Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
Birdie
Can I kiss you, Birdie Wren?
I answer his question the same way I did the very first time he asked me. I slide my hands up the nape of his neck and tangle my fingers in his onyx curls. His sapphire gaze lowers to my lips as he nudges the tip of his nose against mine. I inhale his weighty breaths as he exhales mine.
For a few seconds, we just breathe each other’s air. Our limbs trembling with years of need.
His flutter closed the second I close the distance between us.
Our lips connect for the first time in over a decade.
We groan in unison as our mouths part and slide, falling into an effortless rhythm.
Everything I knew before— every kiss I’ve had before —disappears as Callum takes my bottom lip between his teeth. He sucks on my soft flesh as my fingers anchor into his hair.
The only kisses I ever want to remember are with Cal. Our first, our last, and everything in between. His lips are like magic, slowly healing my open wounds.
In the weeks after meeting Callum at Captain Ray’s, I’ve thought about this exact moment more times than I’d like to admit. I thought about what it would be like to kiss him again, to feel his rough hands roaming every inch of my skin.
Despite our past, I know what I want.
Wanting Callum has never been an option for me. When it comes to us, our connection is an inevitable force that not even fate could break. An undying fire in the pit of my stomach that never burns out.
But as much as my body yearns for Callum, I also have to think about my heart.
The morning after we left Captain Ray’s, I woke up with a giddy feeling in my chest. It was a sensation I hadn’t felt since high school. I wanted nothing more than to send him a text just to say good morning. But for this to work, I knew taking my time was necessary.
I needed time to process everything he revealed to me. I needed time to understand that it’s okay for me to feel empathy for him while also remembering how severely he broke my heart.
That’s why I waited two weeks to ask him if he wanted to get coffee with me. For fourteen days, I let myself relive the excruciating pain of him disappearing the day after I gave him all of me. It was a solemn reminder of what could happen again if I let him back in my life.
What scares the shit out of me is that I don’t think I would survive losing him a second time.
But the way I’ve been living scares me more than anything. I’ve been running away from suppressed feelings and carrying around a shattered heart filled with shards of broken glass.
Do I believe what Callum told me about his past ?
Yes, every single word.
But am I na?ve enough to think there’s no chance he would leave me again?
I honestly don’t know. I would like to think that I’m not.
I have no idea what the future holds; I just know I can’t live like this any longer. What could be worse than living as a shell of the human I once was?
Even when I was screaming at Callum in the hospital parking lot, I felt more alive than I had in years.
I can either decide to hold a grudge against the only man I’ve ever loved or give myself a chance to be happy. Give him a second chance.
Callum isn’t a perfect person, but neither am I. Nobody is.
I can’t even begin to fathom what he went through, especially at such a young and vulnerable age. If the roles were reversed, I know I would have done anything to keep him safe. If I had an inkling of fear that a socially powerful and deranged monster had threatened to hurt him, I would have run for the hills to protect him.
Coward or not, I would have demolished his heart if that meant it would keep him out of harm's way.
I still wish he would have at least called, and I know he deeply regrets that, too. I see the disappointment permanently etched into the lines of his face each time he looks at me. Callum is the type of person who wears his emotions on his sleeve.
When his eyes first connected with mine in the grocery store, I immediately recognized the ache in his chest. Because it’s the same ache I’ve been living with.
Of all the contracts I could have signed, I chose Gulf Shores because it felt like home. But I could have never prepared myself to come back to the one person who is my home .
I don’t know how we ended up here or what the future holds, but as his lips perfectly mold to fit mine, I decide to dive in head first. I don’t know how deep the water is, and I don’t care. I could break my neck on the way down or never touch the bottom. But at least I’ll be in the water with Callum, even if it’s just for a blip in time. And that makes it all worth it.
I want Callum Pierce more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life. And with the way he’s desperately kissing me, he needs me more than his next breath. When his tongue peeks out to prod the line between my lips, I instantly open for him.
At first, his hot tongue delicately brushes and strokes against mine. But within seconds, our kiss grows frenzied. Our tongues tangle in an erotic dance, reuniting with their mate.
Our mouths glide. Our teeth bump. Sounds of longing slip past our parted lips. His hands are woven into my hair, and mine are in his, clawing and tugging at the strands.
It’s frantic, chaotic, and beautiful. Better than I could have ever imagined.
It feels like we’re in a bubble filled with heat. We’re wrapped up in our own galaxy of stars, too hot and bright to be contained.
If I ever second-guessed my feelings for Callum, this kiss right here proves all of my doubts wrong. With each pound of his heart against mine, I know that nothing else could ever compare. Nothing and no one could come close to replicating this feeling.
Callum tugs on my hair, pulling my head back to deepen our kiss. His tongue traces my bottom lip before he dives back in and sucks on my tongue, inciting a whimper from deep in my chest.
Fuck, this man knows how to kiss.
Making out with him as a teenager was brain-altering, but having him like this—taller, stronger, and feeling his manly stubble scrape against my soft skin—is earth-shattering. His woodsy scent envelopes me, intoxicating me in every sense of the word.
My mind wanders to how different he must look beneath the confines of his clothes. It’s no secret that he still runs and takes care of his body, judging by the lean muscles covering his arms and chest. My fingers itch to slip beneath his shirt to feel the ripples of his abs and the warmth of his skin.
Just as I start to think about how other parts of him have changed, he takes another step toward the island until the tops of his legs are flat against the marble, caging me in where I sit. I let out a gasp when his denim-clad erection presses between my open thighs. Our mouths stay locked as my dress slides up and bunches around my hips. Our chests seal together as our bodies rock back and forth on their own accord.
I throw my arms around his shoulders and dig my nails into his back when I feel the ridge of his hard cock nudge against my cotton panties.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
I remember him being big, but fuck me… He feels huge through the bulge in his jeans.
His long fingers latch onto my hips as I straddle him on the kitchen counter. When I asked him to kiss me, I don’t think either of us could have expected this. But after a decade of depriving ourselves of physical and emotional intimacy, this feels explosive.
Uncontainable.
Our bodies move together like two engulfing flames. I’m so on fire for him. I feel like I might burn up if I don't release this barrage of pent-up desire.
“ Birdie ,” Callum exhales before trailing his mouth from my jaw to the supple skin of my neck. He closes his lips around my pulse point and sucks, causing my nipples to harden and goosebumps to rise on my skin.
I roll my hips, seeking out as much friction as possible.
“Cal…” I pant as he creates a pathway of open-mouthed kisses down to my collarbone.
Desperate to feel his skin, I slip my hands beneath the front of his shirt and drag my nails up his lean torso. The pads of my fingers glide over the ridges of his abs before I reach his prominent pecs.
A drop of wetness seeps from my core when I feel the coarse hair lining his chest, feeling so fucking manly and rugged beneath my fingers. Such a stark difference from when we were eighteen.
“Fuck,” Callum hisses when I flick a thumb against his nipple. His teeth sink into the dip between my neck and collarbone, deep enough to leave an indention but not draw blood. My legs tighten around his hips at the thought of him marking me.
Before I have a chance to recover, he’s on me again. He grabs my waist, pulls me to the edge of the counter until my pussy is pressed firmly against his cock, and slams his mouth to mine. His lips move against mine like he’s ravenous, devouring my lips, teeth, and tongue in the most tantalizing way.
The way he kisses me is a combination of beauty and torture. It’s the most euphoric experience I’ve ever had, but it still doesn’t feel enough.
Judging by the next words that fall from his lips, it’s not enough for him either.
And thank God for that.
“ Birdie ,” he pants breathlessly against my lips. “Can I touch you? I need to fucking touch you.”
Can he touch me?
I would let this man defile me.
“Yes,” I nod desperately. “ Yes ,” I repeat, practically begging him to do it already.
His eyes flick between mine as he shakes his head in awe. He lifts his hands to my face and grazes his thumbs along my cheeks, caressing me.
“I can’t believe you're here right now,” he murmurs, staring down at me like I’m a rare jewel, his gaze glassy with unspeakable joy. “I can’t believe you’re real. I’ve missed you so fucking much, Birdie. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t woken up with an ache in my chest for you.”
Not a day has gone by that I haven’t woken up with an ache in my chest for you.
That sentence alone is enough to make me crumble for him.
I slip my hands from beneath his shirt before wrapping my fingers around his wrists and holding his stare.
“Then show me,” I whisper, my voice laced with emotion. “Show me how much you missed me, Cal.”
His brows etch together with emotion before he threads his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck and pulls me to him.
“Come here,” he groans, even though it’s not possible to get any closer.
It’s so incredibly sexy, his primal need for me.
As soon as the words leave his mouth, his lips are crashing down to mine. He parts my lips with his tongue before licking inside and taking my breath away. The flavor of red wine surrounds my taste buds as he takes his time exploring every wall and corner of my mouth.
The muscles in my lower belly tighten when Callum lifts one of his large hands to my breast, fully cupping me in his palm. His fingers stroke and fondle my tender flesh as he circles his free hand around my back to hold my writhing body still. A whimper escapes me when he moves his hand to my other breast, flicking his thumb against my swollen nipple that’s poking through the thin fabric of my dress.
“Cal,” I purr when he pinches the erect bud between his thumb and forefinger while lathering my neck in sloppy kisses.
My eyes roll back as I elongate my neck, giving him more skin to kiss, suck, and bite.
He pants, “You’re so…”
He kisses down my neck.
“Fucking…”
He kisses up my neck.
“ Sweet. ”
I lower my head and capture his mouth before biting down on his pillowy lip. A primal groan rumbles from his throat when I reach for the waistband of his jeans, impatient to feel him in my hands. There’s no way in hell that either of us are going to sleep tonight without a release, and I’ll be damned if I’m not the one to make him fall apart.
He quickly catches on, pushing my hands aside before lowering his to my bare thighs and pushing them apart as wide as they’ll go.
His body freezes the second he gazes down at my parted legs, his stare zeroing in on the spot that's leaking for him.
His icy-blue eyes widen, his pupils dilating as he stares directly at my sex. Without looking, I know that there’s a visible wet spot on my panties. I can feel it soaking through the cotton.
And I’m not embarrassed one bit. Because the feral look in Callum’s eyes tells me that it’s turning him the fuck on. His gaze darkens as I roll my hips against the counter, silently begging him to touch me exactly where I need him.
“ Jesus Christ ,” he breathes, eyes glued to my core. “Fuck. Look at you, Birdie. ”
His fingers tremble, splaying across my thighs as he grips me tightly.
“I thought you wanted to touch me?” I ask in a seductive tone.
“I want to do a lot more than touch you, Birdie Wren,” he answers, his voice guttural. “I want to fuck you raw against this counter. But I’m trying to be a gentleman, at least for tonight.”
I want to fuck you raw against this counter.
His words shoot straight to my core, causing my insides to swirl with heat.
I should be embarrassed to admit how many times I’ve touched myself while fantasizing about Callum talking dirty to me. Even though we only had sex once, we were intimate with each other for over a year. From the first time he kissed me up until the day he left, we had been doing everything but sex.
Each time Callum would go down on me, he would talk me through it with descriptive words. When his fingers were deep inside me, he would tell me exactly how I felt. Exactly how wet I was for him. And right before I would come, he would shower me with words of praise that made my orgasms ten times more intense.
Every sexual experience I’ve had after being with Callum has fallen flat. Most men just want to get off, not caring if I finish. One guy I dated had a bit of a kinky side and did some weird shit in bed, but no man has ever spoken to me in the way that Callum does. No man has ever worshiped my body like him.
My thoughts evade me when I feel his hand cup my pussy. My mouth jars open as he rubs his fingers against my cotton panties, his thumb brushing back and forth against my throbbing clit. I can’t help but rut into his hand, seeking out as much friction as possible.
It feels too fucking good. Knowing that he’ll send me over the edge any minute now has me hanging on to every second. The combination of his fingers stroking me through the soft fabric of my panties causes blazing stars to appear in my vision.
“Fuck…Cal,” I whimper, reaching out to grip the edge of the counter.
His gaze is dark and foggy, just as gone as mine.
“Is this what you wanted?” He rubs his fingers up and down my seam, spreading my wetness along the fabric. “For me to touch you here? On your sweet little pussy?”
I nod as my brows pinch together with pleasure so strong that it’s almost painful.
“Use your words, Birdie.”
Fuck.
Why is that so hot?
“Y-yes,” I stammer, trying to keep my orgasm at bay.
For fuck’s sake, he’s only rubbing me over my panties, and I’m about to lose it. I can feel my wetness spreading along the cotton with each stroke of his fingers.
“ That’s my girl ,” he hums. “You’re already soaking my fingers, and I’ve barely even touched you.”
My God.
This isn't real.
There’s no way this is real life.
Before I have a chance to catch my breath, he rewards me by sliding my panties to the side and coating his fingers in the wetness between my crease. Even through the thick denim of his jeans, I can see the tip of his cock twitching as he slowly rubs my bare pussy.
“So damn beautiful,” he praises. “The prettiest, pink cunt I’ve ever seen.”
My soul leaves my body when he pushes two long fingers inside of me .
“Oh my God,” I shudder, overwhelmed by the sweet intrusion. “Callum.”
He lets out a guttural groan as his fingers effortlessly slide in and out of me, glistening with my arousal. Even though he’s only fucking me with his hand, I feel him deep inside. A wildfire roars in my womb, burning with a ferocity I haven't felt in years.
“Fuck, that’s so hot,” he grits out as he watches his fingers sink into me.
My inner walls clench around him as he pulls out to the tips of his fingers before pushing in again. The wet sounds of him thrusting inside me fill the space between us, blending with my uncontrollable whimpers and moans. My mouth gapes as I watch him fuck me with his hand, undoubtedly the hottest sexual experience of my life.
My chest stills as he abruptly removes his fingers from my pussy. He stares down at me like he’s curious or contemplating.
No .
Please no.
No, no, no.
I don’t need him second-guessing this right now. Not when I’m seconds away from paradise. I might go into cardiac arrest if he were to stop now.
“ No ,” I shake my head in protest. “Please, don’t stop. I…I need this.”
I don’t fucking care how desperate I sound. I am in dire need of an orgasm at the hands of Callum Pierce.
A wicked grin curves his perfect lips as he slowly brings his fingers to his lips. A vampire coming for blood.
My cheeks fill with heat when he pushes his digits into his mouth and sucks, taking his time licking my juices from his skin.
The action is filthy and primal but so incredibly intimate. He’s cleaning his fingers like I’m his guilty pleasure. His divine, forbidden desert.
“I’m not stopping, Birdie.”
His voice is lethal as he brings his hand back to my pussy. I hold his feral gaze as he pushes two fingers back inside, burying them to the hilt.
“I just needed a taste,” he adds, hitting my G-spot with perfect precision. “And God, it was so fucking sweet. Better than I remembered.”
My insides quiver around his fingers at his sultry words, and I know that I won’t last much longer. I look down at his erection straining against his jeans. A patch of dark, curly hair just barely peeks out from where his pants have slid down his waist.
And just like he wanted a taste, I’m dying to follow where that trail leads.
Without overthinking it, I reach out, popping open the button of his jeans. I gaze up at him through hooded eyes as I slowly drag his zipper down.
My mouth waters as his bulge comes into view, barely contained by the fabric of his boxers. The head of his cock is flushed nearly purple with need as it slips past the elastic hem. A drop of pre-cum pushes out, dripping from his slit before disappearing down his shaft.
It’s single-handedly the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I reach out and run my finger across his tip, gathering up his arousal. He watches me like a hawk as I bring my finger to my lips and suck, savoring his salty taste. His fingers never stop pumping inside of me as he holds my gaze. His mouth hangs open as he lets out a muffled groan.
“Holy fuck,” he pants, brows etched together.
“ Birdie Wren ,” he stammers, at a complete loss for words as a drop of sweat trickles down his forehead. “I need…you to to uch me. Take me out and fuck me with your hand. I just…I need…”
His words are quick and rushed, as if he would be embarrassed to come without me touching him. Even though it would be hot as hell to watch him lose control at the mere sight of fingering me, I decide to put him out of his misery.
I bite down on my bottom lip as I push his boxers down beneath his balls and wrap my fingers around his heavy cock. His velvety skin is hot to the touch—so soft, yet hard as steel and thrumming with need.
“Fuckkk,” Callum curses. “God, yes.”
He throws his head back and groans as I begin to stroke him, elongating the muscles in his tan neck.
He looks so unbelievably beautiful. Otherworldly. Like a god granting his most devious follower absolution.
The whole world seems to stop except for the two of us. We’re moving a mile a minute.
He’s rapidly pumping his fingers into my seeping core, and I’m stroking his cock like my life depends on it. We’re both panting and groaning, clenching our teeth as we try to make this last as long as possible. But we both know that we’re already there, seconds away from getting dragged into the eye of the storm.
“That’s so good, Birdie,” he praises, his eyes fixated on my hand wrapped around his cock. “ So fucking good, baby .”
A small sob cracks from my throat as he continuously rubs that soft spot deep inside me.
If he calls me “baby” one more time, I’m going to combust. There’s just something about that term of endearment that fucking does it for me.
“Cal!” I gasp when he adds in a third finger, stretching me full.
My legs open wider, giving me a better view of his digits sinking in and out of my core. Unable to contain my emotions, a tear rolls down my cheek when he brings his thumb to my clit and rubs the sensitive bud in little circles while fingering me at the same time.
“That’s it, baby,” he grits out. “You can take it. You’re so fucking wet for me, Birdie.”
And that’ll do it.
“Cal!” I scream as my pussy spasms, clamping around his fingers.
My orgasm takes control as a jolt of pleasure courses through me. My body tenses up as my limbs tremble and quake. Unintelligible words fall from my lips as I shamelessly erupt against the marble, feeling my arousal drip down to my ass.
“Birdie,” Callum says through strained pants. “God, this feels so fucking good. So right.”
I don’t realize I’m still stroking Callum’s cock until I feel hot streams of cum coat my fingers. When I look down, I see Callum’s length twitching in my hand, covering my fingers in his warm, milky release. He’s thrusting up into my hand while pumping his fingers into me, both us holding on for dear life as we ride out the euphoric wave.
“You’re so beautiful, Birdie,” Callum proclaims as he fucks me with his fingers through my release. “Look at you, spread out on my kitchen counter and dripping all over my fingers. So goddamn pretty and… mine .”
Mine.
The way he says that single word is possessive and territorial, his tone dripping with pure sex.
In a perfect world, I would reply, “Yours.”
But this world— our world specifically —is fucked up, and I can’t promise him that yet. So I try to tell him that I’m his in the only way I know .
“ Kiss me ,” I rasp, attempting to catch my breath before he takes it away again. “Kiss me, Cal.”
He brings his free hand up to cup my cheek before he lowers his lips to mine. His tongue slides into my mouth, tangling with mine as he slips his fingers from my spent core. As he kisses me slowly, he massages my drained pussy, rubbing his hand in soothing circles against my slit. He hisses against my lips when I lower my hand to his sensitive balls and gently rub, caring for him like he’s doing for me.
We kiss at a leisurely pace, unhurried, as we caress the most intimate parts of our bodies. It’s incredibly romantic and sexy. My lips melt against his as his tongue dances with mine. He kisses me for what feels like hours, taking his time reacquainting with every corner of my mouth. He could kiss me until the sun replaced the moon, and I’d still want more.
When we finally break for air, Callum tugs my underwear back in place and kisses the bridge of my nose.
“Birdie…” He brings his forehead to mine and cradles my face between his palms.
“Yeah?” I breathe.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he croaks. “I know I sound like a broken record, but God , I fucking missed you. I finally feel like I can breathe again. Nothing compares to this…to you. I’m so sorry,” he shakes his head as his voice cracks. “I’m so fucking sorry for how I left you. I’m sorry, Birdie. There’s no excuse.”
My heart splits in two when I hear the undeniable pain etched into every word. Leaving me wrecked him just as much as it ruined me. And that breaks my heart for both of us. My chest aches for all of the stolen years that have passed between us.
“I know,” I whisper, threading my fingers through his curls. “I missed you too, Cal.”
There’s so much more that I could say. I could reiterate how badly he hurt me or tell him about all the nights I cursed him to the pits of hell for abandoning me like he did.
But at the end of the day, I’m still in love with Callum Pierce.
I was in love with him before I knew what love was.
Going on and on about how awful it was to grieve a person who’s still alive won’t change the fact that I love him with every fiber of my being.
Which is why I chose to forgive him before we even left Captain Ray’s.
I’ll never forget my mom telling me that you can allow yourself to let go of a grudge while still holding on to your boundaries. I might always remember the pain, but that doesn't mean that I have to feel it for the rest of my life.
“I forgive you, Callum.” He lets out a shaky sigh as I massage the back of his head. “I forgive you.”
I forgive you for how deeply you hurt me.
I forgive myself for how deeply I love you despite that hurt.
“Thank you,” he mutters before placing a featherlight kiss to my lips. “I know I don’t deserve it, but thank you.”
“You do, though,” I reply, holding his sapphire gaze. “You deserve to be happy, Cal.”
Callum’s eyes flick between mine, unsure if he wants to speak or kiss me. I’m thankful when he chooses the latter and presses his swollen lips against mine.
We deep dive into an ocean of kisses, unaware of the hurricane to come.