Chapter 31
thirty-one
. . .
Cutler
Gracie had left two weeks ago. We talked daily just like we always had, but most days we were rushed. It was tough with the three-hour time difference and both of us being buried at work.
I was struggling with how much I missed her.
I couldn’t say that to her. I knew she was overwhelmed the day we’d said goodbye, and I was trying to put on a brave face. We could do this.
But it sucked already.
My house was quiet. I’d never minded alone time before, but everything was different now.
I was grateful that I had Meatball, because the dude never left my side.
But I still hated this house without her in it.
When Gracie was here, there’d been constant music playing and she was always dancing.
Always laughing.
We played board games, we cooked, we’d jump in the lake and end up in the shower at the end of the day.
Fuck.
I fucking missed her.
I rubbed a hand over my chest, desperate to make the ache go away.
Hence the reason I’d come home and gotten shitfaced on whiskey.
I sat on my couch, the room dark and quiet, only the sound of Meatball’s snoring filling the space around me.
I tipped my head back and downed the amber liquid, relishing the way it burned going down.
I ran a hand over my face, a reminder that I hadn’t shaved in days. I was a fucking mess.
I picked up my phone and pulled up my group chat called “The Godfathers.”
Romeo, River, King, and Hayes.
They’d been in my life since the day I was born.
I typed in the words that I’d only used one other time in my life, when my father had sunk into a dark place back when my mother was sick.
And here I was typing those words again.
ROD 911.
ROD was the name of my company, which my father and my uncle Kingston had started back in Magnolia Falls. It stood for “Ride or Die,” words my father and my uncles took very seriously.
Words I’d grown up living by.
Uncle Ro
Hang tight.
Uncle River
We’ve got you.
Uncle Hayes
Got you, buddy.
Uncle King
We’ll figure it out, Beefcake.
I chuckled, though there was nothing genuine behind it. But the memory of my childhood name comforted me in a weird way.
We had a bond. I knew they wouldn’t tell my father that I’d sent it. I figured I’d get a call in the morning, and they’d help me figure things out. It was well past midnight, so I was surprised that they’d all responded so quickly.
They’d given me this code back when I was in high school. They’d told me to send this text if I ever needed them, and they knew I wouldn’t use it unless it was important.
We’d set the code up without my father’s knowledge, though I knew he’d be happy that they had it in place.
I was close with my dad.
With both of my parents.
I spoke to them daily.
But this was complicated, because it was Gracie. We were connected by our families. I didn’t want this to be any messier than it already was.
Gracie and I had agreed to keep our relationship a secret until we figured things out.
But we were living on opposite sides of the country now, so how the fuck were we supposed to do that?
I thought about calling Gracie, but it was three o’clock in the morning there. She’d be alarmed. It was my job to make this easier on her.
Not harder.
And I was drunk as hell and needed sleep.
“Come on, Meatball.” I scratched the top of his head and stood up, stumbling a bit. He did some sort of dramatic yawn before hopping off the couch and following me to my bedroom.
I hated the way I felt. The guys had been nagging me to meet them out tonight, but I just didn’t feel like it.
I brushed my teeth and stripped down to my briefs, rolling my eyes when I saw my big beast of a dog lying on his back, sprawled in the middle of my bed.
I was too drunk to care.
“What kind of bet did I lose?” I climbed beneath the blankets as the room started to spin. “There used to be a beautiful woman lying there. And now she’s gone. It’s just you and me, Meatball.”
I squeezed my eyes closed, begging sleep to take me from my misery.
And thankfully, the booze and exhaustion kicked in all at once.
And darkness took me.
A jackhammer pelted me in the head numerous times before Meatball howled so loud that I thought my head would explode.
What the fuck is happening?
I sat up, my head spinning, as nausea climbed my throat.
The pounding continued, but I realized it wasn’t in my head; it was coming from outside.
I walked to the bathroom, took a piss, and then realized the noise was actually coming from my front door.
I pulled on my gray joggers and stumbled down the hallway as the world’s worst hangover dominated my movements.
I pulled the door open, startled when I saw them standing there.
My four uncles.
My godfathers.
As they clapped me on the shoulder one by one and stepped inside, I rubbed my face, trying to process what was happening.
“You look like shit,” River said, humor lining his tone.
“This is obviously bad,” Romeo said. He put an arm around my shoulder, walking beside me toward the kitchen. “Come on. Let’s get some coffee on.”
“There better be something to eat here,” Kingston said. “I’m starving, and we didn’t want to stop because we were anxious to get here.” He pulled the refrigerator open and started pulling food out.
“I think our boy probably needs food in his stomach too.” Hayes started the coffee and pulled out several mugs from the cupboard.
Meatball howled again, his new form of communication when he was hungry. He wasn’t much of a barker, but he sure knew how to howl.
“And what the fuck is this?” River held out a hand, motioning to my new four-legged best friend.
“This is Meatball,” I grumped as I stood at the kitchen island and set my forehead down on the cool porcelain. “He needs to eat.”
“I’ve got it, you go sit. You clearly went big last night,” Romeo said, ushering me to the kitchen table.
“Thank you. He eats the moist food in the bag in the refrigerator. He gets half a bag.” I picked my head up when Hayes brought some coffee over.
Kingston was cooking up some eggs, and River put some toast in the toaster, and I just sat there, sipping my coffee and replaying the evening.
ROD 911.
“Fuck. I texted you last night.” I sighed as I moved to the laundry room and grabbed a hoodie and pulled it over my head.
“You did.” River set a plate of toast down in the center, handed me a piece, and took the seat across from me. “Get some bread in your stomach.”
I nodded and took a few bites, just as Romeo set Meatball’s dish down on the floor beside the island, and he came to sit in the chair beside me.
“I shouldn’t have sent that. I was just having a moment.”
“You’ve sent that text two times in your life,” Hayes said. “I don’t think you were having a moment. I think something is up, and you’re trying to deal with it on your own.” He set down five plates and forks, and then Kingston walked over and scooped the eggs on a plate for each of us.
I was actually hungry, which was a good sign.
I took a few bites of food as they waited for me to fill them in.
“Is there a reason your dad isn’t here?” Kingston asked.
“Fuck. I don’t know.” I blew out a breath and looked up. “I don’t want to involve my parents right now. I don’t know where this is going, and we didn’t want to add pressure to the situation.”
“Pressure?” River asked, setting his fork down. “Are you in trouble? Legal trouble?”
I snorted. “No. Why would you think that?”
Romeo said, “You sent the first text years ago in the middle of the night when your father was spiraling. He’d fallen apart in front of you for the first time in your life, and you were worried.
Things were bad. None of us knew if Emerson would be okay, and we rallied around them, and thankfully she came through it like a champ.
And then you sent the text last night. Everyone’s healthy as far as we know, so we were worried you were in some sort of trouble. ”
“Ride or die, Beefcake. We don’t judge.” Kingston raised a brow, and I saw the loyalty in each of their gazes as my eyes moved around the table.
“Jesus. No. I’m not in trouble with the law,” I chuckled, this sarcastic sound coming from me. “I’m in love with Gracie Reynolds.”
Romeo whistled. “It’s about damn time.”
“Why is this a bad thing?” Hayes asked as he popped some more eggs in his mouth.
Why did none of them seem surprised that I’d just shared that I was in love with Gracie? Clearly, I was the last one to figure this out.
“Well, it’s complicated. She was just staying here after getting out of a shitty relationship when she returned from Paris. She didn’t want to date anyone, so it started out as a casual thing that we kept between us,” I admitted. “We had a plan, and it was working well at first.”
River looked at me. “You’re lucky Cage didn’t hear about that, or he might’ve been the one to get in trouble with the law when he kicked your ass.”
“That’s the thing. It was never casual for me. Hell, I think I’ve loved her my whole life. But I was following her rules.” I rubbed my face. “She knew she was leaving. It wasn’t supposed to turn into something.”
“Well, it never is,” Romeo chuckled. “But you can’t stop the way you feel about someone. So what’s the problem? Did you tell her that you love her?”