Chapter 52
Chapter Fifty-Two
Darcy had gone to check with Matthew a couple of hours after breakfast and learned Elizabeth had a megrim.
He stalked about Netherfield’s public rooms all day in hopes of seeing her, but she remained in her chamber.
She would likely not see him and then would leave the house in the morning.
Frustrated and unable to ride hard across the fields as he would have liked, he continued walking inside.
He stopped abruptly in a third-floor passageway when he saw her late that afternoon.
This was Netherfield’s picture gallery, sparse though it was, and Elizabeth was standing in front of a painting halfway down the corridor.
He walked to her quickly, praying she would not leave, but she remained unmoving. He stopped only two feet from her side.
“Elizabeth, please allow me to apologize and to explain more fully why I departed London so hastily in June.”
She turned her whole body toward him, and he noted with regret that her eyes were red and her cheeks flushed.
“Forgive me, is your head feeling better?”
She nodded. “I have seen nobody else up here in the past half hour. Shall we go down to the others?”
“Wait, I beg you. If you wish to know what happened in June, we must have privacy.”
She swallowed and nodded. Something in her eyes told him she already knew why he left, but she did not. She still thought he had left to be free of her.
“Will you sit?” he indicated a bench long enough for three, and he settled a few inches from her. He did not know how to begin, but he had to tell her. He rested his forearms on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him, looking at the rug.
“It was my sister, as I said before. My cousin Anne, the one in Kent, had been writing to her, and Georgie told Anne things she never told me.” He swallowed and glanced at Elizabeth before turning away again. She watched him earnestly but made no comment.
“Anne…” He inhaled deeply and exhaled. He was surprised when he felt Elizabeth’s hand on his back, and he stiffened.
She immediately removed her hand, but he could scarcely breathe again.
Was that a friendly gesture? Or more? She had rarely touched him in all their years of acquaintance, yet she had put her hand on his arm her first evening downstairs, as well.
As much as he wanted to dwell on this development and bask in the warmth he still felt on his back from her touch, this was not the time.
He took another breath and forged ahead.
“Anne wrote to me some of my sister’s words and sent me part of one of her letters.
They left me with no doubt that my sister believed herself in…
in love. She was being courted, yet she had mentioned nothing of a man to me; nor had her companion, Mrs. Younge.
” He gritted his teeth as he said the woman’s name.
He looked at Elizabeth then. She sat still and quiet, her hand covering her mouth, her eyes wide with concern. He turned his gaze back to the floor.
“I was gone in half an hour. I sent the museum tickets to Bingley with a note and rode to Ramsgate, reaching my sister late that same night.”
Darcy sat back and turned toward Elizabeth.
“That morning at the Foundling Hospital, when you showed me the children who love you so much…” He almost smiled at the memory of the way the boys and girls of all ages had greeted her eagerly and hung on her every word.
“I was so happy you had shared that part of your life with me. As soon as I returned home that day, though, I read Anne’s letter.
That is why I had to leave. And then I could not return because Georgiana needed me.
You see, the man she…the man who seduced her and convinced her to elope with him was George Wickham. ”
Elizabeth gasped. “No. Poor Miss Darcy. Is she well?”
“Physically, he did no more than kiss her. But emotionally, she is suffering even now. She remembered him from her childhood, when he and I were friends. She never knew the villain he is. Forgive me, I know you cared for him, too, but he does not deserve—”
“Did I not tell you I did not care for him?” Her eyes flashed in anger.
At himself or at Wickham? She took a calming breath.
“I understand how Miss Darcy must have felt. Poor, dear girl. But when I said I thought he was my last chance, I meant something else. You see, my Uncle Bennet has always said I would marry a gentleman. He requires it, in fact. But you know better than anyone that I cannot.”
Darcy wanted to tell her right now that she could marry a gentleman, a real one far better suited to her than the reprobate she had been mixed up with briefly in January, but she was finally talking to him, and he would not interrupt.
“Given my low birth, even lower than most people know, I have no hopes for a true gentleman. Mr. Wickham told me he was not born a gentleman but had inherited an estate. I thought he was precisely the sort who could overlook my own birth and find acceptance in my uncle’s sight.
It was a silly notion, of course. This is why I will be a governess instead.
But I digress. You rescued Miss Darcy and took her to Pemberley.
I am glad. Forgive me for thinking my revelation at the hospital that morning was the reason you departed with such haste. ”
“Your revelation? Oh. How could I have forgotten? Of course, you thought you were being left behind. I did not forget what you told me, but I had no idea you would connect that with my departure. I was an idiot. Please forgive my thoughtlessness.”
Elizabeth did not look convinced. “Did you not again rethink being my friend when you learned I am illegitimate? It is bad enough already, but if society ever learned this…you know we can never be seen together in London without harming your reputation. I understand this is why you were so resourceful in finding ways we could carry on an acquaintance without the ton’s watchful eyes.
You have been a good friend, but I do not expect you to continue the subterfuge.
I understand that although you had other reasons in June, we cannot always be friends.
I have been grateful for your kindness this year, but I will not blame you when you decide it is too much.
My only hope is that you will bid me farewell next time. ”
Darcy did not know how to respond, and he turned and stared straight ahead.
His heart was thumping the denial to her words, but no coherent thoughts formed; no words broke free.
His mind was trying to make sense of the portrait in front of them, on the opposite wall.
After staring at it for some minutes, he still did not know whether it was a man or a woman.
He did not care in the least. He took a shallow breath and then another. He must answer her fears.
“I am not ashamed to be friends with you,” he managed, turning to look deep into her eyes, willing her to understand the words that would not come.
She brushed off his statement. “Is Miss Darcy at Pemberley now? Will you return to her after the wedding?”
This was an easier topic to discuss, though he had not yet spoken to anyone else of his sister’s troubles.
“No, and yes. Georgiana is in London with our aunt and uncle, the colonel’s parents.
I will take her home for Christmas. I have no wish to part with you, you understand, but my sister writes every week to remind me I promised to take her home for the festive season.
It will not be festive, but she will be more comfortable there. ”
“Of course. She must be your first priority. If she truly loved Mr. Wickham, it may take some time for her to get over her heartbreak.”
Darcy shook his head. “I know you say you did not care much for him, but you must have seen how he charms women so easily. This is not a slight against you; it is mere fact. He has some sort of gift for making girls and women alike fall at his feet and lose their senses.” Elizabeth turned away with reddened cheeks.
“Forgive me. I do not blame you at all, and I do not blame my sister. She was taken in so completely. Her companion urged her to give every courtesy to an old family friend, and he quickly captured her heart.”
Elizabeth looked at him once more and hesitantly spoke. “Does she feel…embarrassed to have been deceived by him? Has she lost confidence in her ability to judge character for herself?”
Darcy sighed. “She barely speaks to me of what she is feeling. It is as though she is afraid of me, of her own shadow now. I do not know what she is thinking.” Perhaps Elizabeth was correct.
Had she felt that way after her brief encounter with Wickham?
“You think a loss of certainty in her own skills of discernment could be the reason she seems afraid?”
Elizabeth nodded. “Be patient with her, talk to her. Let her know she did wrong but that you do not condemn her. Be certain she knows this is not the end, that she will someday love someone worthy of her.”
“I wish I could take you back to Pemberley with me to tell her yourself—”
He was serious, but she laughed. Was it so outlandish for her to think she would be invited to his home?
“Elizabeth, before I had to leave London in June, it is true I was doing all I could to keep the eyes of the ton off you, but it was only for your comfort. I will face the consequences when people learn of our friendship, but I hoped to stem the talk we faced in April. Your friendship is important to me. Please do not think when I go to the north next month that it is my purpose to get away from you.”
“Of course not. You have many demands on your time. I appreciate knowing where you are going, but it is not my right to be angry if you do not tell me. I only meant you should tell me, if only in a brief note, if you do not intend to return. My uncle was distraught when you left, as well.”