Chapter 28
“Nes?” Murphy asked, panic lacing his voice as the scent of his mate’s tears mixed with the smell of sex still heavy in the air.
The showerhead blasted hot water onto his back, but it might as well have been ice-cold.
A tremble of unease passed through him as Nessa’s face crumbled with emotion. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Had he hurt her? He tried to wrack his brain for an answer. She’d never tapped his shoulder or asked him to stop. He hadn’t smelled her fear, either, only her desire as it had blossomed around them.
Then what was it?
Hesitantly, Murphy cupped her face, swiping away the tears rolling down her cheeks with his thumbs. Nessa reached up, cradling his hands with hers as she sniffled. “Say something, Nes. You’re scaring me.”
“Y-You’re just so a-amazing,” Nessa stammered out, crying harder. “I’m so grateful that you’re mine, Murphy.”
Murphy’s brows shot up in bewilderment, the anxiety gnawing at his insides replaced with profound relief and more than a little confusion. “So,” he drawled slowly, “these are happy tears?”
Then why was his mate sobbing like he’d broken her heart?
Nessa nodded, her chin wobbling. “I can’t believe I thought you were a huge dick when I first met you.”
“In your defense, I was a dick,” he replied lightly, hoping to draw a smile from her.
Her lips twitched, and then she threw herself at him, burying her face against his chest, her shoulders shaking from the force of her sobs.
He wrapped his arms around her slender frame.
“You know you can talk to me about anything, little mate,” he murmured, kissing the crown of her head.
Nessa took a shuddering breath before she fell silent. They remained like that, locked in a tender embrace, until the water hitting his side turned lukewarm.
“I didn’t think about anything bad the whole time,” she mumbled into his chest. “I thought I’d have flashbacks, or something would trigger my anxiety, but …
” She cleared her throat, holding onto him a little tighter.
“All I thought about was you. About how I wished we’d taken this step sooner.
You make me feel so much, Murphy, and I don’t just mean sexually.
I mean everything. No one has ever made me feel so happy and safe before. ”
Murphy’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest, a combination of joy and somberness warring within him. He loved that he could treat Nessa so well, but it absolutely gutted him that she’d never had anything close to that with any partner before him.
He pressed his lips against her hair, lingering there. “Your happiness is all I want, Nessa.”
“I know.” She pulled her head from his chest, staring up at him with red-rimmed eyes that held so much emotion the breath caught in his lungs.
“Thank you for giving me this. For being so mindful of my needs.” She frowned, her brows snapping together.
“Is that why you didn’t mark me, either?
Because we didn’t talk about it before?”
“Yes. I want to claim you, Nessa, more than anything,” he assured her, pressing his lips together into a flat line as he thought about his next words carefully. “But before we take that step, I want to know more about you. About your life before Montana.”
She drew back from him, her gaze growing shuttered. Defensive. “Is that really necessary? You know who I am, Murphy.”
“I do.” He sighed, cupping the nape of her neck.
“You told me back at the diner that you’d consider discussing your life with me.
I want that. Whatever you tell me, it will never change how I feel about you.
Or how I feel about us. This is forever, Nes.
I just want you to trust me with your heart and your secrets.
I am happy to wait for as long as you need before you’re ready. ”
He’d mark her right now if she truly wanted that, but if she wasn’t ready to confide in her past, how could she really be ready to tie herself to him? Mates were for life, and he needed to be assured that she was ready for that.
They’d already progressed their relationship faster than he thought possible with both of their hang-ups, and he didn’t want the pleasure from sex to cloud her judgment.
Nessa looked away from him, clenching her jaw so tightly he was surprised he couldn’t hear her teeth grinding together.
“Let’s finish our shower,” he suggested, not wanting to overwhelm her with anything else.
“Okay,” she said softly, releasing her hold on him to lean back against the tiled wall.
Silently, Murphy grabbed an exfoliating net dangling from a hook, lathering it up with her body wash.
Next, he cleaned his mate’s body, taking his time as he washed every inch of her.
He paid extra attention to her gentle curves, using his hands to wash her pretty breasts before he grabbed the thick globes of her ass, spreading suds all over her backside.
Once he finished, he squeezed her cheeks, pulling her in close.
“You’re enjoying this a little too much,” Nessa commented with a small, abrupt laugh. “My butt is more than clean.”
Murphy squeezed her ass again, cupping her smooth skin lovingly. “Nothing wrong with a male admiring his mate.”
She arched a brow. “Is that your way of telling me you like my butt?”
“Mm.” Murphy leaned in, kissing her gently on the lips. “I love your butt. The amount of times I’ve envisioned bending you over the counter at the teahouse and fucking you from behind is honestly concerning.”
He could picture it now, and his cock stirred to life, his sensitive tip bumping against her pussy.
He’d rub the length of his shaft between her cheeks first, teasing them both. And when he’d tortured them enough, he’d slip into her wet, eager cunt from behind, watching her ass bounce on his dick each time he pumped into her.
He nearly groaned just thinking about it.
“The teahouse?” This time, when Nessa laughed, her eyes lit up. “That’s so weird, Murphy.”
“Weird?” He scoffed in mock irritation. “I didn’t even tell you if there were patrons visiting your fine establishment in these scenarios.”
Her mouth dropped open in shock. “You’ve thought about having sex with me in front of people?”
He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “I’m not going to answer now that you’re judging my fantasy.”
“I’m not judging you,” Nessa replied quickly, unable to disguise her curiosity.
Murphy kissed the scars on her shoulder before turning her toward the spray of water and rinsing the suds from her body. Afterward, he washed himself, going much faster as the water finally lost the last of its heat.
Nessa shivered, and he turned the shower off, opening the stall door and grabbing a towel from a hook on a nearby wall. He dried her off first, wringing the water from her hair before tending to himself.
Soon enough, they were in her bedroom, and she took his hand, leading him toward the bed.
“I usually don’t sleep naked,” Nessa told him, sending him a vulnerable look. “But I don’t want anything between us tonight. Is that alright?”
Murphy’s bear roared triumphantly, the sound echoing through his mind.
He didn’t blame his counterpart in the slightest; he was just as excited to hold his mate against him all night long, his body flush with hers.
He’d forgotten how much he’d neglected any physical contact over the years, and now he craved it. Hungered for it.
Now that she’d seen his scars, he had nothing more to hide. It was exhilarating, and a bit daunting, to feel this unburdened after so long.
He nodded, wondering if he looked as desperate for this as he felt. “I’d like that.”
Switching off the lamp on her nightstand, darkness descended upon them, only a streetlamp outside her window providing any light. Peeling back the covers, Nessa climbed into the bed, scooting over until she was in the middle. She patted the empty spot beside her, staring up at him expectantly.
Refusing to waste another second without her pressed against him, Murphy got into the bed, lying on his side, his body pivoted toward her. Nessa turned onto her side, away from him, and provided him the perfect opportunity to curl himself around her smaller frame.
Splaying a hand on her belly, Murphy cradled her ass against his groin, his cock nestled against her as he buried his face in her hair, breathing her in. He ran hotter than she did, and her skin felt chilled, but after a few seconds, his warmth seeped into her.
Nessa relaxed into his hold, the delicate sound of her breathing nearly lulling him to sleep.
“When I was eleven, Lolo ended up in the hospital,” Nessa murmured quietly, the words so faint Murphy thought he’d imagined them.
He didn’t move, didn’t do anything that might cause her to stop talking.
“He fell walking home from work and broke his hip. He needed it replaced, but we didn’t have health insurance, and the hospital didn’t consider him a priority patient if he couldn’t pay. ”
Murphy’s arm tightened around her in comfort, and he kissed the back of her shoulder, waiting for her to continue.
“He lost his job pretty soon after—his boss didn’t care that he’d worked there for over a decade, only that he’d missed a few shifts because he couldn’t walk.
From there, I guess Lolo burned through whatever money he’d saved up over the years, trying to keep us from getting evicted from our apartment. ”
“That must have been so hard on you, Nes.” He brushed his lips over the back of her neck, wishing he could take away the pain. All he could do was console her, though, so he did.
“I was young and na?ve back then,” she continued.
“I didn’t realize how bad things were, you know?
But Angelo did. He was seventeen, and he tried to find work, anything to help our lolo, but no one would take a chance on a kid willing to drop out of high school.
” She tensed around him. “That’s when he met Tony. ”
Wrapped so protectively around Nessa, Murphy felt the exact moment a shudder went down her spine, quickly followed by the stench of her fear as it flooded the room. His bear flashed its fangs in a warning snarl, sensing the threat.
Tony.
Murphy grit his teeth, rage bubbling up inside him. This was the piece of shit who’d hurt his mate—he just knew it.
“Tony was a gang leader, and he saw value in Angelo, so he took him under his wing. Had him running odd jobs at first, nothing illegal. I guess it didn’t stay that way for long, though,” she added solemnly.
“I had no idea what Angelo was doing—he and Lolo had sheltered me so much from the crueler side of the world; the idea of my big brother doing anything illegal seemed so unfathomable.”
Holy fuck. Murphy had known Nessa was running from her past, but she’d escaped a gang? No wonder she’d changed her name and gone into hiding. The amount of courage that must have taken …
“What happened next?” Murphy asked.
“Suddenly, Angelo had enough money for Lolo’s surgery.
He started taking care of everything while Lolo recovered, including me.
I finally had clothes that weren’t thrifted.
We got a flatscreen TV and a nicer apartment.
” She laughed, but there was no humor in the sound.
“I thought we were rich, and I didn’t even think to question where all of Angelo’s wealth was coming from.
I was just happy that our lives were finally looking up. I was so stupid, Murphy.”
“You were a child, Nessa,” Murphy assured her. “You shouldn’t have to worry about something like that.”
“I know.” She turned toward him, resting her head on his arm.
Her lashes were wet and spiky as she looked at him, her gaze growing haunted.
“Over the next few years, my brother changed. He’d always been so sweet and understanding, and then one day it was like he’d been reprogrammed.
He became so cold. Distant.” Tears filled her eyes.
“He treated me like I was some kind of contagious disease.”
She blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek. “He didn’t treat Lolo much better. They argued a lot, especially when Angelo would disappear for days at a time without checking in, which happened more and more often. And after Lolo died …”
Nessa bit her lower lip as it trembled, as if the memories were too much to bear.
“You don’t have to tell me anything else, Nessa. Not right now.” Murphy hated seeing her so distraught, and while he was relieved that she was opening up to him, he didn’t want it to come at a cost to her wellbeing.
“No, it’s okay. If I don’t keep going, I’ll just hold it all in for another five years,” she joked, wiping another tear from her cheek. She took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds and then releasing it slowly. “The day we held a wake for Lolo, Angelo introduced me to Tony, my ex-fiancé.”