30. Sarah
30
SARAH
I wake up to the strong and tantalizing smell of coffee wafting through the air. Although awake, I don't feel like getting out of bed, and I know it's because of the pregnancy.
The symptoms are starting to rear their head.
Groaning, I push myself off the bed and ease myself into the bathroom, after which I rinse my mouth and wash my face.
When I come back out into my room, I go to find proper clothes to put on. It's a good thing Ian didn't come into my room last night. I wouldn't have been able to explain why I have my bags packed.
My phone starts to ring when I'm halfway dressed. I rush to pick it up, eager to hear what Tim has to say. I've been expecting his call all night long.
“Tim?”
“It’s done,” he says, making a huge grin break over my face.
My God. Finally.
At least I can now put this whole thing behind me.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Just doing my job,” he says calmly. I chuckle at that. Now's not the time for him to be modest.
“Well, you do it well.”
“I do, don't I? I wonder if that means I'll?—“
“Don't even think about it,” I warn, cutting off whatever nonsense I know he has to say that's going to end with more money in his pocket and less in mine.
“Can't blame me for trying.”
I smile. “When do I get the key? I'm planning on going today.”
“I'm keeping it for you somewhere on the property. The realtor should meet you there, too. Although, I have to say, this is only possible because the house was empty, so, don't expect me to be able to pull this kind of string in the future so fast, okay?”
“Noted, Tim. I don't doubt your abilities to get things done when needed, though.”
“Uh-huh, no. Don't butter me up. This town better be the one you stay in for the rest of your life. I still don't know how I'm going to pull this new pen name thing off without people suspecting that it's you as it is.”
Yeah, I know that will be hard. But like I told him, I don't doubt his abilities. He can get this done.
“I have to go,” I say when I start to hear my aunt's voice singing alongside Ian's baritone voice from the dining room.
“Yeah, me too. Call me when you're there. And oh, fair warning, hire some cleaning staff on your way over so they can get the place ready for you before you get there.”
“Can't you do that for me?” I ask him. I'm not familiar with the town yet. “Just tell the realtor I need help. I'll pay for the extra charges.”
“Fine. Looks like I have to do everything for you,” he grumbles as he ends the call, but I know he means no offense. He's just being himself.
When I drop the phone, I finish getting dressed and walk out of my room to the sound of my aunt and Ian singing together. I didn't even know my aunt could sing until now.
Have I heard her murmur along to some lines of song over the years? Yes. But I didn't think she could sing.
Not like this anyway.
“Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way…“
They both sing together. My aunt uses tenor, Ian bass. I don't announce myself yet, not wanting to interrupt them.
I know the song they are singing. It's not a favorite of mine, but I have to admit, it's an enjoyable sound. The lyrics speak to me more whenever I hear it.
“Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all, and I stood tall
And did it my way…“
They both continue singing alongside the song blasting from the radio.
“Wait, I'll do this next one and you do the one that follows,” my aunt says excitedly. Ian gives her the go-ahead with a thumbs up.
Is it me, or have they bonded more in the past hours since I've been asleep?
They look so in tune it makes me wonder if things would be better for him and me if I wasn’t so much younger. My aunt starts to sing, distracting me from my thoughts.
“I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
Oh, no, oh, no, not me
I did it my way…”
There's a huge grin on my aunt's face when she's done, and she motions for Ian to go next. He clears his throat, a little too dramatically, before he opens his mouth and starts to pull at every string in my heart.
“For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way…”
Damn, the man can sing.
How come I've never noticed this? Maybe because I've never heard him sing.
How many other things about him do I not know?
It makes me sad that I'll be leaving town soon with a part of him without really getting to know him. I wonder what life would be like if things were different between us.
Surely, he'll have a good relationship with my aunt. The scene in front of me as they sing the last of the song harmoniously is all the indication I need.
He'll love Olivia too, right?
But can he?
If he doesn't even want his own child, who's to say he'll want and love one who isn't his?
Alright, enough of this.
Walking into the room, I make my presence known by clapping for them. They look at me, each person with a smile.
I go straight to my aunt and kiss her good morning, not sure of what to make of the too-wide smile on Ian's face.
“Good morning, Auntie.”
“Morning dearest. I hope it wasn't us that woke you up with our singing.”
“No, I was already awake,” I say with a meaningful look. She immediately gets the message I'm trying to pass and sobers up.
“In that case, I should get us all breakfast,” she says and walks away.
I smile at her in gratitude. It's going to be a long day.
“Good morning,” Ian says to me as soon as we're alone.
“Morning,” I whisper back, intentionally avoiding his eyes.
“Sarah, we?—”
“Who's ready for the goodness we have on the menu this morning? FYI, it wasn't me who cooked.” My aunt breezes into the room happily, unknowingly cutting him off. I can't say I'm not grateful for the interruption.
I'm not sure if I want to talk to him right now or anytime between now and when I have to leave. I won't be able to look him in the face and smile knowing that I'm taking his child away without him even knowing.
He doesn't want a child though. I try to console myself with the fact that I'm doing what's best for everyone involved.
My aunt unveils the mouthwatering breakfast consisting of bacon strips, eggs, sausages, pancakes, buttermilk, and fresh toast.
Damn, she wasn't lying when she said goodness. She mentioned she didn't do this, which means it had to be Ian.
He made all this?
I know he can cook, but not this well.
I stand up to help with the serving.
“There's coffee, fresh orange juice, and lemonade. Which do you prefer?”
“Coffee's fine by me.”
“I'll take the juice,” I say.
She walks away to get the drinks, while I serve the food, pretending not to notice Ian trying to get my attention.
Eventually, he gives up, and I hope it'll be this easy when I ask him to leave after breakfast, too.
We soon start to eat, and I become engrossed with the meal, not sure when I'll have the opportunity to get a good home cooked meal like this. My aunt can always visit me in Ohio, but it'll only be for a few days because she has to work.
Don't even get me started on the many times I've tried to get her to quit in the past without succeeding. She's too stubborn when it comes to her independence. Maybe she'll change her mind after having to live months without seeing us.
Halfway through the meal, she speaks, asking how Ian and I met.
Something about the look in her eyes as she asks me the question tells me this isn't just a harmless one. She's trying to stir something up, probably my emotions to change my mind about leaving, so I decide to be the one that answers.
“It was my last day in high school. I was going to a café to celebrate with my friends, but I found out my purse was missing when it was time to pay.”
“Let me guess. He paid?” she asks, looking at him with a proud smile.
Whoa.
Is it me, or has my aunt switched sides since last night?
Why is she acting so differently toward him?
“I did. The guy was getting violent and rude toward her thinking that she was trying to pull a fast one on him. I was…” He trails off, probably because the next part involved him breaking the douchebag’s nose.
“He was furious.” I pick up where he stopped. “He punched the guy in the face, paid for my order, and then gave me some extra cash before he left.”
“Aww. Sounds like he's always been your knight in shining armor,” my aunt coos.
Not aww. The part she hadn't heard was that I didn't see him again for months afterward, and I was in a dangerous situation then, too. He'd saved me, and I'd kissed him. We tried dating, but it never worked. The moment he found out my age, he did everything in his power to sabotage us. It didn't work, and when he saw that I wasn't going to give up, he changed apartments without informing me.
He never really loved me, did he?
“No, he's not. I didn't see him for four months after that,” I say, staring straight at him.
“I'm guessing you guys started to date then?”
“Something like that. But then he left without offering me an explanation a few months later.”
It's an accusation. I don't really care if he answers or not. But I'm surprised he does.
“Sarah, that's not exactly how it happened.”
“Really? Tell me how it happened then.”
He looks troubled. “Let's just say we didn't work out then, but we're here now, aren't we? And the future still has so much to offer.”
He's trying to deflect, and my aunt is helping him do so.
“I like this one, Sarah. He's really smart,” she says approvingly.
I roll my eyes at them, ready to set the record straight. Ian's phone starts to ring.
That damn thing.
He picks up the phone so quickly, you'd think his ass is on fire.
“Excuse me,” he says as he stands up to leave the room.
The moment the living room door closes behind him, my aunt's eyes shoot to mine.
“What are you doing?”
“What am I doing? What are you doing asking questions like this!”
“What? So, I'm not allowed to be curious?”
“Not when you're doing it to sabotage me from leaving!”
“How dare you? I've been supportive of you since you got here even though I don't agree with your every decision!”
She's angry. But so am I.
“Well, you're not being so supportive right now when you're telling him he's smart. I don't want to give him the wrong impression when I need him to leave immediately after breakfast.”
Her face turns stormy, her lips pressed together. I wait for her comeback, but no words leave her mouth. Ian comes back inside the room.
“Ladies, I'm sorry but I have to go. Something just came up, and it's important, but I'll be back before the day ends,” Ian says as he walks back in, his eyes on me.
My aunt doesn't say anything, her gaze on me too, making him suspicious as he looks from me to her.
“Is something going on?” he asks.
Standing up, I shake my head and walk toward him.
When I'm in front of him, I put my hand on his shoulder and kiss him.
It's not a rushed or passionate kiss. It's a goodbye, something good to always remember this moment by.
“Goodbye,” I whisper against his mouth and break the kiss.
He smiles at me, one of his hands going to my waist.
“I'll be back soon,” he vows.
I nod. “I know.” I just won't be here by then.
“We'll talk then?” he asks, his eyes searching mine, hope shining through his.
I force a smile and kiss him one more time before I step away from him and walk out of the room.
If we do get to talk again, maybe it'll be in the next life. Or if by some chance he changes his mind about not wanting to be a father.
Something I know may never happen.