Chapter 16 #2
Maeve nods slowly, except she keeps nodding, pressing her tongue to her cheek before she squeezes my knee.
“You’re wondering where Landon is…” she guesses. “Right? That’s why you’re both acting like children? Your bro isn’t here?”
The silence is deafening, but not for me. The panic and the awkwardness disappear because I’m proud of her. She’s standing up for me, but by facing this, which no one appears to know about already, head-on… She’s standing up for herself, too.
“Well, it looks like he had us all fooled then.”
Her hand leaves my knee, but not before she turns to meet my gaze, giving me a tiny smile as she goes back to eating. I follow suit, keeping my eyes down as I finally dig into my own food.
The rest of dinner passes normally, or at least, I think it does.
Everyone falls into step with normal conversations around me as I eat, but my mind is far away.
It’s like I can still feel her hand squeezing my knee, or just above it.
I can’t help but think about what it would feel like if it had trailed up further.
Is this what happens when you’ve never been with anyone before?
You foam from the mouth like a sixteen-year-old boy who just hit puberty?
Now is not the time for that, not here, not with her family. Jesus.
I’m fighting a hard-on the entire time, through the rest of dinner, as everyone cleans up, and as we head upstairs after.
I’m thinking of every awful thing I can possibly think of, and that somehow makes me feel even worse.
Thank God for Annalise recommending that everyone go to bed early so we can all be refreshed for tomorrow morning.
I want to kiss Maeve again so bad.
It’s all I can think about.
I need to kiss her again.
God, why can’t I be that guy? We’ve already kissed.
We’ve already kissed. My hands shake as I think about it, like my body is trying to prepare itself to do it again.
She’s the one I want to kiss, I mean, she helped me practice.
Would it be so hard to do it again? Do what she showed me? I could do that. I can do that.
She trails behind me as I walk into my temporary room instead of heading to hers, quiet as a mouse as she closes the door behind us.
“I’m sorry about them.” Maeve sighs. “They’re just trying to be…intimidating? God, they’re so annoying sometimes.”
“It’s okay,” I reassure her.
She grimaces, and her nose scrunches in this cute way that has my mind spiraling even more. “Is it?”
“They care about you,” I say, trying to mask the wobble in it from my nerves threatening to consume me whole. “It’s nice to see that. I’m…not used to it.”
Her arms fall to her sides as her entire forehead scrunches into a deep frown.
Just as I’m about to ask her if she’s alright, she takes a few quick steps toward me, wrapping her arms around my waist in a tight hug.
Very hesitantly, I envelop my arms around her shoulders, pulling her in tighter because… Well, why not?
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
I pull back just slightly, peering down at her. “Don’t be sorry.”
“I’m happy you’re here,” she says. “Thank you for driving me all the way to California.”
There’s that feeling again. That I need to kiss her again feeling.
But I can’t do that without explaining she’s who I’ve always wanted to kiss, the first person I’ve ever wanted to kiss.
I have to tell her that, but I’m so nervous that my knees threaten to shake underneath my bodyweight.
Yet, she’s peering up at me, waiting for me to speak…
with those wide, brown eyes and plump lips parted in awe. Like she’s studying me.
Do something.
Come on.
“Maeve…” My voice falters as I speak.
Her face falls, and I feel like I need to backpeddle. “Yeah?”
Is this coming out right? It must not be. She looks like I’m about to tell her something terrible. Is it terrible? Is she dreading the words that are about to leave my lips?
“The girl…” I swallow. “The girl I want to kiss?”
She nods, and I notice that her shoulders sag. Oh, God. She’s dreading this, isn’t she? I could make something up. I should. But from the look on her face, she must already know. Every part of her face is construed into this…grimace. As if what I’m going to say will hurt her.
You can’t go back.
I weakly point a finger at her, my knees wobbly and my heart about to give out any second. “I-It’s you.”
She blinks for a second, her frown disappearing as her eyebrows shoot up. Her mouth falls open just slightly, and I can see her cute front teeth as she struggles to form a coherent sentence. Is that good? Did I stun her in a good way? Or…
I want to die. Yeah, right here. I want to pass out and get away from this right now. My cheeks are so warm that I’m convinced they very well could be on fire. I’ve stunned her into silence because, of course, the idea of actually kissing me for real must be awful.
Oh, Jesus.
But then she stuns me right back as she speaks.
“What’re you waiting for, then?”