Chapter 6
six
. . .
Gracie
“Sure. You know I’ll help any way I can,” Cutler said, completely relaxed, as if this topic wasn’t awkward at all.
“This is one of the things I love about you,” I said, glancing out at the water in the distance, feeling more at ease than I had in months.
He laughed. “My skills in the bedroom? You don’t even know if I’m good.”
“Cutler. I don’t have to be there to know you’re good. I’ve seen the way women fall all over you. I’ve seen the way they want more after it’s over. I don’t have that. I mean, my ex-boyfriend even said I’m lacking in the bedroom.”
“I really wish I could have a moment alone with that guy right now. The fact that he’s given you a complex about sex pisses me the fuck off.”
“He didn’t give me a complex. I was already aware that it’s not an area of strength.
” I chuckled. “My inexperience is showing. And I don’t take it personally.
I’ve had three serious boyfriends, and let’s just say—there wasn’t a lot of passion involved in any of those relationships, you know?
At least not when it came to—that sort of stuff. ”
“Listen, Jeege, if we’re going to talk about it, you can’t be afraid to say it.”
“Say what?” I shook my head as I reached for my glass of wine.
“That they were bad in the sack. Shitty fucks. Lame lovers. However you want to word it.” He took a long pull from his bottle as his dark gaze locked with mine. “So, tell me what you think was lacking.”
“Well, Bowie was a great boyfriend. Do you remember him?”
“Bowie was a boy scout. No way that dude delivered. I offered him a sip of a White Claw when I came to visit you freshman year of college, and he acted like I’d asked him to rob a fucking bank.”
I tucked my teeth between my lips to try to keep my laughter under control.
“Bowie was the sweetest. But he barely touched me, and we dated my senior year of high school, and then we were long-distance that first year of college. He was just a good guy and a rule follower, but I’d say we both lacked experience.
And with him being my first boyfriend, I felt like something was wrong with me, because I was definitely more curious than he was back then.
We literally did nothing more than make out, and we didn’t even do that all that often.
He just wanted to talk and hold hands.” I shook my head with a snort.
“Why didn’t you talk to me? I would have told you that nothing was wrong with you.” He took another bite of his chicken.
“Well, this was mostly all happening the year when you stayed in Magnolia Falls to be with your mom. I certainly wasn’t going to talk to you about my concerns that my boyfriend barely touched me.”
“It would have been a good distraction at the time.” He shrugged and then rubbed his hands together. “How about good ole Carter? I remember I came back to school that year and you were always with him, but you did spend a lot of time in the library together. Were you just studying?”
I rolled my eyes. “You know that Carter was my first. I think I was just happy that I’d finally had sex and could put that behind me.”
I’d started dating Carter my sophomore year of college. Cutler had come back to school that year, as his mother was in remission and he’d decided it was okay to leave Magnolia Falls. He was still a bit wild back then, but he was starting to seem more like himself that year.
“Yes. I knew that. And I kind of hated that guy.”
“Carter? No one hated Carter. He was the mascot for our university.”
“He wore a fucking chicken suit. That did not make me like him more. He was too—” He paused to think it over. “Spirited.”
“Too spirited? What does that even mean? You’re spirited, Bear,” I said over my laughter. “Why is that a bad thing?”
“I’m spirited in a ‘Let’s grab a beer,’ ‘Let’s jump in the lake and skinny-dip,’ ‘Let’s throw a last-minute party’ kind of way…
That dude was more about dancing around in a chicken suit.
He was relentless at games about getting chants going.
It was hard to hold a fucking conversation with him shouting in the stands to sing along with him.
And stop avoiding the question. What was lacking in the sack with the chicken? ” He smirked, and I sighed.
We were having this conversation, so I knew I might as well just put it all out there. I wasn’t going to be able to change anything if I wasn’t honest about where I was.
“Fine. Carter was similar in the bedroom to the way he was on the football field.”
“He fucked like a chicken?” he asked over a mouthful of food.
“No, Bear!” I said over a fit of laughter. “He was…fast. There was no—you know, preparty.”
“Do you mean there was no foreplay? Is that what you’re saying? Because we can’t fix this if you can’t be straight with me.”
“Yes. There was no foreplay. It was always, fast and—” I blew out a breath. “Missionary. He didn’t want to try anything else. And no judgement, it just wasn’t very passionate.”
“Shit. You dated that dude for three years. And that was after coming off the Virgin King, Bowie. This is what you were dealing with? It never got better with Carter?”
“No. He said our sex life was normal. And he’d had more relationships than me, so I assumed he was right back then.
” I shrugged, shocked that I hadn’t thought to push for more with him.
I wasn’t comfortable talking about sex back then.
Hell, I was just finally starting to talk about it now, years later, and only with my best friend.
But my girlfriends would talk about their sex lives, and theirs always sounded much more exciting than mine.
But I guess I didn’t feel comfortable questioning things at the time.
“Why didn’t you ask me? We were together every damn day.” He threw his hands in the air.
“Because I knew you were doing things—differently. And with more women.”
I tried to hide the hint of jealousy in my voice.
Had it always been there? I’d never loved seeing him with different women, but I’d chalked it up to not wanting to become friends with women he’d be moving on from shortly after.
But maybe it was more than that? Or maybe I was just protective of him?
“So I couldn’t ask for relationship advice from someone who didn’t have a relationship that lasted longer than a few weeks. ”
“Hey, hey, now. A few weeks in college is like a lifetime for regular people. And what would I always tell you back then?” He paused as he waited for me to answer.
“That ‘the only girl you’d settle down with was me.’” I chuckled. “But you weren’t that guy, and we both knew it. It was just your shtick.”
“It wasn’t my shtick, Jeege. My relationships just sort of fizzled, and the only relationship with a female that ever went the distance was my friendship with you.
” He wriggled his brows. “But if we’d tested the waters, I would have made sure you felt good every damn day, unlike your shitty boyfriends. ”
“Well, the good news with my exes, at least the two before Gabriel, was that the lack of passion made for a very drama-free breakup. We ended amicably and there were no hurt feelings, so I’m calling it a win.”
“I recall both of them being pretty heartbroken.”
“Well, Bowie was sad for a few weeks, and we just talked it through on the phone a lot, but things never got ugly and we’re still friends today.” I shrugged. “And Carter did try to convince me to stay, but it blew over.”
“Didn’t he fucking propose to you?” He had a wicked grin on his face, because he’d been with me when Carter dropped to his knee unexpectedly after we’d broken up.
“There was no ring. It was a drunken Hail Mary,” I said over my laughter. “And he and I are still very friendly today.”
“Okay, so tell me about your final lover, Gabriel. He’s a fucking grown man, and he’s French, for fuck’s sake. Frenchmen are supposed to be born with swagger. He must have known his way around a pussy.”
“Cutler!” I shrieked, feeling my cheeks heat with embarrassment.
His head tipped back in laughter. “What? We’re talking about sex. You’ve got a pussy and you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it.”
“Oh my gosh. Stop. This conversation is over.” I covered my mouth to hide my smile and glanced out at the water.
I needed a minute.
“This conversation is just getting started, Jeege.” He took the last pull from his beer and waited for me to meet his gaze. “Did he at least make you come?”
I reached for my glass and gulped down the rest of my wine before tipping my chin up confidently. “No. I’ve never had an orgasm during sex.”
I mean, it’s the reason I’m here having this conversation with Cutler Heart.
Because it was time to change that.
I was twenty-eight years old, and no man had ever shown me true pleasure.
That didn’t sit well with me.
I wanted more.
“Fuck me,” he said on a growl, getting up from the table and walking toward the house.
“Where are you going?” I called after him. “We’re done?”
“We’re clearly going to need more booze for this conversation.” He chuckled as he stepped inside the house.
He returned with a new bottle of wine tucked under one arm and a six-pack of beer in his other hand.
He didn’t say a word as he refilled my wine glass. And then he popped the top off his beer and took a long pull.
I watched his Adam’s apple bob in his neck as the liquid moved down his throat.
Why was that so sexy?
Leave it to my best friend to have a sexy neck and an alluring Adam’s apple.
He leaned forward, elbows on the table, eyes on me. “He couldn’t even make you come with his tongue?”
My heart thudded in my chest, and I reached for my wine glass and took another sip. I swallowed a few times before speaking.
“He never tried. He said oral sex was for college kids, not grown adults. Unfortunately, my college boyfriend was in too much of a hurry, so he never went downtown either.”