Chapter 44
Juliana
When I come home from work, there is a weird quietness in the apartment. The past week has been normal, with nothing eventful happening, thankfully. Kurt and I are learning to adjust to each other”s schedules but we still find time to hang out with each other even when we aren’t pretending to be engaged. We haven’t done anything more than some heavy make-out sessions lately but most days we are both tired. Kurt is busy working on an important case, and I am exhausted from working extra hours and job hunting.
Callum hasn’t messed with us since I ran into him outside of the dress shop and I’m starting to calm down, just enjoying my time with Kurt. Unfortunately, we have yet to talk about the growing relationship between us. I haven’t wanted to say anything yet because I’ve been too busy enjoying whatever it is that is happening. But when I open the door to the apartment, I can feel something has shifted.
“Juliana,” I hear Kurt’s voice and I follow it into the bedroom. I see him standing by the closet where a big bag is hanging.
“Hi, what’s that?” I greet him, smiling. My smile disappears when I see the look on his face. “What’s wrong?”
“This was delivered today while you were out.” Kurt steps away from the bag as I approach and reach for the zipper. There is no label on the bag but I can tell it’s for some type of garment. When I unzip the bag about halfway, I gasp.
“Oh my god!” I step back from the bag letting go of the zipper. I look over at Kurt and he kind of looks scared.
“Look, Juliana, I like you, I really do but this isn’t real. This wedding that you’re planning, it’s not actually happening. You shouldn’t be purchasing a dress, or well, I guess my mom purchased it for you.” Kurt tries to explain and I can tell he is trying to be nice or polite but he isn’t phrasing it well and I interrupt him.
”Kurt,” I say and put my hand over his. I decide against sharing my own feelings and instead, explain. ”I am so sorry, you were not supposed to see that. Hell, I didn’t even know it had been purchased, let alone already on its way here…”
“We already had this conversation and I thought we were on the same page. I know I mentioned maybe some time in the future thinking about marriage but I didn’t mean, like, a week in the future. I meant a couple of years, at minimum.” Kurt runs his fingers through his hair and he starts to pace, a pattern I’ve grown familiar with.
“No, no we are on the same page, Kurt. I told you, that day after church, that’s what your mother had planned for a girls’ day. I didn’t tell you but there was a dress that everyone fell in love with. I mean, I did too but I knew it wasn’t for me, for obvious reasons. I told them that I couldn’t afford the dress at the moment so I thought that was the end of the conversation. I had no idea she would buy it for me.” I try to explain but Kurt still looks sort of panicked.
“I think this has all been too much. Everything we”ve done. Every party we”ve been to, everyone we”ve deceived. Maybe we started to believe the lies too..” Kurt trails off. ”We went too far this time. I think we should stop. I think that we should end this. I”ll tell everyone we broke off the engagement... don”t worry about anything. I”ll fix this...” He watches me with wild eyes and then he stands, clearing his throat.
“It’s okay,” I say when I finally find my voice. I’m choking back tears but I hold my head high. “I got you into this situation, I will figure out how to deal with the consequences of the fake engagement coming to an end. But what about the real relationship we’ve developed?” I hate that I have to ask, especially when he is so upset, but I need to know if this means everything is over. I don’t want to lose him.
“What relationship?” Kurt practically scoffs in my face. “So we’ve made out a few times and I went down on you once, that does not put us in a relationship.”
His words sting and my heart throbs, I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. I am completely caught off guard. I know he is upset but I didn’t think he would hurt me like that.
I blink a few times, trying to keep the tears from spilling out. “Okay, you’re right.” I try to remain calm but I can feel my strength wavering.
He hesitates and I can see him searching my eyes, almost as if he feels guilty for what he said, but I refuse to give him anything. He doesn”t seem completely satisfied with this conversation but he gives a curt nod. ”I”ll give you some space to pack your things.”
I thank him and then watch as he leaves. I wait until he has left the apartment before I let the tears fall. I lie on the bed and curse myself, I curse Callum and the stupid things I did. I try not to think about the ”what ifs”. Everything had just started to get better, to get real, and now it is all coming to an end.
After crying for what seems like hours, which was probably only twenty minutes, I get up and begin to pack my things. I shouldn’t have let myself get so comfortable here.
It”s all too much for me and I feel as if I”m going to have a breakdown any moment when suddenly, the door of the apartment flies open and I see Tatyana come in carrying a huge grocery bag and a box I can only recognize as the one filled with my favorite movies. I smile, feeling the meltdown slowly fading, and then I think of what she is doing here and know Kurt must have called her. Instantly, I start crying and my heart aches. He is so kind. Even when he is hurting, he puts others first.
”Honey, I”m hooooome!” Tatyana shouts and I hear her dumping stuff on the kitchen counter. I come out of the bedroom and sniffle a bit, wiping my eyes. I walk into the kitchen.
”Hi,” is all I say and she turns to face me.
”Oh honey. You doing okay?” She asks before pulling me into a big hug. She rubs my back a few times then pulls away looking me over. And by this time, I”d started crying again. She wipes at my tears and then leads me over to the tall stools at the counter. I sit down and she starts pulling things out of her grocery bag.
”Kurt called,” she says but doesn”t pause to wait for my reaction, ”We”ve got the place to ourselves this evening and it is a girls” night. And you know what that means. Well, actually you probably don”t but I”ll tell you. So, movies, junk food, soda, and lots of popcorn. And I”m not talking about those sob-fest movies. Got it? I”m talking Fast and Furious, our favorites only. Jason Bourne, again, favorites only.” She digs through my movie box and pulls out all of the Jason Bourne movies, including the one with Jeremey Renner and she holds them victoriously in the air. ”No, we have all of them, we will watch all of them!”
I lean back in my chair and watch as she bounces around the kitchen pulling out bowls for our junk food. At one point, she tosses me her phone and tells me that I am the DJ while she preps our food. I scroll through her songs and really want to listen to sad songs to sob my heart out too but I know that tonight is not the night for sobbing so I find her pump-up playlist and hit shuffle. The first song is My House by Flo Rida and Tatyana instantly begins singing. I love this song and about a minute into it, I join in and hop down off of the stool to help her pour various candies into different bowls.
Maybe I”ll be alright after all.