Chapter 12
Murphy was going to claim her. Nessa.
His mate.
The decision had finalized in his mind last night, right after Nessa offered to take care of him.
He’d been so startled by the sudden clarity that settled into his soul, so relieved to finally be in agreement with his bear, that he’d been incapable of taking a single step in her direction. Incapable of uttering a single word. Instead, a new fear had taken him in its grip, paralyzing him.
What if he misunderstood her intentions and sabotaged everything by opening his damned mouth and asking her to be his? What if he told her he’d changed his mind, that he wanted her, and it frightened her away?
The last thing he ever wanted was to scare Nessa. To make her feel pressured or think that he had certain expectations that she couldn’t provide.
Staring blankly up at the ceiling above his bed, Murphy fisted the sheets around his bare hips. His stomach twisted with knots as he found himself unsure of what to do. He hated feeling like this; uncertain and insecure.
As the Alpha, he always made decisions and stuck to them. His word was law. He was decisive, assertive, and confident in his choices. Yet, with Nessa, so far every decision he’d made had been wrong.
Staying away from her; denying he wanted her based on reasons beyond either of their control … He’d let his hatred of her kind blind him to her true nature, and he’d used his fears as justification for keeping his distance. He’d driven himself half-mad out of sheer stubbornness, and for what?
He was in the same boat he’d originally hoped to avoid, except now he’d voluntarily boarded the ship, uncaring about the possible consequences.
It would have been hilarious if Nessa’s voice wasn’t echoing through his mind, her hurried, nervous words causing an ache in his chest that wouldn’t go away.
‘I’d like to be the one. To take care of you.’ She’d looked at him with such hope and uncertainty. And he’d done nothing! Said nothing!
Murphy doubted she understood the impact that frantic declaration had on him, but her words had hit him like a battering ram, shattering the last of his resolve into smithereens.
He couldn’t stop thinking about it, about her, about what it would be like to let her into his world.
To let her into his life; to share it with her.
He’d spent the last fifteen years handling everything by himself. Yes, his family helped when he let them, but the majority of the clan’s burdens fell on him. He thought he’d preferred relying only on himself.
But … maybe he wanted a partner. An equal. Someone who helped support him and ease his burdens while looking for nothing in return.
Maybe, subconsciously, he’d been waiting for Nessa, which was why his bear had thrown such a fit over these past few months, and why mating sickness had struck him so hard.
It could also explain his abhorrence and fear when she’d shown up to reject him.
He just hadn’t realized it until now. He’d been too blindsided by his past.
His bear stirred to life in his mind, grumbling in agitation. It wanted Nessa. Their Nessa. At least his damned counterpart wasn’t slicing at his mind with its claws or driving him crazy with its constant need to hunt her down anymore.
For now, it was relatively quiet.
Was it because he’d spent the day, and most of the evening, with her? Or because it knew they’d be claiming her as soon as she let them? Was it satisfied he had finally stopped fighting against the inevitable?
Murphy sighed, sitting up in bed. He lowered his head, running a hand through his short, brown hair as he took in the scars littering his torso.
Some stood out far more prominently than others; longer, deeper cuts that the human hunters had created just to torture him while they’d held him captive all those years ago.
When they’d been testing just how much he could take.
When Nessa eventually saw those marks, would she find them repulsive? Would it make her find him less attractive? Not just physically, but emotionally? Some females wouldn’t want to be with a male that couldn’t protect himself—what if she thought he couldn’t protect her?
Reaching out, Murphy traced a long, jagged scar along his abdomen, his jaw clenching at the sensation of raised skin.
The scars were etched all over him; stretching across his arms, his neck, and his chest. Luckily, his attackers had taken their time, assuming they’d have him for a few days longer before eventually killing him.
Before the hunters could add their ‘work’ to his legs and back, Tank, his dad, and a few other bears had finally shown up, killing the humans responsible and rescuing him.
The physical wounds had healed. But the scars left behind were reminders of what had happened.
The betrayal. The pain. And that feeling of helplessness.
Gritting his teeth as long-ago memories stirred to life, Murphy tossed the sheets from his hips, getting out of bed and heading toward the bathroom.
Restless, he stepped into the shower as soon as the water poured from the showerhead, needing the icy spray to help push away those memories and the truth that came with them.
Ice-cold droplets pounded over his back, causing goosebumps to sprout over his skin. He shivered from the chill, but aside from freezing his balls off, it did nothing to clear his mind.
Grabbing a cloth and pouring scent-free bath gel onto it, Murphy began scrubbing himself clean, those damned scars taunting him with every swipe of the fabric.
He didn’t think about them too much nowadays—usually he kept them covered with his clothing and ignored them when he was naked—but tonight he couldn’t help but see every single one. He couldn’t help but remember why he’d bear them for the rest of his life.
The last female he’d fallen in love with, that he’d intended to mate, had done this to him. Sachi might not have wielded the blade herself, but she’d hired hunters to do her dirty work for her. Murphy had been so blinded by love, he’d almost died.
He’d trusted Sachi so implicitly, it had nearly cost him his life; that was the true fear that plagued Murphy when it came to Nessa. Not that he’d grow tired of her, or that he’d resent her if he mated her.
As his true mate, he was drawn to her far more than he’d ever been drawn to Sachi.
From the moment he’d seen Nessa, scented her, heard her voice, he’d wanted her.
Craved her, though he’d tried to deny it.
But he’d suffered enough at the hands of humans.
He’d suffered already at the hands of someone he’d loved.
He was terrified to put himself in a position like that again. Of trusting someone. Of being hurt.
What if Nessa betrayed him? What if something happened that made her doubt him, question him? What if she finished what Sachi had started?
Nausea churned in his gut at the thought, but as the suds slipped from his body and to the shower floor, Murphy refused to let his nerves dictate any more of his decisions. Nessa wasn’t like Sachi; he felt that down to the marrow of his bones. His anxiety could go fuck itself.
The thought of Nessa finding another, of her leaving him behind and falling in love with someone else … It was enough for him to see past his inner turmoil, to see past his fears and indecision and know that he had to try to make this work.
He wanted Nessa; he always had, even though he couldn’t admit it to himself earlier. Now it was time to show her that he was the male she needed in her life.
But how exactly did he do that without frightening her away? She’d made it clear she didn’t want to mate with anyone, at least not right now. And her version of ‘take care of him’ could refer to something strictly platonic.
But she liked his touch. She liked his compliments, too. She also felt safe with him. He could sense that.
There had to be something he could do to subtly show her his interest until she was ready for more. He didn’t care how long that took; his bear was simply eager to be near her, and Murphy didn’t want to push her too far too quickly. Especially after her own past experiences. He could be patient.
If anyone understood she might need time, it was him.
Murphy turned off the shower, grabbing a towel from a wall hook just outside the stall and drying himself off as a few ideas formed.
Wrapping the towel around his hips, he moved from the bathroom, through his room, and down the hall to his office, dropping into his desk chair and turning his computer on.
Quickly, he opened a browser, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he typed in the search bar: how to mate a human.
“Oh, what the fuck!” The pornographic images that popped up nearly seared Murphy’s retinas, and just as quickly, he exited the tab.
Okay, maybe that wasn’t the right thing to search. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the browser back up, typing instead: how to woo a human woman.
Hundreds of results popped up, and luckily, none of them involved photos of genitalia and sex.
Massages, gifts, love notes; there was a wide variety of wooing techniques for him to choose from.
Grabbing a pen and paper, he scrawled down several suggestions.
He felt more confident than he had only a few minutes prior now that he had a plan.
Eager to begin, Murphy cast a quick glance at the time on the bottom right-hand screen of the monitor. Just past four o’clock in the morning. He hadn’t even slept yet, too wound up to do anything but think about Nessa.
He just needed to wait a few more hours and then he could see her, could spend the day with her at her teahouse.
His heart beat faster at the thought, and his bear huffed in exasperation, just as eager to be near her again.
Even his fingers itched with the desire to touch her, to run his fingers through her hair.
He inhaled deeply, hoping to catch a faint trace of her scent to tide him over in the meantime.
Just then, he felt a stirring in his mind as a member of his bear clan reached out telepathically. He stiffened, his momentary excitement replaced with worry.
Who the hell was up at this hour?
Murphy? Marcus’s exhausted voice entered his mind.
The tracker was one of the males who’d saved Murphy that night so long ago. Murphy? Marcus began again, a hint of urgency in his voice. Are you awake?
I’m here. What is it?
I caught Dante’s scent less than an hour ago. It was faint, but it couldn’t have been more than a few days old, Marcus informed him, sounding suddenly far more weary than he had only moments ago.
He and his twin brother, Dante, were the two people Murphy had been closest to aside from his own family, until Dante had betrayed them by working with Jason.
He’d helped Jason’s wolf pack sneak into Murphy’s territory.
In exchange, Jason had promised to spare Dante’s true mate, Angela, a wolf in his pack, from further harm.
No one in the bear clan, not even Marcus, had known Dante had found his mate, otherwise this entire ordeal might have been avoided.
Murphy would have done whatever he could to help Angela, but he’d never been given the chance.
Dante was the reason Nessa had almost died, and the reason Hunny had almost been taken from Tank. After the attack, he’d fled like a coward, using a scent blocker to aid in his escape.
Although Murphy had taken the betrayal hard, it was Marcus who was most affected. Until that point, he and Dante had shared everything. And even though Dante’s reasons for betraying the clan were understandable, it was still a death sentence if he ever showed his face again.
Murphy wouldn’t be lenient with the male. Not after Dante had risked Hunny and Nessa’s lives for his own mate. Dante had made his decision in failing to rely on his pack. On his family.
Murphy dropped his hands to the armrests, fingers curling tightly around the leather material. It creaked in protest and he forced himself to relax, his mouth drawn into a severe frown.
He’s that close? I figured he’d be long gone.
He’d hoped for it, honestly. As much as he wanted retribution for the harm dealt to Nessa, he didn’t relish the idea of killing a once lifelong friend.
Why would Dante be nearby? Was he planning something else? Murphy didn’t think it would be anything malicious, but he hadn’t expected the tracker to turn into a traitor, either. Something had to be wrong.
I did, too, Marcus agreed, his heavy sigh echoing in Murphy’s mind. I haven’t caught his scent at all until now, and I was only in town to run an errand when I noticed it. What if he’s been nearby this whole time, just using a scent blocker to hide?
It was a good question, but another one entered Murphy’s mind. Why was Marcus running an errand well into the night? Just what kind of errand was this? Not that it mattered. He had more pressing issues right now.
Why didn’t he run when he had the chance? Murphy asked instead. Staying close is foolish.
And a death sentence. Dante had to know that.
I don’t know, but I didn’t want to keep what I found from you. Not after everything, Marcus stated softly.
Murphy furrowed his brow, leaning forward in his chair. My trust in you has never been in question, Murphy assured him, keeping his voice calm and steady. You know that, right?
I know, Marcus answered. But I feel responsible for everything. Dante is my brother. My twin. I should have known something was off with him, should have pried more from him before it was too late.
You are not responsible for another’s actions, Murphy stated adamantly, shaking his head even though the other male couldn’t see him. Don’t burden yourself with his problems, Marcus.
I’ll try not to. There was a brief pause and then Marcus added, And Murphy? His scent was near Nessa’s business.
Murphy’s breath caught as he stilled in his chair, his bear suddenly on high alert.
How close was he to the teahouse? And why hadn’t he caught Dante’s scent when he’d been there?
Too close, Marcus muttered. I didn’t like it.
No, Murphy didn’t like it either. Cutting the connection to Marcus abruptly, he jumped up from his seat, racing to his room to get dressed. He didn’t want to be away from Nessa a second longer, especially if a threat was lurking nearby.
Hopefully, his mate was an early riser.