Chapter Four
“So what do you think of Alex?”
I had just taken a sip of my cucumber water and almost spit it out all over the tabletop. Somehow I managed to hold it in…but promptly choked, quickly pressing a towel to my lips as my eyes filled with tears.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” Caitlin reached over and grabbed my arm. “I didn’t mean to catch you off guard like that.”
After dinner the night before, I went home and changed into my pajamas, going through my nightly skincare routine as if it was just an ordinary night.
Somehow I had managed to section off the part of my brain that wanted to dissect what happened at dinner.
Wanted to fixate on the fact that my bestie’s new boyfriend was my online friend.
A man who knew all about the Matildas, when everyone who knew the real me had no idea about the series.
A unfairly gorgeous man I genuinely liked but refused to consider because he was an internet acquaintance I would never have cause to meet in real life.
Until now.
I had been so damn proud of myself for not spiraling over the identity of Caitlin’s boyfriend until my phone had dinged with a new message.
Alex Castillo: It was a welcome surprise to meet you, SLikeTheSun.
For at least ten minutes I stared at the text, unsure of what to say. Or if I should say anything at all. After typing out various replies and deleting them, I finally settled on:
Sofia: You say surprised; I say shocked.
I figured I might as well be honest. Up until that moment, my TikTok persona had communicated with him with almost blunt honesty, and I wasn’t going to change who I was now. He responded immediately.
Alex: Yeah, it kind of looked like you might have a panic attack.
Covering my face with my hands, I groaned. I had been having a panic attack, and what did it say that Alex noticed but Caitlin didn’t?
Rather than giving any more consideration to that random question, I quickly typed a reply.
Sofia: Hey, it’s not every day you meet someone in person who you’ve only interacted with online.
Alex: I know. I experienced it today, too. What are the odds?
Sofia: A wild coincidence!
We exchanged a few more lighthearted texts after that before I wished him a good night. Truthfully, I could have chatted with him for hours, but I was worried we were edging into uncomfortable territory. Alex may be my internet friend, but he was Caitlin’s boyfriend, and I needed to respect that.
A fact Caitlin reiterated to me now with her sudden question.
Carefully setting aside my glass of water, I smoothed my fingertips under my eyes to wipe away errant tears and glanced about.
We were seated in a private room off the main spa at the Biltmore.
One wall of the room was made of glass that overlooked the distant, craggy Piestewa Peak, the beauty of the ocotillos, cholla, mesquite, and palo verde trees of the surrounding desert drawing my eye.
Caitlin had opted to receive a laser treatment for fine lines she insisted had appeared at the corners of her eyes, and I had been content with a full-body massage.
Afterward, we had met for manicures and pedicures, and we sipped mimosas while a gentle bubbling creek soundtrack filled the space.
When we first entered the room, a falling-rain track was playing through the speakers, and I had been caught off guard, my heart lurching at the idea it could be raining.
But my mood instantly crashed when the tech saw my hopeful expression and inclined her head toward the glass, where the brutal Arizona sun beat down on the terrain, her face clearly expressing Girl, you should know better.
And considering how long I’d been a desert dweller, I should have known better than to expect rain.
Still, the slow, quiet pace of the manicure and pedicure had lulled me into a much-needed state of relaxation. Which was why Caitlin’s abrupt question rattled me.
Swallowing, I finally said, “He seems really nice. Plus, he’s smart and has a great job. How fun would it be to go to Scorpions games whenever you want?”
“And he’s hot.” Caitlin’s blue gaze danced with amusement. “Don’t forget that.”
As if I could. “He’s Puerto Rican. Of course he’s hot.”
Caitlin laughed, but her expression turned contemplative as she glanced down at the woman massaging her feet. “I hope you don’t mind showing him around the city. I should have asked you first before putting you on the spot.”
She probably should have, but whatever. Caitlin had made the offer and I had accepted.
Plus, as far as my friend was concerned, I had the time.
Because I didn’t have a day job to clock in at, I’m sure Caitlin thought my days were free to play Phoenix tour guide for Alex, and I was glad I hadn’t told her about the Matildas.
I couldn’t quite explain why, but I wanted to keep them to myself for a bit longer.
“No worries. I’m willing to show him around. It can be hard to move someplace new where you don’t know many people.” I sighed as the nail tech rubbed her thumb into the arch of my foot. “Or so I can imagine.”
I sensed rather than saw Caitlin turn in my direction. “Hey, you moved here without knowing anyone.”
“I moved two hours away from home.” I scowled. “It’s not like I moved across the country, like Alex did.”
“Regardless of how far you moved, you still moved to a new place.” My friend made a sound in the back of her throat. “You shouldn’t downplay things.”
Caitlin was silent for a moment, and I was tempted to glance at her to gauge her expression.
Instead, I stared at the bubbles floating at the top of my foot bath.
They looked so peaceful clustered on the surface of the water, and suddenly I felt very much like them.
Placid on the outside; one swift movement away from being popped.
“Yes, well,” I finally said, smiling at the tech as she gently dried my feet and propped them on the edge of the tub. “Moving sucks no matter where you move to. Have you thought about moving away from New York?”
“Sometimes. Especially because I’m on the road so much it doesn’t make sense for me to pay my astronomical rent when I’m hardly there. But”—Caitlin released a long sigh—“it’s convenient being based out of New York. So many of my contacts are in the city.”
“That makes sense.” I lifted a shoulder. “What’s been your favorite place you’ve visited over the last six months?”
She huffed a laugh. “Nashville. Because I got to explore it with you.”
That sparked several minutes of us reminiscing about our time together in Nashville. After our pedicures and manicures were complete, we walked back to her room, where we ordered room service and dined in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked Piestewa Peak.
“So when do you think you’ll be back?” I asked, spearing a cherry tomato with my fork.
“Not sure.” Caitlin pushed her salmon around on her plate. “As we head into the fall, I have a couple events in the Hamptons and then I’m flying down to North Carolina. Have you ever been?”
I shook my head.
“Well, it’s beautiful in the fall, when all the trees turn the most gorgeous colors.” She paused, her blue eyes sparkling. “If you still don’t have a job by then, you should come join me. I can show you around Asheville.”
Shouldn’t she invite Alex instead? But I didn’t voice the question, even though thinking about it kept me from spiraling over her “If you still don’t have a job by then” comment. Did I even want an office job by then? I wasn’t sure.
But instead of saying that, I smiled. “That would be amazing.” Because it would be.
—
After I said goodbye to Caitlin and wished her a safe flight back to New York, I headed home, melancholy settling on my shoulders.
I hated saying goodbye to Caitlin, especially because I wasn’t sure when exactly I would see her again.
Meeting in Asheville may not have been a possibility, and until her work brought her back to Phoenix, it might be months until we could reconnect. It was a lonely thought.
Not that I didn’t have friends in the valley.
There was Denise, who I usually spoke to at least once a day.
The ladies in my Pilates class, who often invited me to attend their book club or bunco nights.
Although my older brother, Javi, lived far away in Chicago, my parents were two hours south in Tucson.
They loved it when I traveled down to spend the weekend with them, and Mamí usually cooked extra of my favorite Puerto Rican dishes for me to bring back with me.
It had been quite some time since I’d visited…
since around the time I’d been laid off.
It was like I unconsciously knew that if I made a trip to see them, I would let it slip that I was unemployed.
Which wasn’t fair because I was supporting myself, just not in the manner in which they thought.
But I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with my parents—wasn’t ready to explain the Matildas and how I earned a paycheck from putting videos on the internet.
My dad might be a brilliant environmental science professor at the University of Arizona and my mother a curator at the local historical society, but understanding the wild world of social media was completely out of their wheelhouse.
My unemployment—and the Matildas—had isolated me. No, that wasn’t right. My need to keep them both a secret had isolated me, and I didn’t know what to do about it.