21. Chapter 21
The next day, I make sure to arrive at study group at 4:55 p.m. so I don’t have to be alone with Sam too long. As I walk through the door, I let out a dramatic sigh, insinuating I didn’t intend to be late. I flop my bag onto the floor, plopping into my chair.
“You okay?” Sam asks, his eyebrows raised with curiosity.
I nod. “Just a long day of tutoring.” It isn’t a complete lie. I did have a long day of tutoring, but it wasn’t nearly as stressful as I’m letting on. “Sorry I’m late.”
“No problem. Everything’s ready to go.” He motions to the computer and up to the projector screen.
As I give him an approving smile, a lull finds its way between us. Hanging in the silence is the conversation I know I must have, but don’t want to have.
Luckily, I’m saved when our classmates arrive and the room explodes with conversation. Sam and I begin the session where we play a fun game similar to Family Feud. Sam presents the questions and the teams can either answer or pass to the other team. It ends up being a riot with how competitive this class is.
When our time is up, everyone leaves. Well, almost everyone. Maya lags behind the group, coming to linger at the desk where Sam and I are packing up.
“Are you doing anything after this, Sam?” she asks, a glimmer of hope shining in her tone.
A pained look comes over his face, and I can tell he’s struggling to find the right words to say. I’m overcome with pity for the poor guy, so I chime in, “Actually, we do need to talk about next week’s study group.”
Sam shoots me a thankful look, but clears his throat. “Oh, yeah, you’re right, Brynn. Sorry, Maya, not tonight.”
“Oh, of course. No problem.” She smiles sweetly at him, batting her eyelashes before turning a not-so-sweet smile in my direction. “See you guys later,” she says, and exits the room.
Sam noticeably relaxes. “Thanks. I owe you one.”
“Don’t mention it.” I shrug. “But we do really need to talk about next week.”
“Okay, but we can do that tomorrow.”
“Yeah, well...” I chew on the inside of my cheek. “I kind of wanted to talk about that, too.”
Sam stares at me, a slight panic in his eyes.
Reluctantly, I say, “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to be alone together anymore.”
“Why?” Sam zips his backpack and sets it on the ground. “Is this about what happened on Halloween?”
“Of course it is.” I fold my arms, hoping I can hold down the heat rising within me. “We’re supposed to be colleagues, classmates. We can’t casually hook-up and retain our professionalism.”
“Why not?”
I jerk my head back like it’s the most absurd question he could ask. “What do you mean, why not? Lots of reasons.”
“Name your best one.”
“Well, there’s the fact that we hate each other’s guts.”
“Right, that.” His gaze bounces around before meeting mine again. “Lots of people who hate each other have sex. Next point.”
I scoff at how casually he brushed that off. “Sam, are you actually suggesting we become fuck-buddies?”
“That term implies the two parties are friendly.” He tilts his head from side to side, a grin spreading across his face. “I was thinking more along the lines of fucking-frenemies.”
A laugh bursts from my lips. “You’re joking.”
“Not in the slightest.” His seriousness makes my heart race. “Let’s check the facts, shall we.” He bends his leg to sit halfway on the desk. “You and I are both single, both busy fourth year college students who, let’s face it, don’t have the time or energy to date. We already see each other on a regular basis, already know each other fairly well. We don’t necessarily get along, but that’s a non-issue in the bedroom.”
I tear my gaze away from his as I bite down on my lower lip. He’s not wrong in any of what he’s saying, but do I agree with him?
“Plus, it’s obvious we enjoy each other’s bodies. At least, I assume you enjoyed having my fingers inside you last weekend.” The gravel in his tone makes me shudder, and he grins.
I lick my lips. “But that would be it, right? All physical, no feelings?”
His Adam’s apple bobs with a deep swallow as he nods. “Of course. We’d be two consenting adults who happen to enjoy having sex. That’s it.”
“But what do we say if people ask about our relationship?”
“Who says anyone has to know? You already come to my place once a week. We can hide behind the study group prep guise.”
“Really?”
“Sure, why not?” He shrugs. “We can bang out our frustrations before we bust out the presentation.” The self-satisfied smirk on his face is both adorable and infuriating.
But I laugh all the same. “No way. It’s absurd.”
“You think so?” he asks, lowering his voice to a soft growl. He slides off the desk to brace his hands on the arms of my chair and caging me in. His face hovers inches from mine. If I tilt up a bit, our mouths will meet, and how I long to feel his lips on mine again. Slowly, he moves his head so his mouth grazes my ear, and his hand slides up my thigh. “Tell me to stop.”
A shaky breath escapes me, but I say nothing.
His hand inches higher, his fingertips brushing the crease where my thigh meets my hip. “If it’s so absurd, tell me no, Brynn.”
My eyes flutter closed, but I stay silent.
He slips his hand between my thighs, barely touching my apex. “Are you already wet for me?” he whispers, and I break.
My eyes pop open, and I swat his arm away. I sit straight up, my chest heaving as I struggle to fill my lungs. As I collect myself, I watch Sam lean his hip against the desk, his arms folded confidently across his chest.
“Why don’t you sleep on it?”
“What?”
“Go home and think it over. Just don’t think too hard about it.” With a wink, he leans down to grab his backpack. “If you decide you want to give it a try, show up at my place at one o’clock tomorrow like normal. If not,” he says, hiking his pack onto his shoulder, “then I’ll meet you at the coffee shop down the street at one-thirty.”
I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a permanent crease between my eyebrows from the amount of thinking I’ll be doing, but I nod in agreement.
“Cool. See you tomorrow.” He leaves the room, and I’m left a breathless, confused wreck.
The entire night all I dream about is Sam’s nearness. Not dreams of us having sex, no. Just dreams about the way his body heat feels, the way he smells, the way I burn with desire when he’s close to me. All the things to build up my anticipation without granting me any sort of release. It doesn’t make this decision any easier.
At breakfast Saturday morning, I mostly push my cereal around instead of eating it. Lisa notices.
“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” she asks.
“Hm? Oh, nothing.” I sigh. “Okay, well, something. Can you swear to keep a secret? Swear to not tell anyone, including Jackie and Hannah?”
Lisa’s face lights up as she crosses her heart and makes a zipping motion across her lips.
I chuckle and shake my head. “Something happened at study group last night.”
“Ooh, drama.” She wiggles her butt in her chair. “Did you and Sam make out after group, or something?”
“No, there wasn’t any making out, but he did offer me an interesting proposition.”
“He propositioned you? Like a hooker?”
“Ew, no!” I let out a mock-offended laugh and swat her leg. “He asked if I wanted to casually have sex whenever we hung out.”
“So, fuck-buddies?”
“He called it fucking-frenemies, since we don’t actually like each other.”
Lisa giggles. “Are you going to do it?”
“I don’t know. I mean, he made a very convincing argument last night.” I clench my thighs as I think about how close he came to convincing me. “But now that I’ve had time to think about it...”
“Stop thinking, Brynn.”
With a snort, I say, “Easier said than done.”
“You think too much. This time, leave your brain out of it, and go have some fun.”
I sigh. “God, do I want to have some fun with him.” I bite my lip at the thought of knowing how good that kind of fun really is.
“Clearly.” She grabs my hand. “I know Connor broke you, but I think you should let Sam fix you.”
I crinkle my nose.
“Sam may not be ‘the one,’ but if he’s what you need to get yourself back, then go do him until you feel like you again.”
Lisa’s words may be a little edgy, but they make a lot of sense. “You’re right. So what if he’s not my forever, or even my next year? He can be my right now, and that’s good enough.”
“Atta girl.” Lisa pats my leg. “Now, can I help you pick out what to wear?”