30. Chapter 30
As Sam drives away from Coyote Canyon, he doesn’t try to engage in conversation with me. He doesn’t prod me about my mood or ask about what happened with Connor. Aside from my directions every few minutes, it’s completely silent in the car. The radio isn’t even on.
I don’t mind. In fact, I’m grateful. My brain is such a jumbled mess of thoughts, I don’t even know if I could hold a coherent conversation. I’m still struggling to process what I saw at Sam’s apartment, and after Connor’s attack, I can’t think straight. I’m angry, hurt, and embarrassed by both men. Yet, here I am, relying on one of them to get me away from the other.
What a cluster-fuck.
When we pull into the parking lot of our destination, Sam’s forehead crinkles. “A twenty-four-hour truck stop?”
“Mhm. They serve breakfast all day,” is all I say as I exit the car.
Sam jumps from the driver’s seat and rushes around to meet me, but I push past him. I’m still unstable on my feet, but he’s not the person I want to lean on. He follows me inside and to a booth in the back corner. As I slide into one side of the booth, he hesitates like he wants to sit next to me, but instead takes the other side.
A server comes over, sets two glasses of water down, and hands us menus. “You kids know what you want?”
“I do,” I say, looking at Sam expectantly.
“Uh…” He scans the menu. “I’ll have whatever she’s having.”
The server turns her frustrated, exhausted gaze to me. “What’ll it be, sweetie?”
“A pot of coffee and two French toast platters,” I say, turning my gaze away from Sam to hand her the menus.
She leaves with the menus, but returns fairly quickly with our coffee, two mugs, and a little tray with a whole slew of sweeteners. “Cream?” she asks, and when I nod, she brings us a metal carafe of half and half.
Then, Sam and I are alone.
Focusing on slowly tearing open the packages of sugar, I pour them into my coffee. I stir each one before opening the next, staying completely silent. After I’ve emptied my usual four sugars, I pour the cream until my black coffee turns a nice shade of taupe.
“So, this place has good breakfast?” Sam asks, an eagerness to his tone like he’s trying to break the ice.
All I do is nod. My whole body teems with confusion. I’m still angry with Sam, so I don’t want to talk to him, but I’m stuck with him right now. That doesn’t mean I have to look at him. Instead, I watch my hand as I absentmindedly stir my coffee.
Sam clears his throat. “I still don’t know how you can take your coffee like that.”
I lift my gaze to glare at him, but when I find a look of adoration on his face, my shoulders slump. I guess the shock of seeing Connor took all the fight out of me. “It’s better than yours.”
Sam’s mouth curls into a smirk. “So, are you going to tell me what happened back there?”
I pick up my mug and blow across the rim. He’s obviously not going to just let me sit here in silence. Connor isn’t my preferred topic of conversation, and Sam’s the last person on the planet I want to talk to about my ex-boyfriend. But I’m also not ready to bring up what I saw at Sam’s apartment.
With a sigh, I set my mug down, keeping my hands wrapped around it. “Connor is my ex.”
“Oh,” Sam says, sounding like he put the pieces together. “You want to talk about it?”
No, but yes. Just stating who Connor is opens the floodgates, and the alcohol in my system makes me want to spill my guts about this fresh wound he carved into me. I take another sip of my perfectly mixed coffee and lick my lips. “Connor and I met my freshman year. He was a junior, but we hit it off instantly, and within weeks, we were dating.” I drop my hands to my lap to wring them. “When he was in his last semester, he started applying for grad school and got accepted to NYU.”
“Wow, that’s pretty awesome, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, it was one of his top choices. We were both very excited, but after graduation, he changed.”
“How so?”
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I ponder whether to tell him. It’s none of his business. And after today, I don’t know if I want to tell Sam anything personal ever again.
But he does look genuinely curious, and he’s never been outwardly mean when I’ve opened up to him. It also helps that Sam sort of came to my rescue at the bar. I don’t think that means I’ve forgiven him, though. I’m still mad. Just maybe not seething anymore.
“He was super distant, didn’t return my texts or calls, sometimes until the next day. I chalked it up to him being busy preparing to move, so I didn’t say anything.” My throat constricts so I take another sip to let the hot liquid soothe it. “We ran the Mud Down that summer. I thought it was a great day, a good memory to end our summer with. But then, the next week, Connor broke up with me.”
Sam doesn’t say anything, but I watch his face twist with sympathy.
It’s a disarming look, to say the least. So I keep going. “I was devastated. I thought he was my forever, and when he left, well, I sort of shut down.” I pick up my spoon to fidget with it. “That’s why I went on all of two dates last year. It’s also why, when you and I met, I was single.”
“Did he give you any reason for the breakup?”
“Mhm.” I blink several times. “He said it was because long-distance never works, and two years was far too long to keep anything serious going.”
Sam sucks in a sharp breath. “Ouch.”
“Yeah.” I drop my gaze to my lap.
“So, what was happening at the bar, then? Was he trying to win you back or something?” The hint of jealousy in his voice gets garbled in his sip of coffee.
“No.” I let out a derisive snort. “I sort of bit his head off when he tried to give me the ‘it’s nice to see you’ line, and then he told me the truth behind our breakup.”
“Truth?” Sam’s eyebrows shoot up. “Long-distance wasn’t the reason?”
“Nope,” I say, emphasizing the p. “He broke up with me because I’m too stubborn and too controlling.”
A forceful breath blows from Sam’s lips, puffing his cheeks out a bit. “What an entitled dick.”
I smile, but it fades. “He has a point.”
“No, Brynn, he doesn’t,” Sam says with such an authoritative tone, it makes my eyes widen. “You are a born leader. I’ve seen that in so many instances, from the Mud Down to our study group. You don’t make people follow you, you lead the way.”
The smile works its way back to my lips. Okay, so maybe flattery works. The understanding and support Sam’s given me through this entire conversation isn’t bad either. With each word I speak, I feel lighter.
“And yeah, you may be the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met, but you’re a challenge, and that’s cool as fuck.”
I blush and tuck my chin. “Thanks.”
When I lift my head, I meet Sam’s gaze and my mouth runs dry. He’s doing that thing where he looks at me with such intensity, it makes me feel like the only person in the room. I hate that I like it. Especially right now.
“Here ya go,” our server says, sliding our plates in front of us. “Careful, the plates are hot.”
“Thanks,” we say in unison, catching eyes and smiling at each other.
“Here.” I pick the bacon off my plate and lay it on Sam’s. “You can have this.”
“Awesome.” His face lights up.
We dig in, and soon, Sam’s moaning in delight, but it makes me clench my thighs. Those are the sounds he makes when we’re in bed. When he’s feasting on me.
Heat creeps up my neck, but quickly ices over as I remember the girl I saw him with. I wonder if he made those sounds with her? It’s a disparaging thought, so I shovel food into my mouth to distract myself. After a few minutes, I catch Sam watching me.
He arches an eyebrow. “Glad to see you recovered from that food poisoning.” He doesn’t even try to hide his sarcasm.
With a grimace, I swallow my mouthful and wipe my mouth with my napkin. I haven’t been fair to Sam. He’s been more kind to me tonight than he ever has been, and I’m holding a grudge over something I have no right to. “About that...”
“It’s okay, Brynn. You don’t have to explain, but also, you can tell me if you don’t want to come over.”
“It’s not that.”
His forehead crinkles. “What is it, then?”
“Ugh,” I groan, raising my gaze to the ceiling. “I saw you today. Walking that girl out of your apartment.”
I watch as understanding dawns on him, followed by more confusion, and finally a grimace. “Brynn, you’ve got the wrong idea.”
“No, don’t feel like you have to explain. You and I aren’t together, so you have every right to be with whoever you want, whenever you want. I just wish you would have been honest with me.”
Sam sighs, sounding amused. “No, Brynn. You seriously have the wrong idea.” He shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That girl was my sister.”
“Your sister?”
“Yeah, she was on her way to Denver to meet some friends for a concert and stopped by to visit for lunch. I really didn’t want her to be around when you came over, so I made sure she left by one.”
I feel so strange. A weight lifts off my shoulders, freeing me from this emotional turmoil I’ve been in, but then a pit of guilt forms in my stomach. “Sam, I’m so sorry.”
He waves me off. “No big deal, but were you really that jealous?”
“No.” I bristle. “Maybe.”
Instead of chiding me with laughter like I expect, a satisfied grin spreads across his face. “I told you, Brynn. I’m not seeing anyone else.”
“We’re not seeing each other, though. That’s the thing.” I sip more coffee. “When we made this agreement, there weren’t supposed to be feelings involved.”
“You have feelings for me?” He sounds hopeful.
“No, but I’m getting attached.” I fold my arms, suddenly feeling empty at my next thought. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”
The light in his eyes dims as his expression falls. “Oh, okay.”
“Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. You’re right.” He takes a deep breath, running his hands down his thighs. “This arrangement was for nothing more than to make working together more tolerable. If you’re uncomfortable with it, then we should stop.”
I chew on my lower lip. “No hard feelings?”
“None.”
“Okay, thank you.”
Sam nods and takes another few bites of his meal. “But, we still have a presentation to put together for next Friday.”
“You didn’t do it today?”
“No,” he says, tilting his head to the side. “Someone never sent me her notes for it.”
I slap my forehead. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. We can meet tomorrow at that coffee place down the street. If you still want to, that is.” The despondency in his voice hurts my heart.
“Yeah, I think that will be fine.”
“Sounds good.” He finishes his last bites, and leans back against the booth. “That was delicious, by the way.”
I hold my chin up triumphantly. “Told you.”