Chapter 31 #2
“Yes.” I filled them in on all the details.
How we’d decided to just see what happened after she’d left for New York.
No rules. No plan. “And I’m fucked, because I’m miserable.
And if I tell my parents what’s going on, and this doesn’t work out, they’ll be really upset.
So I’m keeping it in. I mean, my friends know, but I’m trying to put on a brave face.
But at the end of the day, it is a big fucking deal.
I love her. She lives on the opposite side of the country, and we have no fucking plan.
She might never come home. She might love it there.
She might meet someone else and forget about me.
Who fucking knows? I’m not the safest bet, so I wouldn’t blame her for moving on.
I’ve never even had a serious relationship. I’d probably fuck it up.”
And there it was.
Was I going to press her to make things official when I knew she doubted I could be that guy?
That I could be the forever guy?
Romeo turned to face me. “Don’t say that.
You are that fucking guy. You may have dated a lot of women over your adult life—hell, we all did.
But this girl has always been the one. You called it back when you were a kid.
You just had to let go of some of those fears, and allow yourself to love her.
And you’re the most loyal dude I know, Cutler Heart. ”
“Agreed,” Kingston said as he reached for his coffee. “No one is that guy until they meet that girl, you know?”
“Oh, we all know. And you had to go and pick my sister, didn’t you?” Hayes said to Kingston with a smirk.
“Fuck yeah. Best decision I ever made.” His tone turned serious, and he said to me, “If you love her, don’t let fear keep you from going all in.”
“And how do I do that?” I shrugged. “This is her dream job. She already followed the wrong guy to Paris. She wants to make this work. I’d be selfish to ask her to come back for me.
I’m trying to do the right thing. Let her chase her dreams and hope she still wants me when she’s done chasing them.
But what do I do in the meantime? Just sit around miserable, waiting to see what happens? I’m going out of my mind.”
“You’re not a sit-on-the-sidelines type of guy, Cutler. It’s not who you are.” River’s gaze locked with mine. “No more secrets. No more holding back. You love her, right? She’s your girl?”
“Yes. No question about it.”
“Then you support her dreams, but you don’t hold back for one second,” River said.
“It’s not about pressuring her to come back, because that’s not your decision to make.
If you want this, if you want her…” He paused and took a sip of his coffee.
“You put it all out there. You let your family know, and you tell her you aren’t holding back.
If she wants you there, you fucking go there. ”
I nodded. “What about my business?”
“What about it?” Hayes said. “You start something in New York, if that’s what it takes.
You don’t have to do it right away. Just tell her you’re willing to.
You’re willing to visit as often as she wants.
You’re willing to move there if that’s what she wants.
You’re not going anywhere, because she’s it for you.
This isn’t a wait-and-see; this is the real deal.
So you figure out how to make it work. End of story. ”
“Yep. That’s some damn good advice. You’re not asking her to choose you or her job,” Kingston said. “You are choosing her. And whatever she needs, you’re going to do it.”
“And if right now, she says that she needs to do this on her own,” Romeo said as he set his fork down, “then you tell her you’ll be right here waiting for her. You aren’t playing it by ear and dating other women. You’re here waiting to see what she wants. That’s what you say.”
“And what if she doesn’t know what she wants? What if she wants to do this on her own?”
“Well, that won’t be because you didn’t shoot your shot,” Hayes said. “But doing nothing, and letting the woman you love go without a fight—that’s a sure way to lose her.” He shrugged.
Kingston reached for a piece of toast. “What’s that saying, ‘If you love someone, you need to set them free, and if they love you, they’ll come back.’ And if they don’t, they were never yours.”
“What kind of philosophical bullshit is that?” River chuckled. “She’s always been yours. You just have to tell her you’re all in.”
“She’s always been mine, and I’ve always been hers. We just didn’t know it before now.” I leaned back in my chair.
“Boom. Mic drop,” River said, laughing.
“We don’t let fear keep us from going after what we want, Beefcake.” Romeo clapped me on the shoulder.
“Thanks. I can’t believe you guys are here. I needed this.” I rubbed my face again in relief.
“Always. Ride or die,” River said, looking around the table.
I smiled as we all said the words together: “Ride or die. Brothers till the end. Loyalty always. Forever my friend.”
They were right.
I couldn’t just sit back and wait for things to play out.
It was time to come up with a plan. It might not mean things would happen today, or tomorrow, or even in a couple of months.
I’d get things squared away at the office so I could fly there and talk to her in person.
But Gracie Reynolds needed to know that I was all in.
It didn’t matter where we lived or how often we saw one another.
She was my girl, and I didn’t want anyone else.
And if I had to wait a lifetime, she’d be worth the wait.