Chapter 51
Chapter Fifty-One
The next morning, Elizabeth felt much better.
She rose to dress with Dinah’s help, but the additional day in bed had done wonders.
She felt no weakness today at all. Finally, she could return to Longbourn.
As soon as Jane woke and came through their shared sitting room to check on her, they could request a carriage and be on their way.
Elizabeth had been dressed for an hour and was reading by her window waiting for Jane when she heard a loud crack of thunder. She looked out into what had been a bright November morning and realized the sky had darkened without her noticing. Suddenly, torrents of rain slapped the window.
Shoulders slumped, she resigned herself to another day at Netherfield Park.
She would not even be able to walk in the garden as Mr. Darcy had suggested.
She warmed when she thought it may not be so bad to be confined to this house for a bit longer.
Had she not decided the day before that she had little more to lose from spending time with the man?
Still, their friendship had altered, lessened, and she must remember it.
She could appreciate Mr. Darcy without becoming close to him again, surely.
Elizabeth laughed when Jane came in then, wide-eyed and smiling, clearly also understanding their predicament.
“Do you think you will spend even one more night in your childhood home, Jane? We may be preparing you for your wedding day from this house.”
Jane blushed but did not appear at all averse to the idea of remaining close to her betrothed.
“Only four more days until the ball, Lizzy. And then the next day, we will finally be married.”
“You have been the most patient woman I know. Little did I think when I introduced you and Mr. Bingley three and a half years ago that your wedding day would be so far off.”
Jane laughed. “You thought I would marry him that same year?”
Elizabeth joined in her mirth. “No. You know I thought him too young. Yet, I expected you would both fall in love. Given all that has happened, though, I admit I was unsure whether we would ever see this happy ending.”
“You have been such a support to me, Lizzy. Thank you for standing by me even when it was difficult for you. Having you by my side in society was more necessary than you knew. I do not have your confidence; I only hope I will be strong enough to manage the ton.”
“Of course you will be. Mr. Bingley will help you whenever you are unsure.”
“It will be strange not to have Caroline with me. I know she will try to convince Sir Abraham to buy a London home and come each year, but she has not succeeded yet, even when he could have secured her hand far earlier had he given in to her request.”
“Will you not wish to stay here with Mr. Bingley, though? You need not return to London while he has Netherfield Park.”
“I do like London a great deal, but we shall see. Enough of that. You look very well today. Do you plan to go down later, or would you prefer to have the ladies come for a meal in the sitting room again? Caroline may not come, as her betrothed arrived last night…”
“Thank you for indulging me yesterday, but I would not dream of keeping you from your own betrothed another evening. I am ready to go down now, if you wish.”
Darcy was in his bedchamber with his door barely ajar, writing to his sister.
He had already spoken with Matthew that morning, who had told him Dinah said Elizabeth had been waiting for Miss Bennet before calling for the carriage.
Darcy could not help but breathe a sigh of relief when he saw the downpour outside his window.
He hoped she would not be too upset to be forced to remain, but he needed more time with her.
When he heard a door thud closed down the hall and then voices, he quickly finished his letter.
Georgiana’s own letters still lacked energy, although he hoped his words this morning would cheer her.
While his sister had not seen Elizabeth apart from one time years ago, he knew she still held her in high regard.
He had written to her of Elizabeth’s fall in the stream and of her illness.
Georgiana had briefly shown strong feelings as she wrote of her old friend and her hopes for her recovery.
His sister would be relieved to read this letter and hear how well Elizabeth got on now.
When Darcy reached the breakfast room, Miss Bingley and Sir Abraham Topplewight were at one end of the table discussing wedding plans again, and Miss Bennet was about to sit with them. Elizabeth was at the sideboard, so Darcy joined her there.
“Good morning, Miss Elizabeth.” How he longed to greet her before breakfast every day. As she turned, he noted how much healthier she looked than two days earlier. Her faint blush when she saw him perusing her face only added to her appeal.
“Mr. Darcy. Did you sleep well?”
How could he answer that? Matthew had found one of Bingley’s footmen to guard Elizabeth’s door part of the night, but Darcy still took a shift that left him without a full night’s sleep.
“It was sufficient. Another day upstairs seems to have done you good. I am sorry you did not get your wish to return home, however.”
She shrugged as she reached for a piece of toast to rest beside her boiled egg on her otherwise empty plate.
She was quiet again, and he did not understand it.
Normally, Elizabeth was the first to offer a topic of conversation and the most proficient of the two of them at avoiding awkwardness.
Since he had arrived in Hertfordshire, he could not predict her moods.
As Elizabeth moved to the table, Darcy quickly filled his plate haphazardly and followed her. Bingley had come in and sat beside Miss Bennet. How had his entrance escaped his notice? Elizabeth left a seat open beside Bingley, and Darcy took it.
“Bingley. It appears your plans to inspect the grounds will have to wait. I remain available if you wish to go over other estate business indoors.”
While a footman brought tea for himself and Miss Elizabeth, Bingley made it obvious he had no other plans than to sit beside Miss Bennet all day.
Darcy chuckled and turned to Elizabeth on his other side.
She was smiling, as well, and when he caught her eye, he once again struggled to look away.
She removed her gaze first and ate her meager meal without a word. He furrowed his brow.
“Do you continue to avoid me?” He had not meant to be so blunt, but he was confused and knew he was running out of time.
“If I were avoiding you, I would have sat beside Mr. Bingley and drawn myself into the wedding conversation.”
“Forgive me. You must be fatigued, even though you look the picture of health. I will strive to be more patient.”
“Patient, Mr. Darcy? Are you waiting for something?”
Was he? Either Elizabeth was unwell, did not wish to speak with him, or she had changed in their summer apart. He thought back to the time between their dance in Meryton and her fall into the stream. She had been lively enough, though not with him. Had her illness affected her?
“Not waiting for anything in particular. I only wonder…did your accident affect you in ways other than physically?”
Now she furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”
“Have you been uneasy? Have you had nightmares or felt afraid?”
Elizabeth laughed, and the sweet sound allowed Darcy to exhale a little bit.
“I am perfectly well, I thank you. Unfortunate though the experience was, you were there when I needed you, and I have recovered completely.”
Perhaps he was reading too much into her calm demeanor. If she said she was as before, he would treat her thus.
“I apologize again for having had to leave you all summer. I treasured our morning rides and frequent family dinners. How did you spend your days while I was away?”
A cloud passed over her face. Something was amiss! He knew it. Would she tell him?
“After you left…I painted a great deal, did all the usual things, really. And I took up the harp, but I am not very good at it, so I hope most employers will not require it.”
He had to lean in to hear the end of her sentence.
“The harp? I did not know you wished to learn. My sister tried it briefly, but she said it did not suit.” Then the last part of her sentence registered. “Why…what do you mean about employers requiring it?”
She took a sip of her tea, but when she replaced the cup in her saucer, her fingers shook slightly, and the China rattled.
He continued to look at her hand when she pulled it to her lap and balled it into a fist. Then she looked up at him, and her eyes flashed, but she spoke so only he could hear her.
“I have been preparing myself to apply for a position as a governess.”
His eyes narrowed. What could she mean? She truly had no idea of his feelings for her.
Or perhaps she did, but she did not return them.
He looked at his plate, unseeing. When he realized his head was shaking involuntarily, he stopped and turned to look at her again.
She was picking apart the last of her brown toast.
“Is…is this what you wish for? To enter service as a governess?” He spoke almost in a whisper and leaned close.
She shook her head, and a loose curl hit his cheek, bringing with it her unique lavender scent. He closed his eyes and inhaled before continuing.
“Then why? You have not sent inquiries yet?”
“No, not yet.” She turned to look at him again, and he leaned back only a little. “I must be prepared, though. I know my prospects are slim. Mr. Wickham was my last hope, really. And I cannot rely on my uncles for much longer—”
“Wickham your last hope?” He whispered harshly and took a quick look at the company to ensure nobody paid them any mind. He was grateful Mrs. Pumphrey was a late riser. “Do you still harbor feelings for that…” He could not say what he felt about the monster.
“No, no. I never did care for him much. I only mean…oh, this is not the place for such a conversation. For now, I am only researching and preparing for the day when I will apply. So, you see,” she smiled playfully but not sincerely, “you need not drop my friendship again so soon.” Her eyes fell, and she turned to drink more tea.
Drop her friendship again. Like he had two years earlier. He looked around the room again to be sure everyone was still oblivious to them before leaning close to Elizabeth’s ear.
“I am sorry, so sorry, about how I handled…the situation two years ago, but have I not assured you I will not forsake your friendship again?”
She turned so quickly her cheek brushed his, and they both sat back a few inches, unfortunately. She had tears in her eyes. He thought he had made amends this year, but she was still so affected by his words of long ago?
“But you did. You did forsake me again this year. Excuse me.” Elizabeth stood and strode from the room, leaving him to attempt to connect the pieces of their conversation.
She felt he had forsaken their friendship again.
As surely as he had two and a half years ago.
That time, he had spoken words he should not have and then disappeared—How had he been so blind?
She had taken his sudden absence from London in June as another abandonment.
Elizabeth thought he had left to get away from her, as he had done before.
She could not know how fully he had been avoiding her when he left two years ago, but in June he had again left without a word.
No, he had sent a note to Bingley and later one to her uncle.
Why would she think he had forsaken their friendship?
And more importantly, how could he convince her it was not true?