Chapter 28
“Are you certain you wish to do this?” Giles asked.
“Of course, I am not sure,” Sebastian snapped. He glared at his closest friend, only to soften and then crumble because it was not Giles whom he was angry with, but himself. “What other choice do I have?”
“Tell her,” Giles suggested, as he had done so many times already. “Tell her the truth. Let her decide—”
“I cannot do that,” Sebastian interrupted. “You know why.”
“I know that you think you are doing the right thing,” Giles countered. “And in a way, I understand your logic. But have you stopped to consider what your wife might think? What she would want?”
“I know what she would want,” Sebastian sighed. “Which is why I must make the choice for her. She will not thank me for it, but it is the only way.”
“And once it is done? What then?”
Sebastian looked at his friend, not concerned about how pitiful and broken he must have appeared.
Not caring how weak and pathetic he was coming across.
If anything, he wanted Giles to see it. At least there would be one person in this world who did not think Sebastian to be the most wretched soul who had ever lived.
“I suspect that things will return to how they once were. How they were always supposed to be.” He slumped, letting his body sink into the couch as if it might swallow him. “We tried our best, we gave it everything. But some things just aren’t meant to be.”
“But—”
“No, Giles.” He hardened his gaze. “This is how it must be. Now, are you going to help me or not?”
Giles did not look at all pleased with what he was being asked to do. And were it not so important to Sebastian, he might have said no. But Sebastian had made his case; he explained why this was the only way, and he knew his friend would do as he asked.
I just pray that Helena can forgive me. No, that will not happen. Perhaps the most I can pray for is that she does not hate me as I deserve.
He had spent the evening considering Mr. Ramsay’s threat. There was no victory to be sought here, merely a loss that was acceptable and hurt the least number of people. One that would allow him to live with himself.
The problem, as he saw it, was that Mr. Ramsay knew too much and was willing to drive the knife in any way he needed to get what he wanted. And not the manuscript as he claimed, as that was just a means to mock Sebastian to his face.
No. Mr. Ramsay only cared about hurting Sebastian, and regardless of what happened next, he had achieved this like nothing else could.
If Sebastian did as he was told, handing him the manuscript, he would also need to command Helena to stop writing once and for all.
She would never do that, and then Mr. Ramsay would expose the orphanage and threaten the children’s safety.
And that wasn’t to mention his exposure of Helena and the threat to her reputation.
If Sebastian ignored Mr. Ramsay entirely, he would do the same. Helena’s name would be ruined, the orphanage would find itself in Mr. Ramsay’s crosshairs, and all Sebastian had been working toward would be for naught.
That left him one option. Not one he wanted. Not one he looked forward to. But perhaps the only way to save Helena from Mr. Ramsay’s wrath.
“Fetch Her Grace, will you?” Sebastian ordered the butler who stood by the door to the drawing room, as he had been asked to do since Giles arrived. “Tell her Lord Ashford is here and wishes to pay her his respects.”
“Your Grace.” The butler bowed deeply and scurried out of the room.
“I suppose this is it then,” Giles sighed.
“You know what you need to do,” Sebastian said. “And I will do the rest.”
His stomach was twisted into knots, his body trembled, and the room spun around him because the guilt he felt was beyond painful.
There was but one way to save his wife, and that was to push her away once and for all. If he was able to cut her off and convince her that this marriage was just for show, that he had no feelings for her whatsoever, then she would leave willingly and never return.
That would hopefully convince Mr. Ramsay to leave her be.
That would allow Sebastian time to come to a new arrangement with the despicable publisher.
That might buy him more time to figure out how he was going to save the orphanage before Mr. Ramsay was able to spread his lies and threaten its existence.
It was not the best plan Sebastian had ever come up with. But it was going to have to do.
He sat down by the fire, a glass of whiskey in one hand, staring into the flames as he listened for the sound of Helena’s footsteps. All the while knowing that this was the hardest thing he had ever had to do.
For the greater good, whatever that is supposed to mean.
Helena hurried through the manor, on her way to the main drawing room, where Sebastian and Lord Ashford were waiting for her. She did not even know that Lord Ashford was visiting, as her husband had neglected to inform her.
But no matter, he was here now and wished to see her. And Helena was pleased to realize that it had nothing to do with appearances.
The relief I feel at no longer having to pretend or exaggerate my feelings around Sebastian is beyond heartening. In fact, I am excited to be myself, and more thrilled for Sebastian to be the same. This is what it means to be married.
She turned into the hallway that led to the drawing room. The door was open, and she quickened her pace, a smile already reaching her lips.
It was as she came closer to the open door that she heard voices.
“… and it was all a lie?” she heard Lord Ashford gasp.
“Are you surprised?” her husband chuckled. “Did you really think that I would ever behave like that around my wife?”
“You had me fooled,” Lord Ashford said. “As you did half the ton.”
Helena chuckled to herself when she heard it, figuring that Sebastian was simply telling his friend the truth of it. Not a concern, because she was through lying to the people she cared about. And clearly, Sebastian was of the same mind.
If anything, she chose to see the positive. In her mind, this was further proof that Sebastian was starting to take this marriage seriously. Now, they would be free to be themselves as they never had before, showing to all and sundry how real this marriage had become.
“The truth is, I will be thrilled when this is all over.” Sebastian’s voice drifted from the room as she reached the door. “I am sick to death of the charade.”
“And your wife?”
“Will get over it,” Sebastian said sharply.
Helena balked when she heard the comment, the tone of his voice. She was just about to round the doorway and step into the room, but she froze, caught completely by surprise because…
No, I must have misheard.
“That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?” Lord Ashford remarked.
“She brings it upon herself,” Sebastian sighed.
“Truly, when this marriage began, she and I were on the same page. A marriage of convenience, we both agreed, and we were happy to keep things that way. But I tell you, Giles…” Another bereaved sigh.
“Women. They are fickle creatures, and my life would be better without them.”
“And you are only just now realizing this,” Lord Ashford laughed.
“The inconvenience this woman has caused me…” Sebastian groaned. “It wasn’t enough that I treated her like a queen when we were in public. Oh no. Would you believe that she insisted I do it at home!” he scoffed. “Worse than that, she began to fall for me.”
“Are you sure she is not just playing a role?”
“I wish that she were. Sadly, I am just too charming for my own good. I could sense her falling for me and, not wanting her to ruin everything, had no choice but to go along with it. Would you believe that she thinks I am also falling for her?” He laughed, and the sound cut through Helena like sharp knives. “That I might be in love with her.”
“Little does she realize that you are only capable of loving yourself,” Lord Ashford joked.
“This is her doing,” Sebastian huffed. “She knows how important this is to me—what did she expect? No…” He groaned again. “I will not be made to feel guilty.”
“What will you do? I assume you will tell her?”
“And risk her ruining everything?” Sebastian cried.
“That simply will not do. All I can do now is endure the falsity of this marriage until I get what I need from it. And once it is safe to do so, I will tell her the truth. Hopefully, by then, it will be too late, and she won’t be able to make my life a living hell. ”
“Sounds like marriage to me,” Lord Ashford drawled, to which Sebastian laughed as if it were the funniest comment he had ever heard.
Helena stood frozen by the doorway, hidden so they did not see her, swaying back and forth so that she had to keep herself from collapsing. She stumbled back, fell into the wall, pushed herself up, then somehow managed to turn and trip down the hall and away from the drawing room.
The walls spun around her. Her body rebelled as if she had no control. She could hardly see straight. She could hardly think. The world itself crumbled around her such that she could not tell if she was dreaming or awake.
There is no way. There must be an explanation. Sebastian would never… He would not dare… This cannot be happening!
It was happening. And as Helena stumbled toward her room, the pieces of it all fell into place, so there could be no denying it.
She thought back to when they had first married, how effortlessly Sebastian had charmed her, how he had made her feel cared for and adored. She had known then that he was lying, but she had still been tricked into wondering if there was more to it than what she knew.
He was an expert liar and manipulator. He was a politician, born to subdue and disarm. And sensing a weakness in her, searching for a means to overcome that weakness, he had acted in a way that was as natural to him as breathing.
She reached her room and collapsed on the bed. She felt tears welling up, but held them back. And all the while, the truth crashed down on her such that she could hardly breathe.
And this truth, as much as it hurt to admit, was undeniable.
Sebastian did not care for her. He had never cared for her. It was all a lie, and Helena, as foolish and naive as she was, had fallen for it without question.
A marriage of convenience was what this had always been and always would be, and nothing would change that.
All that was left to do now was cry, which Helena got about doing promptly. At this stage, what else could she do?