Chapter 29
Nessa hated hearing Tony’s name out loud almost as much as she hated saying it. Thinking about him in any capacity was enough to make her sick to her stomach, but she didn’t want to keep any more secrets from Murphy.
And as much as she wanted to never discuss this topic, letting go of her past was important in order to embrace her future. Despite her reluctance to open up, she understood that.
Nessa snuggled in closer to Murphy, sending him a tight smile as he gaped at her, the bomb she’d just dropped rendering him speechless.
“Fiancé?” he eventually asked, pushing up to an elbow and staring down at her in shock.
“The ‘ex’ part is what you should focus on, okay? Ex-fiancé,” Nessa replied, stressing the first word. “And it wasn’t exactly something I wanted, Murphy.”
How could she explain that she’d been so caught up in her grief, her mental state a complete wreck after Lolo’s death, that she’d traded her freedom for shackles without even realizing it?
Just thinking about her lolo’s passing caused emotion to come rushing in, that familiar despair clawing at her like a savage beast before it abruptly abated.
Years ago, that same grief would take hold of her for days, refusing to let go until she thought she’d wither away to nothing.
Now, it attacked her like a tornado, touching down and causing a volley of pain before it lifted off of her and disappeared.
Murphy shook his head. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to her scarred shoulder, placing a tender kiss on her skin that soothed her lingering distress. “No, of course. I’m sorry for interrupting. I was taken aback.”
“It’s okay.”
Nessa sat up, too, keeping the sheets tucked under her arms. Wiping away a stray tear, she sighed.
“At first, Tony was very charming. He lavished me with gifts and took an interest in my hobbies. I couldn’t understand why Angelo wasn’t excited when the two of us started dating.
I thought Tony was his friend—I had no idea he was a gang leader, or that he’d taken advantage of my brother when my family was vulnerable financially. ”
Looking back on it now with a clearer perspective, Nessa saw Angelo’s behavior in a different light. All of his warnings against seeing Tony, his encouragement to find someone else; it hadn’t been because he didn’t want her messing around with one of his friends.
He just hadn’t wanted her mixed up with the wrong people like he was.
Some remnant of her brother had still been inside the man he’d become, but whatever protective instincts he’d held for her, they weren’t enough to shield her from what came next.
In the end, he’d still sided with her abuser, leaving her to fight the hardest battle of her life.
“I don’t really know how it all happened,” Nessa continued, the words tumbling out after so many years of being bottled up.
“But one day I was grieving my lolo, and the next, I was living in Tony’s penthouse.
He convinced me to drop out of school and stay home.
He monitored who I spoke to and was so jealous if I wanted to spend time with my friends. ”
She rolled her eyes, judging the younger version of herself for her na?vety, even though she knew that wasn’t fair. “I was flattered by his behavior, if you can believe that. I thought it meant he cared. And after Lolo’s death, I was grateful for any compassion or love to fill the void.”
God, verbalizing all the red flags made her feel so stupid. How hadn’t she realized what a despicable man Tony was back then? She’d been blinded by love until it was too late. She’d let herself get swept up in a nightmare disguised as a fairy tale.
“When did you find out he was in a gang?” Murphy asked, taking her hand in his. She glanced down at it, focusing on how much larger his own was and how good it felt in hers.
Everything with Murphy was so different from any relationship she’d had before.
As cheesy as it sounded, this was the real fairy tale. Nessa couldn’t have found anyone more protective, more dedicated and caring to share her life with than Murphy. He was everything she’d wanted when she’d fantasized about the perfect man.
Well, okay, she hadn’t exactly fantasized about her Mr. Right being a bear shifter, but it was a definite bonus, especially when he and his bear were so great at making her feel cherished and desired.
“I found out about his ‘job’ after I started living with him. He did a lot of business from his home, so his men were always in and out at all hours of the day.” She squeezed Murphy’s fingers, needing comfort as she continued, the darker parts of her past finally coming to light.
“One night, I interrupted a meeting he was having with his inner circle. Tony was pissed. That was the first time he hit me.”
Nessa shivered at the memory, and for a split second, she felt Tony’s palm connecting with the side of her face all over again, that stinging pain exploding across her cheek. The phantom sensation was so vivid, she flinched, her heart picking up a wild beat.
Murphy growled low in his throat, the menacing sound matching the golden hue of his irises as they glowed.
He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath.
When he opened them, he sat fully up, pulling Nessa toward him until she was sitting between his legs, her ass settled against his groin.
Draping his arms around her waist, he rested his head over her shoulder, his cheek pressed to hers.
He held her protectively against him, curling his body around her. Immediately, her rising panic eased before it tapered off into nothing. All she could feel was her mate’s warmth surrounding her and the sense of safety he always provided.
I’ll never go another day afraid again, Nessa thought suddenly, awed by the revelation and surprised that it hadn’t occurred sooner.
Murphy tucked the sheets more firmly around her front before his lips slid to the side of her throat, lingering on her pulse as it returned to a normal tempo.
Silently, he waited.
So, with a shuddering breath, Nessa continued.
“The first time Tony hit me, he apologized, showering me with gifts and flowers. He told me it would never happen again, that he’d been stressed from his meeting.
I was only just finding out the kind of operation he was running, and I believed his every word, his every lie and justification, so I stayed.
I didn’t tell Angelo about the abuse, but I’ve always wondered if he knew.
He’d been around Tony for so long—how could he not see the type of man he was? ”
Then again, how had she not seen it?
The jealousy, the manipulative behavior, how easy Tony was to anger—all of it. She’d spent countless sleepless nights reliving each moment she’d spent with that monster, and each time she’d discovered something else bottled up within her memories that she should have noticed, but didn’t.
“Tony got worse and worse,” Nessa added faintly, her mouth dry as she forced the words out.
“He started treating me like his personal punching bag until it was impossible to cover up all the bruises with makeup. But … He didn’t just use my body for that.
” She fisted the sheets so hard her knuckles hurt.
“Sometimes he got excited after he’d hurt me, and then he enjoyed hurting me in other ways. ”
Nausea churned in her gut as memories threatened to resurface, but she buried them deep, refusing to think of anything that would taint what she’d shared with Murphy in the shower less than an hour ago.
Murphy had helped her remember after all these years what sex should have been like. How special, and sexy, and intimate the act was with the right person.
“And your brother still didn’t help?” Murphy grated out, the words a thunderous rumble of outrage.
Nessa swallowed down the small sob building in her chest at the question. She’d felt that same way when she’d finally gone to Angelo, hoping he’d save her, only to realize too late he wouldn’t.
“No. Angelo told me he couldn’t get involved because Tony would kill him.”
And she’d screamed at her brother through her tears, ‘If you do nothing, then he’ll kill me!’
All Nessa had wanted was for her brother to see reason, to put aside his loyalty to Tony and be the brother she’d so desperately needed. But if he had, she never would have wound up in Montana.
She never would have found Murphy, the man she was falling so hopelessly in love with.
Butterflies took flight in her stomach, and she relaxed into Murphy’s hold, wishing they could spend all of their days and nights like this; wrapped up in one another.
Knowing what she did of Murphy, he’d probably be thrilled spending his time in that way—his bear definitely would be. At least, until his bear clan needed him. Then she’d have to share him.
“How did you get away from him, Nes?” Murphy whispered the words into her neck, his voice laced with fury despite the tender way he held onto her.
She leaned back into his chest, and he pulled her more tightly to him, his muscled arms reminding her of just how powerful he was.
“Tony had this giant safe in his office—the kind with a spin dial combination? I knew there was plenty of money inside it. It would help me get away and start a new life somewhere else. I just needed to figure out the code.”
If she’d been braver, she could have taken his gun while he’d slept and shot him.
Make it where Tony never threatened her or anyone else ever again.
But she wasn’t a cold-blooded killer. Besides, risking a life sentence in prison and a gang seeking retribution for their dead leader wasn’t exactly in her best interest, either.
Escape had been the only feasible option.
“And he didn’t suspect anything?” Murphy murmured.
“No.” Nessa shrugged, hoping to play off just how dangerous the stunt she’d pulled had been.
“Toward the end, I was meek and docile in Tony’s presence; the perfect future wife of a gang leader.
He didn’t think me capable of anything other than taking his punishments submissively,” she gritted out.
“But when he was out handling business or sleeping, I was planning.”
She’d spent months finding out how to break into his safe; what to do once she’d secured some money to escape; where to go to have her identity replaced with another. Every little detail, she’d figured it out before leaving.
“When I was ready, I broke into his safe while he was handling an issue at one of his warehouses. I knew he’d be gone for a few hours, and so I got to work.”
Getting into the safe was easier than she’d thought, and clearing out every single dollar had been even easier. She hadn’t felt one ounce of remorse for stealing all that money. It was the least of what Tony owed her for the years of abuse.
“Believe it or not, the hardest part was changing my name. I kept my first name—Vanessa. But my last name is Baccay. It’s the only thing I had left of my family, and I had to give that up.”
The sting of that pain was long gone now, but back then? The decision had gutted her. She knew her parents and Lolo were watching over her, though. She knew they’d understand, but it hadn’t made the choice any easier.
“The first few years, nowhere felt safe. I’d move to a new city, a new state, and at any bad feeling, or if I felt like I was being watched, I’d pack up my things and run away again.
I hadn’t even planned on living in Montana for any length of time, but when I saw a teahouse for sale, something settled inside me, and I knew it was time to plant roots here. That I’d been running for long enough.”
Had she known, on some kind of subconscious level, that Murphy, her future, was so close by? She’d like to think so.
“What you did … What you’ve been through …” Murphy brushed his lips gently against the side of her temple. “You’re the strongest, most courageous female I’ve ever known, Nes, and I’ll spend every day proving to you that fate was right to make you mine.”
Eyes pricking with unshed tears, Nessa turned her head toward Murphy, her mouth lightly caressing his.
“You don’t have to prove anything, Murphy,” she whispered, turning in his hold fully and wrapping her arms around his neck.
She climbed onto his lap, pressing her lips more firmly to his.
“I already know fate was right. I feel it every time you look at me.”