Chapter 45
Juliana
“Okay so Tokyo Drift is over. Now what? Jason Bourne? Psych? Covert Affairs?” Tatyana lists off movies and TV shows. ”But the thing with TV shows is, how much do we watch? Do we watch the whole thing? Like for Psych, that”s 8 seasons and a couple of movies too! That seems like a lot,” she rattles on and I get up to make more popcorn. While in the kitchen, I open another bag of mini MM”s and dump them into our almost empty bowl.
”Psych. Definitely, Psych.” I contribute. ”I need a little laughter right now. And as funny as Vin”s accent is, I think I need some Shawn and Gus right now.” Tatyana cheers and I pour the popcorn into a large bowl and bring over both bowls while she sets up the TV. “Season 3 is my comfort zone, it’s the season I’ve owned the longest.” Tatyana nods and pops in the third season for us.
We”ve been at this all night until the wee hours of the night. Sometimes I catch myself wondering what Kurt is doing or wondering when he will be back and I have to force myself to stop thinking about him. I can”t pretend what we had was real. It wasn”t. It was just a game.
“So,” I say to distract myself. “How was your trip with Mike? We never have had time to talk about that.”
“Oh, it was amazing! Mike was in meetings most of the day and had to attend a few dinners as well, so I was on my own for the most part, but I had tons of fun!” Tatyana tells me. “My boss kept emailing me things to do so I did spend some time working in the hotel. But thankfully, it was easy things like charts and updating info. Easy stuff I could finish before noon and then spend a few hours at the pool.”
“Ooo, I thought you looked tanner!” I compliment her and she holds her arms to show me. “Amazing, dang girl.” I hold my arms up by hers to compare and we both burst into giggles. She was already tanner than me before but now it’s even more drastic.
“Yes, thank you. But anyway, Mike’s conference was very successful. He’s a great salesman,” Tatyana chuckles. “That’s how he got me.” We both laugh but she’s not wrong. I’ve seen him in action and he is quite good.
Tatyana talks a little more about her trip and her job, mostly complaining about her boss, Shelby, and her inability to do anything on her own, aside from looking up stocks, ones she is fond of. When Tatyana trails off, distracted by the TV show, I sit back into the arm of the couch and sigh. Tatyana looks at me. ”Are you thinking about him?” She asks softly. I nod and she gives me a sad smile. ”Juli, he likes you. Okay? He really does. I”ve told you this from the beginning. Who knows, maybe he has liked you for a while now.” She is about to continue talking but I cut her off.
”No,” I say and dismiss her words with a wave of my hand. ”He doesn”t. It was all fake.” I pause and I can feel her watching me. I sigh and pull the blanket up to my chin. ”I just feel so stupid, you know? I mean you don”t know because you have your boyfriend and he”s awesome and real and loves you.” I ramble on, forming sentences that aren”t really sentences. ”But Kurt, Kurt wasn”t real. Everything we did wasn”t real. And I made it even worse with that stupid, beautiful dress.”
”Wait, what did you guys do?” Tatyana sits up a little bit, interested. She leans in closer and a smile threatens to spread across her lips. I blush and hide behind my hands but then quickly respond so she doesn”t get the wrong impression.
”No, nothing! I mean, okay, I maybe tried to do stuff...” I trail off blushing even more and she pushes my shoulder laughing.
”What did you do?! I knew you guys liked each other.” She nods her head, proud of her detective skills. It makes me smile. I feel like a schoolgirl talking about her crush on an older man. (Not too much older but you know in middle school when you had crushes on like a high school senior or something? Something like that).
”I don”t know. I was acting all emotional and I kissed him and then kind of pulled him on me and I was trying to uhm... undo his pants.” I say blushing a bit from embarrassment. She grins at me. ”Yeah okay, but he stopped me. He was the one who stopped.” I sigh and shrug my shoulders. ”Then a few days after that, the day we went dress shopping, I came home and we just…came together. We made out for a while and just touched each other and then he…” I trail off again and Tatyana jumps up, sitting forward, enthralled in the story.
“What? What did he do?” She looks so eager to know that I chuckle a little.
“He, well, he went down on me,” I admit and she squeals. Her squeal is so high-pitched that I cover my ears with my hands. When the noise stops, I drop my hands again and continue. “I was going to return the favor, you know, but he said he was happy to do it and he didn’t want me to rush into anything and all of that.”
“So he was basically the perfect gentleman,” Tatyana says and I nod. “Wait, did he get you to finish?”
“Mhm,” I respond and bite down on my lip. Tatyana raises her eyebrows and her smile grows. “Twice,” I add and she squeals again, pounding her fist on the couch in excitement.
“Yessss, OMG. I am so happy for you,” Tatyana cheers excitedly.
“Me too. Or I was. I don”t know. I guess I was just caught up in the whole performance. I was having fun and forgot that it had to end at some point.” Again I sigh. ”I”m probably just repeating myself now but that”s really all I can say. Well, besides the fact that I definitely like him.”
”I knew it!” Tatyana tosses popcorn at me. ”Also, duh. Everyone believed you guys were a couple. And you”re terrible at acting.” I roll my eyes but she is right. I”m really bad at it. ”Maybe he stopped you from going further because he wants to try a real relationship. Start where normal couples start.” She offers and I have to shrug again. I honestly don”t know. I don”t think he wants a relationship though. I sigh and lean my head back against the couch.
“I doubt that. If that were the case, he would have been a lot more understanding about the whole wedding dress thing. I clearly did not mean for that to happen, I had no idea,” I say and Tatyana shrugs. “Plus, he laughed when I asked about it,” I tell her and she gasps.
“No, he did not?!” Tatyana asks, horrified. I just nod. She shakes her head, clearly upset and disappointed. “Wow, that’s a little cruel. I mean, I can understand that he’s feeling a lot of emotions, but to laugh about it? That’s not cool.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “It stung more than I care to admit,” I tell her and she nods in understanding.
“Did you confront him?” Tatyana asks, moving to the edge of her seat as she gets worked up from the interaction.
“No,” I say, barely above a whisper.
“What?!” Tatyana smacks her hand loudly against her thigh. “Juli! Does that mean that you still haven’t told him how you feel?” Tatyana’s question makes me feel a pit in my stomach.
“I know I should have but he deserves better than me.” Before Tatyana can interrupt to protest, I continue. “I have been the cause of the chaos in his life and he deserves better. It will be easier for him to move on if he thinks his feelings are not reciprocated,” I add and Tatyana stares at me for a few seconds.
“You deserve to be happy, you know?” Tatyana says as she pulls me into a hug. I hold onto her for a few seconds before releasing her.
“Thank you,” I say and then quickly change the subject. “We should probably start moving my stuff out of here…” I say quietly, looking around the apartment.
Tatyana shakes her head, “Nope, sorry. You can’t come back. I won’t allow it.” I stare at her, open-mouthed, in confusion. She nods. “I have just decided that you cannot come back to live with me unless you actually try to work this out and it just doesn’t work. Then and only then can you come back to live with me.” She says and pats my arm affectionately. I roll my eyes.
“Okay, so what do I do now?” I pull a blanket up to my nose, hiding from the future.