Chapter 45
Jayce
Bringing the bottle to my lips, I did my best to ignore my uninvited company. They’d been on my ass for days; ever since I left the hospital. I didn’t give a single fuck about them right now.
“You need to come,” Dad insisted.
“No.”
Charlie sat down beside me on the couch. “It’s her funeral. If you don’t come, you’ll regret it later.”
I turned to her. “Why? Her funeral doesn’t do anything for me. You want me to watch you put her in the ground? Fuck that.”
“Jayce…”
“Get the fuck out of my house.”
She sighed and shook her head. “You need closure.”
Closure wasn’t necessary. There was no reality where I accepted Alana’s death. I would never let her go and I didn’t intend to live without her. My resolve was unwavering, so much that I didn’t care if it hurt them. It was selfish for people to claim that you should survive for the sake of others. If someone wanted to die, they should be allowed to do that without being made to feel guilty.
I didn’t know how long it took for them to leave. I just continued to drink. Eventually, when the shadows in the living room lengthened, I looked up and saw that I was alone. Given the time, the funeral was probably over by now.
Seeing Alana put in the ground didn’t interest me. She wasn’t going to stay there. There was one place she belonged and that was with me.
I waited until it was after midnight. The alcohol still saturated my blood, but not enough for me to be an idiot. It took me twenty minutes to reach the cemetery, which was dark and quiet. There was a guard who patrolled the grounds, but I’d done this before after Jake died. Easy peasy.
Clearing my throat, I called the security company they employed here. A woman answered after only a few rings.
“Guardian Security.”
“Hello,” I greeted politely. The kindness in my voice sounded foreign to me right now. “I was passing by Starford Cemetery a few minutes ago. My dad is buried there, so I say a prayer every time I drive by.”
“That’s beautiful.”
“Yes, absolutely. Well, I looked at it and saw a car parked in the lot. It didn’t look like the one your guards use, so I turned around to drive by again. Someone in a dark hoodie got out of it and seems to be lurking the grounds. I just wanted to let you know so that you can make sure everything’s okay.”
“Alright, sir. Thanks so much for letting us know. I’ll have them check it out.”
I ended the call, then got out of my car. There was a small office in front of me, so I moved over to it and leaned against the wall. It took enough time that if there was an actual threat, they probably would’ve been gone by now. Well, there was a threat, but I wasn’t going anywhere.
A flashlight beam appeared off to the side just before the guy came into view. He approached my truck slowly, shining the light inside of it. I pushed off the wall and quietly came up behind him. Last time, I’d been careful to avoid him. That wasn’t the plan this time.
Grabbing him by the back of the hair, I slammed his face against the window. Disoriented, he stumbled to the side. I could’ve just killed him, but I needed an outlet, so I put a gloved hand over his mouth and nose while I pinned him to the door. He flailed and tried to pry my hand away, unsuccessfully. After his eyes closed and his body slumped, I tied him up and gagged him, then tossed him into the back seat.
With that out of the way, I grabbed my shovel and headed toward my target.
“Don’t worry, baby. I’m getting you out of here.”
*****
Alana looked beautiful surrounded by flowers. I’d used my usual materials to surround her in the vessel but added more to it. Nestled among it all, she was radiant. It reinforced how perfect she was. To look just as stunning as she had in life was a hell of a feat. But, of course, she accomplished it.
I trailed my fingers down the side of her face. With my thumb, I brushed over her cheekbone, then her lips. If I had less of my wits about me, I’d probably want to preserve her and keep her down here, but that wouldn’t help anything. She’d still decompose and I had no interest in freezing her, so I’d do the next best thing. I would keep her forever but also give her a purpose. It’s what I would want for myself if the roles were reversed. I liked to believe that she would choose to join me in death just like I was going to.
Along with my emotions came more anger. I couldn’t keep it away for long. There was something more infuriating about a tragedy that was outside of your control but happened because of what you’d done.
If I hadn’t given her that gun… If I’d blocked her better and taken the bullet somewhere it would have lodged inside of me. If I’d said something different to the officers. If I’d tried harder to take the gun before they got there. If… If… If…
I took a deep breath and shook my head. It couldn’t be changed. I accomplished what I wanted to do. I had her and it didn’t matter that I’d lost her. With her, I peaked, so now I just had to plan for the day I returned to her.
Brushing my fingers through her hair, I continued to stare down at her. Some people would say that it was easy to imagine they were sleeping. I couldn’t do that, nor did I want to. One thing I wouldn’t do was become delusional about it. I’d force myself to face it every day. I’d come down here and watch as she became part of nature. I’d use her body to make a new batch of wine untouched by anyone else. Then, I would drink it and that would be the end.
“Is that…”
I whirled around, trying to position myself in front of Alana. Alicia stared with wide eyes, then looked at me.
“Alicia, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“I…” She dropped her gaze. “I wanted to see you.”
“How’d you get here? Did someone bring you?”
I peered around her. If one of my parents was here, I didn’t know what I’d do. They definitely wouldn’t be okay with this. They’d probably try to have me committed.
“I took a bus,” she said. “A couple of them. My phone told me which ones.”
Swiping a hand down my face, I tried to come up with an explanation. What the fuck would I say? She was too old to believe my excuses.
“What are you doing to her?” she asked, taking a few steps forward.
I regarded her carefully, then moved to the side. She walked the rest of the way to the vessel and looked at Alana. Her head cocked. I didn’t think she seemed scared; more curious.
“I’m immortalizing her,” I replied.
“Is that what you did to my dad?’
My mouth opened, but it took me a minute to respond. “No.”
“I heard you from the stairs that day.” She looked down at her feet. “I’m sorry I was eavesdropping.”
Coming up behind her, I put a hand on her shoulder. “So, you heard everything?” She nodded. “Aren’t you… angry? Or scared.”
“I was, but then being scared got Aunt Alana killed. It was my fault.”
Fuck.
Turning her around, I crouched so that we were eye to eye. “You didn’t know. You thought you were helping.”
“But I should’ve known you wouldn’t hurt each other. You loved her and she loved you.”
“Sometimes, people still hurt each other, love or no love.” With a sigh, I tucked her hair behind her ears. “You’re not little, so I’m not going to lie to you. That’s not how our relationship works. I was mad. I still am mad and part of me wants to direct that at you. But I can’t.”
A tear made a path down her cheek. “Why not?”
“Because you’re my niece. Genetically, you’re basically my own kid. And you’re nine.”
“And three quarters.”
I breathed a laugh. “Yeah, exactly. You were scared and I know that you didn’t want either of us to get hurt.”
A little sob shook her shoulders. “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Not after… mom… and Jake. But now Alana-”
I shushed her. “You’ve already lost a lot. Let’s not add guilt to your list of issues to deal with, okay?” Straightening, I nodded toward the door. “You need to go home before your grandparents start freaking out.”
“Can I stay? I want to learn.”
“Learn what?”
She looked at the vessel. “How to immortalize someone. Then, if I lose anybody else, I can do the same thing.”
Hm. This was… fucked up. Alicia knew that I killed Jake and Mike already and she was witness to me composting the love of my life. If she wasn’t running for the hills and screaming already, maybe she could handle it. I shouldn’t let her do this, but it seemed less twisted than everything else.
Was I going to teach my niece how to biodegrade a body? Yeah, because why not? Hiding who I was ruined Alana. There was no hiding or lying to this kid now. Maybe it was better if I kept her close and made sure she didn’t break after what she’d been through. Hopefully it didn’t turn her into a sociopath or something. I wouldn’t deny that after I did this to Jake, I wanted to do it again. It was interesting to me and shit, it was good for my plants.
“Alright,” I decided. “Go grab a stool from upstairs. I’ll show you how it works. And pick a flower from the backyard so you can add your own. What’s your favorite color?”
“Green.”
“Get one of the hydrangeas near the shed.”
She flashed me a smile before she took off. It looked like I’d be imparting all of my knowledge to her. Well, not the murder part.
One day, she could do this to me. It was an oddly comforting thought. Rather than being put in the ground and going to waste, I’d become like Alana. Maybe Alicia would make wine out of us both and set us together on a shelf. I liked that idea.
Well, this was my fucked up legacy. In a way, I guess I had my brother to thank for it. He’d started this whole mess and he’d brought Alicia into the world.
I looked at the final bottle of Jake wine on a shelf. “Well, here’s to you, brother. Looks like your daughter is gonna be a lot more like her uncle than her father. You couldn’t take care of either of them. I hope you burn in hell for eternity because all of this,” I gestured toward Alana, “is on you.”