muttered.
I poked at my salad before putting what was on the fork into my mouth while I smiled.
Bishop shook his head. “Nigga, you’re wild.”
“Nah, I’m from the wild.”