ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟝𝟙
????????????? ????
"Dixie, I think your phone is ringing."
I glanced over my shoulder at Dannah, who was curled up on the couch watching some television show I hadn't been paying attention to.
"I hear it."
I flipped the eggs in the frying pan, watching one of them fold over itself.
Dannah leaned forward and picked up my phone from the coffee table. "Er...it's No Caller ID."
"No Caller ID?" My hand stopped.
"Yeah."
I frowned. That was weird.
Nobody I actually wanted to hear from usually called me without showing their number. And everyone I didn't want to hear from usually had the decency to leave a voicemail.
Dannah held the phone up. "You should probably answer."
I lowered the heat on the stove and wiped my hands on a kitchen towel before walking over.
The phone was still vibrating in her hand. I stared at the screen for another second.
I took the phone from Dannah. "It's probably nothing."
Dannah gave me a look. I ignored her and answered.
"Hello?"
There was silence for a long time. I waited. "Hellooo?"
I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen.
"No Caller ID." I whispered, then put it back to my ear.
"If you don't say something in the next two seconds, I'm hanging up."
No one said anything again. I sighed.
"Okay, goodbye-"
"Dixie?"
I knew that voice.
I could have been half asleep, underwater, standing in the middle of a crowded courtroom, and I still would have known it.
Cameron.
My heart gave one little jump. I closed my eyes.
Of course it was him.
"Dixie, are you there?"
I swallowed. "Yeah."
My voice came out quieter than I intended. Dannah immediately noticed the change in my expression.
Her eyebrows lifted. Who is that?
Cameron. I mouthed the words silently.
Oh. She slowly leaned back into the couch, becoming very interested in her television.
I turned away from her. "How did you get my number?"
It was silent, then Cameron chuckled. "You forgot to block me."
I almost smiled, but then I realized the situation. "You're very funny."
"I try."
I stared at the kitchen counter.
There was something about hearing him again that made all the anger I'd been carrying around feel more wobbly.
I really missed hearing that.
"So..." I said. "What do you want?"
He didn't answer immediately.
"I don't want to bother you, I just wanted to check on you."
My eyes widened slightly, "I'm fine."
"You don't sound so fine."
I rolled my eyes.
"I sound exactly the same as I always sound."
"You don't."
"How would you know?"
"I know you, Dix."
Well that shut me up for a second.
Dannah glanced over at me. I waved her off.
Cameron cleared his throat. "How are you doing?"
"I'm doing okay."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. This damsel in distress is perfectly fine without your help."
"I wasn't saying that." I could hear him sigh. "Are you eating?"
I frowned. "Yes, Cameron."
"What?"
"Food. That's what."
He sighed. "Dixie."
I looked toward the kitchen. The eggs were probably getting cold.
"Yes. I'm eating."
"Are you sleeping well?"
I stared at the wall. "Sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"Listen, I'm not doing an interview with you. Stop asking me questions."
He went quiet again.
I could almost picture him on the other end of the phone.
He was probably sitting somewhere with that serious expression he got whenever he was worried about something.
How easily I could picture him.
"I've been worried about you," he said quietly.
"Why?"
"Because you left..and I haven't heard from you."
"Dannah's taking care of me."
"I know."
That was new information to me. "You know? How do you know?"
"She called me."
My eyebrows shot up. I turned towards Dannah who was still oblivious.
"She what?"
"Relax."
"I'm relaxed."
"You're definitely not relaxed." He laughed softly.
I hadn't heard that soft sound in a while. I looked away.
"So," I said quickly, "Is that all?"
"No, I've been thinking."
"That usually gets you into trouble."
"You're right." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"I just...uh.." He stopped.
"Dix, you left some things here."
"What things?"
"Some clothes. A few things in the bathroom. Some paperwork."
I guess I really wasn't thinking when I packed a week ago.
I looked toward Dannah.
"Oh, okay."
"You should probably come get them."
"I'll get them later."
"Later when?"
"Later when I feel like it."
He sighed. I could tell he was trying not to argue.
"I could always bring them to you."
"No." I said immediately.
I don't think I could handle seeing his face again.
"I'll get them." I said after.
"Okay."
The silence returned. Every quiet second with him felt big.
I could hear his breathing. He could probably hear mine, considering how fast my heart beat.
"I miss you." He said softly.
My heart sank straight into my stomach. I looked down.
Cameron's voice was much quieter now. "I really miss you, Dix."
I closed my eyes. I really did miss him too.
I missed waking up beside him, with his arms around me. I missed his voice when he was half asleep, his laugh, I missed the warmth of him.
I missed everything.
I wanted to say it back. I wanted to tell him that I had barely slept because every quiet moment made me think about him.
But then I thought of the time I came to the fire station to check up on Cameron. I remembered Brody and Hunter.
And Rachel. The way they'd talked about her.
Rachel and Cam, They've been talking a lot.
They seemed like a better couple.
My head suddenly hurt. Suddenly, I didn't want Cameron knowing how badly I'd missed him.
What if I sounded desperate? What if he knew how badly I still wanted him?
What if he thought I had left, realized I couldn't live without him, and came crawling back?
It was a shame that my pride could still get in the way when my heart was practically begging me to forget everything.
But they were right- Rachel was probably the better person for him. At least she could be there for him when I couldn't.
"Dix?"
"Yeah?" I opened my eyes.
"Did you hear me?"
"Yes."
"So..?"
I stared at the floor.
"Why don't you talk to Rachel?"
"What?"
I cleared my throat. "You heard me."
"I don't understand."
"I'm sure you do." I said quietly.
"Dixie, what are you talking about?"
"You seem to have plenty to talk about with her."
He didn't say anything. I could practically hear the confusion coming through the phone. The possibility of him not knowing seemed high.
"Rachel?"
I looked away. "Yeah."
"Why are you bringing her up?"
He sounded innocent. Maybe he really didn't know, and Brody and Hunter had exaggerated.
Maybe I'd just made myself miserable over nothing, but it was too late.
"You should ask her."
"Ask her what?"
"I don't know, whatever it is you two talk about."
"Dixie, what happened?"
"Nothing."
"Something must've happened, you're upset."
"I'm not."
"You are."
I took a breath. I didn't want to argue today when hearing his voice had made me feel so much better for about five minutes.
"I'll come get my things later today."
I softened my voice. "I'll get everything, okay? You don't have to worry about it."
"That's not what I'm worried about."
I closed my eyes. I knew what he meant.
"I have to go now."
"Dixie, come on."
"Bye, Cameron."
"Wait-"
I ended the call right then and there. The screen went dark.
For several seconds, I didn't move. Dannah slowly lowered the volume on the television, and she looked at me.
Why did I say that?
I had spent the entire conversation trying not to sound like I cared, and I'd managed to sound like a jealous idiot instead.
I pressed my lips together. I wasn't going to call him back.
I had dignity, and self-control.
But I did miss him. I groaned quietly and covered my face with both hands.
How stupid of me.
I had just heard Cameron's voice for the first time in days and I just had to ruin it.
I wanted him to say he missed me, and he had. I just hadn't been brave enough to tell him I missed him too.
~
I ate another bite of my eggs.
They had already gotten cold and soggy.
Thanks a lot, Cameron.
I put the fork down. My mind wasn't even remotely interested in breakfast anymore.
It kept circling back to the phone call.
Cameron's voice.
He sounded worried.
That made me miss him even more. I leaned my head against the back of the couch.
Stop it, Dix.
I wasn't going to sit here all morning thinking about Cameron. I had things to do, emails to answer. I had to figure out what I was going to say to Ted.
I had to deal with the dumb press, and I had to prepare for Jordyn's funeral.
Another thing on my to-do list was to go back to my own house and retrieve the rest of my belongings.
Home.
I hadn't really thought of the house as home since I left.
It was still my house, our bedroom, still the kitchen where Cameron and I had spent countless mornings arguing over who forgot to refill the coffee machine.
It was still the living room where we'd fallen asleep watching movies.
Now I was going back there to collect my things like I was some temporary guest who had overstayed her welcome.
I looked at Dannah. She was still eating ice cream while watching the movie.
"I'm going to take a shower."
She looked over. "Okay. Are you heading somewhere?"
"I need to go back to the house later." I stood.
Her spoon stopped halfway to her mouth. "The house?"
"Mhm, I left some of my things there."
She slowly lowered the spoon. "Wait, you're going back to Cameron's?"
"Yes?"
She looked shocked, although, I don't know why it was such a shocker.
"I thought you said you didn't want to see him."
"I don't."
"Then why are you going?"
"I need to go get my stuff."
"Ohhh," She nodded slowly. "Are you sure you're ready for that?"
I looked away. "I don't have much of a choice."
"You could wait."
"I've already waited long enough."
"You're not going there to talk to him, are you?" She asked.
"No. I am literally just getting my things. And leaving."
"Okay."
"That's it."
She smiled slightly. "Okay."