22. Madison
— ? —
Madison
Graham’s boat cut through the harbor, the engine humming low beneath us, and I let myself stand too close to Ford at the railing because no one was watching and the sun felt good on my bare shoulders and I was so tired of fighting what I wanted.
“You’re quiet today.” He leaned his forearms on the rail, his shoulder brushing against mine in a way that could have been accidental but wasn’t. “You’ve barely said two words since we left the dock.”
“I’m thinking. Trying to enjoy the water without my brain running in circles for once.”
“About what? The circles, I mean.”
“The site, mostly. We’re almost back on schedule, which feels like a small miracle after everything.” I watched the wake fan out behind us, white foam against deep blue.
“What about the electrical room? I remember you saying that was the worst of it.”
“The fire didn’t spread past that one room, so the rest of the structure is solid. Jason says two more weeks of work and we’ll be right back where we were before it happened.”
His jaw tightened at the name, a small tell I might have missed if I hadn’t been looking for it. He covered the reaction by shifting closer, his hip pressing warm against mine through the thin fabric of my dress.
“Good. That’s really good, Madison.” His hand found the small of my back, settling there like it belonged, his palm warm through the fabric. “I’m glad you didn’t lose most of the progress you’ve been working toward.”
The boat rocked on a swell and my hip bumped harder against his. His other hand came up automatically to steady me, fingers curling around my waist, and he didn’t let go once I’d found my balance.
His grip was firm but gentle, holding me like I was something precious.
“Careful.” His thumb traced a slow circle against the curve of my hip, the touch light enough to make my skin prickle. “These swells can sneak up on you if you’re not paying attention.”
“I’m fine. I’ve been on boats before.”
“I know you are. I know you have.” He stepped closer, his chest almost touching my shoulder now, the heat of his body radiating through the thin layer of air between us. “You’re always fine, aren’t you? Even when everything’s falling apart, you hold yourself together like nothing’s wrong.”
I should have moved away. Created distance between us. Protected myself from whatever this was becoming, this slow drift back toward something I’d already walked away from.
I didn’t move. I stayed exactly where I was and let myself feel the warmth of him along my whole left side.
His hand slid from my waist to the small of my back, a warm steady pressure through the thin fabric of my dress.
I could feel every point of contact between us, his hip against mine, his shoulder brushing my arm, his breath stirring the hair at my temple when he leaned in closer.
“Everyone’s watching us,” I murmured, though I didn’t pull away. “Greer’s been glancing over here every thirty seconds and pretending she’s not.”
“Let them watch. Let them stare all they want.” His lips brushed the shell of my ear as he spoke, close enough that I felt the words more than heard them. “I don’t care who sees anymore. I spent too many years caring about the wrong things.”
My heart was doing something stupid and fast in my chest. I could feel my pulse jumping in my throat, and when his fingers spread wider across my back, pressing me closer, my breath caught loud enough for him to hear.
“Madison.” The way he said my name made my stomach flip, low and rough like it cost him something. “Look at me for a second.”
“What?”
“Just look at me. Please.”
I turned my head. His face was inches from mine, close enough that I could see the flecks of gold in his eyes, the faint lines at the corners that hadn’t been there when we got married.
He reached up and pushed a strand of hair from my face, tucking it carefully behind my ear like I might break if he moved too fast.
His fingers trailed down along my jaw, mapping the shape of my face like he was memorizing it. My skin burned everywhere he touched.
“I think about this constantly, you know.” His voice was quiet, meant just for me, lost beneath the sound of the engine and the water. “Being close to you like this. Having you let me be close.”
“Ford. Don’t.”
“I’m not asking for anything. I know I don’t have the right to ask for anything.” His thumb traced along my cheekbone, featherlight. “I just want this. One afternoon where you don’t run from me.”
The boat rocked again on another swell and I stumbled forward into him. His arms wrapped around me instantly, steadying me, pulling me flush against his chest before I could fall.
My hands landed flat on his shoulders and I could feel his heart pounding under my palms, as fast and unsteady as my own.
We were pressed together now, my back against the railing, his body blocking out the sun. His hands were on my waist, holding me steady against the rock of the boat, and his forehead dropped to rest against mine. I could feel his breath on my lips.
“You’re tense.” His voice was rough, barely above a whisper. “What’s wrong? Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I shook my head, a small movement that made our noses brush. The truth was I didn’t know what was wrong. Being this close to him and wanting to be closer. Wanting to trust him and being terrified to try. Wanting to kiss him and knowing that would change everything.
“Talk to me, Madison.” His nose brushed against mine, back and forth, an almost-kiss that made my whole body ache. “Whatever you’re thinking, just tell me. I can take it.”
“I’m thinking I should know better by now.”
“Probably. You’re probably right.” His hands tightened on my waist, pulling me closer instead of letting go. “Do you want me to let go? Say the word and I’ll step back. I’ll give you all the space you need.”
I didn’t answer. The answer was no, don’t let go, don’t step back, don’t give me space I don’t actually want, and we both knew it.
He pulled back just enough to look at my face, searching my eyes for something.
His thumb found my chin, tilting it up toward him, and then he traced the pad of his thumb across my lower lip.
“Ford.” My voice came out breathless. “What are you doing?”
“Hmm?” He traced my lip again.
“If you keep doing that, I’m going to do something stupid.”
“What kind of stupid?” His thumb pressed slightly against my lower lip, parting my mouth just barely. “Tell me. I want to hear you say it.”
I didn’t answer with words. I just looked at his mouth and he looked at mine and the space between us got smaller and smaller until I could taste his breath.
His lips brushed my neck, just below my ear. A groan rumbled low in his chest, vibrating through his body into mine, and the sound made my knees weak.
“Christ, Madison.” He pulled back, his eyes slightly wild. “I didn’t mean to do that. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t mind.”
“I’m trying so hard to take this slow, to do it right this time, and you’re standing there looking at me like that and I can’t…
” He stopped mid-sentence, took a shaky breath.
His hands were trembling slightly where they gripped my waist. “I want to kiss you so badly right now I can’t think straight. It’s taking everything I have not to.”
“Then kiss me.” The words came out before I could stop them or think about what they meant. “Stop fighting it and just kiss me.”
He went completely still against me. “Madison. Are you sure?”
“I’m tired of fighting this thing between us. I’m so tired of pretending I don’t want you when we both know I do.” I fisted my hands in the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. “Just kiss me already, Ford. Please.”
He didn’t kiss me.
He stared at me for a long moment. And then he leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine.
“Not here,” he said roughly, the words scraping out of his throat. “Not in front of everyone, with all our friends watching. When I kiss you again, I want to take my time with it. I want to do it right.”
“Who says you get to decide when and where?”
“We did it my way, and you left in the morning. So this is not me deciding for you. I’m asking you to let me do this properly.
” He pulled back just enough to look into my eyes, his expression raw and open.
“Let me take you somewhere private. Let me show you how much I’ve missed you without an audience. Please, Madison.”
I opened my mouth to argue, to tell him I didn’t want to wait, that I’d been waiting for months already.
That was when I saw her.
Valerie was standing near the cabin door with a drink in her hand, watching us with that same sweet poisonous smile she used to wear every time she touched my husband in my own kitchen.
My whole body went cold. Every warm feeling Ford had stirred up turned to ice in my veins.
I shoved away from him so hard I nearly fell, stumbling backward, putting as much distance between us as I could manage on the narrow deck.
He reached for me, his face confused, and I was already moving, already crossing the deck with my vision narrowing to a single point.
Greer was standing with Graham near the cooler, laughing at something he’d said. I grabbed her arm hard enough to leave finger-shaped bruises.
“What the fuck is she doing here?” I kept my voice low but I could hear the venom dripping from every word. “Tell me right now why Valerie is standing on your boat.”
Greer’s head snapped around, her eyes going wide. “What? Who are you talking about?”
“Valerie. Your husband’s boat, my ex-husband’s friend. You invited her here?” The name came out of my mouth like poison, like something rotten I needed to spit out. “You invited Valerie on your boat knowing I would be here?”
“I didn’t invite her. I swear to God, Madison, I had no idea she was on board.” Greer looked genuinely shocked, her face pale. “Graham? Did you know about this? Did you invite her?”
Graham shook his head, looking just as confused as his wife. “News to me. I haven’t seen Valerie in months, not since everything happened with you and Ford.”