Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
~AMELIA~
I’ve been reading the same sentence again and again.
But it’s not registering in my brain. Nothing is lately.
He’s been gone from the apartment for a total of five days.
Five days and finally I can’t smell him in the apartment anymore.
But that doesn’t make me miss him any less.
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. My friends will be here any minute for a girls’ night.
I think it’s what I need-a distraction to help me keep my mind off of things.
A knock sounds at the door, announcing their arrival.
“It’s open!” I call out to them.
The door swings open and in come the three women who have been my saviors since moving to Tampa.
Mac, Cassie and Hendrix all come in wearing their pajama shorts and oversized T-shirts.
The shock comes when Jase and August follow them into the apartment.
August is carrying a stack of pizzas, and I can see beer in Jase’s hand.
“What are you boys doing wrecking our girls’ night?” I ask.
“We haven’t seen you in a while. Thought it might be time for us to all hang out together. And since you are avoiding the Backwoods, it made the most sense to come here to you,” Jase replies.
“Do you mind me being here, or am I the enemy in all of this?” August asks, holding up the pizza like a peace offering.
“You’re the enemy,” Hendrix answers for me, and her response doesn’t shock me.
“He’s not,” I scold Hendrix, who rolls her eyes. I turn to August, You’re not.”
“I was hoping that you weren’t going to work your way around to hating me by now.” August shoots me a sad smile. He sits the pizza down and hands everyone a paper plate from on top of the boxes.
“No, it’s not you that I hate, trust me,” I assert.
“So, who do you hate?” Jase asks, sitting the beer down.
I sigh. “I think everyone here knows who I’m angry at. And who I’ll always be angry at,” I remind them.
“Always?” Jase asks me. “Isn’t it too much work to hold onto all that hate for that man?”
“Hell, hath no fury like a woman scorned,” August says with a chuckle.
“Fuck off, August,” Hendrix says, throwing her empty plate at him.
He tosses it back. “Oh, calm yourself down, you’re going to want that plate to eat, Hendrix.” August winks at her. Hendrix sticks her tongue out at him, and he chuckles. “Some things never change. It was always about the tongue with you.”
“Gross,” Hendrix replies, rolling her eyes.
“I’m sure that will fade with time and who knows, maybe you’ll be like these two,” Mac points to Hendrix and August. “Being able to hang out with one another even though they used to date.”
“We did not date,” Hendrix clarifies quickly.
“Oh, really, then what would you have called us?” August asks.
“I would say that we were hooking up,” she tells him, with malice in her tone.
He shakes his head, “Whatever you want to tell yourself, sweetheart.”
“Please don’t ever call me that again,” Hendrix shoots him the finger.
“Just think, maybe Mac is right, and you and Dex might be trading jabs with one another over pizza,” Jase jokes.
I look over at him and shake my head. “I don’t think so.”
He nods. “Yeah, I don’t necessarily think so either. He’s keeping his distance from everyone who knows you.”
“Probably worried we’re going to give him a good tongue lashing,” Cassie says, shaking her head.
I look over at August, and see he looks uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I know he’s your friend.”
He nods. “He is, but I get why you’re angry with him. But if it helps you, he thought he was divorced when he started things with you. Dex really was trying to start his life over.”
“I know he was, but it doesn’t change anything.”
“Really, so what was his crime, exactly? Should he have to tell everyone from the minute that he meets them that he used to hook up with women while he was married? Is that what you’d like him to do?” August asks.
“Fuck off, August, you do not get to defend him Amelia’s home. You do not get to do that!” Hendrix yells at him.
“Sorry, you’re right. I’m gonna head out,” August says, standing up. “Everyone have a good night.”
August walks to the door and without looking back, opens the door and exits. He pulls the door closed with a soft click. No one says a word.
“Sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to send August away,” I say, shaking my head. “I guess I overreacted.”
“No, you didn’t. I did,” Hendrix says. “I can’t seem to control my temper when it comes to him.”
“Maybe you two should talk that out. Work on that a little bit,” Mac says, winking at her.
“No, thank you. I don’t need to work on anything with him.” She shakes her head. “And you don’t need to hang out with someone you used to date.” Hendrix turns her attention to me. “Because believe me, it is not easy.”
I nod. “I’m sure it is not. Even after all these years.”
“Yeah,” is all she says in return.
“I think I’m going to go check on August. You all can have your girls’ night like you thought you were going to.” Jase gets up and turns to Cassie. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”
Cassie stands up and kisses him quickly. “I’ll see you later.”
Once Jase is gone, I shake my head. “This is why I stay locked away in my apartment by myself. I’m not fit to be around people.”
“No, that wasn’t on you, that was on me,” Hendrix admits. “He makes me so mad, and I hate that he’s like defending Dex.”
I nod. “He has a point, though. Why am I really angry at him? He truly didn’t know he was still married, and he signed those papers right in front of me without a second thought. So why am I still punishing him?”
Mac sighs. “How long have you been thinking about that?”
“For a while,” I admit with a shrug.
“And what does it come down to?” she asks.
I grab a slice of pizza because my stomach is starting to growl smelling the aroma of it filling my living room.
I sigh. It’s so freaking good. I think it’s from the same place that Dex brought me pizza from.
One bite and I’m back to that night, when he first moved in and we had a carpet picnic together.
“Amelia, you good?” Cassie asks me.
“Yeah,” my voice comes out small and tired. “I’m okay. To answer your question, Mac, it’s how can I trust someone who could cheat on their wife for years and not stop. Not feel guilty about the fact that he was hooking up with women on the road while she was waiting for him at home.”
Mac nods. “True. How can you?”
“No marriage is perfect,” Hendrix begins, surprising me, considering her strong reaction to August.
“No, it sure isn’t. But you guys should have seen this woman.
” I know I’ve described her before to them, but I do it again anyway.
“She was tall, so freaking tall. Blonde, leggy and looks like a freaking stick. How can he marry someone like that and then date someone that looks like me? I am the complete and total opposite of her. It doesn’t even make sense! ”
“You are an amazing woman. You are a beautiful woman. You should not be comparing yourself to her. No woman should be comparing herself to another woman, because we are all beautiful in our own way,” Cassie says adamantly.
“Your psych degree is showing,” Mac teases her.
“Fuck you. It’s true, though.” Cassie replies, sticking her tongue out at Mac.
Hendrix giggles. “She’s right. I don’t give a shit what this woman looked like. Dex did like you for you. And comparing yourself to his ex-wife isn’t going to help you heal and move on. If that’s what you want to do.”
“Why wouldn’t I want to move on from him?” I ask.
“Because you love and miss him,” Cassie suggests.
I shake my head. “Miss him, yes, but I’ll get over it. I have in the past, and I can do it again. From now on, I’m in a relationship with soccer.”
The three of them start laughing at me.
Mac speaks first. “We’ve all said that and been there. Look where that got Cassie and me. Do you think that we didn’t say the same thing when Jase and Danny came along? Look how well that turned out.”
“Jase and Danny are exceptions; they aren’t the rule. Dex is the rule,” I remind them. “That’s why it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Okay,” Mac says, sounding defeated.
“Can we talk about something else, please?” I beg them.
“Sure, anything you want to talk about. We’re here for it,” Cassie agrees immediately.
“Danny still gone?” I ask Mac, trying to quickly change the subject. He’s been out of town at a swimming invitational that will last for a few days.
“Yeah,” she nods. “But he comes home tomorrow, so that’s good. I miss having him around all the time. I think I liked it more before August got him a job. You know, when he was sitting at home waiting for me.”
I laugh and say, “I’m sure. But it’s nice that he’s doing something that he loves.”
“It is,” she agrees. “I miss having him around a lot of the time.”
I nod. I get that feeling. My relationship with Dex surely didn’t work out, but I miss having him around too.
I have no idea how Hendrix and August do it, I don’t know in what universe I would be okay with having Dex around me like that.
I think I’d be too tempted to scream at him. Or worse, take him back.
“Let’s watch some reality TV. That always puts us in a good mood,” Cassie suggests, picking up the remote and looking, flipping through channels. She settles for some Love Island, and we all fall into a rhythm of watching and commenting on the show.
After some time, we’re all done chowing down on pizza and drinking beer. Cassie and Mac fall asleep, leaving Hendrix and me awake.
She turns to me and says, “You really miss him, don’t you?”
I nod. “I thought he was different, you know? Thought he was a safe place to fall.”
“He still could be that,” she suggests.
“I thought you were so sure that he was just like August and that I shouldn’t bother,” I remind her.
“That might be my issue with August and not related to you and Dex,” she says with a shrug. “Has he tried reaching out to you?”
I play with end of my ponytail. “At first I got a few calls from him, but I never picked them up. I guess he got the hint and gave up.”
“You could call him,” she suggests.
“And say what?”
“What do you want to say? If you want him to call, surely you have a reason for it. So, if he called you right now, what would you want to ask him?”
I stare at Hendrix for a moment and decide she makes a good point. I sigh and say, “I would ask him if any of it was real. Or is that what he did with the women that he cheated with.” I look down and feel the pain of my words when I add. “Did he really love me?”
She nods and moves over so that we’re sitting next to each other.
Hendrix puts her arm around me and pulls me to her.
“I think that it was real, Amelia. I really believe that. I saw you two together. We all did.” She gestures towards Mac and Cassie’s sleeping forms. “And we all knew that he really cared about you.”
“Yeah, well, what are you going to do?” I say, brushing off her assessment.
“You could always talk to him. That might help things,” she suggests.
I shake my head. “Nah, I think I’ll stick to this plan.”
“And what plan is that? Wallowing?” She bumps my shoulder, teasing me.
“No, I’m not wallowing, I’m spending time with my girls. Maybe that is all I need,” I tell her. Shrugging, I add, “It worked for a while. Why can’t it keep on working?”
“It can, if that is what you really want,” Hendrix replies. “Maybe take some time and think about it. See how you feel. But Amelia, I wouldn’t take too long because I wouldn’t want you to end up like I did and realize you should have fought. And then it’s too late.”
I look over and watch her for a moment. The flicker of the TV throws a soft light on her face. There is a distant look in her eyes, like he’s feeling the pain of remembering something - or someone - from a great distance.
“Thanks, Hen, I won’t.” I squeeze her hand. “And I’m sure it’s not easy hanging around August all the time. That can’t be easy for you.”
She shakes her head, and whispers. “That was a long time ago.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, years ago. That’s water under the bridge or whatever,” she protests.
“I’m here if you want to talk about that. We can commiserate over our failed relationships together,” I say, trying to look on the bright side.
“Thanks, Amelia. I really appreciate that,” she says, smiling warmly at me.
“Anytime, girl. That’s what you have me for. Well, all of us, any of us,” I remind her. “We all get it to some degree, so you don’t have to walk that road alone, you know?”
She grins at me. “Same, girl, same.”
I lean over and place my head on her shoulder. My eyes find Mac and Cassie’s sleeping form, and I smile. Things may not have worked out the way I thought they would with Dex, but I hit the jackpot with friends, and right now, that means more than anything to me.