Chapter 53 #2
“Will you meet me again before dinner?”
Her narrowed eyes told him she was unsure a secret assignation was the best way to prove he was serious about an honorable marriage, but she nodded. He breathed a sigh of relief.
“Leave the ladies early to dress, and come to the library at six o’clock.”
She nodded again before gracefully rushing across the ballroom floor, her slippers barely making a sound as she made a swift escape.
He had more work to do than he had suspected, but at least she returned his regard. No woman could kiss like that and not care. He brought his fingers to his lips and sighed.
Convincing her of his own intentions, though, would require him to unfold the truth of his years of longing for her. He would need to lay himself bare to her as she had done for him just before he had left her again. If it meant they could finally be together, he would welcome the flaying.
Mr. Darcy loved her. Elizabeth sat at her dressing table, holding her warm cheeks with both hands. She could see by the light of a candle that her lips were swollen and her eyes were bright despite the late hour.
After sitting with the other four ladies in residence for what felt like forever, she slipped out to the library at the appointed time.
Mr. Darcy had closed the door behind her and taken her to a secluded corner.
He held her hands while he explained to her how he had felt when they first danced together when she was seventeen.
She had no idea he had returned her affections so long ago.
How could she, when the next day he had suggested she marry a tenant farmer or become a governess?
Those were not the words of a man in love.
Apparently, though, they were. He made her understand he had been furious with himself for falling for her when she was so completely unsuitable to be Mrs. Darcy.
Then he quickly told her how he had struggled for the next two years to overcome his feelings.
When he had finally decided to embrace them, instead, he had told some of his family of his intentions and received their grudging acceptance, if not support.
All spring and summer, he had been testing himself, he said, to be sure he could be the man she would need in a husband.
He never doubted his love for her all year, never doubted the consequences would be too much.
He only wished to do all he could to either gain society’s approval or know he would be strong enough to cast it off.
Mr. Darcy said he had been devastated when she would not speak to him after the Meryton Assembly, but he now understood he had not considered her own fears well enough. He assured her he would stand by her now, no matter what people said or did to him.
A few tears fell now as she recalled his retelling of the pain he had experienced a fortnight earlier.
He had been unable to talk to her for weeks but had been on his way to propose to her when he found her in the stream.
The poor man had remained outside her door until Matthew arrived, and even then, he sat by her bedchamber for half the night to be close to her.
How could it all be true? Yet it was. She believed every word he said.
All the pieces finally fell into place, and she understood each of his actions, each time he had turned away from her or avoided her or sought her out or arranged an amusing morning or afternoon for her.
In turn, she reassured him she had only ignored him in Hertfordshire to avoid her heart being irrevocably broken.
It was clear to both how much her resolve had wavered.
They had agreed that he would go to Uncle Bennet as soon as the roads dried enough for her and Jane to return to Longbourn.
With his permission, Mr. Darcy would apply for a common license.
She had been in the area for more than the required four weeks, and once they had the license, they would wed in Meryton without having to await the banns.
They had remained together in the library past time to begin dressing for dinner, but once their hearts were so fully open to each other, neither had wanted to part. It was not until he suggested they meet again after dinner that either could end the clandestine meeting.
At dinner, they had sat on the same side of the table with Mr. Hurst and Mrs. Pumphrey between them, so though they did not exactly attend to the general conversation, they also could not so much as steal glances at each other.
It had been a long evening in the drawing room, but Elizabeth took her turn at the instrument, and she even agreed to sing, while Mr. Darcy turned her pages.
The moment Mrs. Hurst yawned, Elizabeth encouraged all the ladies to retire, but it was still a long hour later before she was again in Mr. Darcy’s arms in the corner of the library.
She had waited until Dinah was asleep in the adjoining dressing room and slipped down the service stairs to avoid the Netherfield footman outside her door.
She and Mr. Darcy agreed as soon as they were both in the dimly lit room that they would not stay more than a few minutes.
They both needed to reassure themselves that all was well between them and all was decided, but they were not so lost to propriety as to lose control of their senses.
It had been more difficult than either had expected to maintain control, and Mr. Darcy had insisted they not meet in this way again.
He said he had no wish to dishonor her and would not allow the ideas she had of him earlier that day to gain any truth.
Thus it was that Elizabeth was too excited to sleep and could only gaze in wonder at her reflection until the flush left her cheeks. She finally retired, knowing the time before their next meeting—in public—would pass more quickly while she slept.