Chapter Twenty-Five
“Of course, the reason the houses are built with the upper story jutting out from the ground floor is so that the Tudor peoples
could empty their chamber pots out of the window onto the street below,” Hal tells us as we stand in York’s most famous street,
The Shambles.
It’s an ancient, narrow street, with a cobbled road and old Tudor buildings that jostle with each other for elbow space. It
might be the only street in the world where you pick up a wand, a ghost, and an excellent pie. It is also home to a truly
great Italian restaurant that doesn’t skimp on cheese. Hal is transfixed by it, stopping every other step to pause and look
around.
“It’s amazing to me,” he says, “how human progression has never been in a series of straight lines of logical decisions but
rather a sort of try-it-out-and-see approach. It’s one thing to read about history but another thing entirely to walk through
it. There was clearly no discernible planning that went into this street, and yet it is a perfect representation of the human
mind. Messy and beautiful. It makes me think I need to let myself go a bit more.”
“More than the new hair?” I ask Hal. He smiles, seemingly glad I’ve noticed.
“Yes, I had an idea of the sort of man I wanted to be, but I actually think the ideal human isn’t perfect at all. They are
complicated and messy. Actually since my lab is in the stable, I’ve become rather attracted to the horses. Beautiful animals,
sensitive and intelligent. I might ask Lady B if I can have a lesson.”
“You want to learn to ride?” Rani asks, intrigued.
“I think I might,” Hal replies. “The thing is, I won’t know until I try. And that is one of the wonderful things about being
alive. All that is unknown.” He nods ahead. “Like what might lie around that corner.”
“Oh, I know,” Alex says, kind of missing the point. “All the tourists queueing up all day long to get in tiny quirky shops.
Annoying.”
“Not for me,” Rani says. “My shop is right around the corner, and I get a lot of footfall from tourists.”
“When do we get to the cheese part?” I ask.
We are seated by the window of the upper floor of the restaurant overlooking the little lane. Alex has ordered wine and is
telling us about his passion for paragliding, specifically over the Serengeti.
Rani has been gazing at him the whole long time, her chin resting on her hand, for the entire length of his honestly very
long monologue about how he swooped down on a herd of zebras and scared them into running, and I’m wondering if she is hearing
the same thing I’m hearing, or just looking at the way his chestnut brown hair offsets his hazel eyes.
“What would happen if you crashed?” Hal asks when Alex pauses to take a sip of wine.
“Oh, I never crash,” Alex says. “I am really good at paragliding. If it was an Olympic event, I’d be a gold medallist.”
“But say there was a freak gust of wind or a rainstorm,” Hal says, “and you crashed to the ground in the middle of nowhere
and were injured and a pride of lions came across you?”
Rani and I turn our gaze to Hal. Is Hal throwing shade at Alex?
“Ha, right, yeah. I mean of course I take all the safety precautions. I have a support team following me in a jeep, and they
are armed. So in the unlikely event that I’d crash, they wouldn’t be far away. They’d shoot any animal threatening me.”
“Like dead?” Rani asks.
“Well yes.” Alex chuckles. “One doesn’t want to get on the wrong end of a lioness, darling.”
“No one does,” I say, looking at Rani, who avoids my eye.
“But I’d never ever hunt an animal for sport,” Alex says. “I find that practice abhorrent. Men and women standing over the
bodies of animals, utterly disgusting.”
Rani gives me an “I told you so” look and I have to admit that although I don’t see the point in flying about on a glorified
kite, Alex doesn’t seem to be a bad person.
“And yeah,” Alex says. “I know that being the son of a lord means that learning to paraglide on another continent is a privilege that few people get. That’s partly why I’m so proud of the Beaumont Foundation.
Of course there’s the big prize, that you two are up for, that’s the one that gets all the press.
But the foundation generates and pays out smaller grants all around the world, all year long.
We just gave one to some people who are regenerating coral reefs around Australia.
So, I’m not only an insufferable twat who doesn’t know when to stop talking, Hal.
” Alex smiles. “Sorry about that. I can go on.”
“I like it when you go on,” Rani says. “Your posh voice is, well, sexy.”
“It makes a change from Rani going on about dresses,” I say.
“Well, why don’t you tell us about you, Ava,” Alex says. “I’ve read your bio, but I don’t know anything about your life before
science. How did you meet Rani here, for example.”
“Oh.” I smile at Rani. Her hand reaches for mine across the table. “We met in freshers week at university. The rule is that
you make panic friends with whomever you happen to be living with. We were in this flat of girls, and they were . . .”
“Not like Ava,” Rani says.
“Pretty, and loud and outgoing and confident,” I say.
“Well, you are pretty,” Hal tells me. “I always wondered what you would look like, and your face is just as beautiful as I
thought it would be.”
“Hello,” Alex says with a self-conscious chuckle. “Man’s a player.”
“Well anyway,” I say, suddenly able to look at Hal. “We all hung out as a flat for a bit, and then one night one of these
girls came to my room and said they were going out to a club, and they weren’t inviting me.”
“What?” Alex says. “That’s a bloody poor show.”
“They said, ‘No offence, Ava, it’s just you’re not really compatible with our vibe.’”
“These young women felt the need to boost their own ascendency by belittling you,” Hal said. “Because of the internalised misogyny manufactured by the patriarchy.”
“Yeah, that,” Alex says, making a fist. “I’m a feminist too.”
“Well, I said fuck that,” Rani interjects. “And I told Ava to tell them to fuck that too. But Ava wasn’t quite able to, so
I said, ‘Fuck that, you shallow, boring identikit Barbie dolls. Ava would rather be dead than be compatible with you fuckers.’”
“Yeah,” I say, raising my glass to Rani. “Too right. So, we moved out of halls that night, and went and found a dingy, damp,
and quite dangerous basement flat to live in. And we’ve been friends and flatmates ever since. Only now we live over Rani’s
shop.”
“You stood up for Ava.” Alex kisses Rani’s hand. “I really love that about you.”
“Thank you,” Rani said. “But I just showed her that I had her back and she always has mine. Ava is the archetypal chaotic
genius, and yes, I am her emotional support human who helps her when everything gets a bit much. But she is mine too. Aren’t
you, Ava?”
“Yes.” I nod proudly. “Rani needs me. We look after each other. Which is why I’d prefer you to not hurt Rani, Alex, as I’d
be honour bound to retaliate in some way.”
“Perhaps, rip your head off and shove it up your arse,” Hal says mildly.
We all look at him.
“Too much?” he says.
You know what, he might not be exactly real, but he is really adorable.