29. Ian
29
IAN
As she walks away, I can read her clear as day.
She thinks I don't care and that I don't deserve her.
Not being deserving of her is something I came to terms with long ago, but not caring about her? I'd have to have no blood flowing through my veins for that to be the case.
I may not be sure about loving her yet, but I'm fucking certain that I care about her. I've never wanted any woman like I do her.
And even though I just had her, I still can't stop myself from wanting more.
Isn't it crazy how much the need to have her just won't stop consuming me?
I'd like to believe I'm here because I was worried about Peter, which for the record, I was. But more than I'm willing to admit, the thought of seeing her even if only for a few minutes pushed me to walk faster to her aunt's place.
I expected her to not immediately believe me about him, but I'd hoped she would give me some benefit of the doubt, especially after I went to great lengths to fetch the information I had.
The conversation between me and James, my old friend who helped me get the information I wanted about Peter, flashes in my head, and I let it play out.
“Exactly how do you say you know this guy again?” James had said immediately as I picked up the call.
“Um… He's a friend of a friend.” As I spoke, I steeled myself for the bad news. It's why James' next words didn't shock me too much.
“Well, that friend needs to stay far away from this guy, especially if it's a lady. He has had six restraining orders in the past ten years, and it's all from women he dated. I wasn't able to gather the details on every suit, but at least one said he was obsessive and violent. Look, like I said, I don't have all the information, but I called as soon as I could to warn you. Your friend needs to be very careful.”
I'd thanked him and ended the call and literally ran over here, only for her to tell me I'm being irrational. I don't blame her, though. I wouldn't think of Peter as someone who should be avoided if I hadn't gotten access to the information I did. I thought he was cool-headed and reasonable when I first saw him at the hospital until he tried to run me over with his car and then asked me to take him to Sarah a few minutes later.
Blowing a frustrated breath, I finally stand up from the bed and busy myself with getting dressed.
When I'm dressed, I exit the room and walk into the living area, where I find no one.
Great.
If I remain in the room, I'll sleep, but I can't very well keep an eye out for Peter if I'm sleeping. Something tells me Peter will find his way to Sheila's house.
Glazer Ville is a small town, it makes the people are quite connected. It's a wonder none of them has made the mistake of giving a reporter directions to Sheila's place so far.
But I guess none of them are stupid, and they are quite protective of each other, too.
I walk around the house, trying to make sure every door and window is properly locked. When I get to the other two rooms in the house, I knock on the doors. Sheila is the one who comes out of the first doorway, and I try not to let my disappointment at that show in my expression.
“Do you need something?” she asks, starting to come out of the room. I raise my hand to stop her.
“No, you don't have to come out. I just wanted to ensure that your windows are locked.”
“Yes, they are. Thanks.” She looks at me gratefully.
Shaking my head, I speak. She doesn't have to thank me.
“No, it's my pleasure.”
“I know, but I still want to thank you, anyway.”
In that case, I do nothing but smile at her.
When a minute passes and we don’t say anything, I motion to the next door and start to walk away.
“Ian,” she calls out, making me falter in my steps and glance over my shoulder to look at her.
She gives me a look that has me walking closer to her. When I'm in front of her again, she smiles approvingly. I don't know if I should be impressed or offended.
“The last time we spoke, I asked if you love my niece, but you didn't say anything…”
She trails off, letting the meaning of her words hang in the air.
I look at her in curiosity while internally trying to decide if this is a conversation I want to have with her, especially with Sarah in the next room.
She may hear us.
My eyes go to the door I'm now sure is Sarah's and come back to Sheila’s.
“She can't hear us,” Sheila assures me.
“The walls are not that thick,” I say in rebuttal.
“No, they are not. But I imagine she's deep asleep after the kind of engagement she had in the last hour.”
I didn't know it was possible for me to become a full-blast shade of red in front of a woman until those words left her.
She heard us.
Damn.
I don't know whether to feel ashamed or remorseful. I didn't even care whose house we were in or that we could be disturbing her at that moment. That's how much hold Sarah has on me. Yet, she has no single idea.
I can't blame her, though. I've not exactly been forthcoming with my feelings, and maybe I should do that more.
Do I love her?
I'm still not certain that I do yet. The thought of not having her again makes me feel like I'm going to die. So, maybe that's love and I just can't put a name on it because it's a feeling I've never experienced before?
“I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to be so careless.” I apologize with my best remorseful voice and expression.
“Nonsense. Vain as I may sound, I only care that you make my niece happy. That you always make her happy,” she finishes with a meaningful look on her face.
I sigh.
How can I do that when she won't even trust me with her secret?
I want to let it go, believe it's not important and I can do without knowing it. And honestly, I can. Live without knowing it, I mean. But something tells me the secret she's keeping is serious, even related to the whole issue with her father.
How do I protect her if I don't know what she's protecting?
“It's not that simple, Sheila.”
“It isn't, Mr. Peele. But sometimes, things are simpler than we like to admit. We humans just tend to make things more complicated than they need to be.”
Smart words.
“Are you saying she's not hiding something from me?”
Her face changes at my words, the small guard she's let down going up again.
Exactly.
They are more similar in character now than I've noticed in the past.
I expect her to lie and then send me away.
“She'll tell you when the time is right,” she explains with a pitiful smile.
She's not in support of her keeping the secret, is she? I think I pretty much gathered that from our earlier interaction.
“So, she is keeping something from me,” I say bitterly.
Damn it. How long am I expected to overlook it and not ask any questions?
Then an idea hits me.
I regard Sheila with my best puppy look.
“No,” she says before I even open my mouth.
“You haven't even heard what I have to say.”
“I don't have to. I am not getting in the middle of both of you.”
Isn't that what she is already doing?
“Sheila please, I won't tell her. I just need to know how bad it is.”
She smiles at my words, her hand going to her door as she takes some steps back into her room. I think she's going to slam the door in my face, but she doesn’t.
“It's not bad news at all, Ian. It's good news. But it's not my news to share, and until she's willing to share it with you, I'm afraid we'll both have to respect her wishes. But do you want my honest advice? Stay around. She's going to get tired of keeping it from you eventually if you stay and show her that you'll keep loving her regardless of whatever she's keeping from you. Goodnight.”
Dazed, I watch the door start to close until I remember something. I quickly hold my hand to stop her.
“Wait!” I whisper hurriedly. She stops closing the door and looks at me through the small space left. “Can you help me tell her to close her windows? I can't go there right now. I need to think.”
“Sure,” she says.
I nod and walk back into the living room. I hear her door open only a few seconds later, after I've sat down, and another door after that.
Hushed voices travel down the hall, but I can’t hear what they're saying. Soon, I hear the consequent sounds of two doors closing before the whole house is washed over with silence.
I remain seated, thinking about the discussion I just had with Sheila.
Can I truly let not knowing her secret go?
I suppose I could, seeing as I've been contemplating for a while now.
Sheila also said it's good news. It makes me wonder why she doesn't want to tell me. Maybe she doesn't want to jinx it?
I stand up, walking around the room to keep my eyes from closing. The day’s stress is finally getting to me.
Pacing around the not small yet not big space in the living room, I look around for anything to keep me busy.
Thinking is driving me wild, and I don't need that right now. I need my head right so I don't fall asleep.
My eyes eventually land on a book, and I immediately pick it up. I'm not surprised when I see it's a book by Sarah. It says the book was published only three months ago, which means it's probably her recent work.
I open it, smiling at the prospect of reading, but nature wins over even before I get halfway through the book.
I'm awoken to the sound of something I don't know. Like a clang or rattling sound of irons. Pushing to my feet, I pull my phone out of my pocket to see the time. I've only been asleep for thirty minutes tops. I checked the time not so long ago.
Walking around the room, I decide to look out the windows, and if there's no sign of threat, I can just allow myself to sleep.
The moment I start toward the biggest window and the only one I left open, rustling sounds come from behind it. When I'm closer, I see a shadow running off into the night, and I immediately open the door to chase whoever it is. By the time I make it to the front of the yard, the sound of a car engine starting fills the quiet air of the night.
All I have to do is go to where the sound is coming from. I immediately recognize the car.
It's Peter's.
Just like I'd feared, he came.
I don't want to imagine what he would have done if I wasn't here.
The thought of reporting him to the police occurs to me, but I know Sarah wouldn't like that. When I'm back inside the living room, I think of going to tell Sarah, but I decide against it almost immediately.
I don't want to disturb her sleep, and she doesn't even believe Peter is dangerous.
What do I do then?
How do I protect her?
As I ponder what to do, a thought hits me and it brings a big smile to my face.
Maybe Sheila isn't so wrong, after all. I could stay. Not bother myself about the secret Sarah is hiding from me and just focus on caring for and protecting her.
Eventually, she'll trust me and tell me the truth, right?
I'm going to tell her this tomorrow morning. And hopefully soon, we can both find a way to put this Peter issue to rest finally.