Chapter 50
50
It was Joey. What was he doing, lurking out here alone in the gloom? I couldn’t stop to talk because as much distance as possible needed to be put between me and the house.
I strode down the drive towards the road, Joey following. “Anna, slow down, could you?” Casting a look over his shoulder, he asked, “What went on in there?”
I was embarrassed. “Nothing.”
“Nothing. Okay.”
We walked on. When the drive met the road, I said, “I’m going home. Go back to the party.”
“I want to go home too. But I don’t want to intrude.”
“You’re not.”
“So what happened?”
My face fixed firmly towards the direction of the town, I set off. “Ike. The goon. And me. There’s been, I don’t know, a flirtation.”
“So I heard.”
“You heard wrong.”
“…I’m confused.”
There were no street lamps out here, just light from a slender moon, which made it easier to be honest. “Look. He’s…I’ve…I was supposed to spend the night with him. At his place. But Helen. You know she arrived late? And”—my throat was tight—“The thing happened. It’s been a long time, but—”
“What thing?”
“When he saw Helen. He looked at me. Compared us. Saw we were similar.” I swallowed hard. “But she was better.”
“No. Aw, no, Anna. You imagined it.”
“You weren’t there.”
“Why would he prefer her?”
“Well, you did!”
Why had I said it? It was a lifetime ago! I was forty-eight years of age, I should have long matured past this petty snub.
“Wait now, what are you talking about?”
“Joey.” I took a breath. “I’m emotional. Too emotional. Spending time with all of them.” I waved a hand back towards the house. “My sisters, my mum. I’ve reverted to being about fifteen years old.”
“What do you mean I did it too?”
“Joey. If you ever had any affection for me, any regard, I’m pleading with you to forget I said that stupid thing.”
“Firstly, why are you speaking like a lady from a costume drama? Secondly, I have affection and regard for you in bucketloads, but I’ve upset you and that’s not good. Wouldja tell me?”
This was the real reason I was upset; nothing to do with Ike. “It was twenty years ago. You won’t remember.”
“Try me.”
“This is lamentable.” But it wouldn’t kill me to tell him. “The very first night you and I met—”
“In that sketchy bar in Midtown? Can’t believe you brought your parents.”
“You remember?”
“Oh my God, yeah , of course.”
“Seriously? Why?”
“Anna.” With a breathless laugh, he said, “I was so hot for you.”
My skin fizzed. Did I believe him? Hard to know, but the skin-fizzing felt good. So much better than the memories of his rejection. “Then you met Helen,” I said. “Suddenly I was invisible.”
“Not true. You ran off. I let you go, too scared of looking weak. Helen stayed. Because I was an immature dick I slept with her. I shouldn’t have inflicted myself on her. I regret almost everything I did in those years. I’m sorry I hurt you that night. But it was about me, not you.”
My phone beeped. Where are you?
A second text followed immediately. Have you left? Anna, please come back x
“That him?”
“He’s wondering where I am. If I’m coming back.”
“Are you?”
“No. What he did was rude .”
A mustard-colored glow appeared further down the road. “Stand in,” Joey said as a car came round a bend, and sped past us.
When we set off again, Joey asked, “What if the goon came roaring down the road in his pickup? If he jumped out and ordered you to get in.” In the faint light, I saw Joey standing on the white road markings, his arm outstretched, pointing at an invisible truck. “?‘Get in, Anna.’?” He was enjoying himself. “?‘Get in my truck, then get in my bed.’?”
“Say more!”
“Aaah, let’s see. ‘I’ve got a rock-hard love truncheon in my—’?” He subsided into laughter. “Yeah, not going there. At his house, he’d scoop you up in his big, goon-y arms. Kick open his door! Fling you on his bed! And—well, how about it, Anna? Would you go?”
“No.” I began walking again. After a long period of silence, I said, “It’s not like we were twin flames or anything. I just wanted a night of grown-up fun—”
“Anna. Can you please not?”
“What? You’ve given all that up.”
“But I’m still alive. It’s a decision I made for my own good, but it’s not always easy.”
“Sorry. I find— found —it difficult to think of you as this no-sex man. I’ll do better.”
“Thanks.” Then, Joey asked, “What happened with you and Torres? Did he cheat on you?”
“It’s not why we ended.”
“Did he ever?”
“I don’t think so. But…if he had I might have got past it.”
“Wow, Anna. You’re very…” He considered the word. “…open-minded.”
“That’s how I felt about Angelo. But I wouldn’t feel that way about everyone.”
“Like who?”
I’d said more than I’d meant to.
“Anna? Who?”
My pace slowed. Coming to a stop, I stood before him.
“Well.” My recklessness came from nowhere. I hadn’t planned this, but it was the truth. “Well, like you, Joey.”
“You’d mind?”
“I’d want to”—I swallowed—“kill you.”
Our faces were almost touching. I was close enough to see the fair-colored stubble around that indecently sexy mouth. So near that I swear I felt the sweep of his eyelashes on my skin. “Anna?”
“Sorry.” I stepped back. “I’m over-emotional, hormonal, I shouldn’t have said any of that.”
He nodded and as I turned to continue towards the town, he caught my elbow and swung me back to him, “Fyi, I would never cheat on you.”
Some huge emotion flared in me. Then, “But how could you, Joey? When you don’t sleep with anyone.”