Chapter 50
I'd been in the Sacred circle waiting to be captured because I was given a vision by the Moon Goddess that I would have to give my life for my pack to heal.
I said yes.
It’s why I wanted to give my virginity to Devran. I wanted to feel him one more time before I went. It’s why I kissed him goodbye like I meant it. It’s why I told Jasper I love him and Melanie too.
It’s why I sat in the Sacred circle silently crying in my final moments. I said goodbye to the mother I’ll never see again or even now be able to try to. I just cried a little to make my peace with the world.
When the men came I wasn’t surprised but naturally your fight or flight instincts kick in and I did scuffle with them a little bit until ultimately giving up and letting them take me away.
Somewhere higher up the mountain.
They suffocated me until I couldn’t breathe enough to pass out and the next I knew I was in a cell or something. I only knew it was damp and had four walls oddly shaped with one bar style door that was locked.
I asked the Moon Goddess how I might die. I only asked that I don’t have to be tortured before I do. I didn’t want to be in agony when I died. I’ve been in pain all my life.
As a child I was in pain when I didn’t have enough money for field trips so I was the only kid in class who didn’t get to go each and every time.
I was in pain when my mom would go on a bender and there was no food in the house so I had to endure the hungry pains of an empty belly. Suffer until I couldn’t take it anymore and I’d do things like eat spoonfuls of mustard because that was the only thing inside our fridge.
I was in pain when I was chained to my bedroom floor and couldn’t leave my room. When they had forgotten me for two days and I defecated on myself.
There are so many different kinds of pain and torture. Haven’t I already been tortured enough?
Having no one to love me the right way. To have no one to look out for me and my well being. Of course I would sacrifice myself for Jasper, Melanie, our community, and Devran.
I was shown love, and caring, protection, and friendship. I felt like I had a home for the first time in my life. Of course I would save them.
I laid on that cold ground for a long time in this cell that I'm stuck in. I heard no noise outside and I feared the way they were going to kill me. By simply just leaving me here to starve to death or become hypothermic when the temperatures dropped.
I was in little clothes and damp conditions.
I’ve been starving before. I don’t wanna do that again. Is that how I die? It would make sense as to why I haven’t heard a damn sound since those men left me here. I’m just going to be left here to rot.
Nobody is coming for me.
-
The longer I waited the more that pit in my stomach grew. I know how to self soothe though so I started doing what I used to do as a child when I was trying to make it through something bad.
I would daydream about beautiful mystical places. Like purple fields with waterfalls like waterslides. Or as a mermaid in a castle under the sea.
Only now as an adult my daydream was different.
I was in a big warm house and the room was so full with people. I was smiling and talking to them.
I listened to Jasper tell silly embarrassing stories and laughed as Melanie made a comment to piss him off and make them bicker like they do.
Jasper came to sit beside me and he tucked me under his arm like he does and I felt safe. Safe, warm, happy.
A hand comes down on my shoulder and Jasper looked up and when he saw who it was he removed his arm and let someone else pull me to them. Devran.
Devran’s eyes were sultry blue with dark lined lashes that promised trouble. His lips are pink and not overly full but shapely in a delicious way. His stubble is as black as his messy head of hair and it’s beautiful. All of him. Truly.
He’s sculpted from his cut jaw down to his muscled shoulders and around his corded arms. His torso is cut into defined lines of pure taut meat. When he pulled me to him he smelled like something warm, not entirely earthy, but like something I’ve never smelt before.
Smoky? Spicy? What is that? It’s intoxicating and when he holds me I melt. Devran’s deep voice is like music to my ears.
He spent all this time talking in this image inside my head. I can’t hear the words but I am smiling.
Since this is my private space and because I am at the end of my life I can finally admit to myself the thing I had buried deep.
In this fantasy Devran is my Mate because he never rejected me. Because he learned to love me instead. I can admit now that that decision has shattered a piece of me that I won’t ever get back.
That’s okay, let it stay with him. Maybe he won’t forget me when I’m gone. Not that I want him sad. I just want to be near him in a quiet way.
In this image I am imagining, Devran whispers for me to turn around and see my surprise and when I do my mom is with us.
She looks healthy with no track marks up her arms and rosy full cheeks instead of the sunken ones I last saw on her before she left me. Her hair isn’t brittle. She looks like me, just slightly older.
I run to her and hug her close until she finally pulls away to show me why she’s here. She has a present for me. I laugh because mom never gives me presents. I’m surprised, and everyone in the room is smiling waiting for me to open it.
Jasper comes and pretends he’s going to rip all the wrapping paper off himself. I swat him playfully.
I get pulled onto Devran’s lap as I hold this large box. My mom knelt in front of me telling me to go ahead and open it. I go to tear the paper off but then I'm suddenly distracted.
What is that? I didn’t add this to my imaginary place. I try to ignore it so I can open the gift and I’m suddenly feeling drawn away from everyone. I reach for my mom, for Devran, for Jasper, for Melanie.
What’s happening?
-
I’m in a room with no details and I’m alone. I’m suddenly aware that someone has walked in but for some reason I can’t turn around and see them. Their presence is merely known.
They radiate warmth and I can feel it on my back.
“Why am I here?” I ask. “You ask that question a lot” the voice is of a woman and she sounds like she is teasing me.
“Moon Goddess?” No response.
“You were willing to sacrifice yourself for your Pack. You were willing to sacrifice yourself in your faith in me and all I promised. And because of your true faith your sacrifice is already paid. I don’t want your life. I want you to give life to others and make your environment thrive.
"Continue to come to me in the sacred circle and practice your magic. It is a gift bestowed upon you and those you love. You will Mate and you will call your new clan The Mystic Wolves since you will pass your power onto your children and they will pass them onto theirs.
"And these wolves will possess the gifts I’ve given you and every Mystic before you. Do you understand?” She asked but the voice weirdly sounded like my own.
Maybe a higher power has no voice. They use your own voice to tell you what you must know.
I will create a Pack called the Mystic Wolves. That is my future. I will not die here. My debt is paid.
“Thank you. And I will continue to be your loyal servant and leave you offerings for each new moon, Goddess.” I said, but I realized I was already alone and talking to nothing.
I saw Devran’s face again only now he looked distressed and pleading. I couldn’t hear him at first but then I realized this isn’t my imagination, it’s a vision.
“Mira, please. We need more time. I need to fix my mistakes. Moon Goddess please restore this bond, I need my Mate, please” Devran seemed to be speaking out to me.
“Mira, if you're alive I need a sign. Please.” His voice echoed in my head. He called me his Mate...did she...did she restore the bond?
He needs a sign. I tried to think of one and the thing that came to mind was to write a message in the dirt.
With my mind envisioning me there with a stick I tried to write but it’s actually an incredibly hard thing to control and exudes a lot of strength I just didn’t have much left of tonight.
I managed one word. North. It’s a start I guess.
-
I kept thinking about what the Moon Goddess said and she told me I would have children. Wolf children...which means I do get with a wolf. Is it Devran? Is that what she did? Restore the bond?
The knowledge came through me suddenly.
She didn’t restore the bond just now. We restored it ourselves when we made love tonight. We gave ourselves to one another entirely and we didn’t even know it.
It wasn’t sex it was healing.
If I am bonded to him can I try and reach out to him like a beacon? I tried for a long time to just send out this connection between us to let him know where I am. If it is working I have no idea.
Devran. Feel me. Find me, Devran.
Because I was weak from using so much of my gifts and power today I was dozing off even though I was trying to stay alert in case those men came back.
Now I know I can fight to survive without disrespecting the Moon Goddess. She said I am allowed to live.
I also wanted to stay alert because I wanted to be able to call out if I heard Devran and our wolves out there looking for me. I feel like I'm underground and I worry they’ll miss me entirely.
I made birds and bison and all the woodland creatures come out for me today. I set fire rings and healed Devran’s wounds. I blessed plants and soil and water. And I healed a child. I am utterly exhausted.
I can’t keep awake nor can I barely lift a limb.
In the distance, almost like the muffled sounds you hear when your head is under water, there was noise. I tried to focus on it. Running, men’s voices, and something else.
*Mira* a voice whispered in my head. “Devran” I tried calling out. I was weaker than I thought and the sound didn’t carry.
*Mira* It happened inside my mind again. What is that? When I tried to speak out loud it didn’t work well enough so I started talking inside my mind too.
*I’m here.* I wasn’t expecting a reply but was shocked when one came.
*Mira?! Mira, where are you? How are you mindlinking me right now?* Devran’s voice came in loud and clear. I didn’t even realize that was what I was doing. How did I do that?
I tried again and at first it wasn’t working and then I got it.
*I have no idea how I figured this out but I am underground. Something like a cell. I’m trying to make noise but I'm weak* I told him.
*Hold on, baby, we’re almost there. Don’t tire yourself. I’ll smell you* he told me. I hoped that was true. My mind drifted to his face and I smiled. He came for me.
*What?* His voice suddenly interrupted.
*Huh?!* I was confused.
*You just said 'he came for me'* he told me. I cringe at myself.
*Oh Goddess...how do you shut off the mindlink? I wasn’t trying to talk to you I was thinking something* I was embarrassed.
*You’ll get the hang of it. Watch what you think of me you might accidentally tell me in a link* He sounded smug. That’s a good sign that he's doing better and that I will be too.
“Mira” I heard his voice, but this time outside of my mind. “Mira” I heard Jasper now too. “I’m here!” I shouted. My voice echoed in this weird ass place.
I heard the feet running down and then I saw Jasper and Devran right outside the barred door. Jasper tried to pull but the lock was thick.
Devran shoved him out of the way and with his Alpha strength and strong will he ripped the whole door off its hinges and came running over to me who was laying on the damp floor.
He scooped me up and held me to him.
“Let me have a turn” Jasper was trying to stick himself between us. I hugged them both at the same time but that lasted for all of ten seconds before Mr. Possessive pulled me away and held me even closer now.
“What do I have to do to make this sacrifice go away? I won’t let it be your life, so what do I have to do?” Devran asked me, not realizing I was already free of that fate.
“Um, she said you have to be my slave for a day,” I told him. He nodded okay then paused. “Wait, really?” I couldn’t help it and I laughed even though I was so exhausted and I shouldn’t be.
“No. Thanks for the offer but my debt is already paid” I explained.
“So you won’t die?” Him and Jasper asked in unison. My heart swelled at the sight of them both. I hugged both their necks again which made their heads get closer to one another.
Dev pushed Jasper off and had me look at him.
“I want you to rest on the journey home. Sleep, Mira, and we’ll talk about everything when we get home. Okay?” Devran asked me, holding me in his arms, walking us outside.
Several wolves were perched in waiting.
“Home” I smiled. That’s a word I rarely get to use. I felt protected and safe with Jasper by my side and Devran holding me. This is literally what I prayed for. I said I wanted to feel safe over even wanting to feel love. I realize now, with these wolf people, I feel all of it.
Safe, protected, wanted, appreciated, loved.