35. Buy a Friend a Drink
Buy a Friend a Drink
LILLIAN
November in Naknek is frigid compared to the relative warmth of August. Sarah and I are bundled in many layers, bracing ourselves against the twenty-degree chill.
It feels more like early morning than noon, thanks to the lingering polar night. I already miss the endless summer days of the midnight sun.
And yet, after stepping off the plane and breathing in the Alaskan air, Naknek brings me a peace I haven’t known since I left.
It’s confusing, considering how I was basically run out of town, but at the same time, it makes sense.
Not only was I left broken-hearted by Matt, but I was torn away from a part of myself I had just discovered.
A part of myself that found a place like a soulmate.
We drop our stuff off at the cabin—a different one. While I’d be happy to give Ian the money, my nerves can’t handle being back at his cabin. We rent one a little closer to town. And though Sarah is tired of traveling, I drag her out to the Half-Hitch with the promise of coffee.
When we drive up, I’m unsettled by how full the parking lot is. I hesitate, getting out of the car long enough for Sarah to ask, “Are you good?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be okay,” I say, then shut off the truck. Yep, a truck again. A necessity for the often-slick roads and worsening weather.
“Let’s do this,” Sarah says, her lips pouted with determination.
I’m sure she’ll throw down if anyone so much as breathes in my direction.
We get out of the car and head inside. There are groups peppered through the shop, almost the same as the first time I came here, except now with heavy boots and coats.
A few people look up. Faces I recognize. Lots of surprised looks. Some are more welcoming than others. I lock eyes with Marina, who smiles and gives me a flat-palmed wave. I wave back and smile brightly.
I belong here. Even if they don’t agree I do.
“Were they expecting you?” Sarah asks, pointing up at the “Give a Coffee” board.
I look up, and sure enough, my name is up there. A chai tea, courtesy of Marina. “You got chai?” I exclaim, loud enough to get Gwen’s attention from behind the espresso machine.
She beams. “You’re here!”
Abandoning her drink, she comes out from behind the counter and embraces me. It’s the kind of hug you give someone you’ve known for years, not only a few months. At least I know one member of the family likes me. “It’s good to see you, Gwen.”
“You, too! Did you see what we have on the menu?” She points up at the board.
“I did!”
“It was my idea, but Marina flew out to Dillingham to make sure we had it in stock in time for your arrival. Isn’t that sweet of her?”
After deciding to return to Alaska, Gwen and Matt were the only ones I told I was coming back. But given how small Naknek is, I’m sure the knowledge of my return was disseminated quickly.
Gwen turns to Sarah. “Is this your sister?”
I introduce Gwen and Sarah, and Gwen turns to make two chais. “Marina will cover it,” Gwen says, waving her hand.
“Who is this Marina person?” Sarah smirks. “And where can I get one of them?”
Gwen laughs it off, but Sarah’s question makes me wonder if there’s more going on.
I don’t have long to wonder before she changes the subject. “Matt is so excited to see you.”
“Me, too. I mean, I’m excited to see him,” I say, knowing my cheeks are turning red. I haven’t told him I arrived. He knows I’m coming today, but I lied about the timing so I could surprise him all on my own. Gwen was the only one who knew the true timing of my travels.
“Lillian?” Sarah and I turn to find Jesse behind us. His skin is paler than usual, and his eyes are wide.
“Hi, Jesse.”
“Oh, you’re Jesse,” Sarah says, putting her hands on her hips.
“Not sure if I want to be anymore, but yeah,” Jesse replies, clearly unnerved by my sister.
“Jesse, this is my sister, Sarah.”
Jesse swallows. “I see the . . . resemblance.”
“Yeah, well, the resemblance ends with the physical, because unlike Lillian, I’m not so nice. In fact—” She points and pokes her finger into Jesse’s sternum. “I’m a lawyer, so don’t get any more funny ideas, or else?—”
“Sarah,” I hiss.
Sarah gives me a puppy-eyed look. “Why won’t you let me threaten him?”
Jesse’s cheeks turn red. “Trust me, uh, I feel . . . threatened? I guess.”
I bite my lower lip. I’m sure Jesse didn’t expect I’d bring along my gorgeous bulldog of a sister.
“Good.” Sarah gestures with a ‘carry on’ motion.
Jesse’s eyes somehow widen even more. “Okay, um, well, I obviously owe you an apology in person.”
“That’s an understate—” Sarah begins.
“Sarah, you can give him a piece of your mind when we’re done talking, okay? I’m good,” I say, patting her arm.
Sarah inhales. “Fine. I’ll be right over here.” She makes the ‘I’m watching you’ gesture at Jesse before shifting her attention to Gwen.
“She . . .”
I raise an eyebrow.
“Seems lovely,” Jesse says. “Anyway, I wanted to apologize in person. I know it’s not much, but it was wrong of me to—more than wrong. I’m guilty. If we were to go to court— please, don’t take me to court for?—”
“Jesse, I’m not taking you to court,” I say, somehow managing a smile.
He lets out a genuine sigh of relief. “Good. Um, well, if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you?”
“Make it up to Matt for breaking his trust. That’s all that matters to me.”
Jesse nods. “Heard.”
“All I care about is making things easier on him. So, if that means going door to door, convincing people he’s not a bad person for trying to make this community better, then that’s what you should do.”
“Trust me, I’m already stumping.”
I’m surprised to hear that, but pleasantly so. I smile. “Good.” I swipe my chai off the counter.
Gwen watches me expectantly. “Take a sip. Is it good?”
I do so, but I barely taste it, my anticipation building. “Perfect, Gwen. Just perfect.”
She grins. “We’ll put it on the menu and name it after you. The Chai-entist. Clever, right? Winnie came up with that.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” I say with a playful grimace, then elbow my sister’s arm. “Sarah, he’s all yours. I’m off to see Matt.”
“He’s home, getting ready for you,” Gwen tells me with a big grin. “He’s going to be so surprised. Record his reaction, will you?”
“Only if you want an R-rated movie,” Sarah says.
I ignore her. “Good luck, Jesse,” I say as I pass him.
“I believe I’ll need it,” he mumbles.
As I leave the Half-Hitch, I laugh as I hear the beginning of Sarah laying into him.
Matt’s truck is parked out front. Everything is frosted from the chill in the air. Snow has already touched Alaska this season.
I climb out of the rental and head to the front door. You can do this. I knock, shoving my bare hand into my pocket as soon as I can since the cold is biting.
A minute passes. I know he’s home, but maybe he didn’t hear me. I raise my hand to knock again.
The door flies open before I can knock.
And there he is. In the flesh.
I hold my breath, taking Matt in for the first time since I left a month ago.
He’s breathless, having clearly run from whatever part of the house he was in. His hair is wet, water dripping down his neck. And he’s wearing a tight, long-sleeved shirt and jeans. No shoes. I’ve succeeded in surprising him.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, in shock.
“I’m here to see you.”
“I know, but you weren’t supposed to be here until—” He runs a hand through his wet hair. “I was showering. I haven’t even shaved. I?—”
I’m not sure if I’m shaking because of the nerves or the cold. “Can I come in? I’m freezing.”
Matt’s surprise melts into a warm smile. He grabs the front of my coat, pulls me into his house, into his arms, and hugs me tight to his chest.
Warmth floods through me. Not just physical, but emotional too. I hadn’t realized just how frigid my heart had become.
I hold onto him, burying my face into his neck.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs.
“Why? Why are you?—”
“For not?—”
“Stop it.”
“No, I should have?—”
I cup his cheeks in my hands. “Stop. We’re here now. We’re here.”
Matt furrows his brow, concentrating on my face.
I twirl a lock of his wet hair between my fingers, pushing it out of his face.
“I should have told you I loved you,” Matt whispers.
I lean closer. “You can tell me now.”
Our lips connect before he can. A long, grounding kiss. And when our mouths part, he says it. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s a cliché because it’s true. Something about returning to the one you love is indescribable.
What happens next is both entirely unexpected and absolutely right. My lips find Matt’s again, and my hands move to the hem of his thermal shirt. I push the fabric up, feeling the warmth of his skin, his hardened abs. I want to be close to him again.
“Did I surprise you?” I ask between kisses.
“Was that not obvious?” he replies.
I laugh as he grabs the zipper on my jacket and shucks it off me in record time.
This is like the first time all over again. Except there isn’t the anxiety of getting it right. It’s the necessity of making it count, which is why Matt hauls me into his arms without a moment’s hesitation.
I wrap my legs around him, allowing him to carry me upstairs to the bedroom and lay me down on the bed, his body over mine. He then presses me onto the bed, kissing me as he holds me tight.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper.
“I’ve needed you,” he replies. “I just didn’t know?—”
I touch my fingers to his lips. “It’s okay. It’s okay. We didn’t know what to do.”
Matt’s eyes flutter shut. He kisses each of my fingertips.
I want him to have me. I don’t just mean my body. I mean everything I am, all my time, my adoration, my life. I want him to have all of it. There’s so much yet to discover about one another, so much to process and apologize for.
Then, a sound trembles out of him, a sound like he’s been waiting for a place to moor himself again all this time.
I am his place.
We cling to each other, basking in the glow of each other. To have Matt in my arms again is heaven. A heaven I thought I had lost.
“So, how was your trip?” Matt asks, cupping my cheek.
I burst into laughter, giving him a flurry of kisses all over his face. Cuteness fucking overload. How can a man be so sexy and adorable at the same time? Maybe because he’s mine. Mine. “Good. Better now. It would be even better if I had remembered to bring my chai in from the car.”
Matt sighs and rolls out of bed, pushing himself to his feet. “It would be my honor to retrieve your chai.”
How did I get so lucky?
After Matt returns from the car, I eye him over the lid of my drink as I sip.
“So . . . you love me,” I say.
We’re sitting on the couch now, on opposite ends so as not to get handsy and distracted.
“That seems to be the case,” he says. “And you love me, unless you were just trying to get in my pants.”
I giggle. “I could have gotten in your pants for less, I think.”
Matt blushes. “Yeah, you could have told me you had a mild tolerance for me, and I would have been at attention.”
I smile. Correction, I haven’t stopped smiling. “So, what happens next?”
Matt swallows. “Well, I don’t want to lose you again. Obviously.”
“Obviously,” I repeat. For myself, because I can’t even believe my luck.
“And I know asking you to stay here, with your work and everything, would be too much, so I’ll go with you.”
I blink. “What?”
“Yeah, I mean, there’s fishing in California. I can find a job there, I think. I mean, maybe,” Matt says.
“But your family, Matt.”
He sighs and glances away. “Yeah, I’d hate to be away from Gwen and Winnie. Jesse and I are still patching things up. And my dad . . . well, I’m treating him as a lost cause at this point. The drinking and—” He stops and clears his throat. “I’ve done what I can.”
“I’m not going to ask you to come to California to be with me,” I say.
Matt shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’ve thought about it. With everything going on here, I think it’s time for me to . . . move on.”
There’s a solemnity in his voice that doesn’t quite sound like acceptance.
“To tell the truth, I’m sure if I stayed here all year round, I might lose my mind,” I say with a half-laugh. “But I love Naknek. I wouldn’t ask you to leave it behind because I don’t want to leave it behind either.”
Matt screws his brows together. “You love Naknek?”
“Yes, I really do. Even if the people aren’t thrilled about me, I saw it through your eyes. And you love Naknek. It’s a piece of you. I love that piece.”
His lips curl up in the sweetest smile.
“Maybe we can split our time. Spend summers here so you can be here for the fishing season. Then, we can go somewhere else for the winter because twenty-four hours of darkness might kill me.”
“Half the year here, half the year in LA.”
I shrug. “Maybe LA . . . maybe Anchorage.”
“Anchorage?”
“Yeah, well, depending how the town hall goes. Maybe it will open up some more opportunities with the Fishers First organization. Then, I can keep working on projects like this one.”
“You want to help fishermen after everything they’ve put you through?” Matt asks.
I scootch over to him on the couch, placing my hand on his thigh. “There are some good ones, I think.”
He’s quiet for a moment, then moves some hair away from my face. “I’ll go wherever you want. Say the word, I’m there.”
“Let’s get through the town hall first, and then . . .”
And then . . .
There are lots of questions and not many answers.
Matt wraps his arm around me, and then kisses my temple. If I only know one thing, it’s that we love each other. And that’s going to be enough.
No matter what happens.