ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟝𝟙 #2
"Why are you saying it like you don't believe me?" I narrowed my eyes.
"I didn't say anything," She laughed softly. "Go shower, Dixie."
"Whatever." I shook my head.
I walked upstairs before she could say anything else.
~
The shower was already running by the time I stepped into the bathroom. It had taken some getting used to after I had to get Danah to turn the shower on for me every time.
Steam quickly filled the room. I pulled my clothes off and stepped beneath the hot water.
I just stood there, trying to clear my head.
It didn't work.
My mind had no interest in giving me even five peaceful minutes. Instead, I immediately thought about Cameron.
I'm going back to the house.
I hadn't even seen him yet and I was already nervous.
I sighed.
Get it together, Dixie.
I wasn't going there to beg. I wasn't going there to ask him to take me back.
I was going there to get my things, and that was it.
I adjusted the heat.
Actually, maybe I should make that very clear.
Cameron had always had this habit of looking at me like I needed to be protected, like I was fragile.
If something went wrong, he always felt he had to step in and fix it.
Normally, I loved it. I loved his arms around me.
But as for right now, I didn't want him looking at me and thinking I'd come crawling back because I couldn't handle being away from him.
I had handled myself for days,I had dealt with reporters, I had gone shopping for Jordyn.
I had survived without him, barely, but he didn't need to know that.
I lifted my face toward the water.
I'm going to be fine.
I was going to walk into that house calmly, I was going to collect my things. I was going to look completely unaffected.
If he tried to kiss me, I wouldn't go through with it.
Probably. I think.
No. Definitely not.
I closed my eyes.
Stop thinking about kissing him.
But all I could think about was his mouth against mine. The stupid little smile he'd give afterward. I missed all of it, terribly. Horribly.
I groaned quietly. I was arguing with myself.
I covered my face.
I missed him.
I could be furious with him. I could be hurt, stubborn. I could leave the house with a giant tote bag full of clothes and tell myself I needed space.
But none of that stopped me from missing him. If anything, being away from him made it worse.
Then I thought about Rachel.
My eyes opened. Rachel. I didn't even know this woman.
I didn't know what she looked like beyond the vague image I'd created in my head. And apart from the one time Cameron had introduced me to her.
I didn't know what she liked, I didn't know whether she was funny.
I didn't know anything.
But I was jealous of her.
I frowned. Brody and Hunter had said she and Cameron talked a lot.
Maybe they were joking, and Cameron had never even thought about her that way.
But I couldn't stop wondering, what if he did?
What if she didn't argue with him, what if she didn't shut down? What if she didn't carry all this grief and anger around with her?
I swallowed. What if she made him happier?
I immediately tried to push that thought away. I wasn't going to compare myself to a woman I'd never known.
That was beyond insane.
I turned slightly beneath the water.
Besides, Cameron married me.
The thought gave me a tiny bit of comfort.
He also hasn't come after me.
Technically, he had called, and told me he missed me. He had asked about my things, and how I was doing as a person.
But he hadn't shown up at Dannah's, and demanded I come home. He hadn't begged me to return.
Perhaps he was respecting my space. I did ask for it, afterall. That was probably what a healthy person would do.
But I was already insecure enough.
Maybe he's getting used to you being gone.
I immediately shook my head. "No."
I said it aloud this time. I wasn't letting myself go there.
I already had enough problems without inventing new ones.
I reached for the curly hair shampoo.
I'm going to walk into that house like I'm completely fine.
That sounded convincing. I guess if I repeated it enough, I'd eventually believe it.
I finished showering and stepped out, wrapping the towel around myself.
I started getting dressed.
One thought kept returning. Cameron. Did he think about me as much as I thought about him?
I wondered what he was doing. Has his burn healed?
Against my better judgment, I wondered if he'd been thinking about Rachel.
I immediately frowned.
This was getting ridiculous.
I shouldn't be going back to Cameron's house to compete with some woman I didn't even know.
I was going back for my things, because I was independent. I wasn't going to crawl back to my husband just because I missed his arms.
That was what I needed. A brave face.
I'd walk in, get my things, then I'd leave.
And Cameron would see that I was okay, even if I wasn't.
Especially if I wasn't.
I already missed him, and I hadn't even seen him yet.
That was going to be a big problem.
~
I pulled into the driveway and sighed. The house looked exactly the same.
Nothing had changed.
I had half expected the house to look different somehow. Like maybe Cameron would change a few things.
I parked the car and sat there, my hands still resting on the steering wheel.
Okay.
I stared at the front door. You can do this.
I took a slow breath.
You're not coming home. I corrected myself. You're just picking up your things.
I opened the car door. I pulled my coat tighter around myself and walked toward the house.
When I reached the front door, I stopped. I almost turned around. No. I wasn't going to do that. I was already here, anyway.
I raised my hand, and knocked twice.
The door opened almost immediately.
There he was.
Cameron.
The first thing I noticed was how he looked.
He looked really good. Like, ridiculously good.
His hair was to the back, but a couple pieces came like he ran his hair through them.
He wore a dark shirt with the sleeves pushed up his arms, and the simple outfit made him look even better.
Why did he have to look that good? Was that necessary?
He looked completely comfortable standing there, like he hadn't spent the last few days without me.
His face looked tired. Maybe he hadn't been sleeping.
Why wouldn't he ever take care of himself?
I immediately shut my thoughts down.
He was fine. Cameron was always fine. He had Ryan, Hunter, Brody. The entire fire station.
And apparently now Rachel.
Why am I thinking about her?
I wasn't here to think about Rachel- I wasn't even here to think about Cameron. I was here for my things.
I looked at his face. He was staring at me too.
Then he spoke. "Hey, Dixie."
"Hey." I cleared my throat
That was it.
Two people who had once been incapable of going ten minutes without talking were now standing in a doorway saying hi like strangers.
Cameron stepped aside. "You can come in."
"Thanks."
I walked inside.
Home.
It smelled exactly the same.
It smelt like the candle I'd bought three months ago because Cameron said it smelled like me.
I ignored everything. "I'll just get my things."
"Yeah." He closed the door behind me.
I looked around. Everything was still where I'd left it. I didn't know whether that made me feel relieved or sad.
I would've expected him to change a few things.
Cameron glanced at me. "Bedroom."
We started walking upstairs. Neither of us said anything for the longest time.
Then Cameron broke the silence, "You're on the news now."
"What?" I looked over.
"You," He smiled faintly. "The Justin Deyes case."
I glanced at him.
Did he actually watch it? Why did that matter?
Maybe he'd watched because the case was everywhere- or because he was proud of me.
I sighed. I had just spent the entire morning reminding myself that I didn't need Cameron's approval anymore.
"Oh, yeah." I looked forward towards the bedroom again.
"You're kind of famous now."
"I wouldn't say famous. It's really embarrassing."
"How?"
"People keep asking me stupid questions."
I wondered if he saw the part where they asked me about Cameron and I's relationship.
He chuckled softly. "You handled them pretty well."
"You saw it?" I glanced at him.
"Come on, Dixie. Everybody saw it."
I looked away. "Well that's great."
"You looked good." He said quietly.
"Thanks."
"So where's everything?" We reached the bedroom, and I stopped near the dresser.
Cameron nodded toward the closet. "I already packed most of it."
He disappeared for a second, then returned holding a large bag.
I stared at the bag. "You packed this?"
"Yeah."
My heart fluttered.
It was just a bag. I couldn't let one thoughtful gesture make me forget why I'd left.
But Cameron had gone through the house and collected my things himself.
He'd remembered what belonged to me.
I swallowed. "Thank you."
"Of course."
I took the bag. Our fingers brushed. Neither of us moved immediately, then I pulled my hand away.
"Thanks, again."
"You're welcome, Dix."
I looked toward the window. Rain clouds were beginning to gather outside.
Cameron noticed. "You should stay for tea."
"What now?" I looked at him.
"Tea."
"Uh, I should probably go."
"It's cold, and it's about to rain." He crossed his arms.
"I'll be fine."
He gave me a look. The same look he'd given me hundreds of times.
You're being stubborn.
"I can make tea," he said.
I hesitated.
The truth was I was cold and I was extremely tired.
Some small part of me desperately wanted to stay in the same room with him for a few more minutes.
"Fine...tea's fine."
His expression softened, then he smiled at me. "Okay."
We went downstairs. Cameron headed toward the kitchen, and I followed.
The silence felt almost unbearable.
"So..." he said.
I looked at him.
"How have you been?"
"Fine. I've been okay."
"Good. I'm glad." He nodded.