Chapter 51
51
I kept moving, my eyes trained on our destination, until the ambient glow of Maumtully began to dilute the darkness.
“Joey, why were you outside alone in the dark up there?”
“It was hard.” He cleared his throat. “Seeing you with Ike. I was jealous.”
My heart seized. Between his departure on Thursday morning and his return last night, a lot had changed. Our cautious fondness had collapsed, liberating emotions which were older, deeper and far more dangerous.
Earlier tonight, getting ready, I was happy at how comfortable we had become. But we weren’t comfortable: we were flirting.
Now that he’d articulated what was actually going on, I let myself fully feel the rush of longing.
“Yeah.” He sounded rueful. “When Vivian said you’d slept with him—”
“I didn’t, though.”
“You can do what you like, Anna. I’ve no right to—”
“We kissed. Once. That’s all.”
“Still jealous.” He shot me a smile.
“…Is it because you miss sex? Or—”
“It’s specific to you.”
Fuuuuuuuuuuck.
“Joey?”
“Yeah?”
“If you wanted to kiss me, I’d be on for it.” I stopped, appalled. The dark, the displacement, was affecting my judgement. Had I read this wrong? “Sorry!”
“Changed your mind already? This feels familiar.”
“No.” Turning my body towards his, I clutched the lapels of his beautiful coat. “Joey, I haven’t.”
Time was speeding up and collapsing down, everything happening too fast. We should hit the brakes. But my hands found his face, pulling him closer. “Please.”
He studied me, his expression troubled. “You’d better come here then.” A hand curved around my back, compressing the soft padding of my coat, pulling me against his long, lean body.
The other hand he slid to the nape of my neck, his thumb tracing a path along my jaw. Afraid it might not happen, I stretched up to meet him. Cautiously, he lowered his face to mine. You’d swear he’d never before kissed anyone.
Chastely, his lips met mine…and that was all. Nothing else. Initially confused, I got it—he’d meant it about swearing off sex. The disappointment was devastating.
But, with a whispered fuck , his lips parted, his tongue was in my mouth and, oh my God, this was a kiss. This was spec tac ular. Hot and sweet and swooningly intimate, it was made of twenty years of longing.
The ghost of every near miss we’d had was in the ether; it had all been leading to this.
Intensely present, our connection tangible, I wanted to stay on this country road, on this cold night, kissing him forever.
Even through my marshmallow coat, his ironhard readiness was impossible to ignore. Would he sleep with me? Or would he refuse? Shocking though the thought was, he actually might.
As if he’d seen into my brain, he pulled away. “Anna? What the hell is this?”
My head felt strange, as if I’d stood up too quickly. “You know what this is.”
Silently, he considered me. “It’s cold. We need to get back.” Taking my hand, he tucked it into the warmth of his coat pocket and led me towards the town.