38. Hudson
“What do you mean, he’s still sleeping? It’s been nearly twenty-four hours. Has he not woken at all since last night? He’s not in a freaking coma, is he?”
Faith.
I woke to her voice, and it brought me out of sleep more than anything else had since the priest had high-tailed it out of here.
“No, it’s nothing like that,” Thane assured her. “He’s been waking up for longer stretches of time. So I think he’s getting better. He’s just worn out, you know. This really took a lot out of him.”
“But you’re sure he’s okay?”
I stretched my arms over my head and yawned as I sat upright on the couch. Finding Thane across the room, slowly pacing the floor, I watched him have what looked like a video conference with my girlfriend.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Faith,” he admitted to her with a long sigh as he rubbed a tired hand over his head. “It’s not like we can take him to a doctor and tell them there’s a fucking ghost inside him. I don’t know if he’s okay or not. But he doesn’t have a fever. He’s lucid enough to have a conversation when he is awake. He ate and drank water. Went to the bathroom. Made some jokes. Assured us that there’s no pressure in his head or pain anywhere. He’s still Hudson. He’s just…tired. I honestly think all he needs is more rest.”
“Well, can you at least show him sleeping so I can see with my own eyes that he’s okay?”
“Sure, darlin’. I can let you see him, no problem.”
He turned toward the couch, only to realize I was awake and upright. “Oh!” he added. “He’s awake.”
I held out my hand as he approached. “I’ll take the phone,” I said. “I want to see that she’s okay too.”
Thane nodded and handed me my phone. Then he started from the room to give me some privacy.
I twisted the screen around until I could see Faith’s face gazing up at me.
“Hey,” I greeted with a tired smile. “How’re you doing? Did the nosebleed last long?”
She shook her head as if she couldn’t believe I would even ask her that. “Not at all. As soon as I got a little distance from you, I was completely fine again. I told Thane he didn’t even have to stay the night, but…” She shook her head as if annoyed. “He insisted. Said you’d hurt him if he didn’t make sure I was okay.”
“I would have,” I confirmed, proud of my guy for being there for her.
“Well, anyway…” She sighed, moving past that. “I’m fine. What about you?”
“All good here,” I assured, glancing around the room. “Not sure what day it is, but I feel fine. Or I will as soon as I can stay awake longer than half an hour at a time.”
“You do look pretty wiped out,” she answered, pushing a long black fuzzy tail out of her face when it whipped across her nose.
“Yeah, I have zero energy right now. But that is seriously the only thing going on. Is that Salem? Hey, Whiskers. Long time, no pouncing on my balls.”
Faith laughed and moved her phone so I could see the cat spinning around in a circle on her lap before settling itself down into a ball.
“She’s been clingy all day. I think she can sense that my anxiety levels are on high alert, and she’s trying to make me feel better.”
I smiled as she smoothed a hand over Salem’s fur. “She’s a good cat.”
Faith moved the screen up to her face again, and I caught a glimpse of her red bowtie and the vest she wore when waitressing.
“You going to work soon?” I asked.
“Yeah.” She nodded and fluffed one of the dual poof balls on her head. “I’m heading that way in a few minutes. Just thought I’d check in with you first. Make sure you’re still breathing. And still you.”
“Yep, it’s all me,” I said. “So this must be…Thursday, then, right? Or is it Friday?”
“It’s Thursday,” she answered, looking a little sad to report.
I nodded. “Good. I only missed one day then. And I didn’t miss any finals. That’s actually perfect.”
Faith didn’t seem to be reassured, though. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, her brow furrowed in concern.
“I mean,” I huffed out a small laugh and glanced up at the ceiling. “I’m bummed it didn’t work. I want to go home and sleep in my own bed. I want to stop freeloading off my friends and bothering them with this shit. I want to be able to see you in person again, and take you in about a dozen more ways. But physically, I’m good.”
“God.” She shook her head slowly. “I don’t know how you’re so calm right now. I’d freak out and have a panic attack every five minutes if I were you, I swear.”
I traced her face on the screen with my index finger. “I guess it’s a good thing it’s happening to me, then. You look really good in that get-up, you know. I’m thinking that the next time I can touch you without worrying that it’ll kill you, you’re going to need to put this on, so I can peel it right back off again.”
“Hudson,” she breathed in scandalized embarrassment as her face brightened into a blush.
“What?” I asked. “I’m tired, not dead.”
After clearing her throat, she straightened formally and bobbed her head. “Alright, deal. When do you have to work again, anyway?”
“Never,” I answered with a sigh as I dropped my finger from her face to slump back into the couch cushions. “I am henceforth no longer employed at Gusanos.”
“What?” She straightened in alarm. “What do you mean? What happened?”
“I’m guessing you’ve heard back from the university,” I hedged with lifted eyebrows. “About your plagiarism record?”
“Oh yeah.” She shook her head as if surprised at herself for not remembering to mention it already. “I’m sorry; I totally forgot. They called earlier today, and the evidence I gave them was enough to clear my name. I no longer have a mark on my record.”
Her enthusiasm made me give a sleepy smile. Exhaustion was starting to claim me, but I wanted to make it to the end of this call at least.
Brow puckering with confusion, Faith shook her head a moment later. “But how did you know that?” Then, her eyes widened in fear. “Oh God. Genesis didn’t figure out that you were the one who collected the evidence, did she?”
“No, no.” I waved a hand in reassurance. “Nothing like that. She’s not that bright. She just called earlier, needing a pick-me-up after she was expelled from school, and I wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind to give her one, so Parker took over the call for me, and, well… Let’s just say he was his typical Parker self. And her dad called within the hour to let me know I’d been relieved of my duties as a commis chef at Gusanos.”
“Oh my God, are you serious?” she exploded. “And after everything you did for her to keep that position secure. That’s just…” She seemed to deflate. “I’m so sorry, Hudson.”
“Eh.” I shrugged. “One perk of being this tired is that I don’t really care yet. Tomorrow, I’m sure it’ll suck more, but tonight? Not so much.”
“I still can’t believe you lost everything. Just like that.”
“I didn’t lose everything,” I argued with a yawn. Then I laid down as I continued to talk to her on the phone. “I still have you. Right?”
“Yes,” she said softly. “You do.”
“See,” I slurred as I pointed at her image. “You and the guys… That’s all I need, right there. The rest is just gravy, you know. As long as I still have my people, I’m good.”
“You still have us,” she assured quietly, only to follow it up with, “You need to rest again, don’t you? You’re falling asleep on me.”
“Am I?” I forced my eyes open, not even realizing I’d closed them. “Sorry about that.”
“No. It’s okay,” she said. “I need to get to work anyway. I just wanted to see you real quick. Make sure you’re still kicking. You get some more sleep now, ya hear?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I mumbled, barely conscious. “I am excelling at sleep today. I’ll see you when I see you, ’kay?”
“Okay,” she murmured as if growing sad again. “Goodbye, Hudson. Take care.”
“Will do,” I managed to answer. “Love you.”
From there, I knew no more. I wasn’t even sure if I hung up or not.
The next time I woke, around ten or eleven that night, Damien was on duty, keeping vigil. He was kicked back in the side chair and talking quietly on the phone, probably with Oaklynn.
I focused on him, studying that twitterpated look on his face as he spoke in a low, private tone, and I suddenly recalled the last thing I’d said to Faith in my sleep-deprived delirium.
But damn, I really needed to stop telling her I loved her, or she was going to start thinking I actually meant it.
Unless…
Damien finally noticed that I was awake, and he straightened in his seat as he told his girl he needed to go.
As soon as he hung up and set the phone down, I asked, “When did you realize you loved her?”
“When did I realize?” he asked with lifted eyebrows. Then he blew out a long breath and rested his head back in the chair thoughtfully as he stroked an idle hand over his stomach, right where he’d been stabbed only months ago trying to save her from a sadistic murderer. “I think it was when the idea of losing her scared me more than my driving need to find Thalia’s killer.”
“And how long did that take?” I had to know.
Damien lifted his eyebrows in surprise. “Man, feelings don’t care about timelines. They don’t care how long you’ve known the person or if it’s right or wrong to feel that way about them. They don’t even give a shit if you want them. They just…feel.”
With a nod, I absorbed that and turned my attention up toward the ceiling. “Faith makes me feel,” I admitted.
“I know,” he said. “I’d say congratulations, but it’s kind of sucky timing, huh?”
“The worst,” I agreed.
“Yeah, in my experience, it only happens at the worst opportunity ever.”
“Do you think I’m ever going to get Brett out of me?” I asked idly.
Damien blew out a long breath before admitting, “God, I hope so.”
“Me too.” I nodded slowly. Thoughtfully. “At first, I was kind of okay with it. I felt like I owed it to him, you know. I couldn’t save his life back then, but I could at least do this for him now. And it was nice to know he was always with me.”
“I get it.” Damien winced. “I mean, you’re wrong. You don’t owe him anything, but I do get it.”
“I was honored I could give him somewhere safe to hang out, but… Fuck, I really want him gone. I’m sorry, Brett,” I told my chest. “I still love you, man. I’ll never forget you, but you’re ruining everything I worked really hard to get.”
When nothing happened, I sighed.
A moment later, Damien said, “I think I’ve actually felt Thalia with me more so now that she’s moved on. There’s just been, I don’t know, a kind of closure on her death, so I can remember her life more clearly. I don’t think you ever had to literally have Brett inside you to carry his memory around because just the time you spent with a loved one… It formed you into the person you are today, and you’re going to carry their influence around with you for the rest of your life. So technically, you’re already a living, breathing memorial to him.”
“Dude,” I slurred, closing my eyes with a smile on my face. “That’s fucking beautiful. I like that. Thank you.”
“Welcome,” he answered softly.
His words really had helped. I could already feel a sense of peace floating around me as I remembered my time with Brett: playing video games, seeing who could finish a hot dog first, climbing trees together. I’d probably be a different person today if I’d never met him.
And for the first time, I could remember him without thinking about his death, without feeling that nip of guilt for being a part of it. I didn’t try to distract myself with thoughts of other things because remembering him hurt so much. I could just…remember him freely.
And it was nice.
Starting to drift off again, I added, “I think I’m gonna go back to sleep. I don’t feel so tired anymore, but it’s night, so…”
“Sleep,” Damien murmured. “Someone will be here with you when you wake.”
So I did. I closed my eyes, and I slept.