12. You, And Leo?
You, And Leo?
Leo
Five Years Ago
‘You sure about this?’
It was a damn shame. My best friend had built himself a good life and was giving it all up to move back to his mama’s house.
‘I don’t have a choice. The baby will be here soon, and I’m not missing a second.’
When he told me he’d knocked up his evil ex-girlfriend while he was wasted, I was disappointed to say the least. He didn’t struggle to get women — literally, any other woman would have been better than putting his dick in Jessie one more time, but no, like a dowsing rod, that thing sought out her ever-open legs.
‘I’ll miss having you close, man,’ I admitted. It’s been fun, both of us in the city.
‘Yeah, me too.’
We loaded the last of his things into my car, and together, but driving separately, we headed back to Forest Falls.
Driving has always helped me to clear my head, well, usually, anyway. Right now, my head was all over the fuckin’ place because I knew I would be seeing Zoe, and I hadn’t seen or spoken to her in a few months — since that night. It had been weird as fuck, but I needed some space. We both did.
What happened between us had thrown us both for a loop. I’d have loved to be able to say it hadn’t given me something to think about in the dark and quiet of the night, but that would be the biggest pile of bullshit known to man. Truth was, I’d caught myself with my dick in my hand and her on my mind more times than I could count. Even though I hated myself for letting it happen, she crept in, usually when I was too far gone to push her out, and her being there was the thing to push me over the edge.
The guilt weighed heavily. It was a lead weight on my chest. She was my cousin’s wife, and she couldn’t ever be mine, even in fantasy, even though I’d promised.
But then it happened. We kissed, we had sex, and I couldn’t get the memory to fuck off and leave me be.
I’d given her space. I’d gone down to the shop and sketched for a while before sleeping on the couch in my office. When I headed up to the apartment the next morning, I expected her to be gone, but she wasn’t. She was sitting on my couch, her legs crossed and a coffee mug in her hands, and she looked so sad, so small.
‘You didn’t do anything wrong,’ she said as I sat on the coffee table in front of her. ‘The date was amazing, and if we’re honest with each other, there has been chemistry for a long time.’ I waited for the but — I knew there was a but. ‘But I can’t do this, Leo.’ Her voice was so small, and tears shone in her eyes.
She needed more time. I could give her that, and I would. Despite the way it ended, despite feeling like a piece of shit after it, being with Zoe that way was the most beautiful moment of my life. She could take all the time she needed. I could wait.
‘I don’t want to lose you as my friend. I love you so much, but I can’t do this with you.’
She didn’t want time. She wanted somebody else.
‘You’ll never lose me as a friend, Zoe,’ I answered as though her truth hadn’t gutted me. I reached out and took the hands that were twisting together in her lap and squeezed them gently. ‘You’ll never lose my friendship, but I need to not see you for a while.’
Her gaze snapped up to mine, and for a minute, she looked hurt, but then it disappeared. She nodded, lowered her legs, and walked toward the door. I didn’t look up as she put on her shoes and gathered her things, and she didn’t say goodbye as she left.
As I pulled up at the bar, her bar, my heart beat fast in my chest. Doug was storing most of his stuff in Zoe’s guest bedroom since he was moving back home to his mom’s house and wouldn’t have room, but that meant I was seeing her any minute, and for the first time ever, I didn’t want to.
‘Thanks for this, man,’ Doug said as we got out of our cars and started to unload the first boxes.
‘Not a problem, brother, you know that. Besides, Pop’s been on my ass to come home for a while, so it gets that done too.’
My dad was the best man I knew, and I missed him. He came up to see me in the city, even let me tattoo him a couple of times, but he wanted me home, and I’d avoided it for far too long.
We climbed the steps up to the apartment, and the door opened before we reached the top.
‘Boys.’
I looked up to see a smiling Bree in her uniform, which I hadn’t seen yet, welcoming us inside.
‘Shrimp. Damn, girl, look at you.’
I grinned and leaned in to kiss her cheek, and she tapped my arm.
‘That’s chief shrimp to you, sugar.’
I laughed. ‘You look good, Bree.’
‘Thank you, Leo. Now come on inside, or this will take hours.’
As we stepped into the apartment, I looked around. I couldn’t see Zoe, but all her stuff was around. It was different. She had redecorated, and it was more, I don’t know, feminine. Like she’d accepted that she was no longer sharing this space with a man and bought a fuck ton of candles and plants.
‘Oh, hey.’
Her voice stopped me in my tracks, and I turned to see her coming out of her bedroom toward us. Her hair was shorter than I’d ever seen it, cut to her jawline and shaved above her ear on one side, and it was blue, various beautiful shades of blue. She was perfect, always fucking perfect.
‘Zo, thanks for this,’ Doug said as Bree came to her twin’s side, and I didn’t miss the way she held her hand. She knew.
‘Hey, Zoe,’ I finally said, as she blinked and offered me a small smile, then turned to Doug.
‘Not a problem.’
Doug led the way to the guest room, and realizing I wasn’t getting any more than that, I followed. This was going to be exactly as awkward as I thought.
Zoe
‘You okay?’ Bree asked, squeezing my hand a little.
‘Yeah.’
‘He looks good.’
I shook my head, letting go of her hand and heading for the door to get some more boxes from Doug’s truck. Of course he looked good. He always looked good.
When I arrived at Bree’s house after that night, driving straight there from Leo’s place, she was worried. I had cried the whole way home, and by the time I got to her, I was a mess. She was ready to murder whoever had hurt me.
‘What the fuck happened, Zoe? I thought you were home with a migraine?’
‘I lied.’ I sobbed. ‘I was with Leo.’
‘ Okay , so why are you upset?’ I saw the confusion. Leo would never hurt me — everyone knew that. I paced into her kitchen and helped myself to a glass of water, drinking the whole thing down without taking a breath. ‘Zoe,’ Bree encouraged impatiently.
‘We had sex.’
I stared at my sister, watching her put together the pieces in her mind until her mouth fell open and her eyes widened.
‘You and Leo?’
I nodded, and though I expected her to show concern or be mad at me, she grinned, clapped her hands together, and bounced on the spot.
‘Oh my god, yes. About damn time. Wait, why are you crying?’
‘Why are you excited?’
‘Because you two have been circling each other forever, Zo. It’s obvious you like him, and he more than likes you.’
‘He’s Doug’s best friend.’
‘He’s your best friend too.’
‘He’s Luke’s cousin.’
‘Luke has been gone a long time.’ I sucked in a breath at that. ‘Honey, I guarantee there’s nobody Luke would have wanted it to be more than Leo.’
I sagged back against her countertop.
‘I’m not ready. I thought I was, but the second it was over, I cried, and he felt like shit. I saw that.’
‘Honey.’ She stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. ‘It was the first time, and it wasn’t just sex, it was Leo. That’s big, Zo. Having all these emotions is normal.’
‘I wanted it, Bree. I don’t think he would have done anything, but I was so…’
‘Sweetie, start at the beginning, okay?’
I did. I told her everything about the way I felt when he was tattooing me, to the night with him in his apartment when he offered to take me on the practice date. I told her about being with him that night, how we laughed and talked and flirted, how beautiful and caring he was, and I told her how I’d pretended I’d forgotten my PJs and put on his t-shirt instead. How I wanted it — wanted something to happen, and it was amazing, but the guilt hit me immediately. I felt like I’d betrayed the man I wanted to spend forever with, and that betrayal physically hurt.
‘Oh, Zoe.’ Bree held my hands as we sat on her couch.
‘I hurt him, Bree. I didn’t mean to, but I saw it. I hurt him.’
‘Leo will understand, sweetie, but you need to talk to him. You need to explain.’
But I didn’t. Instead, when she left the room, I pulled out my cell phone and sent him a text.
Me: I’m sorry, Leo.
And he didn’t reply.