Chapter 10 Danielle
Danielle
I expected Christmas Day to be different. Two weeks ago, I was just planning on doing something small with Leah. But then Ivan stepped into my life, and he changed things for me. I only knew him for a short time, but I can’t get him off my mind.
I don’t understand how I can miss him. He told me he actively stepped in and ruined my life, and my heart aches at the idea of him because I know I want to be back in his penthouse in his arms.
He lied to me, he manipulated me, and he put me in danger. But still, there’s a part of me that just wants to wake up in bed next to him, his arms wrapped around me to let me know that I’m safe.
Instead, I’m at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel, all alone in the room. It’s beautiful and luxurious, and I have everything I need. Room service for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, a pool that I can’t stomach visiting because it reminds me of Ivan.
While it might seem like it has everything, it’s missing something. It’s missing Ivan. It’s missing warmth and love.
I might not know Ivan as well as I want to, but there’s a part of me that wants to get to know him more. I feel insane even thinking about getting to know Ivan.
As I have nearly every day since being here, I lie in bed feeling numb. The TV is on, and I’m watching a nature documentary, but none of the information is registering for me.
My last conversation with Ivan replays in my head over and over, and I wish things could have ended up differently. Maybe if we’d actually had a conversation, I could still be back there, and we could be sitting at the Christmas tree I would have convinced him to put up.
The thought of it now makes me nauseous. My stomach turns, and I jump to my feet, running to the bathroom to puke in the toilet.
“Fuck me,” I groan after I’m done. Unable to get the bad taste out of my mouth by rinsing with water, I give my teeth a quick brush until my breath is minty fresh.
I’m still nauseous, so I know it’s not just my worries about Ivan causing this.
I slip on a pair of leggings and an oversized sweater before leaving to head to a pharmacy.
It’s Christmas day, so I know not a lot of other places are open.
Thankfully, I find one and navigate through the surprisingly crowded aisles to find the nausea medication.
I grab a bottle of Pepto and turn around to see pregnancy tests on the shelf right behind me. I’ve seen them countless times before, and I never gave them any thought. But looking at it now, realization dawns on me.
“No,” I say aloud, shaking my head as I stare at the myriad of different choices.
I was due for my period last week, and it didn’t come. I thought it was stress at the time, but the box of tampons is still unopened in the hotel bathroom. That, coupled with my sudden nausea and vomiting, it’s hard to ignore the possibility.
I grab one of the tests and head to the register, ignoring the knowing glances from the clerk as I rush back to the hotel and take the test.
The next minutes that pass are some of the most excruciating of my entire life. But as I cautiously approach the little plastic stick, a knot forming in my chest I can’t ignore, I know my life is about to change.
According to the instructions, two pink lines mean yes. That’s what I see on the stick.
“Fuck.”
I’m pregnant.
After spiraling for a couple of hours, practically pulling my hair out of my head thinking about what I’m going to do, I come up with a solution.
Ivan gave me more money than I’ve been able to count, but that’s not enough to cover everything I need. Being a working mom is a possibility, but I know I’m never going to get a good enough job to give this kid the life it deserves if I don’t go to school.
The money I have now is not enough to cover my tuition as well as living expenses during my pregnancy, much less when there’s a baby in the mix.
I concentrate on the money aspect, not even wanting to think about the part of actually raising a child by myself. That part is too scary right now.
I hail a cab to take me to Ivan’s penthouse. He has to know about this. It’s something the two of us are going to have to figure out together.
I still don’t know the code to the penthouse, so I talk to the doorman and explain a little bit of my situation. I convince him to call Ivan and have him meet me downstairs.
I wait in the cold for him to arrive, and only a few minutes later, he shows up.
He looks worse for wear. I can’t imagine what he’s been up to over the past couple of weeks.
The minor wounds on his hands and arms from the warehouse have all recovered, but his beard is longer and unkempt now.
I can see small bags under his eyes, like he hasn’t been able to sleep.
I’m sure the guilt of what he did has been eating away at him. Despite knowing that he deserves that at the very least, a part of me feels bad.
“Danielle,” Ivan says, his eyes widening as he sees me. A hint of a smile grows on his lips just at the sight of me, and I can’t help the excitement that flutters in my chest.
“We need to talk about something serious,” I say. He leads me inside and types in the code to get to the penthouse. I watch carefully this time so I can learn what it is.
As soon as the door opens, he guides me to the dining room, and we both sit down at the table.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” There’s a hint of panic in his voice as he asks, but I just turn and look at him.
“I’m pregnant.” There’s no use sugarcoating it.
I didn’t know what to expect coming in here. He pushed me away and sent me off to live in the hotel alone, like I was nothing to him, like what he did to me meant nothing.
But telling him this now, I can see the light behind his eyes glowing and the smile on his lips is wild.
“Are you sure?” he asks, scooting closer and instinctively grabbing my hands. I have an urge to pull away, but I don’t. Being here, holding his hand, feels right.
“I peed on a stick a few hours ago, and it came back positive,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I thought you should know because I can’t go through all of this on my own.”
“And you don’t have to,” Ivan quickly says, moving closer and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“Danielle, I never wanted you to go. I wanted you to stay here because I care about you more than I’ve cared about anyone.
You mean the world to me, and giving you up almost killed me.
Maybe this is fate’s way of stepping in and correcting this. Of bringing us together.”
“Ivan, I haven’t forgotten about what you’ve done,” I say, pulling my hand away from him. “You manipulated me, and you could have ruined my entire life. How am I supposed to trust that raising a kid with you is going to be any different?”
He moves forward, grabbing my face with his hand and forcing me to look at him. In his eyes, I can see an intensity I’ve never seen before. Not even when he looked at me after he killed Nikolai.
“Because I love you, Danielle,” he says, catching me off guard.
I can see that he means it. “I have since the moment I laid eyes on you, and I would do anything to protect you. I wish I could take back all the things that I did, but if you give me another chance, I promise you things will be different. I’ll be honest with you, and I’ll make sure you have everything you need and want.
You and our baby have the entire world at your disposal. ”
I look down at our hands, how he grabs mine again and holds them close to him. I can feel how much he wants this vibrating in the room around us, and I know that I want it to. I want it badly.
“You promise you’ll be honest from now on?” I ask, tears welling in my eyes. Ivan leans in and dries them, kissing my forehead gently.
“I swear to you. I’ll never do anything to hurt you again.”
I know he means it.
His lips find mine, and the warmth of them wraps around me in a way that I haven’t felt in weeks. I’ve needed this. Since he sent me away, I’ve needed to feel this again, and as soon as he pulls away, I grab his face and hold him closer.
“I’ve missed this,” I whisper, kissing him again.
Ivan’s tongue fills my mouth slowly, as if he hesitates to be with me. After everything he’s done, I can understand why. He pushed me away for a reason, but I’m back here now. I won’t leave so easily this time.
I pull him closer, in desperate need of his body against mine again. It takes a moment for him to warm up to it, but when he does, his arms wrap around me and he holds me close to him, not willing to let me go.
I don’t want him to.
He pushes my jacket off, dropping it on the floor by the table. My sweater is the next thing to go, and as soon as my bra is undone, he takes my breast in his mouth and sucks my nipple.
“Ahh,” I moan, my fingers running through his hair. It’s noticeably longer than it was the last time I saw him, and I feel bad for all the pain he must have been in. His beard is longer, and he looks like he hasn’t taken care of himself.
“I’ve craved you every moment over the past two weeks,” Ivan whispers into my skin, looking up at me as he laps at my nipple with his tongue. “I’d have given anything for it to be different. To taste you again.”
He pulls me from his lap and sets me down on the table. He pulls my leggings down alongside my panties, not sparing a single extra moment. I bite my lip, excited about what’s about to happen. Ivan has worked miracles with his tongue in the past.
“I’m never going to let you go again,” Ivan whispers, his lips delicately kissing the insides of my thighs. “I’m going to make sure you’re well taken care of in every possible way.”
“I know,” I whisper, watching with an excited smile as his lips crash against my core. I let out a moan I almost forgot I could make over the past two weeks. My breath is ragged as I exhale.
Ivan’s tongue explores my folds, delicately tracing along them as he slowly works his way to my clit. I bite my lip eagerly awaiting his touch. When he finally grazes it against me, pulling it away to tease me, my entire body shakes.
“So good.” I run my fingers through his hair.
“I can give you this every day for the rest of your life,” Ivan whispers, the heat of his breath shivering through my body.
He moves a hand between my legs, a warm finger tracing my folds before torturously slowly sliding inside of me. His tongue meets my core once again, and he laps against my clit with a satisfied moan escaping his throat.
I close my eyes and lean back against the table, lucky to get to feel this incredible pleasure. He’s slow at first, teasing me enough to bring me close to the edge, never quite letting me get over. With every passing moment, my need for him grows stronger and stronger.
“I could keep you here like this all day,” Ivan whispers, pulling his lips away from me momentarily. I’m about to respond when he sucks my clit between his lips, and it feels like the entire world shatters.
“Oh my god!” I cry out, shaking against the table. His tongue swirls around me, heightening every bit of pleasure he gives. At the same time, his finger fills me, and he’s moaning his satisfaction. I’m completely overwhelmed with the ecstasy swirling through my brain as my body erupts in pleasure.
I jolt forward on the table, and he uses his free hand to hold me down, watching as I shake and tremble while a pleasure so intense I can barely stand it takes control of my body.
Ivan doesn’t slow down or stop once as he milks every bit of this out of me. His finger moves deeper inside, curling just enough to make me dizzy as it bumps a spot in my core I have never explored.
By the time he’s finished, my entire body is numb and spent from the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. He pulls away from me, licking my juices from his finger, staring up at me with a smile.
“I’m glad you’re back,” Ivan whispers, standing up and leaning over me for a kiss. “I’m never going to let you go again.”
Even though I know he means it, and our past might indicate that as a threat, I don’t care. I don’t want him to let me go. I’m exactly where I want to be.