Chapter 12 #3
The warmth of Nate’s body is close behind me, and I hate that I can already feel the burning of tears in the back of my eyes.
I hate him, I remind myself.
It still doesn’t stop the way my body aches for him, for his fingers to reach forward and link with mine, just a slight touch to ease the hurt that lives so deep in my bones.
No.
We make it far enough that the crowd is gone, and we can sit on a park bench to talk in private.
The second I turn to him, my defensiveness falls, and my emotions are at an all-time high. I don’t wait for him to talk first; I need questions answered, ones I never realized I had been holding on to for so long.
“Why?” My voice cracks as the words rip from my throat, and the tears start flowing fast. “Why did you break us? Why did you break me? How did I not see that you stopped loving me?”
“Hey.” He pulls me into his chest to soothe me, running a hand up and down my back, and I let him.
I can’t pull back. I don’t have it in me.
“I have never stopped loving you. Not for one single day since Camp Horizon,” he says softly, almost desperately.
“You’ve always been my forever. I just…I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing it for you.”
I shake my head back and forth against his chest, relishing the familiar smell of his cologne and his body against mine.
“You never even called to check on me.”
“I was always checking on you. Always. I needed to give you space, and I know you’ll never understand until you hear me out, or at least I hope you will.”
Nate’s fingers run up my back, raking them through my hair, breaking the spell.
I jolt back, standing in a rush, my chest heaving.
I can’t do this.
Nate follows me, his eyes wide and wild, nervous I’m about to bolt, and if I weren’t in heels, I would.
The sudden movement has my head swirling, and I sway forward, hitting Nate’s chest.
“Maddie,” he whispers, and suddenly I’m closer than before in his arms.
I know deep down I should turn around and walk away…to talk about this at a different time. But the comfort my body has always gotten from Nate is too familiar.
Being in his bubble acts as a mind eraser of all the hurt.
Slowly, I let my gaze travel north until our eyes meet, his breath picks up, and I know from how my body reacts I’m in trouble.
“Nate…”
He leans down, and our lips touch. “Just one kiss.”
Just one kiss.
My eyes flutter from the morning light that’s burning my crusted eyes.
Gross.
Absentmindedly, I reach over for my water, desperate to quench the dryness coating my mouth. When my fingers close around a bottle of Fiji, I frown.
Camila or Addie must have left it. I can’t afford bougie water.
Before I can think too hard about it, a soft snore beside me scares me half to death.
I sit up in a hurry and immediately regret it. My head spins, and not just from the hangover, but from the memories rushing back from last night.
Nate’s large, strong hands trace up my sides, the wake of goose bumps follows from the familiar touch I’ve missed so much. He cups my breast, running the pads of his thumbs over my pebbled nipples, pulling them often, just as I love.
“I hate that I love you,” I whisper into his mouth as his tongue strokes mine. The feeling of home is strong. “You hurt me, Nate.”
“I know, babe. I promise I will explain everything in more detail tomorrow. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I messed up.”
My hand slaps over my mouth. I’m going to be sick.
Why did I tell him I love him?
Because you do.
“Please touch me. Touch me like you love me.”
He growls low in his throat, spreading my legs apart. “I do love you. But I’m not having sex with you this drunk.”
I lift my hips searching for his mouth. “I need you.”
I bury my face in my hands, wanting to scream in embarrassment.
I push him on his back to reciprocate the favor, but instead I straddle him and line his dick up to my entrance. “I want this inside of me, Nate. I need you.”
“You’re drunk.” His voice is strained.
“And you’re drunk. So it cancels it out,” I say, need evident in my tone.
Of course, he had to be the noble one, even shitfaced.
“It cancels it out,” he repeats, thinking over my words.
When his eyes find mine, I know he wants this just as much as I do. I sink down, as best as I can, slow and steady, wiggling side to side, opening myself up for him, and relishing in the feeling of him stretching me wide.
“I miss you,” he whispers, reaching up to trace my dimples. “Especially these.”
“Don’t leave me again.”
He grips my waist and begins guiding me on top of him, taking charge, just the way I love it, where it gives my clit teasing friction that sends me over the edge.
“Never again,” he promises, and when he kisses me, he pauses, smiling against me, and mutters, “Cherries.”
Oh god, I have no self-control.
I think back to the bar, wondering how I ended up here.
“Please talk to me. Five minutes.”
Five minutes. Yeah right. I can’t let my mind wander for long.
I need to leave here immediately before I do something else stupid.
“Whoa, chick, you look rough.” Addie chuckles as I approach the table, cutting through my internal spiral, as I slump into my chair.
My eyes glance around the restaurant where we said we’d meet for brunch. “Where’s Camila?”
“Not here yet.”
“I messed up badly.”
“You fucked Nate?”
My eyes widen. “How did you know?”
She casually sips her iced coffee then tuts, “Because it’s Nate and you were both shitfaced. No self-control.”
I groan as I throw my head back. “Well, I barely remember it. Then I woke up in a panic, freaked out, then got angry all over again. I left him a note saying, and I quote, ‘Never contact me again. Now you know what it’s like to be left behind like trash.’”
Her jaw gapes, looking at me in sheer surprise.
“Maddie Grace,” she chastises.
“What? He broke my heart.”
She frowns, not taking her eyes off me, something shifting in her expression. “I didn’t take you to be someone who does tit for tat. Especially not after he just found out his sister has cancer. He probably needed you last night.”
I go still, her words hitting me like a punch to the chest.
Cancer.
“I-I…oh no, Ads. I didn’t even think. My god, what kind of person am I?”
There’s no time to wait for her to answer. I push up from the table, my chair scraping against the tile. “I need to find Nate.”
Of course, Nate’s staying at a hotel where you need cardkey access for the elevator, so I make my way to the front desk with my tail between my legs.
“Hi. I’m trying to get in touch with Nathaniel Davenport. He’s staying in a suite on the tenth floor.”
“I’m sorry we can’t give out any information about our guests.”
I force a smile. “I was literally here two hours ago. You can check the security footage. I don’t need his room number, only for you to call and tell him I’m here. Please. It’s an emergency.”
When she still hesitates, I drop my last card.
“You can call Sebastian or Javier Morales. They own the hotel. Tell them Madeline Cunningham is asking.”
Her eyes flash at my name-drop. She types something into her computer.
“I’m so sorry, but he checked out an hour ago.”
My heart drops in defeat. “Thank you anyway.”
With no destination in mind, I turn on my heels and exit the hotel. Just the ache in my chest driving me forward until my feet hurt, and the physical pain numbs the emotional one.
Only, what hurts most is the fear that I’ll never forgive myself for acting like someone I’m not.