Chapter 3
What lies in the shadow of The Moon? Secrets, fears, and confusion.
CAL
Isigh as I drop my notes onto the lectern. I am exhausted from too little sleep the night before and a lot of ranting and raving about the little shit I was married to six years ago.
Marci King, best friend ever, confidant, and occasional partner in crime, had chastised me. “Don’t go down that rabbit hole again, Cal. Paul wasn’t worth it then and he’s not worth it now.”
“The man cheated me out of my half of sixteen million dollars, Marce. We bought that property for $35,000. He knew exactly what he was doing when he had his attorney call and offer me $200,000 to sell. You know he had that $16,000,000 deal inked when he was acting oh so magnanimous to make such a “generous” offer over what we had paid.”
“Once a liar and a cheat, always a liar and a cheat. I told you that when you first met him.”
“I should have listened to you. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.”
Marci smiled smugly. “And?”
“You were right.”
It took a lot of cajoling and two bottles of wine to calm me down. Even with the excess wine, I slept fitfully and now do not feel prepared for the seminar I am about to deliver in five minutes.
I look out over the full capacity crowd. A great many of my local book fans who always show up are there. Marci calls them my “groupies.” A few of my students are in attendance, angling for a good grade this semester. I give a slight nod to my publisher, standing beside boxes of my books.
Seated alone in the back of the auditorium is an extremely good-looking older man in a suit. Very few men attended my seminars. I write about topics mainly of interest to women: healing after broken relationships, finding meaning in the second half of life, and how to live an authentic, awakened, conscious life.
Some of the women who read my books find “meaning in the second half of life” by divorcing their husbands and creating a life centered around their own interests and dreams. I’ve had more than my share of threats from angry ex-husbands. I decide to keep an eye on this guy.
Today’s topic is a discussion of the hidden power of the Shadow, a concept introduced by Carl Jung and the subject of my most recently published book, The Shadow Knows. Jung named the self-defeating stories, fears, and impulses that we keep hidden ‘The Shadow.’ As long as the shadow remains unacknowledged, it remains in control.
I begin by sharing my personal story. “As a trained Jungian psychologist, I help my clients navigate the losses we face in life: betrayal, illness, death, and financial setbacks. Our Shadow side, the subconscious part of our personality we try to keep concealed, is often revealed during a crisis.
“What do you think happened when I faced a crisis of my own?” I smile at my audience.
“If you said, I dug deep into my darkness and used my training and experience to successfully overcome a serious crisis, you’d be wrong.
“No, I fell apart. I had a mental breakdown that caused me to question everything I thought I knew about myself and life. I had the knowledge here,” I pointed to my head, “but not here.” I touched my heart.
For the next hour I recount the gut-wrenching story of how my second marriage ended in betrayal and I attempted suicide. “I had worn the mask of good girl, good student, good wife, and good therapist for so long that I was detached from the anger and shame underneath it. Those emotions remained in my Shadow.”
I saw the man in the back listening with rapt attention. He was scribbling furiously. Was he taking notes?
“When we take off the masks and bring the Shadow into the Light, we bring the hidden parts of ourselves into consciousness. We are then able to live an authentic life. The shadow is powerful medicine and many gifts, including our personal power, are found within it.
“Understanding who we are, is a lifelong journey. It is the end of the illusion and the beginning of freedom.
“The questions I leave with you today are, ‘Do you want to evolve in your spiritual path? Do you want to remember who you are? Do you want to realize your full potential?”
I held up a Tarot card, the Four of Pentacles. “If nothing is risked, nothing is gained. You must be willing to take a leap into the unknown. Are you ready to face your shadow?”
For the next half an hour I answer questions from the audience and then sign copies of my books.
As my publisher and I are leaving the auditorium, I notice the good-looking guy slumped over in his chair. He appeared to be asleep. I part ways with the publisher and approach the man. He sees me and yawns.
“Am I really that boring?” I’m more than a little offended. I sit on the chair next to him.
The man stretches to release the crick in his neck. He reaches into his coat pocket. “I’m here on an official basis.”
He flashes a gold badge at me.
The police? Oh God, who’s hurt? “Is everything OK? What’s going on?” I steel myself for bad news.
“My name is Detective Chan, Dr. Cassidy. I’m here because your ex-husband, Paul Davis, was murdered last night.”
There are times I regret that I do not have a poker face. This is one of them. Thankfully, I catch myself before I can give voice to my first thought, “Thank God it’s not bad news.”