51. Will You Be Sad On Your Own?
Will You Be Sad On Your Own?
Doug
‘No.’
I put my trunk in park and lean my head back against the headrest. I can’t quite believe I’m back to painting fences to put food on the table.
‘Doug, come on, please .’ My sister’s whining irritates me.
‘Zoe, I’m not in the mood to sit in a packed bar on a Friday night. I have to get to work.’
‘Douglas Campbell, don’t you dare cut me off,’ she says in a rush, and I shake my head. I take my phone off speaker and bring it to my ear as I climb out and see Mrs. Gleeson waiting for me on her patio.
‘Zoe, I’ve been working all day, and I have Bowie to get home to.’
‘Mama will have Bo. I already asked. Just take a shower and come down, please. I need you here.’
‘Why?’ I snap, and she huffs.
‘Because things have been getting a little rowdy with all the tourists and construction guys, and I just would feel a little better if I had you here in case it gets out of hand.’
Ah fuck. Zoe never asks for my help. I know if she is, it must be bad, and she knows there’s no way I can say no.
‘You suck,’ I growl, and she laughs.
‘I know, but I love you.’
‘Love you.’
‘Get to work.’ She cuts the call, and I do exactly that.
‘Okay, honey. I love you. Go to sleep for Grandma, okay? No funny business.’ Bowie giggles as I press my finger to the end of her nose, then lean in to kiss her forehead.
‘Goodnight, Daddy,’ she says sweetly before picking up her book and climbing up onto Grandpa Merv’s lap for a story.
‘Thank you for this,’ I say as Mama walks me to the front door. ‘I will fix us a place to live soon. I swear.’
I know she loves Bowie to death, but I feel bad having my mom share so much of the load of raising her.
‘Doug, this is your home, yours and hers. You can stay here as long as you want or need, and I love helping you out with her.’
I lean in to kiss her cheek.
‘Thank you. I guess I have bouncer duties to get to.’ I roll my eyes, and she laughs.
‘Give ‘em hell, baby.’
Walking into the bar, I can see why Zoe was worried. The place is packed out. She has a couple of staff on with her tonight, and Bree being here helps act as a deterrent for the locals who might be considering trouble, but the out-of-towners tend to have a little less respect for our town chief.
‘You’re here.’ Zoe beams at me from behind the bar as I approach.
‘You didn’t give me a whole lot of choice.’
I take a seat, and she places a bottle of beer in front of me, then carries on with her work.
I don’t want to be here. I want to be at home sitting on the back porch feeling sorry for myself about the fact that I’m back where I was a couple of months ago, broke, single, and grumpy as fuck. I have my kid, but I lost my girl, and I hate how that ache in my chest still feels.
‘Doug, hey, I was hoping to catch you.’ I turn to see Frank Garvin smiling at me, and I wonder what he wants. I don’t have the patience for chit-chat.
‘Hey, Frank, what’s up?’
‘Oh, well, I wanted to talk to you about the house that Jessie was renting from me.’
‘If it’s mess or debt, they’re hers to fix.’
‘No, no.’ He smiles, shaking his head. ‘She gave notice on her lease.’ She did? ‘And she suggested you might want to take it over.’
The fuck?
‘She did?’
‘Yeah, think it over. Let me know.’ He claps a hand on my shoulder and walks away, and I turn to Bree at the side of me.
‘Did you hear that?’
She grins and nods. ‘I did. Do it, Doug.’
I take a drink from my bottle and process what just happened. I just got offered a house, and I have Jessie to thank.
‘You can be happy, you know,’ Bree says as Zoe comes over to our section of the bar. ‘It’s going to be okay.’
‘I don’t know how to be happy right now. I feel like someone’s giving me something in one hand and taking from the other.’ I look up to meet Zoe’s gaze, knowing she understands loss and heartbreak better than anyone I know. In different ways, but she gets it. ‘I don’t know how to be happy if I can’t get her back.’
She reaches for one of my hands on the bar, and Bree takes the other.
‘It’s going to be okay, little brother.’
As Zoe looks behind me, then moves away to get on with her work, I notice the change in the music from the jukebox above the chatter of the bar. Bree lets go of my hand, and I recognize the song starting to play.
‘Fuck, no.’ I sigh and shake my head. There’s that take again, goddam universe. I place my hands on the bar, ready to push myself up and get the hell out of here, unable to hear this song right now, when a hand appears in front of me, palm up, asking for mine.
Turning my head, I feel like I can’t control my breathing as I look into the eyes I’ve been dreaming about for months.
‘Will you dance with me?’ she asks softly, and I look down at the hand she’s still offering, then back to her beautiful face. She’s chewing her bottom lip as if she’s nervous, and there’s a flush of pink in her cheeks, and I can see the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she waits.
‘This is our song,’ I say, turning to her fully now, and she smiles.
‘Why do you think I put it on?’
I nod as I take her hand and stand, then lead her to the dance floor, turning her to face me before pulling her body gently against mine. I can feel the eyes of the town on us, can feel the confusion of a bar that just had upbeat country music switched for a slow Foo Fighters song, but I don’t care. I don’t know what it means, but I have my girl in my arms, and I don’t ever want this song to end.
Her fingertips stroke at the short hairs at the base of my neck as mine seek out the soft skin of her lower back peeking out from under her shirt, and her eyes are fixed on my face, moving from my eyes to my lips and back again, and I want so badly to kiss her, but I don’t know what this is. For all I know, this dance could be goodbye.
No. I can’t let that happen.
I pull her closer, swaying her body with mine and remembering all the times we’ve done this, moved like this to music we both love.
‘You’re getting better.’ I smile as she turns her face up to me and grins.
‘I’ve had some practice.’
‘Cara…’
‘Can we get out of here?’ she asks, and fuck, yes, we can. I nod and step back, taking her hand and leading her to the door without a word to anybody.
Outside, the cool and quiet of the evening after the heat and noise of the bar give me pause, and I stop, turning to face her on the bar’s terrace steps.
‘Cara, what are we…’
‘We need to talk,’ she says softly, eye-level with me since I’m a couple of steps in front. My heart sinks for a second until she reaches a hand up to my cheek and leans in to press her lips to mine. It’s brief and chaste but perfect.
As we drive out to the lake, we’re both quiet. I didn’t know where to go. Andy is at Cara’s house, and I didn’t want to have whatever conversation we were about to have in front of Mama and Merv, so when we climbed in my truck, and I started to drive, I decided to take her somewhere beautiful, somewhere peaceful, and somewhere private.
‘Wow, look at that.’ Cara gasps as we park and look out at the lake.
The last of the day’s sun is sinking into the water, casting a beautiful orange-pink over everything and making it all seem magical.
We climb out of the truck and, without words, start to walk toward the water.
The longer she stays quiet, the more I worry this isn’t going as I hoped, so before I lose my shot completely, I step in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.
‘Cara, I’m so fuckin’ sorry for what I…’
‘No, Doug,’ she says, and I’m losing her, I know it. ‘I’m sorry. I punished you for your reaction because it hurt.’
‘Baby…’
‘No, listen to me, please.’ She inhales and exhales deeply. ‘We promised each other that we would communicate always, and we didn’t do that. My hurt and anger at your words and actions that night stopped me from being able to see your perspective, and instead of talking to you about it, I shut you out and pushed you away.’ She steps closer, and I think my heart is about to burst out of my chest, it’s beating so fast. ‘I love you, Douglas Campbell. I love you more than I ever imagined I could love a person, and missing you has been hell, but trying to hate you has been worse.’
My breath rushes past my lips at her words, and as though I’m not in control of my body, I pull her to me, pressing our bodies together with an urgency I’ve never known. She giggles, and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.
‘You were trying to hate me?’ I ask as I look down her. Her big eyes sparkling up at me.
‘I tried and failed miserably. Turns out you’re pretty hard to get over.’
‘Don’t ever try again.’ I grin as the happiness of having her in my arms becomes impossible to hold in.
‘GC,’ she says, and I raise one eyebrow. ‘I just told you I love you,’ she reminds me, and I reach down, picking her up and wrapping her legs around my waist as her arms tighten around my neck.
‘Baby, in case it wasn’t clear before I epically fucked us up, and in case it wasn’t crystal fucking clear in the way I begged you to forgive me or moped around for the past few weeks knowing I’d lost you, let me make it abundantly clear to you right now. Right here in my favorite place, by the setting sun, with the moon and stars rising in the sky, with the waking fireflies here to witness. You, Cara McKenzie, are it for me. I love you, and you can be damn sure I’m never letting you go again.’
She giggles again as she tightens her hold and brings her mouth close to mine.
‘You’re soppy,’ she whispers, and I growl.
‘Shut up and kiss me.’
‘I’m right here.’
‘We can go to mine,’ Cara sighs as I kiss and suck at her collarbone and struggle to find the room to move in the back of my truck.
‘Baby,’ I lean back to look at her. ‘I cannot do all the things I want to do to you with your dad in the same house.’
She giggles and pulls me back to her.
‘You’re going to struggle to do much in here,’ she whispers as my fingers push up under her shirt, and I suddenly realize how ridiculous this is. I pull away and sit back, hanging my head, and she sits up, bringing her palms to my cheeks.
‘I missed you. I’ve missed being this close with you.’ Leaning in, she presses her lips to mine. ‘We have all the time in the world.’ She sighs, and I kiss her again.
The vibration in my back pocket breaks the moment, and I pull out my phone to see a message from my sister.
Zoe: I told Andy y’all were talking… he thought you might need a little privacy and came down to stay in the apartment! Take your girl home x
I release a laugh and hold out the phone so Cara can read the message. Then, without wasting another second, we rush back to the front seats, and I drive us home.
We hardly come up for air as Cara lets us into her house. I push her back against the door to close it, kissing down to her neck before pulling back and lifting off her t-shirt.
Goddam, I missed her.
Pulling her to me, I pick her up and head for the stairs, carrying her up as her lips and tongue explore my neck. Fuck that feels good.
Kicking open her bedroom door, I practically throw her down onto the bed, making her squeal and laugh as I rip off my shirt, and we both undo and start to push off our jeans.
‘You couldn’t have given me a heads up so I could have worn less shit?’ I grumble as the buttons take too fucking long, and I kick off my sneakers.
She laughs and lays back on the bed in her lingerie, and as I look down at her, I stop and take a breath. This is it. This is the moment. This is the woman.
‘Fuck, you’re perfect,’ I say, crawling onto the bed and caging her in under me.
‘Show me,’ she says seductively, and I groan as I lower my body to hers. I’ll show her every day for the rest of our lives.
‘I’m nervous,’ Cara says as I park up outside Mama’s house.
We spent the night wrapped up in each other, either making love or talking about everything that’s been going on, including her spending the night with Jessie, which blew my fucking mind, and Frank’s offer of the house.
When I woke up this morning with her in my arms, I felt a sense of peace I don’t think I’ve ever felt, and now, before we spend another day as a couple, we have to tell the most important person in the world about us, before she finds out from somebody else.
‘She loves you.’ I bring our joined hands up and press my lips to her knuckles.
‘As her friend, but I don’t want to confuse her.’
‘Baby, we’re going to be together.’ She smiles, and I can’t help doing the same. ‘I need her to know about us. I can’t keep this from her.’
With a small nod, she reaches for the door handle, and I do the same.
As we walk into the front yard and start to walk up the path toward the house, the front door opens, and my baby girl runs out, still wearing her PJs and smiling from ear to ear.
‘Merida,’ she squeals and runs to wrap her arms around Cara’s legs. I’m too busy watching them to notice my walking vasectomy running toward me.
‘Jesus,’ I groan as Harley takes out both my balls in one jump and Cara laughs. ‘Harley, get in the house.’
Harley and Bowie run into the house, and Cara turns to me smiling, but I can’t force myself to return the expression right now.
‘You okay?’ she asks, and I shake my head.
‘Try not to smile when you ask me that,’ I reply, still cupping myself like I’m waiting for a second attack.
‘Could be worse,’ she turns away and starts to walk toward the house, ‘they could still be blue as well as busted.’
And as I watch her walk her sassy ass into my mom’s house, I realize I’ll never know peace a day in my life with these women, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
‘So, honey, you see, we um, well, Cara and me…’ I struggle to level with the big brown eyes staring up at me from the blanket on the lawn. I was so clear that I wanted Bowie to know what was happening, but now that we’re here, I’m lost for words.
Cara’s hand lands on my wrist, and I turn to see her smile softly before taking the lead.
‘You know how Belle didn’t like the beast because he was just so grumpy all the time?’ Little sneak. I shake my head as Bowie nods, understanding perfectly. ‘But the beast thought Belle was just so beautiful and perfect—’ Jesus.
‘Uh huh.’ Bowie agrees, and I turn to see Cara’s lips pressed into a smile.
‘Well, the more time they spent together, and got to know each other, Belle and the beast fell in love, remember?’ Bo nods, ‘Well, that’s like your dad and me.’
I watch the moment my little girl realizes what Cara is saying, and it’s not what I expected. She blinks up at us for a moment, her attention drifting between the two of us as she processes it all. Then tears fill her eyes, and my heart races with panic.
‘Baby, what’s wrong?’ I ask, opening my arms to her, and she leaps into my embrace, wrapping her arms around my neck and starting to cry.
I look at Cara, finding her worried eyes staring back at me.
Bowie gasps for breath between huge sobs before bringing her little hands up to wipe away her tears.
‘You,’ gasp, ‘love,’ gasp, ‘Cara.’ She says, and I nod, yes. ‘Do you,’ gasp, ‘still,’ gasp, ‘love me?’
Oh, my god.
I clutch her to my chest and hold her tight.
‘Bowie, you’re my whole world. Of course, I love you.’
‘Bo,’ Cara says softly and holds out her hands for Bowie’s. My baby girl reaches out her hands, and Cara takes them. ‘Your daddy and I love each other in a different way than how he loves you, and you and I are still friends too, but if you’re not comfortable with any of that, you can tell us, okay?’
My god, the way she talks to her, understanding and respecting my little girl; I love this woman.
‘You’re not going to take Daddy away?’ Bo asks so sweetly that my heart breaks.
‘Bowie.’ Cara opens her arms, and Bowie moves into her lap, so I sit back and watch. ‘I could never take your daddy away, and I would never try. He loves you so much. You two are still going to have lots of adventures together, just the two of you,’
‘And Harley.’
She smiles. ‘Of course, Harley too. And maybe sometimes, the three of us can have fun together. We can have movie nights and picnics, and sometimes, just you and I can have some girl time, too. I’m not taking your daddy away, sweet girl. I promise you.’
‘So you love him?’
‘Very much.’
‘And you love her?’ she directs to me, and I nod.
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Are you going to live in the big house?’
I shake my head. ‘No, honey. Cara will still live there. We won’t.’
She turns back to Cara.
‘Will you be sad on your own?’
‘No, I’ll be okay. You and your dad can come and see me whenever you want, and your aunties will come and see me too.’
‘Merida,’
Cara giggles at Bowie’s refusal to let go of her nickname, and watching them together fills my heart up.
‘Yes, Miss Bowie?’
‘Belle and the beast get married at the end,’ Cara’s eyes widen, and her lips part as Bowie turns to me. ‘Are you getting married?’
‘Yes, sweetheart.’ I hear Cara’s intake of breath, and I grin but keep my attention fixed on my girl. ‘One day, we will.’
Bowie beams and leans forward, bringing her hands up to her mouth and whispering pretty loudly, ‘Can I wear my Converse?’