Chapter 53
Chapter Fifty-Three
Dinah offered to bring breakfast to Elizabeth’s bedchamber the next morning, but she declined. The rain continued to blur the view out her window, but she could see enough water pooled on the grounds to know she would make no escape from this house any time soon.
She went through their sitting room to knock on Jane’s bedchamber door and found her cousin finishing her toilette.
“The ball is the day after tomorrow. Were you able to sleep at all last night?” Elizabeth grinned at her cousin, who blushed. She had decided the day before that focusing on the other ladies trapped with her in this house was the only way she would survive the ordeal.
“I had hoped to purchase new shoe roses before Tuesday, but I suppose I will have to make do with my old ones.”
“Oh, Jane. If I have any in my trunk that match your gown, you may take mine. If we cannot make it back to Longbourn before the ball, I am not sure how any of the guests will find their way here.”
Jane looked worried, so Elizabeth went to the window and peered out. “I believe the rain is less today than it was. Surely, it will stop soon. Since we cannot go to church, let us go down and see whether Caroline needs any help preparing for the ball.”
As it happened, the ladies had much to talk of but little to do. The servants had cleaned all the rooms in preparation, and after the Sabbath break, they would scrub the ballroom again the next day, place new wax candles, and listen to Miss Bingley’s orders for every other arrangement.
Later that day, Elizabeth both regretted and congratulated herself on how well she had avoided Mr. Darcy when he came up behind her in the passageway outside the ballroom.
“Will you come with me, Miss Elizabeth? I would like to show you something.” His voice was deep and serious, and she worried something was amiss so took his offered arm and joined him without a word.
She was confused when he took her into the ballroom, which was dimly lit by the grey light coming in through the many tall windows.
“What can you have to show me in here? We all came to the ballroom yesterday to discuss where to put the flowers.”
“I wonder whether you took note of the quality of the dance floor.”
She raised her brows in question, and he swallowed.
“I apologize for the pretense. It has been so difficult to find a moment to talk to you. Will you do me the honor of dancing the supper set with me at Tuesday’s ball?”
It was exactly what Elizabeth had hoped for, although she knew she shouldn’t.
“I would love to. You are a fine dancer, and I can think of no better friend to partner with for that set.” She smiled playfully, not wishing to let him know how delighted she was with his offer.
He continued to walk with her slowly through the large room. When they passed another window, he stopped and looked sideways at her.
“Miss Elizabeth, will you also dance the first and the last sets with me?”
She tried to pull away, but he placed his free hand over hers on his arm, gently requesting she stay. She could have removed her arm, but the look in his eyes as he turned to stand in front of her halted her movement.
“You know I cannot. Why would you say such a thing, Mr. Darcy? Select any set you wish, but it can be only one. The Bennets’ neighbors are not like the ton, but even they will not remain silent for such a display.”
“And what would they say?”
“Well, that we are engaged, of course, or they may even start some of the same rumors we heard in London.”
“Miss Elizabeth, so many times this spring and summer, I have held myself back from stating my true feelings. I told myself it was not yet time, that I had more to prove to myself, that society was not yet prepared. That you were not ready. Because I delayed, I was unable to sit beside you when you were ill. I was forced to remain outside your bedchamber for more than a week while your fever raged, you coughed painfully, and I…I was not assured you would survive until I could see you with my own eyes.”
Elizabeth could only stare, not believing he was saying what it felt like he was saying.
“I need to be the one to comfort you, Elizabeth, when you are ill, when you are sad, when you feel the weight of society’s ignorance on your shoulders.
I am glad I was the one to show you Vauxhall Gardens, even if it was more than three years later than I had hoped, and to take you riding through the streets of London as you had long wished to do.
I want to be the one to show you all you have missed in the city you have called home for nearly five years.
I did what I could this Season, but I can show you so much more. ”
He slid his hands to hers, holding them both close to his chest. Was this a dream? She looked around the empty room and settled her gaze back on his cherished face.
“I want to be the one to take you to the seaside and watch you paint it. I want to sit in front of you for as long as you wish to practice your portrait sketches. I want to have the right to claim three sets with you at every ball. Most of all, I want to take you home with me to Pemberley.”
He placed both of her hands in his left and used his other to retrieve a handkerchief from his pocket and used it to gently pat her cheeks.
“I want to be the one to dry all your tears,” he whispered. “Elizabeth, I do not care whether you learn to play the harp, but I very much care for you. I love you, and I wish to be your husband, the one allowed to give you everything you deserve, the one allowed to care for you and hold you.”
She realized she was shaking her head in wonder, but he must have thought she was refusing him.
“Please, Elizabeth, can you find it in your heart to forgive my many sins against you and tell me you will marry me?”
She slid her hands from his grasp, pushing them higher on his firm chest, and wrapped her arms around his neck. She finally felt the softness of his dark curls there. His arms went around her waist, and he pulled her close to him, one arm moving up her back to secure her there.
“Will you be my wife, Elizabeth?” The look in his eyes told her that despite this being impossible, he cared for her. She could not bear to consider right now that a marriage would never work and instead said the only word she could.
“Yes!”
He bent his head, and she felt his nose trace her skin from her collarbone to the hollow below her ear. She gasped, but then he followed the same path with his lips. He then kissed along her jaw until he reached the corner of her mouth.
“Thank you, Elizabeth.”
Then he placed his lips on hers, and she prayed she would never wake from this dream.
The feel of Elizabeth in his arms, the taste of her on his tongue, was better than all the dreams he had lived on for so long before he came back for her in January.
He never wanted to let her go, but she pulled back.
His chest was heaving, and he could feel that she, pressed close to him, was also deeply affected.
He opened his eyes and saw fear in hers rather than the love he had hoped to see.
“Are you well, my love?”
“You will not leave me again? Truly? I know you have to go to your sister, but you will come back for me?”
“You have told me you will marry me. Why would I ever choose to part from you?”
She smiled and ducked her head shyly.
He placed a finger under her chin and tipped her head up, so he could see her eyes.
“Shall I apply for a common license? We can marry next week, so you may come with me to Pemberley. We need never part again.”
“Next week?” He had never seen her eyes so wide. “You really mean it then?” She looked down and shook her head. Did she not believe his proposal was serious?
“What do you think of me? Why would I offer marriage and kiss you as I have done were I not in earnest?” He took a step back and let his arms fall to his sides. “Did you think I was playing with your affections? And you allowed it?”
“I would not have permitted further liberties, no matter what you said, but I wished to pretend for just a few minutes that it could be true. How can you think to take me as your bride? Even if you were in earnest, your family would never permit it.”
Darcy felt a sting of annoyance that she could think so meanly of him, but he quickly overcame it, given all she had shared with him in the picture gallery upstairs.
She always presented such a confident attitude when out in society.
When they had heard the insults at Vauxhall and at the theater, she had not run away or burst into tears as other ladies would have done.
She had trembled, though, he remembered. She had not been unaffected.
When she had told him of her illegitimacy, it had been only a minor blow to his own plans, as he had already determined to turn his back on society for her.
But she had not told him easily. How had he not noticed how difficult it had been for her to admit?
He had been elated that she would share everything with him, and he had been an insensitive fool, not realizing what it had cost her.
Her reaction to his proposal now was only natural.
He had always done his utmost to tell her they were friends.
He had never hinted at anything more. But what had she said?
She wished to pretend it could be true. She had accepted his proposal and kissed him with a passion he had only suspected she contained.
And it had all been because she wanted a taste of a future she thought she was unworthy of ever attaining.
“Elizabeth. I have been a dolt. I have not told you all that has been in my heart for so long. It is no wonder you are surprised. Come, let us go somewhere we can sit and talk without fear of being interrupted.”
He reached for her hand again, and he was gratified when she let him hold it.
“Jane and Miss Bingley are much occupied with their betrotheds, but Mrs. Pumphrey will be wondering where I have been for so long. I think I must make an appearance with the other ladies.”