Chapter 17
The good mood that had carried Helena through dinner, creating that sense of comfort and familiarity between her and Sebastian, felt like a distant thing the longer the carriage ride went on.
She had been eager when she first climbed into the carriage, even excited to find out where Sebastian was taking her—that he wanted to show her whatever it was he had been doing.
The thrill was quick to fade, and it became quite obvious that Sebastian was not nearly as excited as she was. He appeared nervous and unsure, hesitant in this decision, likely questioning if this had been such a good idea.
Thus, they sat in silence as the carriage ride stretched, the tension built, the questions gathered, and the awkwardness grew between them.
Helena tried her best not to appear apprehensive. She smiled and did what she could to look comfortable, and even grateful. Sebastian, however, spent the ride in the corner, facing the window, a steely gaze fixed on the passing countryside, sternness written all over his face.
More than once, Helena thought to try to break the silence, to find that same atmosphere that had permeated dinner. And more than once, she caught her tongue and held it, understanding rightly that now was not the time.
Perhaps I should have stayed home. This feels so personal and so important to Sebastian that once it is done, there will be no going back. For better or for worse.
They arrived at the outskirts of London a little over one hour after leaving. She sat by the window, watching the city approach.
Helena had traveled to London many times, and she knew the routes well enough that she recognized the road they traveled on and guessed they were heading toward the city center.
That was until the carriage took a sharp turn.
“Oh.” She blinked and pulled herself back into the carriage. “We’re not… Where are we going?” She turned to Sebastian for an answer.
It was dark in the carriage, his face shadowed, his eyes glimmering as he watched her. “You will see,” was all he said.
She thought to push, but then held her tongue, turning once again to watch the city pass by.
The further they went, the more confused she became. It seemed to her that they were heading to the eastern districts, which she knew to be the poorer sector of the city. She had never been there herself, because why would she bother? And why would a duke?
She shifted as her nerves built. The buildings that lined the streets slowly turned more slovenly and shabby. The road became bumpier. The smell of filth and grime began to sting her nostrils.
Her pulse quickened. She was not scared, because there was no reason. She was, however, cautious, her mind going to places she tried to keep it from. There was no danger while she was with Sebastian, but this area was dangerous.
Where on earth is he taking me?
Finally, the carriage came to a stop at the side of the road.
“Here we are,” Sebastian said as he sat up and shuffled to the door. “Are you ready?”
“I…” She swallowed. “Anything I need to know beforehand?”
“Such as?”
“You tell me.”
He smirked softly, seeming amused by her worry. “Come on, best that I show you. It will be easier that way.”
Then, he popped open the door and stepped outside.
Sebastian had brought them to what looked like a large warehouse, a single massive block with huge front doors and a flat stone roof.
She craned her neck, noting a sign that hung over the doors, but was unable to read it.
A quick peek down the road confirmed that most of the buildings looked the same, and every single one looked broken, dilapidated, and abandoned.
Or they should be, because I can’t imagine anyone living like this.
Sebastian stepped up beside her. “Here, take my arm.”
Helena did as she was told, finding that she wanted to stay close to him.
It was entirely too silent for a city such as this, colder than the estate, and it felt as if eyes were watching them in the dark.
Once she took Sebastian’s arm, some of those feelings vanished because she felt safe with him.
But not all of them, because in a place like this, one was never truly safe.
“Sebastian…” She swallowed. “What…”
He smiled knowingly but said nothing as he led her around the carriage and to the front doors. She expected him to knock, but he simply pushed the doors open wide. Beyond them, darkness loomed, as did the sound of footsteps and voices. Soft voices. Even laughter.
Were those children?
They walked through the doorway and into the warehouse. It took a moment for Helena’s eyes to adjust to the dimness, but once they did, once she saw where Sebastian had taken her, she gasped and her mouth dropped open. Still confused, but no longer scared.
“Sebastian, this is… this… What is this place?”
“Surprised?” he asked, chuckling at the shock written all over her face.
“I’m too confused to be surprised.”
The interior of the warehouse was a vast and open space, stretching back further than she could see in the dark. But what she could make out… that was where things became confusing.
There were rows of beds lining the walls.
Dozens of them, possibly more. Most of them looked to be occupied with sleeping bodies as the hour demanded it.
But walking among the beds, whispering to one another and laughing, were several small children.
They were each dressed simply, dirty and rugged, certainly not from wealth or even modest means.
But Helena noted the smiles on their faces, and she could sense the joy and the safety in the room.
“It’s an orphanage,” Sebastian explained as he led her toward the rows of beds. “As you might have guessed.”
Helena stared dumbstruck as they went. And not just at the situation, but also at how the children reacted to Sebastian’s arrival.
Some waved. Most smiled. All appeared to recognize him.
One little girl even ran up to him and threw her arms around his legs, to which he laughed, tussled her hair, and then told her to get to bed.
“They know you,” Helena whispered.
“Of course they do.”
“But how?” She was looked at every which way.
As well as the children and the beds, there were drawings on the walls; those obviously done by kids.
Stuffed animals, too. Toys all over, even if most of them were broken or old.
And when they reached the center of the warehouse, she spotted at the end a bookshelf stuffed with books of all shapes and sizes.
“I do come here quite often,” Sebastian explained. “I thought you had noticed.”
“No, not that.” She let go of his arm and looked at him desperately, understanding well enough what was going on but not believing it.
How could it be possible? How had she not known? And how could she have been so wrong about her husband?
“I don’t understand. You… you volunteer? You own this place? What is it?”
He smiled softly, not at all put out by her panic. “I help where I can. This…” He gestured to the warehouse and the children. “It might seem like a big thing, but it is a fraction of what these children deserve. And all the money in the world won’t save them as they need.”
She shook her head. “That doesn’t answer my question.”
“I can’t adopt them all,” he told her. “I wish I could, but that is unfeasible. And again, it won’t make the difference that is needed.
There will always be more children who need help, more hopeless souls who never stood a chance.
For these children to have that chance, as well as the ones who come after them, real change has to occur.
The root of the problem must be addressed, and that can only happen at one place. ”
Helena’s mind was reeling, which was why it took her so long to understand and put together the pieces that he was laying before her.
She searched his eyes, seeing the passion burning behind them.
She looked around the warehouse again, the dozens of children, the sheer enormity of what it took to house and feed what was only a small fraction of the orphans likely living in London.
And finally, she thought back to one of the first questions she had asked Sebastian all those weeks ago, never answered, now painfully clear.
She gasped. “That is why… you and I…”
He nodded. “Laws need to be written to protect children. And not just these children, but all of them. Hundreds, if not thousands, across London and the country. And once written, these same laws need to be passed. Which is hard to do when nobody takes you seriously.”
“But you are well respected. You are taken seriously.”
“In some ways,” he admitted. “But on a scale far too small. Marriage to you helped restore my image and earn me favor among various party members, to signal to them that I am a man to be taken seriously. Someone who is willing to do what it takes, no matter the cost. I married you to make a difference, Helena. Not to my life, but to the lives of those who need it most.”
“And can you?” she asked, her voice a trembling whisper. “Can you make a difference?”
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I hope so. That is why I need you with me. That is why this marriage…” He reached for her hand and took it. “That is why it must work, at least until I can secure the future of these children. I owe it to them.”
She almost asked what he meant by that. Why he thought that he owed it to them.
She almost asked so many things. What started all of this? Why did he not tell her sooner? Who was he really, to put his own desires and aspirations aside so that he could help children with whom he had no connection?
But she did not ask those questions. It was not the right time.
As he held her hands and looked determinedly at her, as he pleaded with her to understand, she felt a flicker deep inside her very soul. It was like a fire being lit, burning gently but gathering in fierceness. It swept over her, erupted such that her heart just about exploded from it.
And so it was that she understood without question what she felt.
Oh no…
Her husband was not who she had thought him to be.
His feelings for her… that almost felt irrelevant.
He was more than she could have dreamed of, too perfect that she could hardly stand it, and her determination to fight against her growing feelings for him withered and died because the fight was lost.
For the first time ever, Helena allowed herself to wonder what life might be like, being married to a man like this. To hope for it.
She smiled at the thought, her heart swelling. The danger was obvious, the betrayal of everything she had known was real, and stranger still, she simply did not care.
At least not right now. Likely, that would hit her soon, and it would do so hard and painfully. But for now, best to revel in the moment because moments like this one come but rarely.