Chapter 11 #3
That bothered me more than I had imagined.
I looked at her, but I didn't make any comment because to talk about that we needed to be calm, and I needed to give her my full attention, and at that moment I was driving.
It would be best to wait until we reached her apartment, because I wasn't going to leave until she told me the reasons that had led her to make that decision.
As soon as I parked in front of her building, she opened the door to get out, but before doing so she said:
“There's no need for you to get out. Thank you for your kindness in bringing me home. Goodbye, Cavaller.”
When she got out of the car, I did too and followed her.
“What are you doing?” she asked, looking at me in astonishment.
“We need to talk.”
“Are you dense or deaf today? I told you I don't want to…” I placed a finger on her lips to silence her, though the contact with her delicate skin managed to unsettle me.
“I see I’ve managed to bring out the worst in you today. Perhaps it would be good for you to vent and throw everything that’s bothering you in my face, because it’s obvious you’re upset about something,” I suggested, because I wasn’t planning to leave until I understood what was going on with her.
“Cavaller, I don’t want to talk to you. I’m tired and I want to go to bed,” she said, after sighing wearily.
“That makes two of us,” I stated, with a double meaning and smiling discreetly.
“What?” she asked, looking at me with a furrowed brow.
“Open the door, the doorman is watching us.”
“You’re not going to leave, are you?”
“No, not until we talk.”
“Fine. But I’m making it clear that after this conversation, I don’t want anything more to do with you,” she stated, causing me to feel that uncomfortable sensation in my chest again with those words.
We entered her building, greeted the doorman, and took the elevator up. I couldn’t stop looking at her; she was truly so beautiful that my hands trembled with the desire to touch her, but it seemed I didn’t inspire the same feelings in her. She confronted me as soon as we entered her apartment.
“We’re here now, tell me what you have to say,” she said, taking a seat in one of the living room armchairs.
“May I sit down?”
“Go ahead.”
“I want to know why you didn’t call me. We had agreed on that. Didn’t you want to see me?”
“As I told you, I was busy,” she responded, very casually.
“Stop addressing me formally. And don’t give me the excuse about lack of time because you went out with your friends, which leads me to conclude that you preferred to meet with them rather than with me,” I pointed out, letting all my anger show.
“From what I saw, you also had plans for today, so I don’t understand the reproach. Besides, if you were interested in seeing me, you could have called me too.”
Touché. I had to give her credit for that one; she had seen me having dinner with a woman.
“That’s true, but we had agreed that you would do it,” I reminded her.
“Very well, then let me make something clear. I’ve been thinking it over and I’m afraid I’ll have to decline your proposal,” she said, very calmly, and at that moment I felt my stomach churning.
“Are you telling me you don’t want us to be lovers?” I asked, not sure if I had used the best words.
“I’m saying that what you’re proposing doesn’t work for me.”
“And may I know why you changed your mind?” I asked, unable to hide the sarcasm because it bothered me that she changed her opinion without explanations.
“I understand that what we would have would be an affair, but I had thought it would be just you and me in that affair. Today I realized I was wrong and that you would also be seeing other women. I was naive, I know, and I regret it because I said yes to something I’m now unwilling to do, I’m sorry.
I don’t accept you leaving my bed and getting into others, nor do I accept seeing you with other women, that’s not for me.
Having said that, and cleared up the misunderstanding, I have nothing more to say,” she stated, and stood up as if inviting me to leave.
That confirmed what I thought—Devon believed I was on a date.
On the other hand, she was telling me she wanted fidelity and, although we hadn’t explicitly stated it, I had thought that was clear.
I also wanted the relationship we were going to have to be without third parties because I couldn’t bear the idea of her being with others and, therefore, I wasn’t planning to be with other women either. It was time to make that clear.
“Sit down because I haven’t yet said what I think.”
“Stop giving me orders, you have the bad habit of ordering instead of asking for things and it’s very annoying,” she protested.
“Sit down,” I ordered, without taking into account what she had just told me, causing her to let out a loud snort very uncharacteristic of her, which made me look at her with a raised eyebrow.
“Why did you think our relationship would be monogamous?” I asked, mostly to be clear about what she thought of the relationship, because it was obvious we hadn’t been very clear about each other’s expectations.
“Because I’ve never been in an open relationship and I never would be,” she stated, and that made me feel an irrational joy.
“Why?” I insisted, to know what she was thinking.
“I already told you, because I don’t like sharing my partner, who in your case would just be the man I have sex with, though that doesn’t change what I think.”
For her, we would only be partners in bed. Perhaps I hadn’t been very clear. Yes, I had told her I didn’t want us to get emotionally involved, and she had agreed, but that didn’t mean we were only going to see each other in secret and only for sex.
“I never said we would be in an open relationship; you came to that conclusion all by yourself.”
“I came to it after seeing you with a woman. I think it’s more of a fact than an assumption,” she stated, and I had to give her credit for that too because she had no way of knowing that Leonor was my former sister-in-law and that we were only in a family meeting, so to speak.
“But you didn't call me and I thought you weren't going to,” I said, but at that moment, seeing her expression, I knew it wasn't the best comment.
“William, only four days had passed since you'd been in my bed, four measly days and you were already with someone else. I'm sure you had no intention of being faithful to me, because it's obvious that fidelity isn't your thing. I'm not going to risk it with you because I know I'll end up losing.”
And that hurt. It was clear she didn't know me. What had led her to conclude that I was unfaithful?
“Losing? And what would you lose?”
“My dignity, because I'd be accepting things I don't like,” she stated, and her comment hurt again, she was hitting me hard and making me feel like garbage.
“From my perspective, you'd only be winning because I'm going to give you a lot of pleasure,” I commented, and at that moment I tried to get closer to her, but she stopped me with her cold and decisive comment.
“No, William. I'm not going to change my way of thinking nor do I intend to convince you that what I think is right.
I'm not judging you, everyone is how they are, and I'm not going to change.
I've had to weather too many storms to be at peace, and I don't want to put myself back in the eye of the hurricane.”
What was she making me out to be? I wasn't some son of a bitch and I always respected the women I was with. The times I had dated more than one woman, it was because things were clear and we both agreed.
“Are you saying you consider me a hurricane in your life?”
“Something like that.”
“And if I told you I wasn't on a date? Would you believe me?” I asked, to know if she was capable of believing in me or if she was sentencing me without giving me her vote of confidence.
She observed me carefully and then sentenced me firmly.
“No.”
“You wouldn't believe me,” I lamented, completely disappointed.
“I don't find you to be a trustworthy man,” she stated, and that hurt me to my soul, it hurt so much that even I was surprised by what I was feeling.
“Is that your final word?” I asked, annoyed at her unjustified censure, and I stood up.
“Yes,” she responded with conviction, and although it hurt, I knew I had nothing more to say because she had already sentenced me.
The disappointment I felt was immense.
“May I ask that you allow me to see Aurora again? Whenever she wants, of course,” she asked.
“I think it's better if you don't see each other anymore,” I responded with certainty. If she thought that about me, it was better to break any kind of relationship.
“I can understand that. Goodbye, William, I wish you the best,” she said, but I noticed her anguish, and I assumed it was because of Aurora since she had made it clear to me that I wasn't a man who was up to her standards.
“Dr. Dulcet,” I greeted, returning to formality.
I left there feeling a void beginning to grow inside me and devouring me from within, clawing at my chest and making me feel something I had never felt before. What the hell was that?
When I got into the elevator, I leaned against one of the walls. I had no reason to feel this way, I was a powerful man, I could have any woman I wanted... except her, who evidently thought I wasn't worth it. I shook my head. I wasn't going to waste any more of my time on Dr. Dulcet.