Chapter 18
It was only supposed to be one visit to the orphanage. Not something that was discussed or agreed upon, but a decision that Helena made personally because she felt that it was for the best.
Seeing her husband with those children, learning who he truly was in ways that she had never imagined was possible, was dangerous for so many reasons.
Her heart cracked, the struggle she was fighting weakened such that she wanted to lose, and the man whom she had no choice but to marry, while telling herself that she could not wait for it to end, was transformed into the type of hero she might write about in her stories.
The perfect man did not exist in the real world, and this was a truth Helena had sworn to stand by. But Sebastian…
He is unlike any man I have ever met or thought to meet. Selfless. Caring. A once-in-a-lifetime specimen of such utter perfection that I can’t help but feel drawn to.
Perhaps that was a slight exaggeration, but it told clearly of Helena’s state of mind.
The dangers were too obvious, and she became determined to put the evening behind her and then get about doing what she had promised herself to do: avoiding her husband, riding out this marriage, and then removing herself from it and from him so she could live her life as she had always dreamed. Alone and free.
Then the following morning arrived, and all of that changed.
“Good morning,” Sebastian greeted as he strode into the breakfast room.
“Oh!” She started, surprised to see him awake so early.
Helena had decided to break her fast earlier than usual, hoping to avoid him. It seemed that he had other ideas.
“Did I startle you?” he chuckled as he approached her.
“No…” She shifted awkwardly, refusing to meet his eyes. But she could feel them on her, smiling to see her so uncomfortable. “I was just lost in my head, that’s all.”
“I suspect you spend a lot of time there.”
“The life of a writer,” she laughed awkwardly.
He stopped short of her, watching as she continued to shift.
Silence grew between them, the tension mounting, and she could have sworn he could read her mind. A quick glance, and she grimaced, noting the curious smile he wore. The sun lit him fully, such that he glowed, and she hated how darn perfect he looked.
“I am glad I found you,” he finally said.
“You are?” she asked, still not looking at him.
“I have been thinking, and I wish to ask what your plans are today. Assuming you do not mind me prying?”
“Plans?” Her mind raced for an answer, desperate to come up with a lie. But she drew a blank, her pulse quickening the longer he watched her. “I… No plans.”
“Good,” he uttered. “In that case, I would like you to join me if you are available. I shall be heading to the orphanage again, and I can’t help but feel that your presence will be welcome.”
Her head snapped up. “Me?”
“Yes, you,” he chuckled.
“Why? I mean…” She shook her head. “What do you mean, my presence will be welcome?”
His smile was earnest, and she felt it wrap her like a cloak.
“It is the children,” he explained. “I do what I can for them, and I hope it is enough. Yet I can’t help but think how I might benefit from the presence of a woman. A mother figure, that is.”
“I…” She frowned. “I do not think I quite fit that description.”
“Are you sure about that?” His eyes glimmered, a smirk hidden behind them. “You will not have to do anything. Just by being there, I know how much they will appreciate it. Of course, if you do not wish to—”
“No!” she said quickly, almost shouting it. “I mean, yes.” She affected a nervous smile. “If it is for the children, then…” Her smile grew, and her heart fluttered. “I would love to go with you.”
“Wonderful. We will leave as soon as you are ready.”
She cursed herself as soon as Sebastian left the room, knowing beyond doubt that it was darn stupid of her to visit the orphanage a second time. To see Sebastian with the children again, to further confirm what she was starting to see in him.
But it is for the children, that is why. If he can put his life on hold to help them, why can’t I? That is the only reason.
It was an excuse, she knew, but one that she needed to hear. Really, she was just eager to spend more time in her husband’s company. As insane as that would have sounded one day ago.
“What do I do?” Helena asked nervously as she followed Sebastian into the orphanage.
“What do you mean?” he asked with a smile.
“I…”
They were inside now, and she came to a stop, not daring to walk in further. In the light of day, the orphanage looked even more depressing than it had last night because now she could see the extent of the misery these poor children were in.
“What do I do?” she asked again. “I don’t know what you expect of me.”
“You don’t have to do anything,” Sebastian assured her gently, always smiling to calm her nerves. “Like I said, just being here is enough. Let them see you. Let them understand that the world outside these walls isn’t so scary.”
She laughed nervously. “And if it is?”
He shook his head. “Oh, come now, you don’t really believe that.” He winked and then turned to walk further into the orphanage.
“Wait!” She grabbed his arm. “Where are you going?”
“To help?”
“Help? Help how?”
There were dozens of small children scattered around the warehouse. Some sat on the ends of their beds in groups, others on the floor playing with toys, and many more simply walked around as if trying to kill time.
“By being there for them,” he said. “You’ll see what I mean.”
Gently, Sebastian pulled his arm free and walked toward the children. Helena, as nervous as she had ever been, stayed back, not daring to get too close. She felt she might do something wrong, that she would say the wrong thing or scare them away or… or…
She did not know. So, rather than following Sebastian, she stayed by the door and watched.
She could not say what she expected Sebastian to do, but it certainly wasn’t what she saw. Nothing too impressive. Nothing outlandish or bold or even that exciting. All he did, as he had told her she needed to do, was be there for them. And the children loved it.
The same little girl who had hugged him the previous night ran to him, and he scooped her up into his arms and carried her to one of the beds. There, he sat down, and a group of children surrounded him.
Helena could not hear what was being said, but she saw the way they looked at him, how they admired and loved him. And most of all, she saw how he loved them all back.
For the next hour, she stayed put and watched.
She watched as Sebastian joked and made the children laugh.
She watched as he played with them on the floor, games that she did not recognize but that looked like ones they knew well and were practiced at.
She watched as one little boy with jet black hair and the biggest blue eyes she had ever seen handed Sebastian a wooden horse with a snapped leg.
She put her hand to her mouth to cover her smile as Sebastian took the boy by the hand and led him to the corner, where a table covered in paints, pencils, and other tools sat.
There, he glued the horse’s leg back on, putting the boy on his knee so it seemed as if he was helping. Once he was done, and the horse was fixed, he set the boy down, at which point the boy wrapped his little arms around Sebastian’s leg and held him tight.
This is all too much. I don’t know how to feel, what I should be feeling. Never in a million years would I have guessed that Sebastian could be so kind and caring, that he was capable of such warmth and generosity.
She felt a stirring in her stomach as she watched him. She felt her chest tighten. Her chin trembled, and she sniffed back tears. And not once did she take her eyes off him.
“Excuse me?” a soft voice spoke right in front of her.
She started and looked around, at first not seeing who spoke. That was until she looked down to find the same little boy with jet black hair and big blue eyes looking up at her. He still held the wooden horse in one hand, and he used the other to pull on her skirt.
“Oh.” She smiled awkwardly. “I did not see you there.”
“His Grace said… He said… he said that you are his wife.”
“I am.”
He beamed. “My name is Daniel.”
“My name is Helena.”
“Helena…” He spoke her name carefully, as if he had never heard it before. “My shoes are untied.” He smiled.
Helena blinked and looked at his shoes, which were indeed untied. The boy couldn’t have been older than seven, surely old enough to tie his own shoes. But he continued to look at her, his meaning clear.
“Ah, yes. I will just find…”
She looked around the warehouse, searching for someone to help. Sebastian was at the back, and the other helpers were busy.
“My shoes are untied,” the boy said again.
“I see that.” Helena bit her lip, for some reason nervous about the prospect of tying the little boy’s shoes. “Let me just…”
With great care, she crouched down and got about tying the boy’s laces. Her hands shook, and she could feel him watching her the entire time.
“There you are,” she said once she was done, letting out a sigh of relief. “All better.”
“Thank you!” The boy threw his arms around her neck.
“Oh!” She almost pulled away, but thankfully did not. Rather, she relaxed in his embrace, accepting the hug, feeling his warmth seep into her. “You are welcome, Daniel.”
He let her go, still beaming, and then turned and scampered across the floor.
On her knees, Helena smiled, her heart full as she watched the little boy join some boys his age. It was such a small thing that she did, but it felt huge to her. It felt important.
As it turned out, that was all it took.
No longer so nervous, Helena slowly crept across the floor.
Soon, she was surrounded by a group of children, all pulling at her skirt and asking for her name.
They were excited to meet her, damn thrilled that she was giving them her time.
When one asked if she would read to him, she couldn’t say no.
So it was that Helena found her place.
The rest of the day was spent in the ‘library,’ which was just a small space with pillows on the floor around the bookshelf. She sat on one of the pillows, legs crossed, book in hand, and a dozen children sat around her.
She found that she loved how captivated they were by her. Eyes wide and eager. Smiles on their faces. They listened with rapture, in a way that might have suggested this was the best day of their lives.
Even better was when Daniel sat down beside her, then crawled closer, then bravely scampered onto her lap. His arms wrapped around her, refusing to let go, and she moved her arms so they were around him as she continued to read.
“Well, this is certainly a sight for sore eyes.”
Sebastian appeared out of nowhere. He stood behind the children, smiling with sheer warmth and adoration. Certainly not forced.
“Oh, Sebastian, I did not see you there.” She put the book down.
“Do not stop on my account,” he laughed.
She laughed too. “I was just finishing up, in fact.”
“No!” Daniel cried. “One more! One more!”
“I see you have a fan.” Sebastian grinned.
Helena laughed and then looked at the children, all eager for another story.
“Is there time for one more?” she asked Sebastian, hoping he would say yes.
“Sadly not,” he sighed. “Sorry, children, but I have to steal my wife.” They cried out in protest, and he chuckled. “But I promise I will bring her back as soon as I can. Assuming…” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Tomorrow?” Helena asked without hesitation.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She was still holding Daniel tight, not wanting to let him go.
“Tomorrow then,” Sebastian said with a soft smile.
He held his hand out to help her up, and she took it, his touch warm and gentle. It rippled across her arm and wrapped around her heart, and she nearly gasped.
“Thank you,” she muttered as she stood.
Once standing, Sebastian continued to hold her hand, meeting her eyes and showing her his gratitude. And she stared right back, beaming, unable to believe just how much she had enjoyed this. More than that was how much she enjoyed his silent praise.
She wanted to come back tomorrow for the children, but she also wanted to do it for Sebastian. He was not what she had thought, and she was desperate to prove to him that she was not what he had likely thought of her. As if she needed to be worthy of him.
“Oh!” she yelped when Daniel wrapped his arms around her leg.
“Don’t leave!” he begged.
She laughed and stroked his head. “I will return tomorrow, I promise.”
“Another story?” he asked eagerly.
“Two stories,” she promised.
Indeed, the following day, Helena and Sebastian returned to the orphanage. This time, Helena did not hover by the entrance, nervous to enter. She walked right in. Daniel saw her and cried out. She waved and opened her arms, and he raced toward her.
The second day was spent reading mostly, but she also played games. She also listened as the children told her stories, most of which sounded made up but were fun to listen to, nonetheless.
At one point, she noticed Sebastian watching her as she read.
He stood back, his arms folded, smiling, a look in his blue eyes that she was coming to know well.
It reminded her of the look he gave her on their first outing, only this time it wasn’t fake or forced.
It was real in every sense of the word, and she very nearly tripped over her tongue and lost her place because of it.
Something was happening here. She knew what it was, but was too terrified to admit it. Masking her feelings simply as those brought by doing good deeds. A lie, she knew, one that was becoming harder to swallow.
While Helena knew that the smart thing to do was to stop visiting the orphanage and stop putting herself in this position, she also knew that simply was not an option.
This was a whole new world to her, one she was excited to explore.