Chapter 32 A Restless Night for the Bride…
A Restless Night for the Bride…
Vivian
I said nothing to my mom or Paige about my conversations with each of the James brothers, even though we’re spending the night in a suite together, and it was supposed to be a fun ‘girls’ night.
’ It was fun, but I purposefully avoided the entire topic (even when I could tell Paige very much wanted to bring it up) because I already knew what they were going to say.
Paige would tell me to throw caution to the wind, follow my heart, and move here to be with the man I love.
My mom would tell me that no man, no matter how good he seems to be in the beginning, would be worth giving up my tiny empire for.
There would be an underlying tension because they each think they know me better than the other person, and in a way, they’re both right.
My mom knows everything about me up until I went off to college, and Paige knows everything I went through after and who I am when I’m out in the world.
So I kept my mouth shut, pretended that everything was a go, and waited for them to fall asleep for me to figure it all out.
The truth is, Ben was right. Ultimately, it’s all up to me, and it’s a pressure that feels like a thousand tons on my chest. No one else on this planet can make this decision for me.
So, right now, I’m outside on a lounge chair on the balcony with a blanket over my legs, my phone in hand, while I scroll through my Instagram feed.
Every post, reel, picture. My entire adult life is there.
The happy moments, and the ones when I was miserable but pretending to be fine.
The likes, the engagement numbers, my super fans who have stuck with me from the beginning, all of it.
It’s actually quite beautiful in a way. I can see myself mature and change.
It’s all documented for me as I became the woman I am right now, at this moment.
An entrepreneur, a content creator, a brand ambassador, a single woman building something from nothing but her faith that she could do it.
And the truth is, I ruined it all in an instant by lying all those months ago.
And instead of fessing up and becoming the face of the fierce, fabulous single woman, I folded under pressure and became a fraud.
If I go through with this tomorrow, I’ll start a new chapter of my life and post thousands of posts about hundreds of experiences and products as nothing more than a liar.
And I’m not sure I can live with that, because at the end of the day, who will I have become?
A complete phony? A ‘Real’ Housewife? My father?
I lay my head back against the chair for a second and stare up at the night sky, at all the twinkling stars that burned out thousands of years ago but somehow still shine so brightly for us, bringing some magic to our world.
And I know what I have to do. It’s going to be the hardest thing I’ll ever do in my entire life, but I have to trust that in the end, it’ll be worth it. I hope.