Chapter 5 You’re The Top
You’re The Top
My eyes snap open.
I stare at the ceiling, short of breath as I shake off the feeling of falling and crashing.
Clearing my throat, I sit up and glance over at Leo sleeping, facing away from me.
I take a deep breath, smelling the familiar scent of our bedroom.
We’d showered, had a brief dinner, sex again, and fell asleep promptly after.
Apparently, distance doesn’t just make the heart grow fonder, but hornier.
I step out of bed, pulling my robe on as I leave the bedroom. A couple lights are on low, the fireplace dark and cold, but I catch sight of the coffee table. The outline of my body is still there. I stare down at it, blinking in disbelief at the rough surface that now has…well, my boobs on it.
“Ohhh, you’re gonna have some explaining to do Lucy,” I mutter, hoping that fades before anyone else comes here.
My stomach suddenly grumbles, hunger pulling at me. I glance at the time, realizing its barely past midnight. I’d be surprised how early we went to bed, but who knows the last time Leo slept.
I go to the kitchen, grabbing cereal for a late-night snack.
Once my bowl is made, I lean against the counter and stare at where we had our fiery sex session.
We didn’t talk about things I’d hoped to, but breakfast will no doubt be filled with ‘wonderful’ discussions.
Or some stuff could remain boxed away. Or we stay up here forever.
The sugary flakes crunch in my mouth as I try not to overthink.
I really should just go back to bed.
A warning prick slides along my neck, and I pause.
My body straightens as I search around me, putting the bowl down.
Anxiety crawls faintly, but it’s there still as I step around the island counter and peer into the dimly lit space.
My heartbeat quickens as I search the darkened penthouse. No noise. Nothing out of the ordinary.
“Shit, get it together, Autumn…no one’s hiding in the damn penthouse.”
The worry doesn’t lessen. An odd horror that I’m alone again digs at my chest. I tiptoe back to the bedroom, peering through the darkness and find Leo’s sleeping outline. A shaky breath comes out. He’s fine.
See, you’re awake, home, and not at Snake Eyes’ bar.
Crud muffins. I rub my head and begin to head back for my cereal until Leo starts groaning. He grunts, then suddenly thrashes and grasps the blankets. More groans from him turn into whimpers. Quickly, I go to him and sweep my hand over his head, hoping to calm him.
“You’re alright, baby,” I whisper, putting my hand on his chest.
He goes still. Faintly, he murmurs, “Autumn.”
I rub my hand on his chest, waiting to see if he’ll wake up. He inhales deeply, but doesn’t thrash again. I lean down, placing a kiss on his forehead. Leo’s eyes remain closed as he begins to sleep peacefully.
Might as well make sure one of us gets sleep tonight.
I adjust the blankets to cover him more, beginning to leave the bedroom.
He mumbles, “Autumn.”
I glance over my shoulder. He’s still asleep. I sigh, leaning against the doorway as I debate bringing my cereal in here to keep an eye on him. About to leave again, his next mumbling makes me freeze.
“Mistress.”
My stomach drops. A constriction forms around my chest as I stare at him. There’s no movement, but he mumbles again, “Autumn…mistress.”
There’s a twist in my stomach as I try to decipher what he’s saying, could be dreaming about. He’d never cheat, not after everything we’ve been through. Not to mention, why would he call someone…
The air whooshes out of my lungs as I scramble out of the bedroom.
My feet almost trip over themselves in the hall as I rush to the bookshelves, frantically going through the titles.
My fingers run over spines searching for the ones Dr. Maxwell told me to get.
“I think it’ll help you understand him.”
Finally, I find the book on various power dynamics in BDSM and flip through the chapters.
The pages come to the section I need, and I move closer to one of the lamps to read the words more clearly.
My breath catches as I skim through the examples from Tops/Bottoms, Doms/Subs, Master/Servants, and… Mistresses.
I freeze, staring at a black and white photo.
Fragments of memories slam into me. Moments I overlooked or hadn’t noticed because I didn’t understand him yet. I was still learning.
“Only you, am I willing to get on my knees for…”
“…if the power exchange ever changes, you can.”
“I belong solely to you.”
“You own me.”
“Don’t fear me in this position.”
All those declarations. In the shower at the estate. Yesterday and tonight. The fear in his eyes of me leaving. Every time he was on his knees.
The photo strikes through me. It’s of a man kneeling with his palms facing up, while the handle of a whip lifts his chin. Eyes downcast as he wears nothing. Yet, all I can see is Leo on his knees before me; hazel eyes burning with desire.
Leo’s not wholly a Dom.
After hours pouring over my BDSM books, I finally go back to bed.
Except, I barely sleep. My mind searches through all the passages I read as if I was the Dom, not the Sub.
Stricter protocols. Flipped dynamics. Common and uncommon needs.
Tops versus Doms. Anything to help me talk to Leo and understand.
Light peeks through the windows. I check the clock, grumbling to myself. Of course, I’d squander the first real night being home. Giving up on trying for any sleep, I decide to go get a head start on coffee. Maybe watch Secretary for shits and giggles.
I slowly get out of bed, while Leo remains asleep. Right then, I decide if I ever need information out of him, I’m making him go to sleep since that’s what gives him loose lips. I snort a laugh under my breath, covering my mouth as I leave the bedroom.
I rub my head as swirling thoughts plague me. Shaking my head, I start on the espresso machine and then the coffee pot. I’m half concentrating on making coffee when I hear a noise from the bedroom. I pause at the stove, scrunching my brows when I hear Leo’s distressed call, “Autumn?”
I put the kettle down, about to answer when heavy footsteps sound next.
Leo appears from the hall in nothing but his underwear.
The instant he sees me, practically panting, he falls back against the wall in relief.
His chest rising heavily as he scrubs his hand over his face. I practically rush to him.
“Fuck, I thought I was dreaming again,” he mutters. “You’re here.”
“I’m here.” I press my hands against his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. He releases a long sigh, wrapping his arms around me for a tight hug.
“Just making coffee,” I say.
“Thank you.” He kisses my head, then strokes my hair back, exhaling harshly as he pulls away. “I’ll be right back to start breakfast.”
“I could do it,” I suggest, giving a cheeky smile. He raises a brow. “Cereal counts.”
“Wait for me, dear Watson.”
He disappears into the bedroom, and I hear the bathroom door close. A sharp exhale leaves me as I go back to the kitchen. While finishing his Americano, I’m back in deep thought.
Does he know he’s a Switch? What if last night was really just a dream?
And I’m overthinking…again? He may not know or wants to be dominated.
No, he’d know. He was murmuring Mistress, he has to.
He’s a trained Dom, he has to know, right?
But then why wouldn’t he have brought it up?
Then again, we’ve had other things to concentrate on lately.
When do I even bring this up? Kind of got a whole other mess to worry about outside of here.
I put Leo’s mug down, turn to grab mine and some creamer from the other counter.
I’m so caught up in my head, that when Leo’s hand touches my hip, I yelp and drop my mug of coffee.
It clatters against the counter—coffee and creamer spilling.
Leo yanks me back before it can drench me, liquid dripping onto the floor around my feet.
My heart pounds as I stare at the small mess, swearing under my breath.
“Son of a cheese biscuit.”
“Are you alright?” Leo asks, turning me around to briefly scan my body.
“Fine,” I grumble, shaking my socked feet and realize they’re already wet. Ew, great. Frustration bubbles up, tears threatening to come on top of everything else boggling my brain. “It’s fine.”
“I’ll clean this up. Go change,” Leo says softly.
I don’t move, staring down at my feet. Leo cups my cheek, caressing my skin with his thumb.
“Autumn. It’s okay, just spilled coffee, right?
” I nod my head. “It’s been a long week.
We’ll take it easy the next few days. Now, go change out of those socks. ”
He places a kiss on my forehead, and I avert my eyes still as I finally move. I head into the bedroom, close the door, and silently scream into my hands. Tearing off my socks next, I groan under my breath.
“For the love of Nick Cage,” I grumble, throwing the wet socks into the hamper and then head to the dresser.
I slam open the drawer, staring down at the array of fuzzy socks.
I let out a long breath, gripping the edge of the wood as I shove away tears.
“It’s not that big of deal. The coffee. The fucking kink.
Quit overthinking. You’ve barely slept, and it’s been a long ass couple of days.
From evil brothers, shooting crime bosses, motorcycle fucking chases, and near deaths, except hey let’s talk about being a Sub or Dom.
Sure, Autumn, let’s ask your controlling, strict, mafia boss biker husband if he wants to be dominated. Can’t be hard. Let’s focus on that.”
I lightly bang my head against the dresser.
“Couldn’t have talked in his sleep before I had to leave New York? Or give me a couple days after the rest of this shit has settled. No, he had to do it during a night my ass couldn’t sleep…again.”
“What did I say in my sleep?”