My Little Doe

Chapter 12

The room was bright, and my eyes strained to open.

My right eye was opening more than it did yesterday.

I looked around the room, trying to figure out where I was.

In one corner, there was a male sitting in a chair, his head dipped to his chest. I didn’t recognize him.

I shifted in the bed, and he lifted his head and stared at me. I gasped.

Movement from my right made my head turn. Quinnlyn had stood up and moved to the side of the bed. The man in the chair stood up and started walking toward me. My stomach churned, heart racing faster.

“You’re okay,” the man said. “I’m Dr. Arthur.”

“He’s the one who took care of you,” Quinnlyn said.

“What happened to me?”

“Your son arrived far too early, and because of that, the placenta didn’t detach completely, leaving fragments in there.

You were bleeding out. I’d rather you come into the clinic, but…

that’s neither here nor there. I gave you some medicine, and I performed a procedure to remove the retained placental tissue,” he said.

“Oh… My baby is gone…” Tears rolled down my face.

“Do you not remember giving birth?” Dr. Arthur said.

“Yes. No. I do. I just forgot for a moment.”

“Quinnlyn brought him with. We held off on cremation in case you wanted to say goodbye first,” Dr. Arthur said.

“No… I… I… said goodbye. Can I have…” I gasped for air. “Can I have the ashes?”

“Of course. He’s your baby,” Dr. Arthur said.

Sobs exploded out of me. He reached his arm out and placed it on my upper arm. I flinched and pulled away. Even through the tears, I caught him glancing at Quinnlyn.

“Let’s talk outside, Quinn,” Dr. Arthur said.

“Yes, sir,” Quinnlyn said.

“No. Don’t leave me,” I wept out.

“My Titi is going to come in and help you,” Quinnlyn said.

Both of them walked out of the room, and before the door could swing shut, the female who stood outside the truck walked in.

“How ya feelin’, dear?” she asked.

“Not okay,” I managed to get out.

“Yeah… I wouldn’t be okay either,” she said.

Tears continued streaming down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure what to say.

“I need to check your bleeding, okay?”

“Okay, I guess?”

“I’m going to walk you through everything before I do it. I’ll ask before I touch.”

“What do I call you?”

“Lina or Titi,” she said, giving me a slight smile.

I’d been dressed in a gown at some point between last night and this morning.

Lina had lifted my gown and pulled my panties back, checking the amount of blood on the pad.

There wasn’t much. She told me that it was a good thing and that I had barely bled since Dr. Arthur went in and got the pieces of placenta that stayed behind.

She explained that they had given me medication, blood, and fluids through an IV.

I reached down and rubbed the spot where the IV had been. They removed it early that morning, once my color had come back.

“You’ll need to take it easy for several weeks, at least eight. You didn’t have a normal birth,” she told me.

“I don’t know where I’m supposed to go. I don’t know what to do,” I muttered.

“Don’t cha worry about that right now, chile,” she said.

“I’m definitely worried about it. I’ve been a prisoner for sixteen weeks,” I said, looking at my hands resting in my lap.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she said.

I nodded.

“I need to talk about another thing before the men come back in. I know that your baby isn’t here, but your body doesn’t understand that, okay?”

“Okay?” I said, not sure what she meant.

“You’re gonna lactate. In a few days, your breasts will feel full. It will be uncomfortable. I’ll make sure you get a tight bra and some cabbage leaves to help,” she said.

“Oh,” I said.

My baby was born. He lived, and my body didn’t know he was gone. I’d make milk. Every day, my body would remind me that I should have my baby in my arms, nursing. Who the fuck was I kidding? They weren’t going to let me keep the baby anyway. I was as good as dead regardless of when he was born.

“Now, Quinn will be takin' ya out to a cabin in the bayou, to rest and recover. We weren’t quite done with it, not quite ready for ya—”

The door opened, and Quinnlyn came back in. The doctor was no longer there.

“I think Dr. Arthur wants a word outside, Titi,” he said.

She got up and left the room, shutting the door behind her. My brows furrowed. Her last statement was playing in my head. Not quite ready for ya.

“Your aunt said we’re going to a cabin… it sounded like they had been preparing it for me—for us?” I said to Quinnlyn.

“Sure… I called ahead and told them what happened. You needed help. Would you rather have me leave you to die?”

“Part of me wanted that…” I muttered.

His eyes widened, his lips tightened. He didn’t say anything for a long moment.

“As soon as you can walk, we will be leaving. My Titi is gathering supplies for us to have at the cabin,” he said.

“I’m hungry,” I said, my stomach grumbling, as if to agree with me.

“I’ll work on that,” he said, then walked out the door.

There was another door in the room, where I could see a toilet.

I needed to use the restroom, and I surely wasn’t asking for his help with that.

I sat up more and swung my legs off the bed.

I let out a big sigh. I still felt weak, but much better than I had yesterday.

I placed my palms on the bed next to me and gently pushed myself up.

I turned carefully to hold the bed as I found my footing. My knees trembled under me.

I took a couple more breaths. I had this. I turned, leaving my left hand gripping the bed as I walked alongside it. After a few steps, I felt steadier. I continued walking to the bathroom, nice and slow.

Once inside the bathroom, there was a small sink and vanity.

Above it was a mirror, and I turned to face myself.

As soon as my eyes met my reflection, my hand instinctively moved to my right eye, gently rubbing it.

It was deep purple and black from my eye socket to my nose.

The right side of my face was still considerably puffy.

The toilet was right next to the sink, and I moved to sit down.

I pulled the large underwear and pad down.

There was light spotting on the pad, but compared to what had come out of me following the birth, it was nothing.

The door opened, and I froze on the toilet. Oh goodness. I hadn’t even shut the door.

“Zalayuh?” Quinnlyn’s voice carried through the room.

“I’m… um don’t come in here… Fixin’ to go to the bathroom,” I called out.

“Okay. I’ll be out here when you’re done,” he said.

I headed to the bathroom, and as I peed, everything down there burned. I gasped a couple of times, but by the end, the pain had subsided. I pulled my underwear back up, washed my hands, and then slowly walked back into the room.

I opened the door to let Quinnlyn back inside. In his hand, he had a glass plate that had eggs, bacon, and a bowl filled with steaming grits. I walked back to the bed and climbed into it. He handed me the plate. It was the first time I’d eaten on glassware since I’d been held captive.

“Not afraid of me breaking the plate on your head, stabbing you with a fork?” I asked.

“There’s always that possibility. Eat up. Since you can move, we will head out after you finish,” he said.

“Am I still a prisoner?” I asked.

“Um… I… um… no. You’re free to go wherever, but I’d highly recommend against that right now,” he said.

“Okay. Do I have to wear this?” I asked, pulling at the gown.

He let out a small laugh. “No, I’ll get you some other clothes while you eat.”

He left the room, and I started shoveling the food into my mouth.

I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until that first bite hit my tongue.

The grits were so scalding hot, yet I couldn’t stop shoveling them into my mouth.

The bacon was the perfect golden brown. The scrambled eggs were moist, not dry.

This was probably one of the best meals I’d ever eaten. As I finished, Quinnlyn walked back in.

“I got you some comfortable clothes… given your… condition,” he said.

“Thanks,” I told him.

“Once you get dressed, come out here, and we can head out,” he said.

He handed me a grey sweatsuit outfit and a light pink sports bra.

There was also a pair of black briefs and a thick pad folded in there.

On top of the clothes were a pair of tennis shoes and socks.

I went back into the bathroom, shutting the door this time.

I slowly removed the gown and underwear that I’d been wearing.

I hadn’t worn shoes in so long that it felt strange putting them on my feet and tying them. They were a tad big, but they would do.

My legs still felt weak, but it was getting better. Eating made me feel much better overall. I slowly walked to the door, gently pulling it open.

“Now, son, you need to be careful with her. You’re a black man. The white folks will think this was all you... They’ll have ya locked up for it, and Ravik wouldn’t—”

“Titi… stop. Don’t worry about me,” Quinnlyn said, cutting her off.

“Ya know people are weird about—”

I cleared my throat. I almost wanted to walk back into the room and pretend I wasn’t there. The room went silent; you could probably hear a mouse run across the floor.

“I’m sorry, dear,” Lina said.

“I… uh… yeah… just pretend I didn’t hear anything,” I said.

“Well, it’s time for us to get out of here, Titi,” Quinnlyn said.

“Always avoidin’ the hard talks,” Lina said.

“No… I don’t need you to tell me what I can or should do or don’t do,” he said.

“Okay, I hear ya’. Ya’ heard from ya sister?” Lina asked.

“No, I sent a message to her pager to call here. She hasn’t. When she does, tell her to be safe. No sense in telling her to flee, she won’t. Oh, and tell her I’ll be back,” Quinnlyn said.

“How ‘bout I give her the number for the cabin when she calls and you tell her all that,” Lina said.

“Yeah, but don’t just give that out to anyone,” he said.

“Lord, I won’t!”

He stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead.

“Thank you, Titi,” he whispered.

“Love you, boy,” she said, then turned toward me. “You take care of yourself, ya’ hear? I’ll be there in a week or so to check on ya. Remember what I told ya.”

Quinnlyn scooped up two full brown bags filled with stuff. He looked at me and nodded toward the door. He opened the door and stood to the side, but I didn’t go out.

“Ladies first,” he said.

“That’s a first,” I said.

“I’m disappointed to hear that, Quinn,” Lina said.

He rolled his eyes as I walked past him, closing the door behind him.

He carried the two bags out, setting them near the tailgate.

There were other bags already loaded in the truck bed.

He walked to the passenger door, opening it.

I wasn’t walking anywhere near as fast as I normally did.

He stood there waiting. I tried to climb into the truck and nearly fell.

His hands wrapped around my waist. I froze, staring at him.

His golden-brown eyes locked onto mine. I quickly looked away.

“Sorry,” I said.

He helped lift me into the seat. “Don’t apologize,” he muttered.

He shut the door, walked around to the other side, and got in.

“What is the plan here?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“You used the line I’m following orders all the time, but now you have gone against the orders. I’m no longer pregnant, and we’re hundreds of miles from home,” I said.

“I hadn’t really thought this out,” he said.

“Don’t ya think you should have?”

“In my defense, I didn't expect you to give birth seventeen weeks early,” he said.

"Okay, and? Did you have a plan for when I gave birth? Because the way things were going, they were gonna take my son from my arms and kill me either way," I said.

“No… damn it. I don’t know what we’re doing. We are going to a cabin that only very select people know about. Ravik is hopefully under the impression you’re dead, and I was so distraught that I ran off,” he said.

“And we’re just gonna hide out here forever,” I said.

“No. Yes. I don’t know Zalayuh, damn it. It’s been a really long couple of days, and I just need to not answer questions from anyone. Okay?”

I nodded. I wasn’t sure if he’d seen it or not.

I leaned my head against the window and stared out.

We were on a dirt road, passing houses and trailers.

Eventually, we turned onto a paved road and drove alongside water and the railway for a while.

We turned onto another dirt road, which got narrower the further we went.

Occasionally, we would hit a large pothole, which left me flinching and my body screaming.

We turned again, going down a road made for only one car. On one side, there were marshlands. Eventually, the road ended, and in front of us was a small cabin made of cypress logs. Vines crept down the sides of the cabin, curling around the posts of a small covered porch.

I sat in the truck looking all around. Looking at the cabin.

To the left, deeper into the woods, I could see water reflecting off the sun.

Quinnlyn had gotten out, walked around, and pulled my door open.

He reached his hand out to me, but I ignored it and slowly got out of the truck, holding onto the door instead.

He let out a loud sigh, but I wasn’t paying it any mind.

“Let’s go see how much they got done,” he said, then motioned toward the door.

“You lead the way, you know where you’re going,” I said.

“I don’t think you can get lost in there,” he said.

“I walk much slower than you anyway, no need to wait for me,” I said.

He made a low grumble. I ignored that, too, but he continued walking behind me.

I made it to the front door and pushed it open.

The door was at the center of the rectangle-shaped cabin.

When I walked in, there was a small living area and kitchen to the left.

To the right, there was a small hallway.

I turned left into the living area. There were three chairs—two wingbacks and a wooden rocker.

They were facing the small wood fireplace.

The kitchen was pretty much a part of the living room. On the far wall, there was a counter with a stove, sink, and refrigerator. There was a small circular table with two chairs against the interior wall. I stepped back toward the door. Across from the door was a washer and dryer unit.

Next to them was a door. I pushed it open, and there was a small bathroom, almost similar to Lina’s bathroom.

There was a small vanity with a little sink, a toilet next to it, and the bath-shower next to it.

I stepped out. Quinnlyn was standing in the living room, staring at the fireplace.

At the end of the hall, there was a door.

I pushed it open. There was a queen-sized bed and a dresser on the far wall.

One bed. Two people. One bed. I stood there frozen. How was this going to work?