Chapter 12
When tomorrow comes,she wakes past noon, Caleb still knocked out beside her. They’re sprawled naked beneath the blankets, his leg over hers with her arm slung over his chest. She never thought she’d find chest hair hot, but whatever he’s got going on here is definitely working for her.
She rubs her eyes a bit and then pushes her head up to see into the kitchen where Grant is cooking something for once—pancakes, from the smell of it. Both of them have messy hair, no evidence of their perfectly put-together office looks. Caleb wakes with a big inhale and pulls Alice to his chest. He puts his face in her neck and kisses her there three times before just holding her, both of them joining the world of the living by degrees.
“I have to get up,” Alice says.
Caleb groans and pulls her tighter to him. “Five more minutes.”
“I have to pee,” she says.
He relaxes his arms around her, enough for her to wiggle away from him. “Can’t fight biology,” he says.
Alice pauses before grabbing her clothes and scurrying out of the room and to the bathroom down the hall. She definitely wasn’t fighting her biological urges when she woke up in the middle of the night and pounced on Caleb like a feral cat. God, what was she thinking? Every time she let herself have them, it was going to make it that much harder to cut them off entirely, and it’s prudent that she do just that.
Her face flushes remembering all of it. Alice isn’t a stranger to sex, even good sex, she’s had a small share of, but she isn’t accustomed to sex like that. The kind that makes her feel woozy and overwhelmed, a zap to all of her senses. If they could keep doing that without any pesky strings attached, she would be thrilled.
But sex with Caleb and Grant isn’t just sex; they want her in their pack as their mates, and they’ve made themselves abundantly clear about this.
She wants. . . She doesn’t quite know what she wants.
It feels disingenuous to say that she wants nothing to do with them. It is also disingenuous for her to say that she doesn’t want what they want, the love and companionship that comes with a pack, a family. But how can she possibly have that while still keeping what she’s worked so hard for?
Grant and Caleb are muttering something to each other when she pads back into the kitchen. The two of them are so beautiful, it still almost takes her breath away to look at them and have them look back at her. But how they stand in front of her right now, she feels particularly lucky.
Caleb’s terse demeanor and seriousness at work is belied by his quiet laughs and complete earnestness. The way his crooked bottom teeth press into his lip when he’s listening, and even the flush of his cheeks when she’s near him endear him to her.
He watches her, observes, orders her favorite food, and puts little horse figurines on her desk when she isn’t looking. Grant, too, is so much like an affectionate puppy that will do anything to make them happy—but he’s the quiet strength here.
He is the true Alpha of the pack, confident and steady whereas Caleb is careful and wary, and Alice can see herself fit right between them perfectly; even with all of her jagged, people-pleasing edges.
There’s a reason they’re her scent matches.
But how could she commit to this? How could anyone see their perfect, balanced relationship and decide it would be simple to join them? A relationship with one person was hard enough, to add another into the mix and everything hinges on emotional communication and honesty. Alice is good at many, many things, but sharing her feelings like that isn’t one of them. She can’t even tell others who she really is, her closest friend still thinks she’s a Beta.
She would disappoint them, and by then, she’d love them fully, and hurting them would break her.
She can’t do this.
“I, uh,” Alice clears her throat and the two of them turn quickly to her with smiles warm as the sun. “I think I should go.”
Caleb’s face falls. Grant remains calm.
“Are you hungry? You should eat,” Grant says.
“No,” Alice responds, though her stomach growling at the smell of the breakfast would indicate otherwise. “It’s just… my sister is in town for a few more days and I should be with her.”
“Right,” Grant says. His eyes narrow on her, but he doesn’t disagree. Caleb, on the other hand, moves around the counter to hover next to her.
“Is this about last night?” he says. “Because if it is, I’m sorry, I should’ve—I don’t know—kept my hands to myself. I shouldn’t have?—”
“It’s not that,” Alice says. “You didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, I instigated.”
“Tell us, then,” Grant says. His voice is so level, but there’s a storm behind those gray eyes. “Why are you so keen to run out of here as soon as the light of day has touched this?”
“Because there is no this. There is you two, and there is me. And I’m grateful for all of the orgasms, but they don’t change anything.”
The sizzling and popping of bacon on the pan behind Grant is the only sound while her words settle into everyone’s brains. She regrets them instantly, but doesn’t say so.
“She’s afraid,” Grant says. He’s all disappointed and crossed arms, it makes her feel three feet tall and like a pane of glass, he can stare right through.
“I’m not,” Alice says with a crack in her voice.
“What are you afraid of?” Caleb asks. “Is it us? Do you think you’d be unhappy?”
“No, you’re both so—” Alice runs a hand down her face then holds her neck. “You’re lovely and kind and hardworking, and it’s obvious you love each other very much, but I just don’t think I can fit into this.”
“What do you mean?” Caleb asks, and steps closer still. “You’re exactly what we need, Alice, we’ve been waiting to find you.”
“That’s just it. You’ve been waiting to find an Omega. Not me.”
Both men stare at Alice, not comprehending what she means.
“It’s in your nature to want an Omega. One that you can take care of and fill with little fucking handsome babies—of course you’ve been waiting to find an Omega. But can either of you tell me honestly that if we weren’t scent matches you’d have even considered me an option?”
They blink for a moment, and Caleb’s mouth hangs open like he wants to say something, but he can’t find the words.
“Admit it. You aren’t choosing me, something made that choice for you. And whether that was destiny or biology, how can I ever trust that either of you like me for who I am and not just what I am?”
“Sweetheart,” Caleb whispers. Every emotion is evident on his face.
“That’s what this is about? You think we don’t like you for who you are, that we aren’t attracted to you as a human being?” Grant asks. “We’ve been working with you for months, Alice, it’s not like you’re a stranger, of course we like you as a person.”
“And this feels right, doesn’t it? You have to feel it,” Caleb says.
That’s the scariest part of all this, Alice decides. The fact that she does feel it. There’s an urge when she’s with them to stay there, and when she’s not, she wants to get back to them as soon as possible. There’s an unsteadiness in her at the thought of them not being already bonded to her, and the impulse to vomit at the thought of them bonding with anyone else. She’s been battling this incessant feeling that they’re hers and that none of them can belong to anyone other than each other.
“You haven’t been sleeping,” Caleb says after she’s been quiet for too long. “Me either. And Grant has been a mess, grumpy and restless, but last night I slept. And when I woke up, I felt awake for the first time in days. You too, I can see it on your face.”
“We’re no good when we’re apart,” Grant agrees.
“Well, we need to learn to be!” Alice spouts.
She calms her breath in the quiet that follows, then meets both of their eyes, first Grant, then Caleb. He looks like a particularly sad small animal that’s just been kicked.
“Yes, I’m fucking scared,” she admits. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be the Omega you two want, and I don’t think I can take it if you learn everything there is to know about me and decide you don’t want me.”
“Isn’t that what a relationship is? Learning every little thing about a person and choosing to love them anyway?” Caleb asks.
“Give us the chance to choose you, too,” Grant says.
Alice wants to go to them and let them wrap her in their arms and hold her and kiss her and tell her everything will be okay for them. She wants to believe they’ll be patient with her and love her, even if she’s headstrong and skips lunch and is late constantly.
Caleb closes the distance between them and pulls her lightly towards him. She doesn’t fight him.
“Please consider it.” Caleb kisses her on the head like it’s the most natural thing in the world, then rests his head against hers. “Don’t rule us out.”
Grant stays where he is, his face like stone, but resigned. He gives a nod finally, agreeing with Caleb. “We’ll be here to prove it to you.”