Chapter 26
Helena woke up that evening with a smile on her face.
She did not know where the smile came from exactly. It was not planned. She was not thinking of anything in particular. It was simply there, large and bright, unescapable and refusing to leave. And dammit if she wasn’t thrilled by the fact.
She was slightly confused, but only because it was dark outside and it took her a moment to remember why she was waking up at night and not in the morning.
It is as if the entire world has changed around me. Up is down. Day is night. And married life is no longer a prison from which there is no escape.
She stayed in bed for a few minutes, staring at the dark ceiling, still able to feel the kiss on her lips.
It was just the single kiss, and once it was broken, Sebastian suggested that they needed to get their rest because there would be time to talk about its meaning later. Helena had agreed, but even still, it had been hard to pull away.
They had held onto one another’s hands for a minute. Gazing into each other’s eyes. Not wanting to be apart, which was strange and new to both of them. Strange… but somehow, it felt so right.
And Helena might have stayed in bed for hours as she replayed everything that had happened, only to hear noises coming from deep within the manor.
Her eyes widened, her smile grew, and she was up and out of bed, quickly rushing to find a robe to throw over herself because she knew who those sounds belonged to.
Sebastian was awake, and from the sounds of things, he was heading to the dining room. And Helena, not stopping to consider if it would be too much or if she was acting too desperately, hurried to meet him.
He was already seated at the dining table when she strolled into the room. Dressed in his nightshirt, hair messy, bags under his eyes, she guessed he had planned to have a quick supper. But that was going to change.
“Look who’s awake,” Helena purred as she waltzed toward the table, smiling still, and not caring that he saw it. “And looking rather shabby while he is at it.”
Sebastian cocked an eyebrow at her. “You can talk?”
She pretended to be upset. “I will have you know that I always look radiant. And I would appreciate it if you did not try to drag me down with your insults.”
“I am afraid that I’m done with all the lies,” Sebastian said with a wicked grin. “Besides, there is nobody here to see us. So, why would I feel the need to pretend?”
“Ah, I see how it is.” She strolled down the table, pretending to pout. “You’re only nice to me when there are people around.”
“Right in one.”
“I don’t know why I put up with it,” she sighed. “Truly, I cannot wait until this marriage is over, so I don’t ever have to look at you again.”
“Now who’s lying?”
Helena laughed, and her first instinct was to go to him and kiss him again. She wanted to.
She could still feel that kiss on her lips. She could still feel the way her heart had fluttered and how her body had melted. She could still remember clearly just how right the moment had been, and she very much wanted to experience it again.
She stopped herself from doing so, however.
Not so fast…
This was new to both of them, and while they were finally starting to be truthful with one another, she knew that it was too soon to get ahead of themselves.
Better that they do as they should have done weeks ago. No more running. No more pushing the other away.
For the first time, they were ready to sit down and speak as equals, to do away with the charade and prove that this marriage might be more than what either expected or originally wanted.
It was time to be honest and simply enjoy one another’s company. A small thing, but it felt huge.
“Might I join you?” she asked, reaching for the seat beside the head of the table.
“I thought you would never ask,” Sebastian drawled.
Helena took her seat, feeling his eyes on her the whole time. She glanced at him, saw the way he drank her in, and her smile grew.
What might have once felt awkward or even too much was now natural in ways she was quickly becoming accustomed to.
Better than that, it no longer felt false. He had told her how he felt; she felt the same, and that left the way open for…
Honestly, she was not sure. But she was excited to find out.
“So, what do we have for supper?” she asked.
“Honestly, I have not a clue,” he laughed. “I sent word to the kitchens to whip something up. But I doubt it will be anything elaborate.”
“I suppose I will have to satisfy myself with your company,” she sighed as if the thought upset her.
“A once more wretched prospect.”
“It still might be,” she quipped, cocking an eyebrow at him. “But that remains to be seen.”
“Are you always this congenial?”
She shrugged. “Are you always this arrogant?”
“Obviously,” he laughed.
She laughed too. “I will content myself with the knowledge that, at the very least, should you prove to be a most abysmal host, I will simply have something new to write about. I’m always searching for a new villain.”
“Is that how you find them?” He brightened, his interest clear. “Purposefully luring men into your web so that you can exploit them for your stories.”
“It is one method.”
“I had better be careful then,” he declared. “Just as I had better behave myself.”
“Do you think you have it in you?”
“I’m not sure.”
He was grinning as he watched her, but it was not mocking or judgmental. It was honest, and she could see how much he was enjoying himself. How he was letting down his guard so that he would have the chance to see the real her.
“Let me know, won’t you?”
“And where is the fun in that?”
The conversation flowed easily and effortlessly. Now that they were no longer so guarded, there was no reason not to be themselves. And as they were learning in real time, they were more alike than they had once been willing to admit.
It started slowly. Short jabs. Witty banter. Jokes were made because that was always the easiest thing to do. But once the food was served and their comfort was established, the conversation became more genuine and profound because of it.
Helena was no longer cautious about opening up, and Sebastian was only too eager to poke and pry and find out as much about her as he could.
And most importantly, not once did she get the sense that he was not interested.
“… that was the first time my parents caught me sneaking out,” she explained through his laughter. “Needless to say, they were none too pleased.”
“But not the last time.”
“Obviously not,” she laughed. “If anything, being caught made me want to try again. I felt I had to prove that I was capable.”
He rolled his eyes. “And why does that not surprise me?”
“Honestly, if my parents knew half of the things I got up to…” She flashed her eyes.
“It’s no wonder they were so strict with you,” he chuckled. “Although I can’t help but wonder what might have been the result if they had just let you be.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did it ever occur to you that the reason you have always been so desperate to seek freedom is that you felt trapped? You’re like a caged bird, butting your head against that same cage. Not because you want to escape, but because you think you should.”
“No…” She frowned at the comment, having never thought of it like that. “That’s not—even if they were less strict, I would still prize my freedom.”
“And what of the bird that never had a cage?” he countered. “The same one that lives its entire life in the same nest, on the same tree, not bothering to fly away because it knows that it can whenever it wishes.”
“Stop comparing me to a bird!”
“I am just asking,” he laughed and held his hands out in defense. “I can’t help but wonder what you will do when you have this much-prized freedom. My guess is that little will change.”
“Is that a challenge?” She looked at him defiantly.
“Merely an observation,” he shot back with a coy wink. “Food for thought, as it is.”
Helena studied Sebastian curiously, thinking about what he had just said. And the very fact that he had said it.
She had never considered it from that point of view before and wondered just how accurate it was.
Not that it mattered, as that was her life growing up, and she was this way because of it.
However, the fact that Sebastian was aware of this spoke to how well he understood her. Not to mention how well he understood why she had been bucking against him in the first place.
Helena very nearly asked him about this further. She wanted to check whether he would be the cage she feared or more like the tree that was left unguarded so that she would be free to come and go as she pleased, if this marriage continued. Only, she decided not to.
Now was not the time.
Not yet, anyhow. A conversation that needs to be had, but only when the moment feels right.
For now, it was enough to just know where she and Sebastian stood. How effortlessly they spoke with one another. How easy it was to be in one another’s presence.
She did not have to guard herself or consider what she said. He liked how honest she was. He enjoyed that she did not hold her tongue, often saying the wrong thing. And he relished how she challenged him.
It was its own sort of freedom. Able to be herself in ways that she never had before.
Once, freedom for Helena had been about the physical, what she could do and when she could do it. Now, she realized it was about who she was as a person. With her parents, she always had to watch what she said and how she said it. But no more.
And if that indicated what was to come, Helena could not look forward to it more. And from the way Sebastian was eyeing her, that constant smile on his face, she knew he was of the same mind.
“So…” She exhaled deeply. “What is for dessert?”
“Dessert?” he echoed, raising a curious eyebrow. “Not ready to run off, now that supper is finished?”
“Should I?” she asked.
He shrugged. “You are free to do as you wish, Helena. I would never dream of telling you what to do.”
She rolled her eyes because she could sense the humor. “Yes, yes. No need to be too on the nose.”
“Just making sure,” he laughed. “But yes, I think dessert. I have nowhere I need to be.”
“Neither do I.”
Nowhere she needed to be, and nowhere she wanted to be. With her husband was where Helena wished to spend her evening. And as he made sure to let her know, he would not try to stop her or change her mind.
Finally, she felt free. And that was worth smiling about.