Chapter 11 Amelia #2
The test is positive, as I knew it would be. Because after the doctor’s visit, I realize that my breasts are not simply tender, they’ve practically doubled in size. The waistband of my pants is feeling a little tighter than I would like too, and I can’t even smell coffee without wanting to puke.
Orla doesn’t pry, but I sense her eyes following me around the house, trying to figure out what’s wrong with me when I have my follow-up appointment with Dr. Flynn.
Because he’s known Declan for almost forty years, he rushes the ultrasound referral through the system too.
The due date is mid-July, which doesn’t help at all.
There’s no miracle medical equipment to determine who the father is.
I can’t tell my mom. The last thing she ever wanted was for me to go through what she went through as a single mom trying to bring up a kid alone. She’ll want to help. She’ll hide her disappointment. But it won’t make me feel any better.
I need to do the right thing, only I’m not sure what the right thing is.
Do I tell Declan that the baby is his and forget that the night with Ruairi ever happened?
They have the same genes; the baby could resemble either one of them.
Or should I be honest and pray that Declan loves me enough to forgive me?
What if he doesn’t though? I mean, I’ve no doubts that he does love me, but does his love have limitations? I try to imagine how I would feel if the roles were reversed and quickly establish that this is a rabbit hole I need to avoid.
I can’t tell Orla. She’s from a generation that would’ve sent single moms away to give birth and never mentioned the child—or the father—again.
There’s only one other person I can talk to.
Carol.
Speaking to my friend shouldn’t fill me with such trepidation, but I feel like I just volunteered to climb a mountain without a safety harness.
The house is starting to feel claustrophobic.
I know it isn’t the house—it’s the secret swelling out of proportion and sucking the air out of every room I enter—but I make this call outside anyway.
Wrapped up in a jacket, scarf, and wooly hat while the wind steals the leaves from the trees, and my eyes leak tears from the cold.
“Hey, baby girl, you look so cute.” Carol is outside too.
My stomach drops when I realize that she isn’t alone.
A man I don’t recognize appears on the screen behind Carol and waves at me. His smile is so wide that I can see his back teeth. He has clear dark skin and a cropped afro; I’d guess his age at anywhere between twenty and forty.
“Say hi to Jonah,” Carol says as he wraps his arms around her and nuzzles her neck.
“Hi.” I wave. It’s an automatic reaction. Wear a smiley face and act like everything is right with the world while my emotions start up the roller coaster ride again.
I shouldn’t be jealous that Carol has met someone she clearly likes. I’m not jealous. She’s my best friend, and I want her to be happy.
I just don’t understand how my life has ended up in such a mess.
I’ve always been the uncomplicated one. I didn’t date anyone till college, and even then, all my relationships were straight-up, no-nonsense, boy-meets-girl and they enjoy spending time together.
I never had a thing for bad boys. I never cheated on my boyfriend.
The first sign of things drifting apart, the relationship reached an amicable conclusion, and we moved on like mature sensible adults.
Maybe that’s where I went wrong.
Maybe if I’d gotten my inner-wild-child out of my system when I was younger, none of this would’ve happened.
Who am I kidding though? My pussy started having palpitations the first moment I set eyes on Declan. No way was I going to live under the same roof as him and think about becoming a nun.
“Mia?” Carol snaps her fingers in front of the screen to jolt me out of my reverie. “Wow, you looked like you’d zoned out back then. Are you hungover?”
“No.” I can’t drink for the next eight months because I’m growing a baby inside me, not that I drink a lot anyway, but it’s another way in which my life has changed while I’ve been falling in love with my boss. “I just… I’ve not been feeling great since… you know…”
The image on the screen blurs into a gray mess, the sounds muffled like Carol dropped her phone underwater.
I’ve reached the stables, so I head inside and stroke Sheriff’s face.
It’s peaceful here out of the gusty wind.
The smell of hay is comforting, and I resist the temptation to curl up on the floor inside Sheriff’s stable and sleep until someone finds me.
Instead, I wrap an arm around his neck and close my eyes.
“I’m back,” Carol’s voice reaches me from the cell that’s still in my hand. “I sent Jonah for coffee, so come on, spill.”
I raise the phone in front of me and give her a small smile. “There’s nothing much to say.” I’m wimping out because I can sense that Carol’s in fight mode from thousands of miles away, and I’m not sure I can handle boxing-ring-Carol right now.
“Nothing much means that there is something on your mind so… Wait, is that a horse?”
“He’s called Sheriff. He’s Declan’s horse.” I rest my cheek on his face as if we’re best buddies now that I’ve been on his back one time.
“Since when did you become a horse lover?” She narrows her eyes and purses her lips. She’s staring at me, not the horse. The silence drags on until finally, she says, “Say that again.”
I furrow my brow. “Say what again?”
“He’s Declan’s horse.”
“He’s Declan’s horse.” Her gaze is so intense, it’s making me nervous.
“Amelia what’s going on, and don’t you dare say nothing much.”
I brought this on myself. I’m a big girl now, old enough to own my mistakes and handle the consequences. So, why are my legs barely holding me up?
“I’m pregnant.” I blurt it out before the words get stuck inside me again.
Carol blinks like she has grit in her eye. “Okay, for one crazy moment there I thought you said that you’re pregnant.”
I don’t speak.
“But you’re… You’ve always been…” Carol is rarely lost for words, and when she is, it’s because she’s mentally running a marathon around the current problem in her head. “Okay… Who’s the father?”
This is it. This is the point where I tell her everything. But I feel decimated from the first big reveal, without hitting her with the absolute blinder that’s making my head pound twenty-four-seven and keeping me awake at night.
“Oh. My. God,” she says before I can engage my brain with my mouth.
“I fucking knew it. I should’ve realized the first time you mentioned him, but I told myself you were too sensible to let anything like that happen.
And I was wrong. And here you are. And what the fuck is the asshole going to do about it? ”
I balk at her calling Declan an asshole. If anyone is the asshole in this situation, it’s yours truly, hiding away in the stables with her big fat secret lodged inside her chest.
“I haven’t told him yet.” I’m glad I never mentioned Ruairi. “He isn’t here.”
“What? Where is he then? Sounds to me like the fucker got what he wanted and is out there living his best life while the gorgeous young housekeeper is keeping his bed warm at home.”
“It isn’t like that, Carol.”
“No? Tell me how it is then because I’m dying to hear.”
I’d forgotten how aggressive Carol can be sometimes. But the pounding in my head could do without the accusations, so I shove all thoughts of Ruairi aside and simply say, “I’m in love with him, Car.”
“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, Mia.” Her voice has softened, and some tiny spiteful part of me that’s currently hormone-crazy hopes that she feels guilty. “You’ve got it bad, girl.”
I swallow the painful lump in my throat. No matter how hard I try, the Ruairi situation isn’t going away, but I really need my best friend on my side right now. “He’s amazing, Car. I’ve never felt like this before.”
She inhales deeply. “When you said you were going to Ireland to find your roots, I didn’t think you were going to plant some.”
I slump against Sheriff’s neck; Carol and I are okay again.
For now.
“What about Ireland’s answer to George fucking Clooney though? Does he feel the same way about you?”
“Yes. He wants us to be together.”
I watch Carol puff up her cheeks and release a slow, steady breath.
“I know what you’re thinking,” I get in before she does. “He’s grieving for his son. This is some kind of reaction to his loss, but you’re wrong.”
She arches an eyebrow and waits for me to continue. I was right anyway.
“This happened before Ry-Ruairi died.”
“When is this baby due exactly?”
I hold my breath and say it quickly. “July.”
“So, he literally knocked you up within days of you arriving?” The accusation in her tone is unmistakable.
“Who knocked who up?” The voice belongs to Jonah, and a coffee cup appears on the screen.
“No one.” Carol doesn’t even look at him. “You’ve got to tell him, Mia. Soon. And don’t you dare go doing anything foolish without speaking to me first.” She rubs a hand down the side of her face. “You haven’t told your mom yet, have you?”
I shake my head, and Sheriff nudges my face with his nose.
“Speak to her, Mia. She’s been there and got the T-shirt, remember. She’ll want to know. She’ll want to help.”
“I will.” Just not yet.
Another incoming call appears on my screen.
Declan.
“I’ve got to go, Car. Declan is calling me.”
She nods. “Tell the fucker that if he doesn’t step up, he’ll have me to deal with.”
Carol ends the call.
I’m so excited and apprehensive about speaking to Declan that I lean against the horse for support and almost lose my phone in the hay when it slips through my fingers.
“Amelia?” His voice literally sends shivers down my spine and sucks tears from my eyes. “Are you with Sheriff?”
A sound somewhere between crying and laughter slips out before I can stop it. “I wanted to get out of the house for a little while.”
He smiles, and it’s as if someone has smoothed out all the tension lines from his face while he has been away. “I miss you so much, baby.”
“I miss you too. When are you coming home?”
Home.
I said it without thinking. Because this house feels like home when I’m with Declan.
“Tonight. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms.” He looks like a kid who is saving the best news for last. “Everything is going to be alright, Amelia. I promise you.”
If he only knew…